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I sound pathetic, but am desperate for help California

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  • I sound pathetic, but am desperate for help California

    I am in desperate need of help and don't know who to turn to. It's complicated. My husband of 26 yrs, is emotionally, sometimes physically abusive and has total control of all our finances. I have NO money, no bank accounts, no shared accounts, no joint credit cards. He has taken control of everything. I am not able to buy food now because I used up all my personal savings (for food, college expenses for daughter, household stuff) and he will not give me any. He let our 25 yr old daughter move back in with her alcoholic/drug addict boyfriend (to keep her happy), against my wishes. I even called 911 and police got him out, but my husband brought him back the same night. I want them out but she works for him and he wants to make sure she goes to work everyday. She just got done serving 1 1/2 years rehab and 3 years probation for 4 counts of drugs (one a felony). I was the one who turned her in because our house was a drug den with loaded guns and a stolen car in garage. My husband threatened me if I called police. He says he doesn't blame my daughter for hating me. (We have another daughter who is a sweetheart and lives away from home, supports herself and is trying to make it through college without her dads help, but I won't go into that) Both her and her boyfriend are lowlife drug users. They lie, are irresponsible, don't pick up after themselves (I threw out 34 cans and bottles of beer, washed two loads of smelly, moldy socks and towels tonight that I found in their room alone. They yelled at me for invading their privacy! My husband agreed, he always sides against me. They lose/steal/damage things from carelessness. Our house is disgusting.
    My husband owns his own business (Corp) and an LLC. The LLC has completely bankrupted us but he refuses to get help. He simply opens new credit cards and maxes them out. He used ALL the equity in our home to pay for his business, used all my retirement funds, college funds, stopped my health insurance. I was unaware he bought the building until it was a done deal. He mishandles finances badly and has always refused to listen to me. I tried to get a divorce but no attorney would take it without $8-10,000 upfront. I have NO money!!! Even if I did get a divorce I don't think I would be left with anything because of my husband's horrible financial decisions and that scares me. He has cashed two party checks without my signature and deposited them in his personal bank account, manipulated, threatened and coarced me into signing home equity loans in my name and then taking the money and depositing it into his accounts. All stuff that is difficult to prove. I have no car, and am severely hearing impaired but cannot afford hearing aids (obviously). I cannot work without them.
    Where do I even start to find someone to help me? I cannot leave my home because I do not trust my daughter and her boyfriend. He has stolen and hidden my mail (packages) sent to me, answered my phone calls and hung up on the people and does not tell me they called, my husband takes my mail and brings it to his office. He opened a credit card in my name without my knowledge. I am afraid the house will be destroyed if I left. It is the only asset I have, what's left of it. My husband is totally believable, a great lier, I'm an emotional (though truthful) wreak. Tonight, after having nothing to eat but some bread and butter all day, he called and said he was at the store, would I like some cheese and crackers. Nothing else. Then my daughter and boyfriend took the one car that used to be mine and went out for ice cream for them and my husband! I got mad, my husband said I was acting like a kid, then got aggressive.
    Please help me. I admit I am falling apart living a nightmare.
    Sounds pathetic, I know, but I have no self esteem, no self confidance anymore. I have been beaten down and life is awful.
    Tonight I have a fever and an abcessed tooth, but no asprin, no money, no fight left.
    Sorry to ramble.
    Last edited by Sw3tflower; 10-20-2007, 02:14 AM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Sw3tflower View Post
    I am in desperate need of help and don't know who to turn to. It's complicated. My husband of 26 yrs, is emotionally, sometimes physically abusive and has total control of all our finances. I have NO money, no bank accounts, no shared accounts, no joint credit cards. He has taken control of everything. I am not able to buy food now because I used up all my personal savings (for food, college expenses for daughter, household stuff) and he will not give me any.

    He let our 25 yr old daughter move back in with her alcoholic/drug addict boyfriend (to keep her happy), against my wishes. I even called 911 and police got him out, but my husband brought him back the same night. I want them out but she works for him and he wants to make sure she goes to work everyday. She just got done serving 1 1/2 years rehab and 3 years probation for 4 counts of drugs (one a felony). I was the one who turned her in because our house was a drug den with loaded guns and a stolen car in garage. My husband threatened me if I called police. He says he doesn't blame my daughter for hating me. (We have another daughter who is a sweetheart and lives away from home, supports herself and is trying to make it through college without her dads help, but I won't go into that)


    Both her and her boyfriend are lowlife drug users. They lie, are irresponsible, don't pick up after themselves (I threw out 34 cans and bottles of beer, washed two loads of smelly, moldy socks and towels tonight that I found in their room alone. They yelled at me for invading their privacy! My husband agreed, he always sides against me. They lose/steal/damage things from carelessness. Our house is disgusting.



    My husband owns his own business (Corp) and an LLC. The LLC has completely bankrupted us but he refuses to get help. He simply opens new credit cards and maxes them out. He used ALL the equity in our home to pay for his business, used all my retirement funds, college funds, stopped my health insurance. I was unaware he bought the building until it was a done deal. He mishandles finances badly and has always refused to listen to me. I tried to get a divorce but no attorney would take it without $8-10,000 upfront. I have NO money!!! Even if I did get a divorce I don't think I would be left with anything because of my husband's horrible financial decisions and that scares me. He has cashed two party checks without my signature and deposited them in his personal bank account, manipulated, threatened and coarced me into signing home equity loans in my name and then taking the money and depositing it into his accounts. All stuff that is difficult to prove. I have no car, and am severely hearing impaired but cannot afford hearing aids (obviously). I cannot work without them.


    Where do I even start to find someone to help me? I cannot leave my home because I do not trust my daughter and her boyfriend. He has stolen and hidden my mail (packages) sent to me, answered my phone calls and hung up on the people and does not tell me they called, my husband takes my mail and brings it to his office. He opened a credit card in my name without my knowledge. I am afraid the house will be destroyed if I left. It is the only asset I have, what's left of it. My husband is totally believable, a great lier, I'm an emotional (though truthful) wreak. Tonight, after having nothing to eat but some bread and butter all day, he called and said he was at the store, would I like some cheese and crackers. Nothing else.

    Then my daughter and boyfriend took the one car that used to be mine and went out for ice cream for them and my husband! I got mad, my husband said I was acting like a kid, then got aggressive.
    Please help me. I admit I am falling apart living a nightmare.
    Sounds pathetic, I know, but I have no self esteem, no self confidance anymore. I have been beaten down and life is awful.
    Tonight I have a fever and an abcessed tooth, but no asprin, no money, no fight left.
    Sorry to ramble.

    You NEED to contact a domestic violence agency, they will be able to direct you to resources.
    Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

    Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

    Bay

    Comment


    • #3
      Call your local women's shelter immediately. They will help you plan to get out with your minor children. The house is an object and in reality worth nothing compared to your life. I got myself and my son out of a bad situation 5 years ago. It was not easy, but you actually have more benefits available to you than I did.

      Here are some online resources.

      http://www.domesticviolence.com/


      http://www.vaw.umn.edu/library/

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you

        Thank you for the sites I am going to check them out.
        I went to a County Agency and was told I was not elegible for any low cost help because my husband's income is included when they decide if I am eligible or not.
        It is his LLC that is sucking us dry. The LLC is not self supporting and his corp cannot cover the LLC's expenses. So although he is technically making a good salary, he puts it all into the LLC and brings home nothing.....literally nothing. He uses his business cards for himself.
        My name is not on the LLC.
        26 years I have lived in and loved my home, but perhaps it's time to leave.

        Comment


        • #5
          The domestic violence organizations I gave you know that your husband's salary can not be taken into account and will help you to remain safe with free services.

          Always remember that everyone is worth a chance at a happy life.

          Comment

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