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Whats wrong with me???

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  • Whats wrong with me???

    Update on my situation for anyone who remembers.

    Wife (who is very far away) wants her space, wants me to leave her alone for
    a few days so she can collect her thoughts. She told me that she has
    started a diary wherein she writes how I make her feel good. Of course she
    wouldn't tell me this without being mad at me for some reason. She also
    told me she is happy and doesn't want to be with me... But last week when I
    got back into town she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with
    me. Two days ago she called me to tell me she misses me. Sporadically she
    calls me and tells me she misses me or she just calls to talk. Its very
    confusing to me because at the same time, she doesn't want me to show any
    affection towards her because she feels I smother her.

    Anyway, I was with some friends for about 8 hours tonight playing cards and
    video games. At the end of the fourth hour, I just kept thinking about her
    and my daughter. About how I miss them so much and I feel totally helpless
    and like its all my fault. I just got so depressed but since we were
    playing poker, it looked like I was just not showing any reactions

    I don't know wth is wrong with me. By all accounts, I had a nice night out
    but I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss them. I don't know how
    to stop myself from doing this. It feels like I'm supposed to just turn off
    my emotions towards my wife and I just dont know how otherwise I will
    smother her. Sometimes it feels like I should just move on but I don't know
    how to start. I thought spending some time with my friends would help but
    it just makes it worse for some reason.

    I feel so embarrassed that I am in such a state. I feel lower than anything.

    HELP!!!!!!!!

  • #2
    Whats wrong with me???

    On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 04:05:31 -0400, somebody
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    |>Update on my situation for anyone who remembers.
    |>
    |>Wife (who is very far away) wants her space, wants me to leave her alone for
    |>a few days so she can collect her thoughts. She told me that she has
    |>started a diary wherein she writes how I make her feel good. Of course she
    |>wouldn't tell me this without being mad at me for some reason. She also
    |>told me she is happy and doesn't want to be with me... But last week when I
    |>got back into town she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with
    |>me. Two days ago she called me to tell me she misses me. Sporadically she
    |>calls me and tells me she misses me or she just calls to talk. Its very
    |>confusing to me because at the same time, she doesn't want me to show any
    |>affection towards her because she feels I smother her.
    |>
    |>Anyway, I was with some friends for about 8 hours tonight playing cards and
    |>video games. At the end of the fourth hour, I just kept thinking about her
    |>and my daughter. About how I miss them so much and I feel totally helpless
    |>and like its all my fault. I just got so depressed but since we were
    |>playing poker, it looked like I was just not showing any reactions
    |>
    |>I don't know wth is wrong with me. By all accounts, I had a nice night out
    |>but I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss them. I don't know how
    |>to stop myself from doing this. It feels like I'm supposed to just turn off
    |>my emotions towards my wife and I just dont know how otherwise I will
    |>smother her. Sometimes it feels like I should just move on but I don't know
    |>how to start. I thought spending some time with my friends would help but
    |>it just makes it worse for some reason.
    |>
    |>I feel so embarrassed that I am in such a state. I feel lower than anything.
    |>
    |>HELP!!!!!!!!

    You situation might be clearer if you asked what her boyfriend's name
    was.

    Comment


    • #3
      Whats wrong with me???


      "Sam" <[email protected]> wrote in message
      news:[email protected]
      On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 04:05:31 -0400, somebody <[email protected]> wrote: |>Update on my situation for anyone who remembers. |> |>Wife (who is very far away) wants her space, wants me to leave her alone
      for
      |>a few days so she can collect her thoughts. She told me that she has |>started a diary wherein she writes how I make her feel good. Of course
      she
      |>wouldn't tell me this without being mad at me for some reason. She also |>told me she is happy and doesn't want to be with me... But last week
      when I
      |>got back into town she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life
      with
      |>me. Two days ago she called me to tell me she misses me. Sporadically
      she
      |>calls me and tells me she misses me or she just calls to talk. Its very |>confusing to me because at the same time, she doesn't want me to show
      any
      |>affection towards her because she feels I smother her. |> |>Anyway, I was with some friends for about 8 hours tonight playing cards
      and
      |>video games. At the end of the fourth hour, I just kept thinking about
      her
      |>and my daughter. About how I miss them so much and I feel totally
      helpless
      |>and like its all my fault. I just got so depressed but since we were |>playing poker, it looked like I was just not showing any reactions |> |>I don't know wth is wrong with me. By all accounts, I had a nice night
      out
      |>but I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss them. I don't know
      how
      |>to stop myself from doing this. It feels like I'm supposed to just turn
      off
      |>my emotions towards my wife and I just dont know how otherwise I will |>smother her. Sometimes it feels like I should just move on but I don't
      know
      |>how to start. I thought spending some time with my friends would help
      but
      |>it just makes it worse for some reason. |> |>I feel so embarrassed that I am in such a state. I feel lower than
      anything.
      |> |>HELP!!!!!!!! You situation might be clearer if you asked what her boyfriend's name was.
      That's kind of what I was thinking, it sounds as if she is seeing someone
      and can't make her mind up or she has seen someone and is now feeling really
      guilty. My recommendation if the situation is still somewhat stable (no
      knock down drag outs) is just remain cool, the less you call and the more
      she thinks about it the quicker she'll come around.

      Mulligan


      Comment


      • #4
        Whats wrong with me???

        Wilson wrote:
        That's kind of what I was thinking, it sounds as if she is seeing someone and can't make her mind up or she has seen someone and is now feeling really guilty. My recommendation if the situation is still somewhat stable (no knock down drag outs) is just remain cool, the less you call and the more she thinks about it the quicker she'll come around.
        Well this doesn't exactly help me to remain cool. But thanks.

        Comment


        • #5
          Whats wrong with me???

          somebody wrote:
          Wilson wrote:
          That's kind of what I was thinking, it sounds as if she is seeing someone and can't make her mind up or she has seen someone and is now feeling really guilty. My recommendation if the situation is still somewhat stable (no knock down drag outs) is just remain cool, the less you call and the more she thinks about it the quicker she'll come around.
          Well this doesn't exactly help me to remain cool. But thanks.
          The others have spoken about what she is doing, but you asked about what is
          wrong with YOU.

          There is nothing wrong with still being in love with her. She is the one
          who wants the distance. You don't have to feel the same way that she does.
          A night out with the boys is only a distraction, not a substitute.
          Eventually, assuming that the separation becomes final, your feelings will
          lessen, but at the moment, they are a good thing, if she wants to come
          back.

          Doug.
          --
          *** Number 178748389. Registered Linux User No. 277548.
          Where's the man could ease a heart
          Like a satin gown?
          --Dorothy Parker, who also said: Women and elephants never forget.

          Comment


          • #6
            Whats wrong with me???

            On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 19:32:35 GMT, "Wilson"
            <[email protected]> wrote:

            |>> You situation might be clearer if you asked what her boyfriend's name
            |>> was.
            |>
            |>That's kind of what I was thinking, it sounds as if she is seeing someone
            |>and can't make her mind up or she has seen someone and is now feeling really
            |>guilty. My recommendation if the situation is still somewhat stable (no
            |>knock down drag outs) is just remain cool, the less you call and the more
            |>she thinks about it the quicker she'll come around.

            The other one that is a dead give away is, "I love you, but I'm not
            'in love" with you." Translation: cheating heart

            Comment


            • #7
              Whats wrong with me???

              Sam wrote:
              On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 19:32:35 GMT, "Wilson" <[email protected]> wrote: |>> You situation might be clearer if you asked what her boyfriend's name |>> was. |> |>That's kind of what I was thinking, it sounds as if she is seeing |>someone and can't make her mind up or she has seen someone and is now |>feeling really |>guilty. My recommendation if the situation is still somewhat stable (no |>knock down drag outs) is just remain cool, the less you call and the |>more she thinks about it the quicker she'll come around. The other one that is a dead give away is, "I love you, but I'm not 'in love" with you." Translation: cheating heart
              I was thinking about what you guys have said. I think similar symptoms would
              also exist if she was thinking that she would be okay to move on without me
              but she is not sure. What do you think? This is what I feel is the
              situation. I know she has made a few good (single) girlfriends which could
              easily lend to thinking like this.

              **** women. Why couldn't I be happy with a dog?

              Comment


              • #8
                Whats wrong with me???

                I was thinking about what you guys have said. I think similar symptoms
                would
                also exist if she was thinking that she would be okay to move on without
                me
                but she is not sure. What do you think? This is what I feel is the situation. I know she has made a few good (single) girlfriends which could easily lend to thinking like this. **** women. Why couldn't I be happy with a dog?
                Watch out when married women (or men) start hanging around and partying,
                going to the bars and staying out late with single friends....nothing good
                can come of it. You throw a smoked salmon in the ocean with a bucket of
                chum and the sharks can't/won't tell the difference.

                Mulligan


                Comment


                • #9
                  Whats wrong with me???

                  Wilson wrote:
                  Watch out when married women (or men) start hanging around and partying, going to the bars and staying out late with single friends....nothing good can come of it. You throw a smoked salmon in the ocean with a bucket of chum and the sharks can't/won't tell the difference.
                  I don't believe that. There is a married woman (Jennifer from Maryland) on
                  this newsgroup who does this very thing. What you are saying is just what a
                  man who doesn't understand women would say. Not to say that I understand,
                  o/w I wouldn't be in this situation, but I am beginning to understand alot
                  better, thanks to people like her. Her posts have helped me a lot.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Whats wrong with me???

                    "somebody" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                    news:[email protected]
                    Wilson wrote:
                    Watch out when married women (or men) start hanging around and partying, going to the bars and staying out late with single friends....nothing
                    good
                    can come of it. You throw a smoked salmon in the ocean with a bucket of chum and the sharks can't/won't tell the difference. I don't believe that. There is a married woman (Jennifer from Maryland) on this newsgroup who does this very thing.
                    And, speaking as a smoked salmon, I can avoid the sharks, thank you very
                    much <g>. (Or am I a bucket of chum? Hmmmmmmmm.)

                    It's a fairly common social activity around here for a bunch of married
                    ladies to go out clubbing together, and we often go with single friends.
                    Sometimes one single lady goes with one married lady, or whatever...then we
                    have divorcees too, but they didn't get that way from clubbing. ;-) My
                    best friend is single, and I'm going to hang out with her regardless of her
                    marital status.

                    Jennifer


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Whats wrong with me???

                      And, speaking as a smoked salmon, I can avoid the sharks, thank you very much <g>. (Or am I a bucket of chum? Hmmmmmmmm.)
                      I'm sure you are probably the smoked salmon.

                      It's a fairly common social activity around here for a bunch of married ladies to go out clubbing together, and we often go with single friends. Sometimes one single lady goes with one married lady, or whatever...then
                      we
                      have divorcees too, but they didn't get that way from clubbing. ;-) My best friend is single, and I'm going to hang out with her regardless of
                      her
                      marital status. Jennifer
                      I'm not saying anything about women Jennifer....and somebody, what I am
                      saying is that the sharks in the clubs don't care one way or the other
                      whether you are salmon or chum, they only want to get their "fin" on. Yes,
                      women can take care of themselves and men should trust more but.......are
                      women by "clubbing" with other women(single women in particular) and not
                      with their husbands, which is how is should be..... sending out a message or
                      creating a bad situation? Given enough alcohol and the right situation
                      "anyone" will lose inhibitions and start making bad choices (see:
                      infidelity) I have enough respect for my wife and marriage that I no
                      longer go to the bar and if I did I would take her.

                      What happens if you get wasted some night and start drinking with a group of
                      guys.....and somebody who knows your husband sees you and say something to
                      him? You guys may have great trust but do you think that could plant the
                      seed of doubt? There is no good in it. The "I gotta dance syndrome" that
                      most women have (including my wife) seems to outweigh working on your
                      marriage.

                      Mulligan


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Whats wrong with me???

                        Jennifer in Maryland wrote:
                        It's a fairly common social activity around here for a bunch of married ladies to go out clubbing together, and we often go with single friends. Sometimes one single lady goes with one married lady, or whatever...then we have divorcees too, but they didn't get that way from clubbing. ;-) My best friend is single, and I'm going to hang out with her regardless of her marital status.
                        So you go looking for baby seals? :-)

                        (Sorry... I'm one of those who would avoid the
                        "meat market" scene simply because of a misplaced
                        sense of inadequacy. As a "baby seal" I'd avoid
                        places where I might get clubbed.)

                        --
                        Jack C Lipton | cupasoup at pele dot cx | http://www.asstr.org/~CupaSoup/
                        Leadership deals with maximizing gains;
                        Management is all about minimizing losses.
                        Too much of either is death. - me

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Whats wrong with me???


                          "Jennifer in Maryland" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                          news:[email protected]
                          "Wilson" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:2jd8d.2341$q%[email protected] ...
                          And, speaking as a smoked salmon, I can avoid the sharks, thank you
                          very
                          much <g>. (Or am I a bucket of chum? Hmmmmmmmm.) I'm sure you are probably the smoked salmon. Thanks...I think. ;-)
                          More than welcome

                          I'm not saying anything about women Jennifer....and somebody, what I am saying is that the sharks in the clubs don't care one way or the other Well, it is saying something about women if you assume that they cannot
                          stay
                          safe even if the sharks want to get their "fin" on (I can't believe the direction of this conversation, lol).
                          It wasn't intended....it just happened.

                          I'm not particulary saying anything bad about women rather I know how men
                          are when they are drinking, I know women can take care of themselves but
                          things can get out of control and women who "thought" they could take care
                          of themselves have been raped.

                          Given enough alcohol and the right situation "anyone" will lose inhibitions and start making bad choices (see: infidelity) See, I disagree with this. It all depends if you set up the situation to succeed or fail. First, you wouldn't want to drink so much that you'd
                          lose
                          inhibitions. Second, you wouldn't use drinking as an excuse to be unfaithful. Third, you'd surround yourself with friends--and most particularly a sober driver--who would help keep the situation on board. Fourth...you wouldn't use drinking as an excuse to be unfaithful. :-)
                          That's true.
                          I have enough respect for my wife and marriage that I no longer go to the bar and if I did I would take her. That's cool, but hanging out with your friends, or hanging out with your friends & spouse--different dynamic. When I'm with a group of women, I don't want my husband on the barstool next to me. Kind of puts a damper
                          on
                          the girly chat, and it makes everyone else feel less comfortable. When
                          I'm
                          being a friend, it's about what I bring to the table...not what a tight couple Tim and I are together. That's for couples nights (which we also have).
                          Before our recent problems my wife and I were really good friends and having
                          her sit on the bar stool next wouldn't put a damper on my fun, I always take
                          the attitude that if my friend doesn't like it......well basically they can
                          lump it.

                          What happens if you get wasted some night and start drinking with a
                          group
                          of
                          guys.....and somebody who knows your husband sees you and say something
                          to
                          him? You guys may have great trust but do you think that could plant
                          the
                          seed of doubt? Nope. I've gone out with girlfriends and been drinking with a group that included guys. I tell my DH everything when I get home. I'm going to NYC in a few days with my girlfriend, just the two of us. We do this every so often (like three times a year), and basically we go to clubs and hang
                          out,
                          take in a show or two, go shopping. I'll call DH every night and regale
                          him
                          with stories, and that's the way it goes. He's going to be going to Las Vegas with a few guy friends in December, and that's totally cool with me (though I expect the late night calls as well, lol).
                          Hehe, what happens in Vegas stays here....remember that It's great you
                          2 can be so trusting and you have to be, I'm just one who doesn't like to
                          rock the boat. It's so easy to lose trust.
                          There is no good in it. The "I gotta dance syndrome" that most women have (including my wife) seems to outweigh working on your marriage. Well, I don't think *most* women have that syndrome, but you know...I
                          gotta
                          dance. :-)
                          I knew it!

                          Mulligan


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Whats wrong with me???

                            I'm so jealous :P Knowing about what you have told me about your hubby, I
                            don't think either of you would be stupid enough to be unfaithful and ruin
                            something so good.

                            I wish you the best of luck and I'm really happy to see a marriage work in
                            these weird times.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Whats wrong with me???

                              somebody wrote:
                              I'm so jealous :P Knowing about what you have told me about your hubby, I don't think either of you would be stupid enough to be unfaithful and ruin something so good. I wish you the best of luck and I'm really happy to see a marriage work in these weird times.
                              these "weird" times? I have a better word for it.


                              Comment

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