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  • Russian Adoption Article

    I'm afraid I'm cutting LilMtnCbn's grass here. This is from the Chicago
    Daily Hearald regarding EE adoptions. I am quoted, as are the usual
    suspects.

    It's a spin from the Alex Pavlis case.


    http://www.dailyherald.com/mchenry/m...intID=3830689#


    The months, money and mental exercise Amy and Henry Bauer put into their
    adoption of a Russian child were justified forever the moment they first
    laid eyes on their 7-month-old son, Dallas.
    For the Chicago couple, having a child of their own was their lifelong wish,
    but adoption had come to seem the only option. And the curious,
    blond-haired, blue-eyed boy they crossed half a world to meet was the answer
    to their prayers.

    But when the Bauers finally brought Dallas home in December 2003, they were
    shocked to see local headlines dominated by the story of a Schaumburg woman
    accused of beating her recently adopted Russian son to death.

    As they learned more about the case of Irma Pavlis, though, they became
    convinced her troubles began even before she met her 6-year-old son, Alex.

    The Bauers, along with experts on adopting from Russia, wonder if the
    32-year-old Pavlis might have been only dangerously unprepared rather than
    dangerously unstable.

    Pavlis and her husband, Dino, adopted Alex and his 5-year-old sister
    independently, after finding the boy on a Web site. On the other hand, the
    Bauers were assisted every step of the way by one of the 13 adoption
    agencies they'd interviewed for the task.

    The merits of using an agency like the Bauers vs. the independent route the
    Pavlises took are debatable. But industry experts and experienced parents
    say one thing is not: The more information you have about the child
    beforehand, the better.

    Trish Janosy is Illinois regional director of European Adoption Consultants,
    the agency the Bauers used to adopt Dallas. Janosy said that only with the
    right level of preparedness and support should any adoption take place.

    In the case of the Pavlises, it doesn't appear either factor was present,
    she said.

    In the spotlight

    Pavlis was a journalist in her native Mexico who met her future husband
    while studying English in Chicago, said her original attorney, Stuart
    Goldberg. The couple exchanged love letters for a long time before
    reconnecting and marrying in the mid-1990s.

    The decision to adopt came after Pavlis had two miscarriages. Though the
    couple could have adopted an infant, they thought they could do more good by
    helping an older child find a home.

    Coming across Alex's photo on the Internet, Irma instantly fell in love with
    him because of his resemblance to her husband, Goldberg said.

    The adoption process involved two trips to a Russian orphanage, where they
    met Alex's biological sister as well. The two children ended up in the
    facility after being abandoned by their parents when Alex was a year old and
    his sister only 3 months. The Pavlises decided to adopt them both.

    But the hard life the children had led made them uncontrollable. That became
    apparent to the Pavlises as early as the plane ride home, Goldberg said.

    When they arrived in Schaumburg in early November 2003, things with Alex got
    worse. He died Dec. 19, 2003, a day after his mother called 911 to report he
    wasn't breathing.

    The Cook County medical examiner's office ruled Alex's death a homicide by
    blunt head trauma. Police said investigators found signs of prior abuse and
    said Irma Pavlis admitted striking the boy the day before he died and on
    other occasions.

    Attorneys for Pavlis say the head injury that killed Alex was
    self-inflicted, the result of physical and psychological problems -
    including fetal alcohol syndrome - that Pavlis and her husband had no way of
    knowing about before their independently conducted adoption.

    Irma Pavlis is being held in Cook County jail on a $3 million bond awaiting
    trial.

    Alex's sister remains in the custody of a Russian-speaking foster family
    appointed by the Department of Children and Family Services, though Pavlis'
    husband has very limited visitation rights.

    Emotions aside

    Though even an agency-guided adoption is no guarantee of avoiding such
    relatively common problems as fetal alcohol syndrome, most experienced
    parents say the path the Pavlises took left them the most vulnerable to
    trouble.

    It's unclear why the Pavlises didn't use an agency when going through the
    adoption process. And, of course, no one knows for sure whether things would
    have been different if they had.

    But Janosy said the path of independent adoption - or any way of
    streamlining the process - can be dangerous as it cuts out several levels of
    support.

    She admits that cutting out an agency can seem tempting to couples
    intimidated by the costs. Depending on a variety of factors, Eastern
    European adoptions through an agency can range from $25,000 to $45,000 and
    take as long as a year or more to complete, industry experts say.

    Cynthia Teeters, president of the not-for-profit Eastern European Adoption
    Coalition, said the savings of an independent adoption could bring the cost
    down to about $20,000.

    Teeters, however, recommends that at least couples adopting for the first
    time hire a carefully chosen agency. She believes, too, that post-adoption
    support is the most necessary step to have in place beforehand, whether from
    the agency itself or some other source like her not-for-profit.

    Among the services the Bauers' agency provided was looking for signs of
    physical or mental problems in the videos they had of Dallas before going to
    Russia. The agency also gave the couple practical advice on how to handle
    the baby during and after the trip.

    "We were told to examine the child (before leaving the orphanage), and it's
    probably something we wouldn't have thought about," Henry Bauer said.

    That's advice Dan and Elizabeth Case of upstate New York wish the agency
    they'd used had given them before they adopted their 7-month-old son, Cyril,
    from Russia in November 1999.

    Though concerned by the listlessness of the baby boy they picked up, it
    wasn't until he'd been legally made their son and brought back to their
    hotel room that they began to realize how sick he was.

    The first sign came when they changed the boy's diaper. Cyril had the worst
    diaper rash they'd ever seen - dead, blackened skin that was already flaking
    off.

    Though they tried to alleviate this with ointments, there was an even
    greater danger hiding inside Cyril's little body. Days later he suddenly
    stopped breathing and died, before they'd even left Russia. The cause was
    diagnosed as an acute infection of the gastrointestinal tract.

    The Cases were already in the process of adopting a second baby boy, from
    Bulgaria, when Cyril died. This son, Anguel, was adopted in 2000.

    Though Anguel was in better physical shape than Cyril, he was later
    diagnosed with mild spectrum autism.

    This type of autism often isn't diagnosed until a child is in school -
    sometimes several years into school - when higher social and reasoning
    skills should be developing.

    Thais Tepper is a Pittsburgh woman who co-founded the Parent Network for the
    Post-Institutionalized Child and shares the Cases' skepticism of Eastern
    European adoption.

    Tepper's adopted son is now 14 years old and developmentally disabled. Yet
    when she went to Romania to adopt him in 1991, she was told she was getting
    a healthy 18-month-old.

    What she found was an 18-month-old who weighed only 18 pounds and had no
    motor skills. Tepper said she later learned that by the definition in use at
    the time, "a healthy child in Romania is one breathing in and out when you
    arrive."

    The best thing adoptive parents today can do for themselves is to be
    aggressive and never take "no" for an answer in their pursuit of information
    about a child, Tepper said.

    "You have to do your homework," she said. "You have to tell them, 'I want
    original medical records and I want them translated myself.' Medical records
    already translated into English by the agency should be considered suspect."

    As reasonable as that advice can seem in a calm moment, it can easily be
    allowed to slip by when overwhelmed by Russian officialdom in the final
    stages of an adoption, she said.

    Both Janosy and Teeters said parents need an objective force to guide them
    through an emotional process.

    Despite the difficulty of putting protective instincts aside, prospective
    parents are right to weigh their ability to care for a child with a
    behavioral problem before making any commitment, Janosy said.

    "This process is not about saving a child," Janosy said. "This is about
    building a family. It's not fair to the child to put expectations on him or
    her."

    Just as Irma Pavlis had chosen her son by his resemblance to her husband,
    Elizabeth Case selected Anguel for his likeness to her own father as a
    child.

    Case said she and her husband learned the hard way that even in making as
    emotional a life choice as adoption, the role of the intellect mustn't be
    overlooked.

    "Don't believe the hype that God will make it better," she said. "Go with a
    hard heart, and you'd better be prepared to say no."

    The root cause

    Dr. Ira Chasnoff is president of Children's Research Triangle, a
    Chicago-based research and clinical program focused on childhood medical
    issues. He and other experts agree that prospective parents must be ready to
    deal with issues including fetal alcohol syndrome and emotional problems
    when considering an Eastern European adoption.

    But those problems can be overcome, he says.

    A high rate of alcohol use among pregnant women remains a problem in Eastern
    Europe, Chasnoff says. Both the syndrome itself and neglect - the kind that
    would almost certainly be felt by children in an orphanage or similar
    facility - tend to compound one another in the psychological makeup of
    children.

    And when both factors are at work, it's hard to say which is the more
    prevalent, he said.

    "It's a double whammy on them," Chasnoff said. "There's no way you can
    differentiate."

    Though neither problem is more "curable" than the other, both are treatable.
    Such treatments differ from one child to another, Chasnoff said.

    Doctors skilled in such behaviors are often employed by adoption agencies to
    look for physical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome in videos and photos,
    Chasnoff said.

    Regardless, Chasnoff said, parents of children adopted from overseas should
    have them tested as soon as they're back. The sooner a problem is detected,
    the earlier and more effective the treatment can be, Chasnoff said.

    Change on the way?

    Case said her own hard-won opinion is that Eastern European adoption is not
    worth the risk and is only kept alive amid all the other foreign adoption
    options by the promise of "white skin."

    Though Tepper wouldn't go so far as to say Eastern European adoptions should
    never be done, she believes only a small percentage of couples can handle
    doing it right.

    "No one can tell you how many successful adoptions there have been," she
    said. "But how many families' lives are expendable for a few families to be
    happy? Of course, my vision is skewed. No one calls the Parent Network to
    tell happy stories."

    Teeters said there are still too many bad agencies operating but hopes such
    tragic stories are becoming fewer as the Eastern European adoption system
    born less than 15 years ago continues to mature.

    According to her agency's estimates, the number of Eastern European children
    adopted by Americans has risen to more than 6,000 per year.

    That's why she and others hope long-anticipated international regulations
    will finally be realized within the next couple of years. Then, even
    independent adopters like the Pavlises can rely on a stronger safety net.

    "As long as this remains unregulated, there will always be a potential for
    abuse," Teeters said.

    The Bauers believe Eastern European adoptions, if approached cautiously, can
    work for both parents and children.

    Though little Dallas will continue to be monitored for signs of potential
    problems, his American life so far has been perfect, his father said.

    "He's always been a smiling, happy child," Henry Bauer said. "We have been
    very fortunate. We haven't had problem one with this child. I wanted to
    experience all the fun stuff of this child growing up. It's such a beautiful
    experience to have a child, adopted or not adopted. We've had this child 7¨
    months now and I can't imagine life without him. This is my son."






  • #2
    Russian Adoption Article

    Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did
    they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that?

    Mareley


    "Elizabeth Case" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    I'm afraid I'm cutting LilMtnCbn's grass here. This is from the Chicago Daily Hearald regarding EE adoptions. I am quoted, as are the usual suspects. It's a spin from the Alex Pavlis case. http://www.dailyherald.com/mchenry/m...intID=3830689# The months, money and mental exercise Amy and Henry Bauer put into their adoption of a Russian child were justified forever the moment they first laid eyes on their 7-month-old son, Dallas. For the Chicago couple, having a child of their own was their lifelong wish, but adoption had come to seem the only option. And the curious, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy they crossed half a world to meet was the answer to their prayers. But when the Bauers finally brought Dallas home in December 2003, they were shocked to see local headlines dominated by the story of a Schaumburg woman accused of beating her recently adopted Russian son to death. As they learned more about the case of Irma Pavlis, though, they became convinced her troubles began even before she met her 6-year-old son, Alex. The Bauers, along with experts on adopting from Russia, wonder if the 32-year-old Pavlis might have been only dangerously unprepared rather than dangerously unstable. Pavlis and her husband, Dino, adopted Alex and his 5-year-old sister independently, after finding the boy on a Web site. On the other hand, the Bauers were assisted every step of the way by one of the 13 adoption agencies they'd interviewed for the task. The merits of using an agency like the Bauers vs. the independent route the Pavlises took are debatable. But industry experts and experienced parents say one thing is not: The more information you have about the child beforehand, the better. Trish Janosy is Illinois regional director of European Adoption Consultants, the agency the Bauers used to adopt Dallas. Janosy said that only with the right level of preparedness and support should any adoption take place. In the case of the Pavlises, it doesn't appear either factor was present, she said. In the spotlight Pavlis was a journalist in her native Mexico who met her future husband while studying English in Chicago, said her original attorney, Stuart Goldberg. The couple exchanged love letters for a long time before reconnecting and marrying in the mid-1990s. The decision to adopt came after Pavlis had two miscarriages. Though the couple could have adopted an infant, they thought they could do more good by helping an older child find a home. Coming across Alex's photo on the Internet, Irma instantly fell in love with him because of his resemblance to her husband, Goldberg said. The adoption process involved two trips to a Russian orphanage, where they met Alex's biological sister as well. The two children ended up in the facility after being abandoned by their parents when Alex was a year old and his sister only 3 months. The Pavlises decided to adopt them both. But the hard life the children had led made them uncontrollable. That became apparent to the Pavlises as early as the plane ride home, Goldberg said. When they arrived in Schaumburg in early November 2003, things with Alex got worse. He died Dec. 19, 2003, a day after his mother called 911 to report he wasn't breathing. The Cook County medical examiner's office ruled Alex's death a homicide by blunt head trauma. Police said investigators found signs of prior abuse and said Irma Pavlis admitted striking the boy the day before he died and on other occasions. Attorneys for Pavlis say the head injury that killed Alex was self-inflicted, the result of physical and psychological problems - including fetal alcohol syndrome - that Pavlis and her husband had no way of knowing about before their independently conducted adoption. Irma Pavlis is being held in Cook County jail on a $3 million bond awaiting trial. Alex's sister remains in the custody of a Russian-speaking foster family appointed by the Department of Children and Family Services, though Pavlis' husband has very limited visitation rights. Emotions aside Though even an agency-guided adoption is no guarantee of avoiding such relatively common problems as fetal alcohol syndrome, most experienced parents say the path the Pavlises took left them the most vulnerable to trouble. It's unclear why the Pavlises didn't use an agency when going through the adoption process. And, of course, no one knows for sure whether things would have been different if they had. But Janosy said the path of independent adoption - or any way of streamlining the process - can be dangerous as it cuts out several levels of support. She admits that cutting out an agency can seem tempting to couples intimidated by the costs. Depending on a variety of factors, Eastern European adoptions through an agency can range from $25,000 to $45,000 and take as long as a year or more to complete, industry experts say. Cynthia Teeters, president of the not-for-profit Eastern European Adoption Coalition, said the savings of an independent adoption could bring the cost down to about $20,000. Teeters, however, recommends that at least couples adopting for the first time hire a carefully chosen agency. She believes, too, that post-adoption support is the most necessary step to have in place beforehand, whether from the agency itself or some other source like her not-for-profit. Among the services the Bauers' agency provided was looking for signs of physical or mental problems in the videos they had of Dallas before going to Russia. The agency also gave the couple practical advice on how to handle the baby during and after the trip. "We were told to examine the child (before leaving the orphanage), and it's probably something we wouldn't have thought about," Henry Bauer said. That's advice Dan and Elizabeth Case of upstate New York wish the agency they'd used had given them before they adopted their 7-month-old son, Cyril, from Russia in November 1999. Though concerned by the listlessness of the baby boy they picked up, it wasn't until he'd been legally made their son and brought back to their hotel room that they began to realize how sick he was. The first sign came when they changed the boy's diaper. Cyril had the worst diaper rash they'd ever seen - dead, blackened skin that was already flaking off. Though they tried to alleviate this with ointments, there was an even greater danger hiding inside Cyril's little body. Days later he suddenly stopped breathing and died, before they'd even left Russia. The cause was diagnosed as an acute infection of the gastrointestinal tract. The Cases were already in the process of adopting a second baby boy, from Bulgaria, when Cyril died. This son, Anguel, was adopted in 2000. Though Anguel was in better physical shape than Cyril, he was later diagnosed with mild spectrum autism. This type of autism often isn't diagnosed until a child is in school - sometimes several years into school - when higher social and reasoning skills should be developing. Thais Tepper is a Pittsburgh woman who co-founded the Parent Network for the Post-Institutionalized Child and shares the Cases' skepticism of Eastern European adoption. Tepper's adopted son is now 14 years old and developmentally disabled. Yet when she went to Romania to adopt him in 1991, she was told she was getting a healthy 18-month-old. What she found was an 18-month-old who weighed only 18 pounds and had no motor skills. Tepper said she later learned that by the definition in use at the time, "a healthy child in Romania is one breathing in and out when you arrive." The best thing adoptive parents today can do for themselves is to be aggressive and never take "no" for an answer in their pursuit of information about a child, Tepper said. "You have to do your homework," she said. "You have to tell them, 'I want original medical records and I want them translated myself.' Medical records already translated into English by the agency should be considered suspect." As reasonable as that advice can seem in a calm moment, it can easily be allowed to slip by when overwhelmed by Russian officialdom in the final stages of an adoption, she said. Both Janosy and Teeters said parents need an objective force to guide them through an emotional process. Despite the difficulty of putting protective instincts aside, prospective parents are right to weigh their ability to care for a child with a behavioral problem before making any commitment, Janosy said. "This process is not about saving a child," Janosy said. "This is about building a family. It's not fair to the child to put expectations on him or her." Just as Irma Pavlis had chosen her son by his resemblance to her husband, Elizabeth Case selected Anguel for his likeness to her own father as a child. Case said she and her husband learned the hard way that even in making as emotional a life choice as adoption, the role of the intellect mustn't be overlooked. "Don't believe the hype that God will make it better," she said. "Go with a hard heart, and you'd better be prepared to say no." The root cause Dr. Ira Chasnoff is president of Children's Research Triangle, a Chicago-based research and clinical program focused on childhood medical issues. He and other experts agree that prospective parents must be ready to deal with issues including fetal alcohol syndrome and emotional problems when considering an Eastern European adoption. But those problems can be overcome, he says. A high rate of alcohol use among pregnant women remains a problem in Eastern Europe, Chasnoff says. Both the syndrome itself and neglect - the kind that would almost certainly be felt by children in an orphanage or similar facility - tend to compound one another in the psychological makeup of children. And when both factors are at work, it's hard to say which is the more prevalent, he said. "It's a double whammy on them," Chasnoff said. "There's no way you can differentiate." Though neither problem is more "curable" than the other, both are treatable. Such treatments differ from one child to another, Chasnoff said. Doctors skilled in such behaviors are often employed by adoption agencies to look for physical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome in videos and photos, Chasnoff said. Regardless, Chasnoff said, parents of children adopted from overseas should have them tested as soon as they're back. The sooner a problem is detected, the earlier and more effective the treatment can be, Chasnoff said. Change on the way? Case said her own hard-won opinion is that Eastern European adoption is not worth the risk and is only kept alive amid all the other foreign adoption options by the promise of "white skin." Though Tepper wouldn't go so far as to say Eastern European adoptions should never be done, she believes only a small percentage of couples can handle doing it right. "No one can tell you how many successful adoptions there have been," she said. "But how many families' lives are expendable for a few families to be happy? Of course, my vision is skewed. No one calls the Parent Network to tell happy stories." Teeters said there are still too many bad agencies operating but hopes such tragic stories are becoming fewer as the Eastern European adoption system born less than 15 years ago continues to mature. According to her agency's estimates, the number of Eastern European children adopted by Americans has risen to more than 6,000 per year. That's why she and others hope long-anticipated international regulations will finally be realized within the next couple of years. Then, even independent adopters like the Pavlises can rely on a stronger safety net. "As long as this remains unregulated, there will always be a potential for abuse," Teeters said. The Bauers believe Eastern European adoptions, if approached cautiously, can work for both parents and children. Though little Dallas will continue to be monitored for signs of potential problems, his American life so far has been perfect, his father said. "He's always been a smiling, happy child," Henry Bauer said. "We have been very fortunate. We haven't had problem one with this child. I wanted to experience all the fun stuff of this child growing up. It's such a beautiful experience to have a child, adopted or not adopted. We've had this child 7¨ months now and I can't imagine life without him. This is my son."

    Comment


    • #3
      Russian Adoption Article

      >Subject: Russian Adoption Article
      From: "Elizabeth Case" [email protected]Date: 11/15/2004 7:04 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>I'm afraid I'm cutting LilMtnCbn's grass here. This is from the ChicagoDaily Hearald regarding EE adoptions. I am quoted, as are the usualsuspects.
      Please, please cut my grass any time!

      Ok, that sounds a bit perverted. LOL Sorry about that.

      Thanks so much for posting! I hope everybody posts articles they find, and
      excuse me when I'm *****y. It's usually because:

      1) I'm PWD

      2) It's that time of the month

      3) It's a **** press release that couldn't get published anywhere but the
      internet under "press release". Like the ones Joe Soll posts about once a
      month about himself and his superior interpretation about his own adoption
      experience. Like anybody gives a flying fart.

      Please please, everybody keep posting whatever you find!

      P.S. to Patty. Post your own **** articles! LOL I am NOT posting the one
      about the orgasmatron!


      -------------------------
      A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
      be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
      -----Unknown

      Comment


      • #4
        Russian Adoption Article

        >Subject: Re: Russian Adoption Article
        From: "Marley Greiner" [email protected]Date: 11/15/2004 7:34 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world didthey name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that?Mareley
        Because Demitri (or whatever his birth name was) didn't fit in with their
        parental vision?


        -------------------------
        A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
        be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
        -----Unknown

        Comment


        • #5
          Russian Adoption Article

          Marley:

          Perhaps Dallas (Dmitry) will meet Aspen or Dakota. They're have a baby and
          call her Paris or Moscow.

          Elizabeth


          Comment


          • #6
            Russian Adoption Article

            "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
            Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that? Mareley
            Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for the
            youngster?

            I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for some
            good, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, for
            our kids. She wouldn't relent.

            Tom

            Comment


            • #7
              Russian Adoption Article

              >Subject: Re: Russian Adoption Article
              From: [email protected] (Tom)Date: 11/16/2004 8:42 AM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>"Ma rley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:<[email protected]>...
              Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that? Mareley
              Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for theyoungster?I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for somegood, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, forour kids. She wouldn't relent.Tom
              Bwaaaa! A friend's husband wanted to name their son Seagrams. They settled on
              Atom.


              -------------------------
              A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
              be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
              -----Unknown

              Comment


              • #8
                Russian Adoption Article


                "Tom" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                news:[email protected] ...
                "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that? Mareley
                Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for the youngster? I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for some good, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, for our kids. She wouldn't relent. Tom
                Dildo is a perfectly fine name and child should be proud to carry.. Isn't
                there a town called ******* though? I think it's in Ontario.

                Marley


                Comment


                • #9
                  Russian Adoption Article

                  Marley Greiner wrote:
                  "Tom" <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:[email protected] gle.com...
                  "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:<[email protected]>...
                  Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world didthey name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that?Mareley
                  Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for theyoungster?I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for somegood, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, forour kids. She wouldn't relent.Tom
                  Dildo is a perfectly fine name and child should be proud to carry.. Isn'tthere a town called ******* though? I think it's in Ontario.Marley

                  There are 55 people on the Electoral register in the UK with the surname
                  *******.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Russian Adoption Article

                    >Subject: Russian Adoption Article
                    From: "Elizabeth Case" [email protected]Date: 11/15/2004 9:04 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>I'm afraid I'm cutting LilMtnCbn's grass here. This is from the ChicagoDaily Hearald regarding EE adoptions. I am quoted, as are the usualsuspects.It's a spin from the Alex Pavlis case.http://www.dailyherald.com/mchenry/m...intID=3830689#

                    Are you the same "Elizabeth" I used to correspond with... the attorney? My
                    memory ain't what it used to be. Regardless, I'm so sorry to read about Cyril
                    - God rest his little soul.

                    Along the same lines of the article Elizabeth posted, I dug up another post
                    from several years ago.

                    Dad

                    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                    Parents who adopt children from overseas don't bug me, it's the belief that
                    overseas children are "safer" and come with "less issues" than older domestic
                    children. Many times, that's simply poppy****.

                    When it comes to FAS, attachment disorders, failure to thrive, or other
                    medical/emotional conditions due to abuse OR institutionalized care, the kids
                    coming from eastern Europe and the USSR would seem to carry the highest risks
                    for these conditions.

                    Our agency facilitates both domestic and overseas adoptions. They have a
                    reputation for finding adoptive families for "hard to place" children.

                    The (former) director told us that she has personally been involved with a
                    higher *percentage* of overseas adoption disruptions (especially from the
                    aforementioned countries) than domestic older child disruptions.

                    I realize that is just one person's anecdotal experience, but I'll include
                    the article she wrote a couple of years ago below.

                    Dad

                    <begin article>

                    From the Director... Barb Holtan
                    Tressler Lutheran Adoption Services
                    Tressler Family Connections
                    March/April 1999 issue



                    Back in February of 1994, we began receiving calls from families we did not
                    know, in states outside of our service area, asking us if we could find another
                    family for the child they had adopted and brought home from Eastern Europe. "We
                    just can't continue," they would say sadly. "We've heard that TLS finds good
                    families for Special kids. Can you do that for our son (or daughter)?"

                    We didn't think much about this (other than to grieve with these disrupting
                    parents and see how we could help) until the calls kept coming and coming. We
                    started charting these calls and started asking colleagues around the country:
                    What's happening? Why all these disruption calls? And - Why are they calling us
                    - strangers to them - why aren't they calling their own agencies? We've sure
                    learned a lot about this sad phenomenon since that first contact back in
                    1994.

                    I wanted to take the opportunity here to tell you at this, the five-year point.
                    I would like to tell you that this was a brief flash in the pan and it has
                    stopped. It hasn't. The calls continue to come.

                    As of March 31, 1999:

                    - Total number of Eastern European-born children, adopted into the US, whom we
                    have been asked to replace: 78

                    - That comes out to be 78 in 61 months - more than one request a month,
                    steadily for five years.

                    - Child's average age when placed with the family: 5.2 years old

                    - Child's average age when the family called TLS: 7.0 years old (These are
                    averages - youngest child we were asked to replace was 8 months old, eldest
                    child was 15 years old.)

                    - About even on gender: 38 girls; 40 boys.

                    - Number of US states the families have called from: 27

                    - Countries of origin of the children:
                    Bulgaria -1
                    Estonia - 3
                    Georgia - 4
                    Lithuania - 1
                    Moldavia - 1
                    Poland - 2
                    Romania - 14
                    Russia - 50
                    Ukraine - 2

                    The families who call are sad, angry, scared, disappointed. The behaviors of
                    the children have brought them to their knees. The behaviors they each describe
                    are all so similar and pretty much can be found on the checklists for Reactive
                    Attachment Disorder. Nowadays, by the time the families get to us, they have
                    already had the child tested and evaluated and the parent rattles off to us
                    over the phone the many diagnoses the child has: Attention Deficit Disorder,
                    Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Hyperactivity, Learning Disabilities, possible
                    Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, etc. etc.

                    I have become rather tedious on this subject, I know. I have exclaimed about it
                    to colleagues in other agencies, talked about it at Joint Council meetings,
                    consulted with Attachment therapists ("Are you seeing lots of kids adopted from
                    Eastern Europe?")... Many international agency people would like me to clam up
                    and stop already about this subject. Believe me, I'd like to. But then the next
                    call comes from Massachusetts or Illinois or Texas and the story is the same
                    and we try as best we can to help another devastated family.

                    As long as there are adoptions, there will be disruptions. We hate this but we
                    accept it as truth. However, the numbers of disruptions of Eastern European
                    born children are too high - way out of line. Yes, I know that Russia is
                    sending thousands of children to the US for adoption and statistically
                    speaking, 50 kids (see above) is tiny. Yes, I know that the only numbers
                    available are those TLS has been keeping and these comprise a count which is
                    necessarily skewed. No one calls from Idaho to tell me how GREAT their child is
                    doing. Still - there's too much of it. Kids have been coming for adoption for
                    over 40 years from other countries. Ask anyone who has been around during that
                    time working in this field. If they are being honest, they will attest to the
                    fact that we as a profession have never seen this number of kids with such
                    severe problems all coming from one part of the world resulting in their
                    adoptive families seeking to disrupt the adoption.

                    At the risk of being still more tedious, I will again offer for consideration
                    the following things we at TLS believe in and practice and advocate for all
                    adoptions. This is how to lessen the number of disruptions. Our 27-year-old
                    program placing only Special kids is living proof of this:

                    - Solid, Realistic, Educational pre-adoption Family Preparation (and no, this
                    can't be achieved in a weekend or a couple of hours) comprised of lots of
                    information, hard questions and a practice of parent SELF-ASSESSMENT as opposed
                    to agency investigation of parents.

                    - Meticulous review of background information on the child by the family and
                    the agency worker - asking questions, pointing out red flags.

                    - Supportive and nurturing post-placement services by the agency which did the
                    Home Study.

                    - Ongoing post-finalization services as needed over time over the life of the
                    family. I.e. - the agency responds whenever and for whatever is needed.

                    EVERY child coming from an orphanage is a Special Needs child - whether s/he is
                    one month old or twelve years old. The sooner placing agencies start leveling
                    with interested families about this fact and prepare families for this, the
                    more likely it will be that TLS will experience a decline in the numbers of
                    disruption calls coming our way.

                    < end article >

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Russian Adoption Article

                      AdoptaDad:

                      No, I'm not an attorney. I work in the public sector.

                      Thank you for the other post. It about sums it all up.

                      Elizabeth Case


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Russian Adoption Article

                        [email protected] (LilMtnCbn) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                        Subject: Re: Russian Adoption ArticleFrom: [email protected] (Tom)Date: 11/16/2004 8:42 AM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>"Ma rley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:<[email protected]>...
                        Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that? Mareley
                        Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for theyoungster?I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for somegood, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, forour kids. She wouldn't relent.Tom Bwaaaa! A friend's husband wanted to name their son Seagrams. They settled on Atom.
                        Seagrams, eh? Not bad. Not bad at all. Maybe if we have another
                        child, I'll lobby for Cardhu. Not that it matters what I lobby
                        for--until I carry one for nine months and push it out, I don't think
                        I'll ever get the last word.

                        Tom

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Russian Adoption Article

                          >Subject: Re: Russian Adoption Article
                          From: [email protected] (Tom)Date: 11/16/2004 2:04 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>
                          Bwaaaa! A friend's husband wanted to name their son Seagrams. Theysettled on
                          Atom.
                          Seagrams, eh? Not bad. Not bad at all. Maybe if we have anotherchild, I'll lobby for Cardhu. Not that it matters what I lobbyfor--until I carry one for nine months and push it out, I don't thinkI'll ever get the last word.Tom
                          I really really love this site. LOL

                          http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/



                          -------------------------
                          A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
                          be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
                          -----Unknown

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Russian Adoption Article

                            LilMtnCbn wrote:
                            Subject: Re: Russian Adoption ArticleFrom: [email protected] (Tom)Date: 11/16/2004 2:04 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>
                            Bwaaaa! A friend's husband wanted to name their son Seagrams. Theysettled on
                            Atom.
                            Seagrams, eh? Not bad. Not bad at all. Maybe if we have anotherchild, I'll lobby for Cardhu. Not that it matters what I lobbyfor--until I carry one for nine months and push it out, I don't thinkI'll ever get the last word.Tom
                            I really really love this site. LOLhttp://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/
                            I was wondering whatever had happened to Peter Noone, when did he have
                            the operation?

                            http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/14.html



                            Robin


                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Russian Adoption Article

                              >
                              "Tom" <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:[email protected] gle.com...
                              "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                              Good story--and always good when you're part of it. Why in the world did they name their kid Dallas? Shouldn't there be a law against that? Mareley
                              Perhaps they thought Poughkeepsie would be too confusing for the youngster? I know it's too confusing for me. I was lobbying my wife for some good, simple Canadian place names, something like Wawa or Dildo, for our kids. She wouldn't relent. Tom
                              Dildo is a perfectly fine name and child should be proud to carry.. Isn'tthere a town called ******* though? I think it's in Ontario.Marley
                              And here I thought calling someone dildo meant he was a mindless *****.

                              J.




                              Reply to jmhjmd at aol.


                              Comment

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