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Dead beat dad wakes up! ouch California

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  • Dead beat dad wakes up! ouch California

    My situation is this... 15 years ago i was with a lady for about a year and had a child .. girl.. I was very young and stupid... in many ways. about 4 months after she was born.. we started having issues.. part time drug use on her part with a couple of her female friends.. not coming home till way late at night with no calls or notice .. I finally broke one day and .. against my nature fliped out and kicker the car that i bought her out side the house i bought her. .. basically freaked out no physcial abuse was involved just verbal flipping out.. She called the police and they came out and because the car was a gift to her and her car she filed a vandalism report.. the police suggest and recomended i go else where to let her calm down .. Which i did.. next day i came back and she refused to let me.. anyway to make a long story short i had no were to go but to go home.. over the next weeks .. she would never be home or if i called she would not answer or hang up.. Here is where the dead beat dad part comes in.. finally. she said to me that she didnt want to see me again she had met someone else.. blah blah blah.. I after a time gave up and continued on with my life... every now and then trying to see my child.. went away to college to finish my degree.. three years later i contacted her about seeing my child again .. such a calamitous event and stress full i gave up again.. i begin to send her money each month by money order and she would send it back.. after 1 full year of this i gave up.. More dead beat dad story continues.. now 15 years later. I finally decide that this cannot continue any longer..I am in Pa now she is still in california.. we have made contact and its as usual same old violent nature she always had and says no i cant see her i have no right.. and she has some point there.. I dont want to live my life forever doing the wrong thing and not knowing my daughter... this weighs heavy on my heart and has for years. after several months of no contact or response... she sends me an email .. telling me yes my daughter wants to talk to me and see.. but because she .. the mother.... says i dont want to deal with you and wont .. so there it is... all she said.. several months later still no replys to my emails and mails she sends me a mail.. stating simply this.. if you want to see your daugther you pay me child support for all the years you missed.. (no court order) then she will think about it when i pay it.. She dosent know this but i have quite a large account of savings ive been putting away for one day for my daughter.. well over 50 k now...
    Guess my real concern is that .. ok i pay her this money which i have no cause or issue not doing.. can she then say its a gift and then file for 15 years of no support.. getting a huge amount more.. ... I just dont want to continue to be a dead beat father.. took me enough years to grow up but i did.. i have no childeren but for her... I contacted an attorney in california and they want a 10 k retainer for this case.. which i may have to do but since i am now disabled i have no huge income i would have to wittle away at the money i been saving for my girl one day... I feel an urgent need to help them due to my daughter having slight handicap .. mentaly.. and to end this nightmare of not being a good father cant make up for the past but can make up for the future..

    any comments would be appreciated.. rather find a way to settle this out side of court.. save more for my child but .. guess if need be i will have to use it up partly for this case..

    Thank you for your time and any information you may be able to give me.. sorry for the long drawn out story ..

    Path

  • #2
    I'm not a lawyer so what I'm going to say is strictly my opinion.
    Okay Path...I understand that you tried to do right by your child. However, from what you said about the mother, it sounds like she's trying to manipulate you into giving her money, not the child. If she wanted child support, she could have filed a long time ago or taken the money orders you sent to her for your daughter.
    In my personal opinion, I would consult a lawyer to help you with this situation. Try contacting a lawyer in PA and see if they can recommend someone in CA that would be cheaper than the lawyer who wants 10g from you. I know this isn't much and I wish I had more knowledge to share about this situation, but alas, I do not. The best of luck to you and your daughter.

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