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Happy Holidays and Ham

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  • #16
    Happy Holidays and Ham

    >[email protected] (LilMtnCbn)
    Date: 12/25/2004 12:36 AM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>

    Your birthmom is hysterical! Your husband could get revenge by getting her an
    Ann Coulter book.
    Ok, here is the ham saga, and I have to share for snerk value. I'm anadoptee,I simply can't help myself. LOL Oh, and happy holidays all!It's long, but it's kind of entertaining. ;-)First of all, I despise hot ham. That big chunk of pink pork, possiblycoatedin a mustard sauce, or some crunchy honey/sugar crust. Or studded withcloves. And fatty edges. I don't know exactly why, because I like ribs and bacon.Puke with Canadian Bacon. I don't like that either.Anyway, 2 years ago, my hubby, kids and I traveled to Denver, to have Xmasdinner with my family. Except that it was the day AFTER Xmas, because ofsnow/dog concerns (our 14-year-old dog was ill, and we live in the mountainsabout 2 hours away).I shared this story before to the regs at the time, but it's integral to thecurrent ham situation, so bear with me. LOLSo my mom and her hubby had an original Xmas dinner with my brothers. We allgot together the next day.Let me enter that we offered to take EVERYBODY out to dinner, but mominsistedthat we eat what she had cooked.So, first off, she had made a HAM! gurk. No worries, there were plenty ofother stuff I could have.There were scalloped potatoes. With big chunks of HAM!Oh, and there was green bean casserole. Supplemented with big chunks ofPORK!!She had some coleslaw and fruit salad (with whipped cream) she made on Xmasday. She was afraid that there wouldn't be enough for everybody the next daywhen we got together, so she decided to mix them together. And throw innuts.????!!!!!!!I was sitting there, at dinner, struggling between laughing my *** off(thinking about reporting this horrible amom concoction) and being hungrybecause it was all really REALLY puky. LOL Oh, and wondering if this wassomeweird passive/aggressive thing on her part, because she knows I don't eatham.Stupid me, I made a comment to my younger brother a week or so later, whichgotpassed on to Mom, and she got really offended.So LAST Xmas, for her "big" present, she asked if hubby and I would cook Xmasdinner when we came. She had invited a father and son from her church grouptojoin us, and asked if we could have dinner ready by 6pm.We had a huge prime rib delivered in advance----we weren't going to be thereuntil about 1 or 2pm (we're 2+ hours away), and she put in the oven at 7am toslow cook for the day.We got there at 2:30, and they were all having this HUGE Xmas meal. Ham(GAK!)stuffing, potatoes, pies, the works. Hubby (who had spent like 75 bucks ontheprime rib) was bent out of shape.Anyway, dinner was on time, nothing was left, everybody enjoyed it and wewereall happy. WhewThis year, we're going up there the day after Xmas. Mom is cooking a turkey.Hubby said if there is another ham fiasco, he's never going back.Last night, there was a huge package at our front door, from my bmom. I meanHUGE!It's from Smithfield's Hams in Virginia. It said "refrigerate immediately".Hubby laughed his head off. Bmom had heard the "saga of the hams" and he wascertain she used a box as a joke. I wasn't so sure. Hubby said, let's putitunder the tree, and I said, no, we better open it, just to be careful. LOLThere was a ham in there, that I swear----it's bigger and pinker than one ofMichael Moore's butt cheeks. It's larger and as long as my 14-year-old'sthigh. That ****** is over 20 lbs.Talked to bmom today to let her know it got here.She said, I SENT you an email telling you that there would be a seperatepackage that was just for hubby!For the last 2 years, for Xmas, she sent him some liberal books, which hekindof browsed in a puzzled manner, but never really read.She decided that this year, after the election, knowing that she'll neverconvert him, to send him a gigantic hunk of PORK! LOL-------------------------A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friendwillbe sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"-----Unknown



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