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Initial Restraining Order remains in spite of 'victims' request for dismissal

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  • Initial Restraining Order remains in spite of 'victims' request for dismissal

    New to the forum, new to the 'justice' system. Will try to make this as short as possible...
    My fiance and i were verbally arguing in the truck and she had been drinking. She jumped out of the truck as we were coming to a stop light. i pulled the truck over, got out, ran after her. As i grabbed her arm (apparently qualifies for 'Domestic Abuse') she tripped and fell. Meanwhile there was an independant third party person who thought he saw something going on. He gets out of his car and starts approaching me, claiming to make sure she was ok. Words exchanged, i approached him and punched him a couple times. Meanwhile I thought my fiance had run across the street to the gas station. drove over there, couldnt find her, the third party person drove to the gas station also, and I felt he was trying to run me over with his truck. I kicked his car door leaving a dent and broke his passenger window with my fist (14 stitches). Three full days in jail later, prior to my bond hearing, my fiance came to the courthouse in person, talked to the witness 'protection' person, gave a statement that she was NEVER abused, NEVER felt threatened, was NEVER hurt, had been drinking and fell on her own. When the third party person approached me she ran off because she thought it was two grown men who were gonna duke it out and didnt want to be around that. In actual court, she testified before the judge, saying we have a long, very loving relationship. She is an adult woman who, if felt threatened in any way by me WOULD ask for the restratining order to remain in place, however this is NOT the situation and in the best interest of the lives and children I have custody of (my previous 12-year marriage), she respectfully requested the restraining order to be lifted as she believes there is no threat or harm presented by me.

    The judge left the restraining order in place 'because there was a third party witness who stated i had pushed her down and was choking her'.

    So these ALLEGATIONS made by a third party, soon after his vehicle was damaged, has prevented the order from being lifted?

    My fiance now feels the only way in which she is a 'victim' is by the system who wont give a grown, adult woman, the option of whether or not she can communicate with the person she loves most in the world.

    I am taking full accountability for my wrong actions in damaging the vehicle, I understand I broke the law with those actions. My reason for posting here is solely to get any opinions, see if anyone else has had any similar suggestions, etc. in regards to finding a way to get this order lifted. Methods, wording, documented cases to reference, etc. We have been together for quite a while and have been living together. Its a huge inconvenience regarding bill paying, housework, childcare, etc besides the fact we both miss the hell out of each other.

    Thanks for reading - any helpful advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks.
    4
    Rely soley on advice of hired counsel
    100.00%
    4
    Continue seeking helpful suggestions and ideas from forums / research internet
    0.00%
    0
    Very discreetly maintain limited contact (both parties want to have contact)
    0.00%
    0
    Do something else. (do what??)
    0.00%
    0

  • #2
    It is very, very common for actual victims of domestic abuse, and I'm talking about individuals (both men and women) who routinely have to find new emergency rooms to go to because the health care professionals are getting suspicious of the number of times they "fell down the stairs" to request, when a restraining order is finally put into place, that it be lifted. How are the authorities to know the difference?

    BTW, I very strongly advise that you NOT follow the third item in your poll, no matter how much you both wish contact, unless you want to land in jail. And I am very, very serious about that.
    Last edited by cbg; 07-15-2009, 03:31 PM.
    The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

    Comment


    • #3
      First, I have never been in an abusive relationship so anything I am about to say I certainly am in no way trying to anger, disrespect, upset or belittle anyones circumstance in ANY way and I apologize in advance if that happens.

      You ask how are the authorities to know the difference? I would imagine the first time someone is at the doctors for 'falling down the stairs', the doctor would do a thorough, competent examination and the results would align with the persons primary complaint. If this happens again, a history develops which can then be used to establish a possible pattern that may indicate abuse.

      My problem with the system in our current example is that I have no criminal history, no history of violence, I am not a felon, other than a couple speeding tickets I have no record of any kind. I have managed to keep the same job with a major corporation in a severly churning computer-based field for the past 9 years. I volunteer a few hours a week in the community in positive ways. My fiance has spoken with the court's domestic abouse counsellor, written a letter to the D.A. and judge and spoke in front of the judge, all explaining she is NOT at any kind of risk and in fact the restraining order between us is only harming, not helping our relationship...

      What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Why is my fiance being victimized and punished for no reason. Why does her voice not get heard? This is an actual injustice and I dont know how to convince the judge to see the facts and the truth.

      Comment


      • #4
        I would imagine the first time someone is at the doctors for 'falling down the stairs', the doctor would do a thorough, competent examination and the results would align with the persons primary complaint.

        Exactly. You imagine. It's not always possible (in fact it is rarely possible) to prove conclusively that someone is a DV victim from a single instance, particularly when the alleged victim is swearing up and down that she is not. But the authorities know that it is very, very common for a DV victim to swear up down and sideways that no one hurt them, that they were injured by their own fault. They also know that quite often, the individual who is doing the beating is, on the surface, an upstanding individual with no history of criminal behavior.

        Don't misunderstand me. I am not accusing you. I am telling you that the authorities have seen the situation you describe many, many times before, but in many if not most cases it is the victim who is lying in her teeth, claiming that no one abused her when in fact she has been. If you are the exception, they have no way of divining that. The odds are not in your favor.
        The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

        Comment


        • #5
          My reason for posting here is solely to get any opinions, see if anyone else has had any similar suggestions, etc. in regards to finding a way to get this order lifted. Methods, wording, documented cases to reference, etc.

          Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate your insight.

          Comment


          • #6
            Go with option #1- Talk with a paid lawyer.

            Option #2 is not very accurate and while you may come to great sites like ours, other places can get you no where fast, if you're lucky. If you're not so lucky, you can get arrested and spend a while in jail.

            Option #3 puts you at serious risk of jail or prison. Neither place is a good place to be, I assure you.

            Option #4 is too broad. No one here can advise you better than a paid lawyer in this case. If both you and the plaintiff agree that it should be lifted the lawyer can help you get the paperwork done. Keep in mind that ANY contact with the plaintiff can get you in serious trouble.
            I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
            Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
            I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
            Don't worry, be happy.

            http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

            Comment

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