Father who needs help Colorado

[horton2006]

My divorce was final about 6 months ago. I have a 3 year old son from the marriage who I love with all my heart. I tried to get joint parenting responsibility durning the divorce but my ex wife ended up getting our son and I get every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend with him and a 2 hr dinner visit every wednesday. The reason the Child and Family investigator stated for this recommendation was that the 45 min distance between our homes was too long for our son to travel in the car 2 times per week to make joint custody work. Well now a lot of things have changed. One thing is as soon as the divorce was final my ex wife let her new boyfriend move in with her and it has been proven that this man has been physically aggressive with my son. But there was not enough proved that he did it on purpose so they gave my son back to her. The next thing is that now her and her boyfriend are moving to a new place which is an additional hr away from my house so now my Wednesday visits are basically cut in half. The other thing is that my ex-wife is always telling my son bad stuff about me and my fiance and trying to poision him against us....which never works! I want to go back to court to try and modify parental responsibility but I do not know what to do because it really seems that the courts are biased towards fathers and always side with mothers and I am afraid I will just be fighting a loosing battle BUT all I want in the world is to have more time with my son. Any suggestions?

[mommyof4]

What does it say in the court order about moving with the child?

What proof do you have that the boyfriend is abusive to your son?

What proof do you have that she is saying deragatory things about you?

Even if she is allowed to move, she still has to ensure that the court order is followed to the letter. If she does not, she is in contempt. It will be up to her to make sure that your visitation is not affected in any way.

[horton2006]

Unfortunately she is staying within the borders that the divorce decree states. The only leg I have to stand on as far as her moving is that the divorce decree also states that the move can not substantially alter my time with my son.

My son came over to my home for the weekend and on both of his upper arms were visible grip marks. I called my ex to ask her what had happened and she told me that her boyfriend got a little rough with my son while they were wrestling around and made the little "marky marks". She said that it happened on Tuesday. The marks were still there and very clear on Sunday (5 days later) I called Social Services and the social worker, after looking at my son and hearing the message with the explanation my ex left for me, that the marks were not from horseplay and did a emergency protective order. The DA then decided there was not enough evidence to press charges. It was very hard for me cause all I wanted to do was go hurt the man that hurt my son, but I didn't!

As far as how we know she is saying negative stuff towards us is my son will come over and out of no where will say things like daddys bad or "my fiance" is yucky. Mommy says "my fiance" is yucky and "my son" is yucky for liking her.

He also had a lot of anger issues right now and is beginning to use a lot of cuss words. When he is told no or doesn't get what he wants he gets very anger and will hit people.

She has moved him in the last year to 5 different daycares, and is wanting to move him again since she is moving. I am having a hard time with it cause he is in a really great daycare and has grown emotionally and socially so much since being there and I just think another move is wrong. The childcare provider agrees with me and has even offered to meet my ex half way everyday just in order to keep him there.

[mommyof4]

Unfortunately she is staying within the borders that the divorce decree states. The only leg I have to stand on as far as her moving is that the divorce decree also states that the move can not substantially alter my time with my son.

My son came over to my home for the weekend and on both of his upper arms were visible grip marks. I called my ex to ask her what had happened and she told me that her boyfriend got a little rough with my son while they were wrestling around and made the little "marky marks". She said that it happened on Tuesday. The marks were still there and very clear on Sunday (5 days later) I called Social Services and the social worker, after looking at my son and hearing the message with the explanation my ex left for me, that the marks were not from horseplay and did a emergency protective order. The DA then decided there was not enough evidence to press charges. It was very hard for me cause all I wanted to do was go hurt the man that hurt my son, but I didn't!

As far as how we know she is saying negative stuff towards us is my son will come over and out of no where will say things like daddys bad or "my fiance" is yucky. Mommy says "my fiance" is yucky and "my son" is yucky for liking her.

He also had a lot of anger issues right now and is beginning to use a lot of cuss words. When he is told no or doesn't get what he wants he gets very anger and will hit people.

She has moved him in the last year to 5 different daycares, and is wanting to move him again since she is moving. I am having a hard time with it cause he is in a really great daycare and has grown emotionally and socially so much since being there and I just think another move is wrong. The childcare provider agrees with me and has even offered to meet my ex half way everyday just in order to keep him there.

Even though the DA did not press charges, do you have or can you get a copy of the report by social services?

Is there anything in your order barring everybody from speaking ill of the other party? (Believe it or not, some stupid people actually need a court to tell them this).

Unfortunately, until she denies you visitation and you have stronger evidence that the environment the child is living in is detrimental, a court is proably not going to change custody. Is your son in any type of counseling?

[horton2006]

There is wording in the decree that states we can not talk ill of each other.

Yes I am actually working on getting a copy of the social workers file.

I was afraid of that. Part of me keeps beating myself up that I should have fought harder during the divorce about parenting time/custody. It was just that my attorney told me that we could continue to fight but that the judge would just stick with the Child and Family investigators recommendation so it would just be a waste of money.

He is not in any type of counsling.

So what if she never denies me visitation. What will it take to show the courts that I deserve more time with him?

[mommyof4]

There is wording in the decree that states we can not talk ill of each other.

Yes I am actually working on getting a copy of the social workers file.

I was afraid of that. Part of me keeps beating myself up that I should have fought harder during the divorce about parenting time/custody. It was just that my attorney told me that we could continue to fight but that the judge would just stick with the Child and Family investigators recommendation so it would just be a waste of money.

He is not in any type of counsling.

So what if she never denies me visitation. What will it take to show the courts that I deserve more time with him?

If it is stated in the order, and she is continuously saying these things, file for contempt. Parental alienation is a serious issue, and while the court may not take major action for the first offense, you want to build a history for when the time comes that you do petition the court to change the order.

As to the order...when you get it, let us know what it says. Depending on the report, you may have enough to take to court to show that the boyfriend is a danger to the child. If that is the case, the boyfriend will have to go or you can ask the judge to allow your son to live with you.

Otherwise, in order to modify the custody order without evidence of contempt, detriment, or significant negative change in your son's life, the court will not modify the order. As it has only been six months (I know, it seems like 6 years to you) the court will probably not hear anything at this point without some serious evidence. Sorry.


Oh...do NOT let her out of her responsibility to get your son to each and every visitation. It is HER responsibility as she is the one creating the distance.

[horton2006]

I will. Thank you so much for your help.

One other thing, I have been trying to get a copy of the file from the child and family specialist and she is refusing to release it stating that she doesn't know if the contents will put anyone's welfare in jeopardy. She is stating she will only release it to prepare for a new hearing or with a court order. Is there anything I can do about this?

[mommyof4]

Does your court order say anything about unrelated persons of the opposite sex staying overnight while the child is present?

[horton2006]

It doesn't state anything in the decree about that.

Does it make any difference that we have joint decision-making responsibility and that she has primary residence?

[horton2006]

although it was the opinion of the CFI that when she did find herself in a new relationship that the CFI felt that she needed to meet the person and evaluate him. Because she did not write a formal report this information is not in the court documents. That was one of the reasons I was requesting the file from the CFI

[esoxlucios]

CFI's in Colorado

I/we've set up a page regarding the child-and-family-investigator industry in Colorado at: www.KnowYourCourts.com It's a document repository to obtain and contribute information regarding the subject of child and family investigators, parenting coordinators, custody evaluations and the like.