I posted this in the prisontalk forums since I have an ex in prison and they give good advice on things but I need more input so here is the post I posted. Please read and send any helpful advice my way.
First of all I am looking for anyone that knows or has a friend that is a social worker that I can call or they can call me that is in Michigan. I don't care as to where they are in Michigan. I would just like to talk to one before I actually make a complaint cause I need to have some questions answered before hand.
I am currently living with my fiance. We have been living together for aprox 3 years now. He has 3 daughters and I have 2 sons. I always wanted a daughter but was lucky to get 3. Anyways everyone told me how crazy their mom was. Me, the way I think I make my own opinions cause you never know what to believe cause people can always extend the true when being pissed at someone. Needless to say what they all said was the whole truth.
Our first summer together she never came and got them and if he could even get her to see them he would have to drive all the way there and drop them off and go pick them up which was a total of 3 hours there and back and another picking them up. Which didn't happen all that much like 3 times out of 2 1/2 months.
During this summer she would call him to tell him (Dad) about the problems she had with her husband. Don't ask me why she would when she is the one who cheated and moved this guy in the day after he moved out, and expect him to care about her problems with her husband. She also slit up with her man several times during the summer. The reason he had the girls was because this guy choked one of his daughters. She finally decided she had everything turned around and she wanted the girls to go the school at her place. Me and him thought she was willing to get back in the swing of things and be there for the girls, so we let them go. We felt sorry for them and they were missing her.
OMG not even a week of them being there she is calling him and demanding him pay for this and that and he needs to step up and "be a father. be a man" WTH . I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Anyways he told her look I did everything for 7 months on my own so wait 7 months and I will then. He took them every weekend and every school break they had and every holiday. We took a weekend trip to Houston TX, and he got berated for that as well.
During the school season she had problems with his oldest daughter and would leave messages on my voice mail saying your daughters being a b**** and go on about her homework and not doing it. Also would call and say you need to have a talk with her blah blah then make comments like I have a life too. It was crazy. Every time he didn't do what she wanted she would talk bad about him to the girls and talk down to him in front of them.
About 3/4 through the school year his oldest daughter accused her husband of molesting her. His daughter later admitted she was trying to get rid of step dad and made it up. Then his oldest daughter started pulling out her hair and being very disrespectful to her mother. So her mom gets her this therapist which puts her on prozac and pills instead of trying to fix the real problem. She was upset that her mom lied to her about taking this guy back.
Well then her mom decided to send her our way cause she couldn't handle her and "mom needed to have a life too." So we moved her in once school was out. All of them stayed here for the summer and saw her on the weekends. Well the other 2 did his oldest didn't want to see her or even talk to her on the phone. The oldest called me mom once when she eventually did talk to her mom, which created a rift between them (jealousy?).
I explained to her mom that kids don't like to be put in the middle of things nor like bad being said about the other parent and they get upset. I tried my hardest to get his daughter tell her mom how she was feeling and work things out. Eventually she started seeing her mom and talking once again after about 2 months.
To make things short the last 2 years his daughter has been with us we have gotten her to stop pulling out her hair and her grades are in the B and C range with most of them being Bs. We have worked on her about her attitude and how she was always mean and nasty to people and now she has true friends and 2 best friends. We kept on top of her about her school work and made her turn missing work in and helped with homework. Her teachers all loved having her and she was always happy and even said that she is lucky to have us helping her.
Also during the whole course this from day one I noticed his girls were very needy and they cling to me like a leach. I wasn't use to all this. These 3 girls are acting like they were thriving for attention the the biggest way. I get about on average 20 hugs and kisses from the girls a day. They come to me when they need to talk, especially his oldest. It is always problems with their mother never about him and I tell them I will listen to them but if they want to get the problem solved they need to tell mom how they are feeling and fix the problem.
Ok back to making this short if I can. Last year their moms husband finally left. A few days later she had a new man and this time it was finally over with her husband. He has gotten the other 2 into after school things (which she has never done before he came along) Their mother and this guy got together not too long before his oldest was out of school the first year here.
During this summer we shared the kids but for some reason she wanted them to mainly stay with us so she could have her free time. Then the oldest asked mom what she thought about her moving back in beginning of summer. Mom told her, you are much better off at your fathers house. At that point his daughter started using whatever she could to make things look as bad as possible about her life at our house. By x-mas that year mom was convinced that things were horrible here and her daughter needed to move back in. Which wasn't fixing the real problem in the first place, so dad told them so, and disagreed with the idea. The idea then was to wait to see how things went this summer, 2007, to see how there relationship was.
Well this summer we tried very hard to work out an amicable schedule, because the last 2 summers the girls didn't get much time with there mom and they hated it. Even this went wrong. We decided that we would trade the girls on the weekends after a stay here or there. Which, of course, was HER way regardless. She always dropped them off ASAP, saturday, and picked them up as late as possible, sunday. If we even bothered trying to pick them up on a sunday or drop them off on a saturday. Well it was the same old tune... You're a bad father, your not a man (always said in front of the girls). BTW this always happens, all the nasty things she "has" to say are said in front of the girls.
I can go on and on about this whole mess but I am going to sum it up.
The reason I want to talk to a social worker is cause I want to know if what she is doing is really emotional abuse. I have been reading a lot about it. I am just so tired of them getting hurt. His oldest daughter told me she is always depressed and doesn't feel like living. She refused to have me get her someone to talk to. She even told me that she gets mad at her mom when her mom hugs her, but yet very much wants to be with her. She has most of the signs for emotional abuse and I feel like we are going backwards with her. Her mom calls them while they are here and drills them about whats going on and generally putting them in the middle.
Why can't she see the damage she is doing to these beautiful girls. They can be the sweetest loving girls but they have so much anger towards her but yet want the closeness badly. I notice his second oldest changing badly and she has always been the most lovable chipper girl. Her attitude and her outlook on things has been in a downward spiral for the last couple years. It hurts to see them this way. I am trying my hardest to get them to be happy.
She needs a good kick in the butt my someone that can get her to open her eyes. I know this was long I even left some stuff out. Just think this is just 3 years of stuff I seen. I know, from his family, that alot has happened even before me. Anyways thanks for reading and any help will be helpful
First of all I am looking for anyone that knows or has a friend that is a social worker that I can call or they can call me that is in Michigan. I don't care as to where they are in Michigan. I would just like to talk to one before I actually make a complaint cause I need to have some questions answered before hand.
I am currently living with my fiance. We have been living together for aprox 3 years now. He has 3 daughters and I have 2 sons. I always wanted a daughter but was lucky to get 3. Anyways everyone told me how crazy their mom was. Me, the way I think I make my own opinions cause you never know what to believe cause people can always extend the true when being pissed at someone. Needless to say what they all said was the whole truth.
Our first summer together she never came and got them and if he could even get her to see them he would have to drive all the way there and drop them off and go pick them up which was a total of 3 hours there and back and another picking them up. Which didn't happen all that much like 3 times out of 2 1/2 months.
During this summer she would call him to tell him (Dad) about the problems she had with her husband. Don't ask me why she would when she is the one who cheated and moved this guy in the day after he moved out, and expect him to care about her problems with her husband. She also slit up with her man several times during the summer. The reason he had the girls was because this guy choked one of his daughters. She finally decided she had everything turned around and she wanted the girls to go the school at her place. Me and him thought she was willing to get back in the swing of things and be there for the girls, so we let them go. We felt sorry for them and they were missing her.
OMG not even a week of them being there she is calling him and demanding him pay for this and that and he needs to step up and "be a father. be a man" WTH . I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Anyways he told her look I did everything for 7 months on my own so wait 7 months and I will then. He took them every weekend and every school break they had and every holiday. We took a weekend trip to Houston TX, and he got berated for that as well.
During the school season she had problems with his oldest daughter and would leave messages on my voice mail saying your daughters being a b**** and go on about her homework and not doing it. Also would call and say you need to have a talk with her blah blah then make comments like I have a life too. It was crazy. Every time he didn't do what she wanted she would talk bad about him to the girls and talk down to him in front of them.
About 3/4 through the school year his oldest daughter accused her husband of molesting her. His daughter later admitted she was trying to get rid of step dad and made it up. Then his oldest daughter started pulling out her hair and being very disrespectful to her mother. So her mom gets her this therapist which puts her on prozac and pills instead of trying to fix the real problem. She was upset that her mom lied to her about taking this guy back.
Well then her mom decided to send her our way cause she couldn't handle her and "mom needed to have a life too." So we moved her in once school was out. All of them stayed here for the summer and saw her on the weekends. Well the other 2 did his oldest didn't want to see her or even talk to her on the phone. The oldest called me mom once when she eventually did talk to her mom, which created a rift between them (jealousy?).
I explained to her mom that kids don't like to be put in the middle of things nor like bad being said about the other parent and they get upset. I tried my hardest to get his daughter tell her mom how she was feeling and work things out. Eventually she started seeing her mom and talking once again after about 2 months.
To make things short the last 2 years his daughter has been with us we have gotten her to stop pulling out her hair and her grades are in the B and C range with most of them being Bs. We have worked on her about her attitude and how she was always mean and nasty to people and now she has true friends and 2 best friends. We kept on top of her about her school work and made her turn missing work in and helped with homework. Her teachers all loved having her and she was always happy and even said that she is lucky to have us helping her.
Also during the whole course this from day one I noticed his girls were very needy and they cling to me like a leach. I wasn't use to all this. These 3 girls are acting like they were thriving for attention the the biggest way. I get about on average 20 hugs and kisses from the girls a day. They come to me when they need to talk, especially his oldest. It is always problems with their mother never about him and I tell them I will listen to them but if they want to get the problem solved they need to tell mom how they are feeling and fix the problem.
Ok back to making this short if I can. Last year their moms husband finally left. A few days later she had a new man and this time it was finally over with her husband. He has gotten the other 2 into after school things (which she has never done before he came along) Their mother and this guy got together not too long before his oldest was out of school the first year here.
During this summer we shared the kids but for some reason she wanted them to mainly stay with us so she could have her free time. Then the oldest asked mom what she thought about her moving back in beginning of summer. Mom told her, you are much better off at your fathers house. At that point his daughter started using whatever she could to make things look as bad as possible about her life at our house. By x-mas that year mom was convinced that things were horrible here and her daughter needed to move back in. Which wasn't fixing the real problem in the first place, so dad told them so, and disagreed with the idea. The idea then was to wait to see how things went this summer, 2007, to see how there relationship was.
Well this summer we tried very hard to work out an amicable schedule, because the last 2 summers the girls didn't get much time with there mom and they hated it. Even this went wrong. We decided that we would trade the girls on the weekends after a stay here or there. Which, of course, was HER way regardless. She always dropped them off ASAP, saturday, and picked them up as late as possible, sunday. If we even bothered trying to pick them up on a sunday or drop them off on a saturday. Well it was the same old tune... You're a bad father, your not a man (always said in front of the girls). BTW this always happens, all the nasty things she "has" to say are said in front of the girls.
I can go on and on about this whole mess but I am going to sum it up.
The reason I want to talk to a social worker is cause I want to know if what she is doing is really emotional abuse. I have been reading a lot about it. I am just so tired of them getting hurt. His oldest daughter told me she is always depressed and doesn't feel like living. She refused to have me get her someone to talk to. She even told me that she gets mad at her mom when her mom hugs her, but yet very much wants to be with her. She has most of the signs for emotional abuse and I feel like we are going backwards with her. Her mom calls them while they are here and drills them about whats going on and generally putting them in the middle.
Why can't she see the damage she is doing to these beautiful girls. They can be the sweetest loving girls but they have so much anger towards her but yet want the closeness badly. I notice his second oldest changing badly and she has always been the most lovable chipper girl. Her attitude and her outlook on things has been in a downward spiral for the last couple years. It hurts to see them this way. I am trying my hardest to get them to be happy.
She needs a good kick in the butt my someone that can get her to open her eyes. I know this was long I even left some stuff out. Just think this is just 3 years of stuff I seen. I know, from his family, that alot has happened even before me. Anyways thanks for reading and any help will be helpful
Comment