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Emotionally abused... please help Oregon

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  • Emotionally abused... please help Oregon

    I am 13 years old, my parents were divorced when I was 9 and ever since my mom married again she has been emotionally abusing me. She gets mad at me for little reasons, she has no patience and to her everything I do is wrong. Whenever I try to confront her she makes me feel guilty about accusing her of what she know she does to me. She cares more about her husband then she does about me and she admitted it to my face. She also lies. Whenever I bring up something that she did in the past that doesn't make her look good she denies it straight to my face and whenever I insist that my statement is correct she gets really mad at me. I feel really negelected, like all she wants me for is to work around the house. I want to move in with a friend or I want somewhere else to go. I can't stay here, and I can't wait until I'm 18 to leave. Please help me!!!
    -Anna

  • #2
    Sorry, no judge will emancipate a 13 year old.
    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm not wanting to be emancipated, I just want to get out of this house.

      Comment


      • #4
        The legal term for that is emancipation.

        And you don't qualify.

        I have a 13 year old daughter of my own. We have some real fights from time to time... and I will openly admit that some of them are my fault. As she tries to spread her wings I am scared spitless that she is going to crash and burn.

        At no time do I stop loving her, even when she makes me mad enough to walk around the block... twice.

        Being a teenager almost guarentees that you and your parents will butt heads... it is the nature of the beast.

        Try, instead, to sit mom down and just talk. Don't yell, don't scream... don't try to assign blame or to fix fault. Just say that you want things to be better and will be willing to do what it takes....

        And then do it... things can work out.. but you have to be willing to give and take.
        Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

        I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

        Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

        Comment


        • #5
          can't i be adopted by a friends family or another adult?

          Comment


          • #6
            Think of adoption as selling something. Yes, I know a person is not a thing and can't be sold, but bear with me for a moment.

            Only one person can "own" you at a time. For someone else to "own" you, the original "owner" has to give up their rights to you.

            For someone else to adopt you, your mother has to give up rights to you UNLESS she is abusing you or some other mitigating circumstance.

            Just disagreeing with her and arguing with her doesn't count as abuse in most cases.
            Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

            I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

            Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

            Comment


            • #7
              it's not just an arguement, she searches for reasons to punish me and reasons to yell at me. she's is constantly putting me down whenever i tell one of my plans for my future. she tells me that there is no chance of me making it because I'm not good enough for a job like that. she told me that i only get in the way of her and her husbands relationship and she blaims me for everything that goes wrong.

              Comment


              • #8
                From what you are saying, this isn't abuse.

                Sorry, but you are still not going anywhere.
                Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Besides, you need to think about what you are trying to do.

                  If you are adopted by someone else, your mother has no legal ties to you. She could vanish and never talk to you again and it would be perfectly legal.

                  Do you really want your mother to be out of your life forever? If you are adopted, your mother's obligations to you are forever severed.
                  Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                  I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                  Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by anna101
                    I am 13 years old, my parents were divorced when I was 9 and ever since my mom married again she has been emotionally abusing me. She gets mad at me for little reasons, she has no patience and to her everything I do is wrong. Whenever I try to confront her she makes me feel guilty about accusing her of what she know she does to me. She cares more about her husband then she does about me and she admitted it to my face. She also lies. Whenever I bring up something that she did in the past that doesn't make her look good she denies it straight to my face and whenever I insist that my statement is correct she gets really mad at me. I feel really negelected, like all she wants me for is to work around the house. I want to move in with a friend or I want somewhere else to go. I can't stay here, and I can't wait until I'm 18 to leave. Please help me!!!
                    -Anna
                    Anna, what you are describing goes on in almost every household of a teenager. Nothing you've stated so far comes anywhere near being abuse.

                    If you truly believe that you are being emotionally abused you need to report it and let CPS decide if it's abuse or not. Has school started yet? If so, try talking to your guidance counselor, he/she will be able to point you in the right direction to get help.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Great idea.

                      Talk to someone. It really can help.
                      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        no one understands

                        Goodluck! I Am A Mother Of 3. They Have Grown Up In A Very Emotionally, Psychologically And Verbally Abusive House. There Has Also Been Physical Abuse. I Am Now Going Through A Divorce And It Has Been Nothing But Pure Humiliation For Me. You Can Not Explain How Emotional/verbal Abuse Destroys The Soul Of Its Victim. It Is Impossible To Put Into Words The Constant "digs" You Have To Put Up With. I Got To The Point That If I Heard One More Negative Comment Said Under His (husband) Breath Or From Another Room As He Just Spoke To Himself Outloud So That Person Could Hear Him, I Thought I Would Explode. The Frustating Part- He Goes Out Of His Way To Talk To Anyone And Everyone And Tell An Entirely Opposite Version Of What Goes On Behind Closed Doors. He Is A Saint Who Only Wants To Save His Family. He Denies Ever Hitting, Throwing Heavy Objects At Us, Smashing Every Door In The House ( He Recently Smashed My 16 Yr Old Son's Bedroom Door Off The Hinges And Into Many Pieces. I Spoke With A Police Officer Later About It. Do You Know What He Told Me? "he's Allowed To Do That. It's His Door/ He Paid For It So If He Wants To Smash It- He Can." I Pointed Out The Terror It Brings For My Children To Witness Such Violence. He Could Have Cared Less. I Arranged For A Family-based Wrap Around Program To Come Into Our Home For Therapy. At First I Thought They Understood. After A Few Months Of His Twisted Stories, The Therapists Are Only Focused On Changing My 13 Yr Old Daughter Who Has Suffered The Most Abuse And Has The Emotional Scars To Prove It. They Can Not "fix" Her Without Removing The Abuser Or Changing His Abusive Ways. Her Violent Behavior Is The Result Of Her Violent Childhood. Why Or How Can She Change When She Is Still Subjected To Psychological Control And Abuse Which She Can Not Receive Any Help. Living In A Constant State Of Terror And Fear Causes The Brain Go Into Survival Mode. You Don't "live" Anymore. Your Only Thoughts Are How Am I Going To Make It Through This Day. When Every Waking Moment Goes To Survivng, You Don't Think Rationally. Your Mind Races Constantly Thinking Of Past Violent Incidences Or Of What Might Happen To You Today. I Believe You. If Things Go On Like They Are, I Hope You Have A Relative That Could Let You Stay With Them Just So You Can Experience Some Normalcy In Your Life. A 13 Yr Old Has Teenage Things To Concern Themselves With. It Is A Whole New World When You Get To Be A Teenager. Do Yourself A Favor- Excel In School And Whatever Natural Talents You Have So That When You Are An Adult, You Can Support Yourself And Not Have To Rely On Someone- Because That Someone Might Be Abusive And Then You Will Feel Stuck, With No Way Out. You'll Depend On That Person For Every Bite Of Food And You Will See No Way Out. Don"t Give Up. I Did. It Was Like One Day I Just Snapped. I Thought This Is It. I Will Never "live" Again. Just Do What Am Allowed To. That Was A Big Mistake. It Is Hard To Come Back When You Reach That Low. But I Have 3 Kids- 11 And 13 Yr Old Girls And A 16 Yr Old Son. My Son And I Were So Close And My Husband Tried To Turn Him Agaist Me After He Was Thrown Out Of The House Due To A "pfa"- Protection From Abuse. This Has Only Devistated Me More. The Abuser Has To Lie To Continue Their Reign Of Terror. I Know How Frustating It Is When They Don"t Admit To The Abuse That They Have Inflicted. That Is A Major Problem. If They Don"t Think They Are Doing Anything Wrong, There Is No Reason For Them To Change- So They Don't. I Will Be Thinking Of You. Don't Let Her Destoy You!!!!! Please.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Uuuummmm Where is your dad? That would be your best option that or finding a relative who can help you. I went through alot with my mom in my younger days and i moved in with my aunt for 3 months and just the short seperation helped I am 25 yrs old now and Proud to say my mom is my best friend

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by iluvskul View Post
                            Goodluck! I Am A Mother Of 3. They Have Grown Up In A Very Emotionally, Psychologically And Verbally Abusive House. There Has Also Been Physical Abuse. I Am Now Going Through A Divorce And It Has Been Nothing But Pure Humiliation For Me. You Can Not Explain How Emotional/verbal Abuse Destroys The Soul Of Its Victim. It Is Impossible To Put Into Words The Constant "digs" You Have To Put Up With. I Got To The Point That If I Heard One More Negative Comment Said Under His (husband) Breath Or From Another Room As He Just Spoke To Himself Outloud So That Person Could Hear Him, I Thought I Would Explode. The Frustating Part- He Goes Out Of His Way To Talk To Anyone And Everyone And Tell An Entirely Opposite Version Of What Goes On Behind Closed Doors. He Is A Saint Who Only Wants To Save His Family. He Denies Ever Hitting, Throwing Heavy Objects At Us, Smashing Every Door In The House ( He Recently Smashed My 16 Yr Old Son's Bedroom Door Off The Hinges And Into Many Pieces. I Spoke With A Police Officer Later About It. Do You Know What He Told Me? "he's Allowed To Do That. It's His Door/ He Paid For It So If He Wants To Smash It- He Can." I Pointed Out The Terror It Brings For My Children To Witness Such Violence. He Could Have Cared Less. I Arranged For A Family-based Wrap Around Program To Come Into Our Home For Therapy. At First I Thought They Understood. After A Few Months Of His Twisted Stories, The Therapists Are Only Focused On Changing My 13 Yr Old Daughter Who Has Suffered The Most Abuse And Has The Emotional Scars To Prove It. They Can Not "fix" Her Without Removing The Abuser Or Changing His Abusive Ways. Her Violent Behavior Is The Result Of Her Violent Childhood. Why Or How Can She Change When She Is Still Subjected To Psychological Control And Abuse Which She Can Not Receive Any Help. Living In A Constant State Of Terror And Fear Causes The Brain Go Into Survival Mode. You Don't "live" Anymore. Your Only Thoughts Are How Am I Going To Make It Through This Day. When Every Waking Moment Goes To Survivng, You Don't Think Rationally. Your Mind Races Constantly Thinking Of Past Violent Incidences Or Of What Might Happen To You Today. I Believe You. If Things Go On Like They Are, I Hope You Have A Relative That Could Let You Stay With Them Just So You Can Experience Some Normalcy In Your Life. A 13 Yr Old Has Teenage Things To Concern Themselves With. It Is A Whole New World When You Get To Be A Teenager. Do Yourself A Favor- Excel In School And Whatever Natural Talents You Have So That When You Are An Adult, You Can Support Yourself And Not Have To Rely On Someone- Because That Someone Might Be Abusive And Then You Will Feel Stuck, With No Way Out. You'll Depend On That Person For Every Bite Of Food And You Will See No Way Out. Don"t Give Up. I Did. It Was Like One Day I Just Snapped. I Thought This Is It. I Will Never "live" Again. Just Do What Am Allowed To. That Was A Big Mistake. It Is Hard To Come Back When You Reach That Low. But I Have 3 Kids- 11 And 13 Yr Old Girls And A 16 Yr Old Son. My Son And I Were So Close And My Husband Tried To Turn Him Agaist Me After He Was Thrown Out Of The House Due To A "pfa"- Protection From Abuse. This Has Only Devistated Me More. The Abuser Has To Lie To Continue Their Reign Of Terror. I Know How Frustating It Is When They Don"t Admit To The Abuse That They Have Inflicted. That Is A Major Problem. If They Don"t Think They Are Doing Anything Wrong, There Is No Reason For Them To Change- So They Don't. I Will Be Thinking Of You. Don't Let Her Destoy You!!!!! Please.
                            Why would you type like this? Could you please use proper capitalization??
                            Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

                            Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

                            Bay

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Where is your father? Could you live with him?

                              Comment

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