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  • Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

    Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a new
    thread -- it looks like we need one!

    DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring breaks.
    Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken
    without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March,
    we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-)

    Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am
    supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this year,
    and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the
    kids, or let the kids go with us.

    DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't
    know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation each
    year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean), but... I
    still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they
    feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years. Part
    of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant
    amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't
    be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd
    like to do it.

    Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you
    consider too much?

    Sheila



  • #2
    Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

    "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
    Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a new thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring breaks. Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this year, and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation each year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean), but... I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years. Part of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much? Sheila
    we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all


    Comment


    • #3
      Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

      "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message
      news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
      Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a new thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring breaks. Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this year, and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation each year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean), but... I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years. Part of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much? Sheila
      we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all


      Comment


      • #4
        Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?


        "jwb" <[email protected]> wrote in message
        news:[email protected]
        "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
        Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a
        new
        thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring
        breaks.
        Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this
        year,
        and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation
        each
        year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean),
        but...
        I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years.
        Part
        of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would
        you
        consider too much? Sheila we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all
        pppphhhhtttttt.

        Sheila


        Comment


        • #5
          Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?


          "jwb" <[email protected]> wrote in message
          news:[email protected]
          "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
          Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a
          new
          thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring
          breaks.
          Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this
          year,
          and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation
          each
          year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean),
          but...
          I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years.
          Part
          of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would
          you
          consider too much? Sheila we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all
          pppphhhhtttttt.

          Sheila


          Comment


          • #6
            Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

            WhansaMi wrote:
            "jwb" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
            "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
            Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a
            new
            thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring
            breaks.
            Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this
            year,
            and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation
            each
            year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean),
            but...
            I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if
            they
            feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years.
            Part
            of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I
            shouldn't
            be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would
            you
            consider too much? Sheila we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all pppphhhhtttttt. Sheila
            What you both SHOULD feel guilty about is never looking within! You'll
            never know what's in there. (or maybe you don't want to)


            Comment


            • #7
              Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

              WhansaMi wrote:
              "jwb" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
              "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:WVkxe.347$%[email protected]
              Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a
              new
              thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring
              breaks.
              Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this
              year,
              and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation
              each
              year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean),
              but...
              I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if
              they
              feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years.
              Part
              of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I
              shouldn't
              be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would
              you
              consider too much? Sheila we never take the kids. I don't feel guilty about it at all pppphhhhtttttt. Sheila
              What you both SHOULD feel guilty about is never looking within! You'll
              never know what's in there. (or maybe you don't want to)


              Comment


              • #8
                Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                On 2005-07-02, WhansaMi <[email protected]> wrote:

                <Snip>
                Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much?
                Well, I used to resent not being alone with my wife on vacations, but I
                came to realize that I'm probably going to be married to my wife for 50 to
                60 years, and they will be living with us for about 20. After that we can
                go on vacation alone as many times as we want. I don't mind taking the
                kids on vacation with us. As a matter of fact, we took our kids on our
                15th anniversary cruise up the coast of New England, and they had a blast
                (as did we).

                The only problem I would see is if your DH resented it. This has to be, I
                believe, a team effort.

                -Tony

                --
                "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
                to fertilize your lawn!"
                Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
                Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                  On 2005-07-02, WhansaMi <[email protected]> wrote:

                  <Snip>
                  Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much?
                  Well, I used to resent not being alone with my wife on vacations, but I
                  came to realize that I'm probably going to be married to my wife for 50 to
                  60 years, and they will be living with us for about 20. After that we can
                  go on vacation alone as many times as we want. I don't mind taking the
                  kids on vacation with us. As a matter of fact, we took our kids on our
                  15th anniversary cruise up the coast of New England, and they had a blast
                  (as did we).

                  The only problem I would see is if your DH resented it. This has to be, I
                  believe, a team effort.

                  -Tony

                  --
                  "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
                  to fertilize your lawn!"
                  Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
                  Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                    WhansaMi wrote:
                    Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a new thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring breaks. Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this year, and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation each year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean), but... I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years. Part of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much?
                    It's hard to say. We don't have anyone to look after our kids when we go on
                    holiday so it's rare for us to take more than a weekend without them. Also,
                    we can usually only afford one expensive holiday each year so it would seem
                    unfair not to take the kids with us, plus we like having them with us so
                    it's not like we're desperate for couple time.

                    What we're trying to arrange at the moment is a 4-6 week holiday on another
                    continent this time next year so we're saving up money and time-off-work for
                    that. I guess that in your situation I would enjoy being able to take
                    holidays just with my husband and not feel guilty about it at all! Maybe
                    you could offer to swap some kid-time with your ex another part of the year
                    so you don't feel as if the kids aren't having enough time with you?

                    I'd suggest you talk to your kids about this but if they are anything like
                    mine you'd get thoroughly guilted by their desire to go on holiday with you!

                    Tai


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                      WhansaMi wrote:
                      Well, I'm struggling with something right now, and thought I'd start a new thread -- it looks like we need one! DH and I have taken vacations without the kids the last two spring breaks. Our first one (2004) was really the first real vacation we'd ever taken without the kids (five days), and I felt guilty about it. This past March, we took the whole thing (eight days)... but, I felt less guilty. ;-) Now DH is planning for next spring. I talked to the ex (with whom I am supposed to alternate spring breaks, and he had the kids all of this year, and half of last year) and he said he'll do whatever we want -- keep the kids, or let the kids go with us. DH wants just the two of us to go together. I feel guilty. I really don't know why. It isn't like we don't take the kids on one good vacation each year (the first week in August we are all going to the Caribbean), but... I still feel guilty leaving them behind. Part of it is that I wonder if they feel abandoned, especially since we've done this the last two years. Part of it, I suppose, is some sense that since DH and I have a significant amount of time together while the kids are over at their dad's, I shouldn't be taking EXTRA time away. Part of it, I'm sure, is just guilt that I'd like to do it. Do you guys take trips as couple, alone, without the kids? What would you consider too much?
                      It's hard to say. We don't have anyone to look after our kids when we go on
                      holiday so it's rare for us to take more than a weekend without them. Also,
                      we can usually only afford one expensive holiday each year so it would seem
                      unfair not to take the kids with us, plus we like having them with us so
                      it's not like we're desperate for couple time.

                      What we're trying to arrange at the moment is a 4-6 week holiday on another
                      continent this time next year so we're saving up money and time-off-work for
                      that. I guess that in your situation I would enjoy being able to take
                      holidays just with my husband and not feel guilty about it at all! Maybe
                      you could offer to swap some kid-time with your ex another part of the year
                      so you don't feel as if the kids aren't having enough time with you?

                      I'd suggest you talk to your kids about this but if they are anything like
                      mine you'd get thoroughly guilted by their desire to go on holiday with you!

                      Tai


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?


                        "Tai" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                        news:[email protected]
                        It's hard to say. We don't have anyone to look after our kids when we go
                        on
                        holiday so it's rare for us to take more than a weekend without them.
                        Also,
                        we can usually only afford one expensive holiday each year so it would
                        seem
                        unfair not to take the kids with us, plus we like having them with us so it's not like we're desperate for couple time.
                        Yeah... one condition would be that we'd have to plan a good trip with them
                        over the summer. I wouldn't be able to do it without that.
                        What we're trying to arrange at the moment is a 4-6 week holiday on
                        another
                        continent this time next year so we're saving up money and time-off-work
                        for
                        that. I guess that in your situation I would enjoy being able to take holidays just with my husband and not feel guilty about it at all! Maybe you could offer to swap some kid-time with your ex another part of the
                        year
                        so you don't feel as if the kids aren't having enough time with you?
                        We usually have them the week after Christmas to go skiing. The ex has, the
                        last couple of years, gone away himself that week, so I guess that is the
                        same thing.

                        I read my post to DH. He points out that, if we don't take a trip together,
                        he probably won't take that week off. He says that he likes having two
                        trips a year, as it gives him some down time spaced out through the year.
                        He points out (correctly) that it is much less relaxing with the kids than
                        alone. I try to build in things that the kids want to do, and these aren't
                        necessarily activities that we'd do without them. Also, I'm always buzzing
                        about, trying to make sure that everyone is safe and happy and accounted
                        for, which makes him anxious. Generally, while a family vacation is fun, it
                        is not relaxing.

                        So, which continent are you headed to?
                        I'd suggest you talk to your kids about this but if they are anything like mine you'd get thoroughly guilted by their desire to go on holiday with
                        you!
                        Tai
                        DD, yes. DS, no. He's a homebody. He'd rather be home than anywhere on a
                        vacation.

                        Sheila


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?


                          "Tai" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                          news:[email protected]
                          It's hard to say. We don't have anyone to look after our kids when we go
                          on
                          holiday so it's rare for us to take more than a weekend without them.
                          Also,
                          we can usually only afford one expensive holiday each year so it would
                          seem
                          unfair not to take the kids with us, plus we like having them with us so it's not like we're desperate for couple time.
                          Yeah... one condition would be that we'd have to plan a good trip with them
                          over the summer. I wouldn't be able to do it without that.
                          What we're trying to arrange at the moment is a 4-6 week holiday on
                          another
                          continent this time next year so we're saving up money and time-off-work
                          for
                          that. I guess that in your situation I would enjoy being able to take holidays just with my husband and not feel guilty about it at all! Maybe you could offer to swap some kid-time with your ex another part of the
                          year
                          so you don't feel as if the kids aren't having enough time with you?
                          We usually have them the week after Christmas to go skiing. The ex has, the
                          last couple of years, gone away himself that week, so I guess that is the
                          same thing.

                          I read my post to DH. He points out that, if we don't take a trip together,
                          he probably won't take that week off. He says that he likes having two
                          trips a year, as it gives him some down time spaced out through the year.
                          He points out (correctly) that it is much less relaxing with the kids than
                          alone. I try to build in things that the kids want to do, and these aren't
                          necessarily activities that we'd do without them. Also, I'm always buzzing
                          about, trying to make sure that everyone is safe and happy and accounted
                          for, which makes him anxious. Generally, while a family vacation is fun, it
                          is not relaxing.

                          So, which continent are you headed to?
                          I'd suggest you talk to your kids about this but if they are anything like mine you'd get thoroughly guilted by their desire to go on holiday with
                          you!
                          Tai
                          DD, yes. DS, no. He's a homebody. He'd rather be home than anywhere on a
                          vacation.

                          Sheila


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                            "Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in message
                            news:[email protected] ink.net...
                            What you both SHOULD feel guilty about is never looking within!
                            Ok, I'm gonna put you on the spot, Bill.

                            *exactly* what do you mean by "looking within"

                            Don't dodge it. Explain it to me



                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Trips without the kids -- should I feel guilty?

                              "Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in message
                              news:[email protected] ink.net...
                              What you both SHOULD feel guilty about is never looking within!
                              Ok, I'm gonna put you on the spot, Bill.

                              *exactly* what do you mean by "looking within"

                              Don't dodge it. Explain it to me



                              Comment

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