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  • need help-michigan

    I am currently married to my husband for 4yrs almost 5. I have two children. The last few months I am really deciding on leaving him. He has been physically abusive to me in the past and he has not been physically abusive at all for about a yr. He has been verbally abusive to me though and threatens that he will do something when we are in fights. He doesn't but he makes me so scared and I want to leave. I can't even tell him how I feel anymore. He is always at work and when he is home he sleeps, wants sex, or starts a fight. I tell him he needs to spend more time with us and get another job and he says he is trying but I don't believe him anymore. Last two weeks he wakes me up in the middle of the night when he gets home so he can have it or feel me. He's even gotten to the point were he accuses me of touching myself and being awake. He says he hears and sees me. I am totally sleeping. I am afraid to leave because we just bought a house and I am also afraid that he will come after me and the kids. He has never hurt the kids. I am afraid the law won't protect me because you see and hear people being killed because of this. He has threatened me that if I take the kids he will come after me. I want my kids to be apart of his life but I don't think they should have to see this and when can I stop being afraid. I am also afraid he will steal the kids from me. If I didn't have the kids I would leave in a minute, but it doesn't seem that easy now. I don't want my kids to have a dead mother so its like I loose in every given situation. I feel like I will leave and he will convince me to come back. I feel so week. Any advise would be great even legal advice.
    Last edited by aba24; 10-17-2005, 02:03 PM.

  • #2
    Very Sorry

    There isn't much I can say about your situation. I am no expert only that you need to find someone you trust that can help you in your current life situation right now. I truly feel for you I do. And for the kids to. You should really try to talk to a counselor or therapist to get some resolve about the family and kids. Then if need be, leave and take legal action with the kids. I hope things get better. It is unfortunate that people are that way and that you got stuck in this situation. although I bet that your kids are the best and honestly, without their daddy, they wouldn't be here today. Look at the positives and find a way out. Good luck.

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    • #3
      consult http://www.ndvh.org and dial the hotline number to speak with a counselor and get referred to resources

      I suggest that you maybe go see a family member for a long visit, then somewhere during the trip decide to not come back and file for divorce and custody. As a practical matter, you also need to ask for temporary custody and no or supervised visitation of the kids when you file and cite the mood swings and unemployment as reasons. You should go to a free initial consultation with an attorney to better understand what all is involved.

      Only you can decide what is best for you.

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      • #4
        Been where you are

        First, all your feelings are normal for an abused woman/man. It's fear that keeps us with them, and fear that pulls us back when we leave. It takes courage to leave and to stay away. It takes support form abused womens groups.

        Is there a shelter in your town or county? Can your therapist tell you where the abused womens shelter is in your area? She should have literature available for you. If not, get on the internet and type in abused woman or domestic violence. You will find groups, internet groups such as on Dr. Phil's site or Yahoo Groups. Learn everything you can. These lists are of women in your situation, still with, or gone that need support to break free from the abusive person.

        I have been gone for 2 years. I'm divorced for one of those years. I still fight the feelings of guilt, wanting to return and fear each and every day. I know it's okay to love him, it's just not okay to be with him. I tell myself this daily, every hours, sometimes every minute of the day. It's like I'm addicted to this man!

        I had no job, no self esteem left, no courage. I finally confided in my best friend and she helped me get my courage. This is not a normal life.

        The heck with material things. The heck with the house. Your safety and the safety of your children are what matter. Take your life back. Give your children their lives.

        You can get a restaining order, which I admit the police are almost powerless in enforcing, but it is needed. Get a domestic violence lawyer. Find one before you leave, like right now go to the internet or phone book.
        The lawyer will have the courts enforce visitation in a controlled environment, at the courts or somewhere in the social services department.
        Request he have supervised visitation. He will not be allowed to run with the children.

        I know how hard it is and that fear is immobilizing you. Face those fears. It's worse to stay with him and there are people who will help you. It's not easy, but you can do it with the right support.

        I will pray for you.
        Arlene

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        • #5
          I Am Out

          I Left This Ugly Man. I Am Happy To Be Out And It Actually Wasn't As Hard As I Thought. I Can Finally Stand Up For Me And The People I Love. Its Hard To Find Evidence Of Things Though To Keep My Kids Away From All This. Anyone That Knows Anything Is Either His Family Or People That Don't Want To Get Involved. I Wish I Would Have Made More Police Reports. I Found Out He Was Doing Drugs And Probably Having An Affair With His Current Gf. Thats How Much I Meant. Poor Girl Is Going To Have A Load Of Problems.

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          • #6
            Get a job

            Get a job and kick him out of the house and keep your kids.

            Comment

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