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Another Adult/Minor Story

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  • Another Adult/Minor Story

    Alright, I have somewhat of a problem.

    My girlfriend and I have been together for just over 6 months now and known each other over a year and a half. I'm 18 she's 15. Up until recently our relationship has been kept a secret from her parents, knowing full well they wouldn't approve.

    Her parents now know about it though, and are trying to force us to cut everything off between each other until she is 18. As in, not even talking with one another.

    I'm willing to wait until she is 18 to be with her, but neither of us want to wait the 2 and a half years to be together, much less talk to each other. Assuming we haven't and have no intention of engaging in any sort of sexual acts to any degree with each other until she is 18, can her parents really cut us off completely like this?

    They've threatend to call the police on me as well if we didn't stop contacting each other, and I'm wondering if the police could actually do anything considering the only thing that can be proven at all is that we've talked to each other (somewhat excessively).

    Naturally I would like to continue seeing her. Is this possible without any legal action being taken against me? From what I gather a case could be built against me fairly easily even if we never committed any sexual acts together, and if nothing else a restraining order could be filed...Would her parents really not need anything against me to file a restraining order? And would that disallow me to even talk to her if one was made?

    I realize the general advice is that "if we really love each other it's best to wait until she's 18," but that's just not as easy as so many very lonely people who've been in far too many failed relationships for their own good seem to think it is. Any help would be appreciated. I'd like to know what risks I'm taking before I continue any further.

    Oh...and one last thing. It's my understanding that seeing her without her parents permission could also warrant for legal action to be taken against me, right? Does that apply even if it were at a public place sort of thing?

    Thanks again to any who help!
    Last edited by Calintz63; 10-10-2007, 07:23 AM.

  • #2
    until she is 18 her parents have complete control over who she has contact with. they can file a restraining order against you to keep you away from her

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    • #3
      her parents have all the say in what she does. you may sit down and conversate over the situation with her parents but if it fails do as they say.
      war with yourself causes war with others

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      • #4
        Originally posted by miltowngirl View Post
        her parents have all the say in what she does. you may sit down and conversate over the situation with her parents but if it fails do as they say.

        "conversate"????Will someone please tell me who in the blankety blank blank came up with this word?!?
        "When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice."
        Joseph Louis Lagrange

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        • #5
          Originally posted by it's eme View Post
          "conversate"????Will someone please tell me who in the blankety blank blank came up with this word?!?

          The other annoying mutilation of English...: Dose = does ; axed = asked ; figer= figure; libary = library
          Last edited by demartian; 10-11-2007, 01:14 PM. Reason: Taking out direct insults from posts
          Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

          Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

          Bay

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          • #6
            I realize it's best to wait until she's 18 if I don't want to get in trouble. I'm wondering what kind of trouble I could get in if we get caught basically. Realizing I obviously would really need to get caught. I would never need to stop and state my name and age to anyone. It's not like I look older than her at all. 3 years just isn't that big of a difference at this point honestly.

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            • #7
              Depending on what you get caught doing you could face jail or a lifetime of registering as a sex offender
              http://www.parentnook.com/forum/

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Calintz63 View Post
                I realize it's best to wait until she's 18 if I don't want to get in trouble. I'm wondering what kind of trouble I could get in if we get caught basically. Realizing I obviously would really need to get caught. I would never need to stop and state my name and age to anyone. It's not like I look older than her at all. 3 years just isn't that big of a difference at this point honestly.
                Possible criminal charges : Parental Interference and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.

                Possible civil actions : A CRO that would be in affect until the child is 18.

                There is a HUGE difference between 15 and 18,,,HUGE! You are an adult and she is a child.

                The difference between 21 and 24 is minor...
                Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

                Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

                Bay

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Baystategirl View Post
                  Possible criminal charges : Parental Interference and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.

                  Possible civil actions : A CRO that would be in affect until the child is 18.

                  There is a HUGE difference between 15 and 18,,,HUGE! You are an adult and she is a child.

                  The difference between 21 and 24 is minor...
                  Legally yes, there is a huge difference. However on any other level there is not.

                  Unfortunately the legal part is the only part that matters. Disregards my intentions, disregards the type of person I am, disregards everything except the fact that I'm just a little too old. Kind of a shame. It isn't that her parents feel I'm a bad influence, or using their daughter in some way, or at all a bad guy. If anything I keep her out of harms way and out of trouble. They're just completely fixated on the legal part of it and do not care who I am at all. Sounds cheesy in the eyes of the law but I don't agree with completely disregarding humanity to follow a rule. Quite obviously I suppose. Anyway, I could pointlessly defend myself all day.

                  Thank you for your insight and the information though!

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                  • #10
                    I did a little research on restraining orders in California and it does not appear one could successfully be put against me. I have in no way threatend or abused her in any way. I'm not remotely controlling nor could I be considered a danger at all.

                    Could anyone tell me if a restraining order is really a possibility? If it isn't, assuming I never engage in any physical acts with her with not even so much as kissing, can her parents really still keep me from speaking to her/seeing her?

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                    • #11
                      a restraining order is completely possible in the case of an adult/minor. The parents have the right to say who she can see. It's that simple. The courts will 99.99999999% of the time side with them. If you continue to see their daughter, they can consider that stalking/abuse and most certainly ask for one. They can also make life MISERABLE for her- no phone, internet, tv, friends, etc for going behind their backs.
                      Maybe the parents know that if ANYONE turned you all in and they were caught condoning a relationship between the 2 of you they would not only risk child services all over them, but possible charges and jail time.

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                      • #12
                        Oh, I didn't even think about it that way. Which is rare...

                        I did a little more research into it. You're right a restraining order is completely possible, and likely if they catch us in contact again.

                        I suppose I have no choice. It's best to just let go... >.>

                        Slim chance anyone would let the story end there.
                        If I really cared about her I'd do everything I could to at the very least keep in contact with her. The waiting thing until she's 18 to have a relationship I can do. However not even talking to her is too much. I'll try to find a way, legally I hope. She's one of maybe two people in my life I'd do anything for...completely cutting my ties with her would shake my world way too much. I'll check back for any other hints or advice for that, thanks again for all the help!

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                        • #13
                          my only suggestion would be to schedule a meeting with the parents without her there to discuss things. tell them that you respect their wishes that you not have a relationship until she is 18. Tell them you would like very much to be allowed to be her friend. Ask them if you could visit with her in their home, with them present. Then, do NOT break their trust. If they say- only contact is fri from 6-9 in our home - then that's it. Maybe eventually if it's true they will let you work up to taking her to dinner or a movie, but do not rush it and do not push it. Remember- if they give you anything it is way more than they have to

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                          • #14
                            If you really cared about her you'd be more concerned about her than with yourself. You'd be concerned about her relationship with her parents for the next three years, not your selfish desire to do what YOU want regardless of its effect on her.

                            There is NOTHING in the law that is going to force her parents to allow her to have any contact with you if they don't want her to.
                            The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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                            • #15
                              I have been trying to reason with her parents on my own without crossing the line, seeming desperate, or getting on their nerves, to try to compensate somehow, but so far I haven't had much luck. Thanks for the suggestion though Milspecgirl. I really don't want to cross the line anymore than I already have, I would not push for any more than they willingly gave behind their backs. If they give nothing at all though I'm not entirely sure I would be able to completely abide by that. As much as I'd like to...

                              Originally posted by cbg View Post
                              If you really cared about her you'd be more concerned about her than with yourself. You'd be concerned about her relationship with her parents for the next three years, not your selfish desire to do what YOU want regardless of its effect on her.

                              There is NOTHING in the law that is going to force her parents to allow her to have any contact with you if they don't want her to.
                              Yes, that last point has been driven home very clearly. Seems unfair for a person to have no control over who they can contact, but I do understand those laws are put in place for good reason.

                              I get the feeling you don't like people in my situation at all, so you're probably somewhat biased, and rightfully so. I don't much like people in my situation either. I'm openly hypocritical about that.

                              I assure you I'm way more concerned for her than I am for myself. I really just wanted to understand what my risks were, which was why I posted this at a forum that seems to sort of deal with legal issues as opposed to a site for emotional aid for myself.

                              I've told her parents that I understand why they're doing what they're doing, and I really honestly do. I'd probably act similarly if it were my daughter (I do not have one, this is hypothetical) in question. I have kept in minimal contact with her as well, and I've told her not to be angry with her parents about all of this. I don't think her relationship with her parents is being threatend at all from this, she's just upset with them right now. Understandably so...

                              She would definitely bare more lasting resentment if the police were involved and anything happened to me, but her parents should really know better than to do that anyway. The police are not necessary. I'm sacrificing quite a bit and trying to be as reasonable as possible, if they disregarded my best attempts to handle this situation I wouldn't be too happy with them myself.

                              Thanks again for your input. It's always nice to hear all view points.
                              Last edited by Calintz63; 10-11-2007, 07:43 AM.

                              Comment

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