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Newbie asks: "Is this fair?"

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  • Newbie asks: "Is this fair?"

    [email protected] (whitsunmorn) wrote in message news:<[email protected] com>...

    My friends have told me that if my fiance really loves me, he should renegotiate his contract with his employer so that we're placed at least closer to my parents, if nothing else. Many of them - particularly the ones who have lived in Alaska - have told me quite honestly that they don't think it will work. My fiance is so excited about Alaska - he really thinks that he will love it there, and is making all kinds of plans to do outdoorsy things that I cannot participate in (camping, fishing, hiking). I want to tell him, "Please, don't leave me behind, you're the only thing I have!" but that seems so needy. I just don't know what is fair in this situation. I don't want to marry this wonderful man only to end up making both of us miserable. Does anyone have any insight? lisa

    I suggest you postpone the wedding for a few years, until he gets
    transferred out of Alaska.

    I had a similar situation with the man I dated for 4 years before I
    met my DF. We talked about marriage but we couldn't get on the same
    page about where to live. I am a city gal, and I am grounded where I
    am until my kids are 18. He was willing to make the sacrifice and live
    in the city until then, but his heart will always belong in the
    country. He wanted us to move there after the kids were 18 and retire
    someplace remote.

    Eventually I realized that if I really loved this man, I wouldn't
    stand in the way of his dream. He'd be miserable in the city. I'd be
    miserable in the country. There was no compromise in sight. So we
    ended the relationship. There's no way either of us would've been
    happy.

    I don't regret that decision. DF and I are completely on the same page
    when it comes to geography and lifestyle. It *does* make a difference,
    and it *is* important.

    jen

  • #2
    Newbie asks: &quot;Is this fair?&quot;

    shinypenny <[email protected]> wrote:
    [email protected] (whitsunmorn) wrote in message
    news:<[email protected] com>...
    My friends have told me that if my fiance really loves me, he should renegotiate his contract with his employer so that we're placed at least closer to my parents, if nothing else. Many of them - particularly the ones who have lived in Alaska - have told me quite honestly that they don't think it will work. My fiance is so excited about Alaska - he really thinks that he will love it there, and is making all kinds of plans to do outdoorsy things that I cannot participate in (camping, fishing, hiking). I want to tell him, "Please, don't leave me behind, you're the only thing I have!" but that seems so needy. I just don't know what is fair in this situation. I don't want to marry this wonderful man only to end up making both of us miserable. Does anyone have any insight? lisa
    I suggest you postpone the wedding for a few years, until he gets transferred out of Alaska.
    I agree.

    Comment

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