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Marriage on the rocks about moving

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  • #46
    Marriage on the rocks about moving

    "Favre for President '04" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    We origionally moved here near St. Louis from New Mexico almost 2 years ago to be closer to my family. They live about 4 hours away now, compared to 3 days of driving. She left behind her mom and the rest of her family so that we could be closer to mine. I come from a family of 10, my parents have been married for over 30 years, she comes from a broken family in which her mother has been re-married twice now. Family has always been a huge part of my life, and I want it to be a big part of my daughter's. My daughter was born a year ago in March, and now my worries are for her, the education out there is rated the poorest 2 years running. The crime is so much more abundant, and our finacial well-being is at stake by moving out there. In the 2 years of living out there, my family never visited once. They called pretty often and we flew out to see them twice a year, but now it seems like the reason we're moving back there is because her mom calls all the time telling her how much she misses my daughter. This is her first grandchild, and I understand all the hype along with it, but I have a feeling moving out west again will not make my wife any happier than she is now. I need help figuring all this out, should I bite the bullet like she did and just go back, or should I standmy ground and stay here for the sake of my daughter knowing her family.
    Have you considered the possibility that your wife wants to move closer to
    her own family because she's not all that happy with you? You write as if
    you have no respect for her, her family or her feelings. If your attitude
    reflect all areas in your life together then your marriage is already on the
    rocks and the moving issue is just a symptom.

    I think you two would benefit from talking to a trained counsellor to help
    you find a way to deal with differing spousal wants without tearing the
    other down in the process of making your points.

    Tai


    Comment


    • #47
      Marriage on the rocks about moving

      "Favre for President '04" <[email protected]> wrote in message
      news:[email protected]
      We origionally moved here near St. Louis from New Mexico almost 2 years ago to be closer to my family. They live about 4 hours away now, compared to 3 days of driving. She left behind her mom and the rest of her family so that we could be closer to mine. I come from a family of 10, my parents have been married for over 30 years, she comes from a broken family in which her mother has been re-married twice now. Family has always been a huge part of my life, and I want it to be a big part of my daughter's. My daughter was born a year ago in March, and now my worries are for her, the education out there is rated the poorest 2 years running. The crime is so much more abundant, and our finacial well-being is at stake by moving out there. In the 2 years of living out there, my family never visited once. They called pretty often and we flew out to see them twice a year, but now it seems like the reason we're moving back there is because her mom calls all the time telling her how much she misses my daughter. This is her first grandchild, and I understand all the hype along with it, but I have a feeling moving out west again will not make my wife any happier than she is now. I need help figuring all this out, should I bite the bullet like she did and just go back, or should I standmy ground and stay here for the sake of my daughter knowing her family.
      Have you considered the possibility that your wife wants to move closer to
      her own family because she's not all that happy with you? You write as if
      you have no respect for her, her family or her feelings. If your attitude
      reflect all areas in your life together then your marriage is already on the
      rocks and the moving issue is just a symptom.

      I think you two would benefit from talking to a trained counsellor to help
      you find a way to deal with differing spousal wants without tearing the
      other down in the process of making your points.

      Tai


      Comment


      • #48
        Marriage on the rocks about moving

        I think everyone is reading too far into it. My wife and I are really
        happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move once
        and she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down the
        road when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end up
        somewhere we both would rather not live.
        The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we have
        to live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuck
        there for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not get
        along for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reason
        they get along so well now is because she see her less often, and the
        distance has helped her relationship with other family members.
        I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support
        from someone who has been in this unique situation before.


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        Comment


        • #49
          Marriage on the rocks about moving

          I think everyone is reading too far into it. My wife and I are really
          happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move once
          and she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down the
          road when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end up
          somewhere we both would rather not live.
          The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we have
          to live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuck
          there for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not get
          along for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reason
          they get along so well now is because she see her less often, and the
          distance has helped her relationship with other family members.
          I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support
          from someone who has been in this unique situation before.


          ---
          Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
          Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
          Version: 6.0.672 / Virus Database: 434 - Release Date: 4/28/2004


          Comment


          • #50
            Marriage on the rocks about moving

            "Favre for President '04" <[email protected]> writes:
            I think everyone is reading too far into it. My wife and I are really happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move once and she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down the road when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end up somewhere we both would rather not live. The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we have to live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuck there for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not get along for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reason they get along so well now is because she see her less often, and the distance has helped her relationship with other family members. I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support from someone who has been in this unique situation before.
            The reason you posted here was to get someone to tell you "you are
            right, ignore your wife's desires."

            Notice that isn't what happened.

            Comment


            • #51
              Marriage on the rocks about moving

              "Favre for President '04" <[email protected]> writes:
              I think everyone is reading too far into it. My wife and I are really happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move once and she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down the road when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end up somewhere we both would rather not live. The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we have to live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuck there for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not get along for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reason they get along so well now is because she see her less often, and the distance has helped her relationship with other family members. I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support from someone who has been in this unique situation before.
              The reason you posted here was to get someone to tell you "you are
              right, ignore your wife's desires."

              Notice that isn't what happened.

              Comment


              • #52
                Marriage on the rocks about moving

                > I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support
                from someone who has been in this unique situation before.
                Unique means existing only once. Only one person can have an unique
                experience. I think you meant to say a similar experience. The problem is,
                that your situation is UNIQUE to you. Nobody is going to have a similar set
                of circumstances.

                Looks like you are going to have to work this out for yourselves. I still
                say that you need to make your own life and quit relying on your relatives.
                Both of you.

                Em



                Comment


                • #53
                  Marriage on the rocks about moving

                  > I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support
                  from someone who has been in this unique situation before.
                  Unique means existing only once. Only one person can have an unique
                  experience. I think you meant to say a similar experience. The problem is,
                  that your situation is UNIQUE to you. Nobody is going to have a similar set
                  of circumstances.

                  Looks like you are going to have to work this out for yourselves. I still
                  say that you need to make your own life and quit relying on your relatives.
                  Both of you.

                  Em



                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Marriage on the rocks about moving


                    "Auntie Em" <Auntie [email protected]> wrote in message
                    news:[email protected]
                    I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support from someone who has been in this unique situation before. Unique means existing only once. Only one person can have an unique experience. I think you meant to say a similar experience. The problem
                    is,
                    that your situation is UNIQUE to you. Nobody is going to have a similar
                    set
                    of circumstances.
                    I like the line I read somewhere: "You're unique -- just like the rest of
                    us."

                    Ted


                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Marriage on the rocks about moving


                      "Auntie Em" <Auntie [email protected]> wrote in message
                      news:[email protected]
                      I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get support from someone who has been in this unique situation before. Unique means existing only once. Only one person can have an unique experience. I think you meant to say a similar experience. The problem
                      is,
                      that your situation is UNIQUE to you. Nobody is going to have a similar
                      set
                      of circumstances.
                      I like the line I read somewhere: "You're unique -- just like the rest of
                      us."

                      Ted


                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Marriage on the rocks about moving

                        >I think everyone is reading too far into it.

                        Perhaps this is because you entitled this thread "Marriage on the Rock about
                        Moving". I dunno. It caused me to believe that your marriage was on the
                        rocks. ;-)

                        My wife and I are really
                        happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move onceand she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down theroad when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end upsomewhere we both would rather not live. The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we haveto live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuckthere for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not getalong for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reasonthey get along so well now is because she see her less often, and thedistance has helped her relationship with other family members.
                        Look, I am very different from my family of origin. We get along well for
                        short periods of time, but, to be truthful, I can't imagine living within 5
                        hours of any of them. So I can understand how you (and she) could feel
                        ambivalent about family.

                        But, the fact that, despite these problems, she is saying she wants to go back
                        indicates that she really does have feelings in *both* directions, and, as
                        people here are saying, you don't seem to be willing to take the "come hither"
                        feelings seriously. I imagine you hope that if you keep pointing out how
                        "silly" it is for her to consider this, given the circumstances, that's she'll
                        come to her senses. However, my guess is that a better approach would be to
                        validate her ambivalence, and acknowledge that she has legitimate feelings in
                        both directions. I suspect it would make talking through this a lot easier if
                        she didn't feel like she had to continue to make her case.... if she felt that
                        you understood how she felt. After that, she can feel free to look at both
                        sides of the issue, rather than feeling that she has to fight for one side just
                        to be heard.

                        Sheila

                        I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get supportfrom someone who has been in this unique situation before.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Marriage on the rocks about moving

                          >I think everyone is reading too far into it.

                          Perhaps this is because you entitled this thread "Marriage on the Rock about
                          Moving". I dunno. It caused me to believe that your marriage was on the
                          rocks. ;-)

                          My wife and I are really
                          happy, we just are at a turning point where we've already made the move onceand she's ready to go back. If we were to move back, a year or two down theroad when her mom and her get sick of each other again, we'll end upsomewhere we both would rather not live. The choice of where we live is not an option (no middle ground), we haveto live there or here. Unfortunately, if we move there, we'll be stuckthere for atleast 4 years. I know for a fact her mom and her will not getalong for that long and she will try to pack up and run again. The reasonthey get along so well now is because she see her less often, and thedistance has helped her relationship with other family members.
                          Look, I am very different from my family of origin. We get along well for
                          short periods of time, but, to be truthful, I can't imagine living within 5
                          hours of any of them. So I can understand how you (and she) could feel
                          ambivalent about family.

                          But, the fact that, despite these problems, she is saying she wants to go back
                          indicates that she really does have feelings in *both* directions, and, as
                          people here are saying, you don't seem to be willing to take the "come hither"
                          feelings seriously. I imagine you hope that if you keep pointing out how
                          "silly" it is for her to consider this, given the circumstances, that's she'll
                          come to her senses. However, my guess is that a better approach would be to
                          validate her ambivalence, and acknowledge that she has legitimate feelings in
                          both directions. I suspect it would make talking through this a lot easier if
                          she didn't feel like she had to continue to make her case.... if she felt that
                          you understood how she felt. After that, she can feel free to look at both
                          sides of the issue, rather than feeling that she has to fight for one side just
                          to be heard.

                          Sheila

                          I guess the reason I posted this in the first place was to get supportfrom someone who has been in this unique situation before.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Move called off

                            The job closed today, it was paying less than expected and a better one will
                            open up next year.


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                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Move called off

                              The job closed today, it was paying less than expected and a better one will
                              open up next year.


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                              Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
                              Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
                              Version: 6.0.672 / Virus Database: 434 - Release Date: 4/28/2004


                              Comment

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