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  • Looking for answers New Jersey

    I have a restraining order against my ex. I am a single mother who lives in a 4 room, 2 bedroom small apartment in NJ. My two boys ages 16 & 11 share a bedroom. They have two seperate beds. My kids told me the other day that my ex was telling them that we should get a bigger apartment because we
    (my boys & I) should live better, and they should not be sharing a bedroom. He told them for about $100.00 more I can get a bigger apartment. That is untrue I already pay $1000.00 for my apartment and haven't seen anything cheaper than $1500.00 for something a little bigger. Besides that I cannot afford anymore. He rents a house and has the help of his wife to pay, together they make 125,000 a year,while I only make 29,999. he doesn't know what it is like to struggle. I looked everywhere and even called the court for answers. They told me it was a legal question but if I call my lawyer for answers.I get a bill. Does anyone know the laws for boys that age sharing a room. Are they permitted to do so? When I was in court three years ago the judge knew and didn't say anything. Does it matter now. Am I going to have get an apartment I cannot afford? Please help. Thanks

  • #2
    Yes, they are allowed to share a room. If your ex thinks you should live in a bigger place, perhaps he would be willing to donate to the cause or have his child support raised so that his sons can live in an apartment he finds acceptable.

    Don't worry about what he says, except for the fact that he is purposely trying to harm your relationship with your sons.

    Relax.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you, I feel the same way. I wasn't sure if the oldest was too old to be in the room with my younger son.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Helping Hand View Post
        Thank you, I feel the same way. I wasn't sure if the oldest was too old to be in the room with my younger son.
        Nope.

        If they were of the opposite sex, while it still would not be illegal, I would advise that they not share a room at their ages. However, as they are both boys, big deal. What does one have that the other hasn't ever seen?

        Do either of your sons play sports? If so, does Dad think that they should have seperate locker rooms?
        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
        (unique up on him)
        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
        (same way)

        Comment


        • #5
          From someone who shared a room with three older siblings and two cousins at various points during my childhood, we all turned out just fine.

          Be open with them, maybe let them search for apartments in the paper and take a look at a few of them together. Also, teach them about the responsibility of finishing off a lease once it is in effect and the major costs involved if the lease was broken. Not to mention all the costs of moving. Could be a good life finance lesson.

          My son is a cub scout and one of his projects is that he needs to budget our meals for a month. It is certainly an eye-opener when they realize how much basic life things cost.

          Comment


          • #6
            Pas

            Sounds like a little Parent Alienation Syndrome. Most often the female is guilty of this. Using your children as pawns and putting down the X in front of them is wrong. These kids deserve better from him, and if you have been guilty of any bashing you should quit as well. This is abusive and needs to stop. I agree if he doesn't like their space, then ask him to help with you getting more. That doesn't mean give them to him. Though I am sure from what you say he may not be above bribery.

            Comment


            • #7
              She has a restraining order against him, so I can assume he is physically abusive and is probably just trying to continue mentally abusing her now. Don't believe anything he says, you will do just fine on your own.

              Comment


              • #8
                If your ex is dumb enough to put that in writing, you might be able to use that the next time CS is modified. I can imagine that would be a big surprise,

                "Your honor, my ex's CS should be increased so that we can move to a more expensive apartment because this is what ex wants for our children" Then hand the paper to the Judge.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Reminder

                  Originally posted by demartian View Post
                  She has a restraining order against him, so I can assume he is physically abusive and is probably just trying to continue mentally abusing her now. Don't believe anything he says, you will do just fine on your own.
                  Need you be reminded, your assumption is typical of societies opinion of affairs in relationships. This is often not the case as studies begin to emerge, While it does happen, many times it is the female abusing the friendly legal system. As in this specific case who knows? Not enough information is presented, but is also irrelevant to the main question. Keep in mind a woman can easily get a restraining order for her accusation with out real evidence. Getting back to her point. She has nothing to worry about with her x husband concerning her living arrangements. She also has a couple of options to his comments. She can ask him to help her with that situation (unlikely) or she can get evidence to prove he is making such comments and take him to court.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by saxxyman View Post
                    Need you be reminded, your assumption is typical of societies opinion of affairs in relationships. This is often not the case as studies begin to emerge, While it does happen, many times it is the female abusing the friendly legal system. As in this specific case who knows? Not enough information is presented, but is also irrelevant to the main question. Keep in mind a woman can easily get a restraining order for her accusation with out real evidence. Getting back to her point. She has nothing to worry about with her x husband concerning her living arrangements. She also has a couple of options to his comments. She can ask him to help her with that situation (unlikely) or she can get evidence to prove he is making such comments and take him to court.
                    Trust me, it IS relevant. Abusers will always attempt mental jabs as the people they abuse to get them thinking they are unable to do things the right way or will be in trouble on their own.

                    I am fully aware of people who abuse the legal system and make it more difficult for those who actually need help. I am a huge advocate of using the domestic abuse avenues for those who need it and not for those who are spiteful.

                    Her post however proves that there is abuse even if it is mental abuse rather than physical abuse. Unfortunately, millions of people are in mentally abusive relationships and can not get out.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by demartian View Post
                      Trust me, it IS relevant. Abusers will always attempt mental jabs as the people they abuse to get them thinking they are unable to do things the right way or will be in trouble on their own.

                      I am fully aware of people who abuse the legal system and make it more difficult for those who actually need help. I am a huge advocate of using the domestic abuse avenues for those who need it and not for those who are spiteful.

                      Her post however proves that there is abuse even if it is mental abuse rather than physical abuse. Unfortunately, millions of people are in mentally abusive relationships and can not get out.
                      Saxxy hates women and believes all of them to be liars and deceivers. Oh, and all child molestation/abuse charges are just made up anyway.

                      I wouldn't give a lot of credibilty to what he says.
                      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        ??????????????????

                        Originally posted by cyjeff View Post
                        Saxxy hates women and believes all of them to be liars and deceivers. Oh, and all child molestation/abuse charges are just made up anyway.

                        I wouldn't give a lot of credibilty to what he says.
                        1 Obviously, you have not read all the post to this topic, and certainly not mine.
                        I agreed that the male in this case possibly had issues. I also offered choices the woman could take.
                        2 You are the one with animosity, because you can not offer any factual evidence. You have no credentials or skills of debate and no objectivity. Must you be reminded that knowledge about a topic is needed to have any creditable input. I do not need your approval or opinion for validation. Anyone can be emotional, and irrational as you are behaving. I apologize if your feelings got hurt, because you lost a debate and could not answer simple questions. Instead you want to attack people who take strong opposition to your views. It does not bother me for people to disagree with me. What bothers me are opinions based on emotion rather than knowledge and proven evidence.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          One more point

                          Originally posted by cyjeff View Post
                          Saxxy hates women and believes all of them to be liars and deceivers. Oh, and all child molestation/abuse charges are just made up anyway.

                          I wouldn't give a lot of credibilty to what he says.
                          Sorry to get off topic folks but this person took it there.
                          Anyone can read my post and you will find that I acknowledge that there are real child abusers and they should be held accountable for their crime. What this close minded individual refuses to see is that there are many cases where an individual is falsely accused. This does not help the cause! Neither does this person have any comprehension that falsely accusing a person of abuse effects more than just the accused. It ruins families and destroys lives. It in itself is abuse and causes just as much damage to the children, the accused and the extended family. This is a horrible crime that carries little penalty in comparison, if the person accused were convicted. This is a huge miscarriage of justice. I referred this person to educate them self about PAS and SAID syndrome, but as you can imagine they had no interest. They would rather keep their head in the sand.

                          I apologize to anyone offended in this topic for straying, as I do generally believe what the original poster was saying. The other individual can apologize for them self. Though I doubt they have the decency.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Sounds like a little Parent Alienation Syndrome.
                            Well, not really, as PAS has been debunked. The doctor who originally diagnosed PAS committed suicide. Parental alienation and PAS are not the same thing.
                            HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                            How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                            (unique up on him)
                            How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                            (same way)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This is a response to Saxxyman. The reason I came to this site is to get answers to my question, but you seemed to have the need to make a remark about how many times woman abuse the legal system and how easy it is to get a restaining order without real evidence.You also stated that there was not enough information to find out if I had evidence or not. The answer to your question is it was PROVEN to the judge that I was physically and mentally abused by my ex. I didn't think that I needed to come on here and tell all. I figured I was amoung people who shared the same past as I did, and I could seek help here. I had a question and asked a question, but you seemed to get off of the subject.
                              When I sat in court the day I received my FRO, I did not see one person who got the restraining not present their case properly and show proof. I do not beleieve that a judge can or will grant a Ro without having proof. It sounds to me like maybe you have been burned or perhaps an abuser yourself. Either way, I didn't come on here to be analyzed I was looking for answers. Thanks to all who stood up for me and did answer my question.

                              Comment

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