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he's raped his kids, now he beats the mother. he's always cheated...

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  • he's raped his kids, now he beats the mother. he's always cheated...

    I found this forum in doing a query for help for abuse victims. I/We/This family really needs it. I saw some of the replies by that elklaw guy, a senior member and was hoping he or someone with some wise advice would help. This is very long because i feel it's delicate and complicated and needed the extra explanation. But I would really appriciate it of those who possibly can read through the whole thing. thank you



    they used to be a beautiful family. or did they? domestic violence and abuse have become an epidemic in america today, how and why? why won't people see how crazy things are EVERYWHERE and stop being proud and self righteous so that they can see that this crazy stuff isn't just close to home but rather right in their home. And the reason it's there in their home is because they ignore it, pretending it isn't real or isn't a big deal, and in doing that they subscribe to the problem and continue the error pattern.

    To make this easier to understand, I will name the people in this story according to thier astrological sign.

    My wife to be, Sagittarius, is 26. Her younger sister, Libra, is 21, and the youngest sister, Gemini, is 19. Their father (Cancer) and mother (Virgo) have been married for 30something years, and also have been pastors of a well respected church for the the past 30years. One would look at this family and admire them because of how strong their bond with each other and love for each other illuminates. Many people are even jelouse of this family because it always appeared that they had so much. Many, many people love them, too, because they have pastored and helped so many people for so many years. None of the people in this family are ill-intensioned by nature. Cancer is a very gentle and generous yet very strong and strict type of man. Virgo has really, really always been perceived as a virtuous type woman, "the perfect wife". They both love their children very much. And they raised them wonderfully! They were fun-loving, cool parents but they were strict disciplinarians, too. From day one their children were groomed in being respectful and moral and good. And till this day people are pleased to know and meet their daughters because of how congenial they are. They are a very small and private family, they don't really have relationships with their extended family. Both parents themselves come from families of alcoholism, mollestation, domestic abuse, and more, they were ironically the blacksheep of their own families and outcasted.

    Cancer had began cheating early on in the marraige, but Virgo would not come to allow herself to see or believe such a truth for many, many, many years into their marriage (she still won't really let herself see the truth, but anyway). When Cancer and Virgo had thier first child, Sag, they needed more money so Cancer joined the navy. Apparently, when he came back from service (Sag was about 5 or 6yrs old) the big problems began. Cancer and Sag were always extremely close because they are so very much alike, freespirited and highly intellectual. Virgo mom was very conservative and domesticated, and was sort of outcasted from the adventurouse and strong bond that her husband and daughter shared because of it.

    If Cancer would have simply talked with his wife AT THAT POINT RIGHT THERE and told her whatever ways he felt about her or about anything or anyone else, the pattern would have been broken. But instead...

    Cancer made a big mistake in confiding in his 6 year old daughter, telling her about his problems with his wife (her mother). Their relationship grew stronger (because Sag was an awsomely intellegent kid, and very much an "old soul"). Cancer would confide in Sag and Sag in Cancer and the father and daughter would keep secrets from the Mother. But Sag is not to blame here SHE WAS 6!! As Sag got older and "matured", and as undercover problems in Cancer and Virgo's relationship grew, too, Cancer began subjecting Sag to his more complicated "in confidence" situations. He began taking young Sag along with him on his affairs with other women. She was manipulated and forced to be polite to these women. The affair women would buy her gifts on holidays and Cancer would tell Sag to say it was from a boyfriend. CLEARLY THIS CONFUSED MANIPULATING MAN WAS ONLY USING HIS DAUGHTER FOR AN ALIBY.



    Meanwhile, Virgo (still in denial that anything is actually wrong) was focused on remaining the perfect wife- a women who puts her husband first and her kids next.

    Cancer didn't seem to think he'd done enough so, when Sag turned 12, Cancer turned to her, his daughter, for an affair. Doesn't this sound like someone gone crazy to you? He began mollesting his daughter at 12, and continued to do it over, and over, and over, and over and over again and again until she turned 17.


    NOW ONE ASKS:
    "WHY DIDN'T VIRGO DO SOMETHING?"
    "WHY DIDN'T SAG GO TO MOM FOR HELP, WASN'T IT HAPPENING RIGHT IN HER HOUSE?"
    "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE NOTICE A CHANGE IN SAG AND SUSPECT SOMETHING WRONG?"

    1) Virgo was busy being the supportive, perfect wife who can see no wrong in her wonderful husband, and who puts her husband first and then her children.

    2) Also, (this is really terrible) Virgo began growing dislike, anger, spite, and jealousy for Sag when she was just 6 years old. She wasn't abusive or anything, it was just obviouse that this Mother was really jealouse of her SIX YEAR OLD becase she and her father were too close and she wasn't a part of that closeness. So Sag grew up confused by Mom anyway, thinking her mother hated her. And so of course, she didn't much like her mother then either but instead favored her father.

    3) And why didn't anyone notice SOMETHING???

    *** The classic answer for perfect wives that put their husbands first***

    MOM, said she never knew that it was going on

    I don't care what you women say, She knew he was hurting thier daughter. And most you women know what your husbands are doing to your children. And yet you still chase after them trying to win thier love and attention. You are sick with confusion if you think winning his love will make him stop or make him focus on you.
    Once you're to the point where you know he's doing wrong but you let him get away with it in hopes of ANYTHING, then you yourself have been wronged, taken, and raped, too. If you are letting him do it then you are helping him. How are you helping him? Because you give him a reward when he slithers back in bed with you, and then pretend everything is okay the next day. If he is doing it then he is sick and needs help that you CANNOT give. If you even allow him JUST ONE TIME to do it you have helped him hurt your daughter. And if you can't see how then this means you too are sick. Find comfort in seeking PROFESSIONAL help together.

    Understand that once he does that thing to your baby, it can never be un done to him/her. A part of that child dies when they go through that. Their innocence dies. And it is never their fault because YOU chose to bring them here, not any one esle. You Mothers, that child is yours, come here from you, for you to take care of, for You to PROTECT. It's never their fault if you got drunk and horny one night and made a baby. That's your fault for that desicion, now it becomes your job to give the the tools that will protect them and help them not make the same mistakes.

    IF THE CHILD'S PARENTS WILL NOT PROTECT THEM THEN WHERE WILL THEY GO FOR PROTECTION?

    It is not a child's responsibility to know about sex abuse, and how do deal with it. That's impossible! Yes, children are bright, intuitive, and seem mature at times. But all they really know about anything is what has been shown to them...
    The product your child becomes in life IS a direct reflection of what decisions you've made as a parent.


    Cancer eventually had to stop mollesting Sag because she got older and finally stood up for herself. But not before trying to tell her mom and her mom not believing her.

    Cancer never mollested the middle daughter, Libra. I had always believed it was because he had the oldest there to occupy him and thus no need for the other two yet.

    When Sag left the house for college. Cancer began mollesting his youngest daughter, Gemini. By this time Cancer had grown comfortable in this defile act and thus did more extreme things to the child he was now mollesting. Extreme things such as defile her not just with himself but also with fruit. He would try to get her to have 3somes with his friends. He did this with Sag also but not at the degree he did it with Gemini. Eventually, Libra also left for college and both sisters were out of the house leaving Gemini there alone with the parents. Sag wasn't aware of what was happening to Gemini because it didn't start until after she left for school. Gemini never told her. And this family is the best I've ever seen at painting pictures of perfection to hide things. They must have all been actors and actresses in other lifetimes.

    Sag and Libra found out what was going on with Gemini when they noticed her attraction to older men and how promiscuous she had become. For just as with most all mollestation victims, self destruction in form of promiscuity, drugs, or something come into their lives. The same happened to Sag so she knew the signs. When the sisters became aware they tried to take action. They had a family meeting/family explosion where the daughters tried to call Cancer out in front of Virgo. But Cancer, so manipulating and mischevious, was able somehow to turn the focus of the explosion off of himself and onto everyone else, without even admitting to anything. But that shouldn't matter that he didn't admitt. What should have mattered is that all three of Virgo's daughters brought this thing to her attention (esp. in such a way, with all of them together). But instead of doing something about it, they swept it under the rug and went back behind their "restrictions". Meanwhile, Gemini was still being abused, she was around 15 and allready was planning to get married so that she could get out of the house. Cancer being a "great" pastor and Virgo being co-pastor and as well, very business minded, their family has been fortunate and well to do. Thier children never really had a need to get a job for any purposes like putting money in the household. So, when Gemini started trying to get a job so she could get a liscence and work on getting away, Cancer convinced Virgo that she shouldn't get a job and that she shouldn't leave the house.

    Go figure. Now, little Gemini was different from the other two sisters in that she doesn't stay behind the restrictions of "hush-hush". She told people about her situation. Only problem was she didn't tell the right people. She would tell peers in order to gain popularity (i guess), but she didn't tell the right ones. However, her telling people about that got back to the family and started up another explosion. This time it made Gemini run away. Those loving and confused parents of hers were very worried and called the cops to come look for her. Gemini wound up running away with her 27 year old boyfriend at that time who she also confided in about her father. So he of course helped her run away. When the cops found Gemini with the boyfriend, those loving parents were expecting the cops to release Gemini back to them. But instead, and to their surprise, Gemini's boyfriend had told the cops all about what was told to him. Thus Cops took gemini and she stayed in a foster home for a little while.

    FROM THIS POINT ON, VIRGO BECOMES CANCERS RIGHT HAND MAN.

    Virgo mom tells Gemini to tell everyone that none of it was true and that she made it up because she was mad. Cancer had a court date behind all of this and needed his family to clear him of his charge of mollestation. Virgo succeeded in convincing her children that if they told the judge that they lied, then she would do something about the situation. So Geimini got on the stand and lied to everyone saying she made it all up. Then, arrogant Cancer, stood up and told Gemini (in front of the whold court) "I think you owe me an apology". Hurt and Stunned, Gemini gave him his apology. And then he said "I can't hear you". So he makes her do it again.

    Virgo never winds up doing anything after that but buying her childrens attention away from that problem. Cancer didn't mollest Gemini anymore, though, so I guess Virgo felt she didn't really have to do anything. She got her man back.

    Gemini, coming upon graduation from high school soon after that was pampered by her Virgo-pretend the problem never was and it will go away- Mother from there after. Gemini got a boyfriend around her age (actually 1 yr younger) she met at school and they really did fall in love. Funny thing about it is that she met him her senior year in HS. The fell in love toward the end of that year. She graduates HS and Virgo buys her a car finally. Her and her boyfriend are dating nicely. Sagittarius and myself leave the country for 4 months directly after her graduation and when we return, Gemini (18y/o) is getting married to that young man she met at school. Cancer and Virgo put together the whole wedding for the two kids, and even moved them into an apartment and paid thier rent for 1 year.

    okay, now to understand deeper why this is all funny you need to know this:
    Gemini had been trying to get married to someone since she was 15. She succeeded in getting many proposals along the way, too. Gemini attempted 3 additional times before succeeding with her now husband to get married. The ONLY reasons she didn't were because her parents didn't approve of the older man for two of the occasions. And for the third occasion, the guy was actually some pastor from Chicago she met online. They were going to let her marry him but he never showed up for the "meeting of the parents". Go Figure.


    Anyway, all the daughters are now growing up lovely considering their baggage. They are all with mates who genuinlely love them. All have either graduated college or are in now for graduate studies and doctorial studies. The daughters and their mates (us) have become "the family" to each other.

    ONly, there is still no peace. Now Cancer is an OPEN alcoholic. He was once a man who had never ever been in trouble with the law ever. And now Virgo is always having to call the cops on him. The reason peace won't come is because over and over again Virgo sacrifices everything just to win his love.

    IT'S CRAZY.

    We cry we hurt, it's crazy I'm tired of going through this. It's crazy, and I am not their off spring and I cannot be quiet much longer. For two years now, he's been beating her. This wasn't something he's always done. He's grown sloppy in his old age with his affairs, but he still has the gift of gab to some degree and is still able to convice the only one he needs to convince, lil' ol Virg.

    He Beats her, tears up her stuff, cuts her tires, pisses on her, cuts her neck and fingers, pushes her, and oh not to mention...
    The only justification he has to his anger (because he won't admit being an abuser) is because when Virgo was 15 she was dating this guy and the guy broke up with her on good terms. So one day, Virgo sees that guy on that HIGH SCHOOL Website where you reunite with old frineds and writes him a hello letter. Cancer finds the letter and from that point on has been accusing her of ALMOST having an affair and being in love with that guy she hasn't seen since she was 15.

    HE IS SICK SICK SICK.

    But she is SICK SICK SICK, too. Because instead of calling the cops or calling a mental institution (because clearly he's an alcohol and it's making things worse) she'll call and COMPLAIN to the cops. She'll cause a big seen, making everyone come to her rescue and see her a such the victim, and encourage her for finally making the right decision. She'll tell everyone that she's through and he can't come back till he get's himself together. and We are happy because we love them both dearly and just would like for them to please get some help. So we (daughters and mates for we are all one big family now for many years, and thus the only people really privy to what goes on) leave her in trust that she will get herself some help.

    We used to believe her in the beginning, rather.

    What we are really used to is after she's called the cops to come get him and we encourage and go about our way. she calls us feeling sorry about her decision because she doesn't want anything to happen to him. this is the man who when you were in the hospital about to die, he was caught on the phone telling one of his mistresses from the church that he hopes his wife dies so he can be with her. I won't even go into the crap he's got stacked up on him. She always gets him out is all i can say, even at the cost of herself.


    This problem has been escallating consistantly now for going on 3 years. They need help but they won't help themselves. We cannot get him committed because they say they need evidence of him threatening or doing something. The Virgo won't give them the evidence she has. The daughters don't want to rat him out about mollesting because they don't want to see him rot away in jail. I don't either. He needs help. Now it's to a point where she's called us to her rescue over and over, and bails him out every time. She's called a few times her family members to rescue her, but she turned on them too and bailed him out. (And by bailing him out i don't just mean getting him out of trouble. She goes so far as to tell any and every one's part to play in getting him "in trouble". The daughter called the cops on him one time and after she bailed him out, she kissed up to him and then told on her children. It was really rediculous. But she definitely did a good job of putting her husband first, if nothing else). She's the little girl who cries wolf only there really is a wolf. It's crazy.
    The Police in her county don't want to help her anymore. They are tired of her because she keeps rescuing him. The mental health ward won't take him because when he did make an attempt to get help, instead of supporting him and letting him stay where he was, she got a judge to allow him to stay with her and then he stopped going. He stopped drinking and was great for two whole weeks. Virgo messed that up. Now they won't take him. The mental ward at her local hospital won't keep him anymore. Because he recently went there (Because the cops wouldn't let him go to jail because he was diagnosed with a mental illness when he was being treated for those two weeks. But Virgo made him stop his treatments so he didn't get anywhere with the help he was getting. He was never admitted he was an alcoholic, he can't say it).

    When he went to the mental helth ward at the county hospital , everyone told the doctors there to be careful when listening to him. He tricks the doctors they told him. It's now in his file that he talks his way out of things. He tried to do that at the hospital and it didn't work. So he resorted to admitting little things to one of the "nurses" (please notice that he chose a nurse, a woman, to confide in. he is a womanizer if i haven't made that clear yet) at the hospital. The nurse told him that he should be under a jail and that his wife should have left him long ago. Cancer saw his plan didn't work to gain sympathy, so he then told Virgo that they were treating him badly at the hospital. So his little bull dog, Virgo, goes to the hospital and make a scene being mad and the staff and the staff releases him.

    Shortly after that they had to move into a new home. She of course thinks that with a change of scenery he will change. It's a beautiful house. But this will make the 6th time they have moved since i've known them. So, i know it will make no difference, the move, but she conviced herself that either there would be change or he would not be there. Yeah right, the just moved there. It hasn't been a month yet. Jun 1 they moved.

    Last night, she called us telling us that she was on her way to the magistrates to have him arrested because he got drunk (AGAIN), said all types of terrible things to her (AGAIN), beat her up very badly (AGAIN).
    Only this time the cops didn't help her. They told her they wouldn't put him in jail. They took him to the only place they could, back to the Hospital's mental ward, and they released him that night. NOw she can't do anything

    The reason I wrote this is because the Daughters are finally standing up to him for themselves and not just being nice acting like nothing is wrong. They are taking stands and we all need help in this. We don't know what to do next. Everyone is angry and tired and sick of this. None of us want to deal with this because Virgo keeps herself in this situation. But we don't want them to kill each other. And they have tried.

    It is already to the point where Virgo puts things in Cancer's food to calm him. It's only a matter of time before it rat poison or something. He tried to kill her before. He slit her gas cord on her car. He's taken the bolts off of her car tire. That was enough, but even still he does things that show he wants her dead. He sais he wants her dead.

    If I call the cops and tell on them then I have to have people to admitt. That's the whole problem. Virgo will sabotage anyone's attempt to tell on him/them. That's how she ran her family away when she called for their rescue. She's done it to her daughters. And it's way too sensitive a situation for me to act impulsively. Or at least I feel like it is. I fear that everyone will not know how to stand up for themselves and admitt the wrong that's been done to them. The daughters, of course, need a lot of counseling, too.

    someone please help

    my email is : [email protected]

  • #2
    If you must report, call DCF to report on the oldest who was molested. It may be possible for them to speak with the child. The issue then is statute of limitations for criminal prosecution, but then it will force an investigation and possibly the other kids can get out of the home and the mother will be forced to snap out of denial, or face losing the kids as they are placed in foster care or with other relatives. Be careful, however. Make sure you have somethign to back up the report as good faith reporting.

    Comment


    • #3
      Standing up

      Please correct me if I am wrong, but are all the children out of the house? If not the older sisters should file charges (the statues of limitations may have run out for Sag and Gemini) for the purpose of getting the younger siblings out of the house. He could molest them, as well as, other innocent children. There is definitely enough documentation to prove that BOTH the mother and the father are mentally disturbed and of the father molesting his daughters. The nurse that said he should be put under the jail could possibly testify to what he admitted to her. I am not an expert in the legal field, however, I know there is something that can be done for the remaining children in the home. Now, if there are NOT any remaining children in the home...let them go. I know they are the girl's parents, but by them participating in this madness they are only enabling them to continue. Their parents are TOXIC. Believe it or not all family is not GOOD family. It sounds as though the girls have done well for themselves despite the abuse from their father. They should run and don't look back. By their mother allowing the abuse to happen, she is just as responsible. A parent's main priority should ALWAYS be the welfare and safety of their children. First and foremost!!! The girls are in counseling I hope. They were able to move on with their lives and that is a blessing. There are others who cannot. Their parents are adults. They are not there parent's keeper. They cannot do for their mother what their mother fail to do for them...save her. You cannot help someone that do not want to be help. It seems as though their mother thrives in the situation that she is in. The girls should go on with their lives and be bless, stable, and happy. I truly wish them the best!!

      Comment

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