Another Adult/Minor Story

[mommyof4]

I have been trying to reason with her parents on my own without crossing the line, seeming desperate, or getting on their nerves, to try to compensate somehow, but so far I haven't had much luck. Thanks for the suggestion though Milspecgirl. I really don't want to cross the line anymore than I already have, I would not push for any more than they willingly gave behind their backs. If they give nothing at all though I'm not entirely sure I would be able to completely abide by that. As much as I'd like to...

You better get yourself into the mindframe that you ARE sure that you will abide by their wishes. You don't have a choice. You go up against her parents and they will win, every time.

Yes, that last point has been driven home very clearly. Seems unfair for a person to have no control over who they can contact, but I do understand those laws are put in place for good reason.

I get the feeling you don't like people in my situation at all, so you're probably somewhat biased, and rightfully so. I don't much like people in my situation either. I'm openly hypocritical about that.

I assure you I'm way more concerned for her than I am for myself. I really just wanted to understand what my risks were, which was why I posted this at a forum that seems to sort of deal with legal issues as opposed to a site for emotional aid for myself.

I've told her parents that I understand why they're doing what they're doing, and I really honestly do. I'd probably act similarly if it were my daughter (I do not have one, this is hypothetical) in question. I have kept in minimal contact with her as well, and I've told her not to be angry with her parents about all of this. I don't think her relationship with her parents is being threatend at all from this, she's just upset with them right now. Understandably so...

She would definitely bare more lasting resentment if the police were involved and anything happened to me, but her parents should really know better than to do that anyway. The police are not necessary. I'm sacrificing quite a bit and trying to be as reasonable as possible, if they disregarded my best attempts to handle this situation I wouldn't be too happy with them myself.

Thanks again for your input. It's always nice to hear all view points.

The rest of this post is just creepy. You come across as being very adept at submersive persuasion. You are not sacrificing a dang thing. You are an adult that has had an ongoing relationship with a child for over a year. Not only that, but you KNEW her parents would object. You kept it a secret from them for all that time.

Get over yourself. Leave the child alone. You have no business having a relationship with her. You have no legal right to have a relationship with her. Her parents have no reason, legal or moral, to compromise with you to generate a happy outcome for you.

Go away and leave the child alone. I'm sure you'll recover. Most do. Those that don't? Well, they have other, deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with and they usually wind up in prison.

[Calintz63]

You better get yourself into the mindframe that you ARE sure that you will abide by their wishes. You don't have a choice. You go up against her parents and they will win, every time.

The rest of this post is just creepy. You come across as being very adept at submersive persuasion. You are not sacrificing a dang thing. You are an adult that has had an ongoing relationship with a child for over a year. Not only that, but you KNEW her parents would object. You kept it a secret from them for all that time.

Get over yourself. Leave the child alone. You have no business having a relationship with her. You have no legal right to have a relationship with her. Her parents have no reason, legal or moral, to compromise with you to generate a happy outcome for you.

Go away and leave the child alone. I'm sure you'll recover. Most do. Those that don't? Well, they have other, deep seeded issues that need to be dealt with and they usually wind up in prison.

I like how sensible you sound...minus the apparent anger at me. I understand what you're saying and I realize you really pulled for trying to talk some sense into me there. I'll take what you said to heart...However I'd like to ask. Do you really feel it's completely absurd for me to hope to stay friends with her at this point? Or are her parents being completely reasonable regardless of any outside factors?

You'll have to forgive me it's still a bit early. So not a morning person.
Oh, and could you define 'submersive persuasion' for me? Never came across that one before.

Thanks in advance!

[seniorjudge]

Q: Do you really feel it's completely absurd for me to hope to stay friends with her at this point? Or are her parents being completely reasonable regardless of any outside factors?

A: Yes and yes.


Pedophiles don't do good in the clink....

[Calintz63]

Q: Do you really feel it's completely absurd for me to hope to stay friends with her at this point? Or are her parents being completely reasonable regardless of any outside factors?

A: Yes and yes.


Pedophiles don't do good in the clink....

I see...Well, I think I've pretty much gotten all the answers I needed at this point. I'll give this all a lot of thought...Perhaps I'll get back to you all as to how things go. Thanks again for all of your help.
...I realize from one perspective I'm a creepy ADULT trying to 'get with' a minor, but that's really not the case. There's probably little I could do to defend myself on that, but I really do care for this girl. I have not and do not plan to cross the line and engage in any sort of sexual acts with her at this time or anytime soon for certain, and I honestly would be perfectly content just being allowed to be her friend at this point. The age difference hardly matters realistically. It's almost strictly a legal issue, which is what really bothers me about all of this.

And I am not by any means a pedophile-_-

[mommyof4]

Sorry, submersive was a typo. It's supposed to be subVersive.

subˈversive [-siv] adjective

likely to destroy or overthrow (government, discipline in a school etc)
Example: That boy is a subversive influence in this class.

And:

perˈsuasion [-ʒən] noun

the act of persuading
Example: He gave in to our persuasion and did what we wanted him to do.

In other words, you're a sly one, aren't you?

You insist that you are just a really great guy and that it would hurt her more (and possibly the family because you wouldn't be too hapy with them either) if they had to take any legal action to keep you away. You put the responsibiltiy of your actions (or inactions, as the case may be) on her parents' shoulders, and therefore hers, and make THEM the bad guys when you don't do what they have the legal right to demand that you do. I'm sure you just let her 'own' her own feelings about this. No helpful support from you in validating those feelings or just hinting, ever so subtley, how she will feel, hmmm?

In answer to your question of how reasonable I feel their reaction may be? Well, it's really not relevant, but no, I don't think they are unreasonable based on the fact that you have already shown that you have no issue with sneaking around to get what you want. Why would they trust you? Because they found out the truth and you have nothing left to hide? It doesn't work that way.

[Calintz63]

Sorry, submersive was a typo. It's supposed to be subVersive.

And:

In other words, you're a sly one, aren't you?

You insist that you are just a really great guy and that it would hurt her more (and possibly the family because you wouldn't be too hapy with them either) if they had to take any legal action to keep you away. You put the responsibiltiy of your actions (or inactions, as the case may be) on her parents' shoulders, and therefore hers, and make THEM the bad guys when you don't do what they have the legal right to demand that you do. I'm sure you just let her 'own' her own feelings about this. No helpful support from you in validating those feelings or just hinting, ever so subtley, how she will feel, hmmm?

In answer to your question of how reasonable I feel their reaction may be? Well, it's really not relevant, but no, I don't think they are unreasonable based on the fact that you have already shown that you have no issue with sneaking around to get what you want. Why would they trust you? Because they found out the truth and you have nothing left to hide? It doesn't work that way.

I'm clever and smart, yes, the kind of person who should definitely know better than to get involved in something like this...However I have, and no I don't indulge in deceiving people at all. Unless I feel pinned with no options I would always choose being honest over trying to gain some sort of false power through manipulating people or lying simply to protect myself or my desires...Maybe not always for that last part. I do like getting what I want, of course, and maybe I would be willing to be a little deceptive to get it, but I don't think I'm alone on that--and nonetheless I do have limits. I wouldn't screw other people over just to get my way or anything of that sort.

I'm not trying to put her parents in a difficult situation in which they either are forced to allow us to keep in contact or take legal action and have a daughter who hates them forever. I'm not going to let that happen, I'd sooner let go then push until they contact the police, as that would leave the worst turn out for everyone involved. I only meant that taking legal action would be reckless on their part, as it is not necessary, since I will not let things go to that.

She's young, yes, but she's a person. It's not like everything she feels is far too immature and naive to ever be taken seriously. Of course I'm supportive of her. I am not by any means the controlling type, although it may seem otherwise from my wording through this thread, regrettably. I never pressure her into anything, and especially right now I'm doing everything I can to handle the bulk of this situation including talking with her parents and researching what exactly my options are, as I honestly did not have much grasp at all of how far the law extended.

And I have to agree with you on your last points. I really did not like the idea of sneaking around as we did, and I in fact did have issues with it...but we both felt we had no choice--although I realize because I'm the magic number 18 the responsibility of the decision falls completely unto me. Which is fine, I'd gladly take any and all blame for this than allow any of it to be placed on her. I mean that. At the same time we are in this together though.

At this point all I can really do is hope I can somehow gain their trust, but as you said they have no reason to. It tears me apart knowing that I may have screwed up any hope of even talking to her.

I can tell you have a fairly little opinion of me, but I can't blame you at all. Especially if you're a mother as your name implies. You'll have to forgive me for kind of rambling here...it helps me think sometimes.

I'd really like to thank you though, you've been the most helpful in this thread so far. Although I do appreciate any and all advice given.

[miltowngirl]

"conversate"????Will someone please tell me who in the blankety blank blank came up with this word?!?

excuse me? blankety blank blank? what do you mean by that>?

[demartian]

excuse me? blankety blank blank? what do you mean by that>?

Circa 1970's (or maybe earlier): Let's not get in trouble by actually cursing and do instead what the censors do, just blank out the curse words.

[candykidd15]

i understand ur problem a little bit. i am a 15 year old girl who wishes to date an 18 year old. from any of your research have you found out if it is legal for me and the guy i like to date? i am not allowed to date til i am 16 so we would wait til then, but that is just a couple months away.

[cbg]

You are a 15 year old girl who needs to learn (1) a little patience and (2) how to read the dates on a thread. This thread is from 2007 and I doubt if the poster is coming back to respond.