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  • I need help! Do I have anything here? Maine

    Ok So I don't know whether I have anything here or not or if I'm in the right place. I just need some outside advice. Here's my situation:
    I've been in a relationship with a man who is three years older than me. Yes, we are too young to be dealing with this. I just recently turned 19 and he will be turning 22 in July. We have been together for 25months and are "engaged." We have been living together for 16months in a condo that his parents own. Our bills total almost $2,000 a month and I pay him atleast $800, more if I can afford it. I buy all of the groceries and usually anything we need for the house. We have broken up twice before, where I have moved out back to my parent's house. The first time we broke up because of some issues I had with some other girls he was seeing behind my back. I was gone for less than a month and stupidly, returned to the condo getting back together with him. We then broke up again March of this year, because he had put his hands on me... leaving me bruises on the backs of my arms. I do have pictures. And he did it in the public... because I wouldn't get in the car with him. I refused to, because he was acting crazy... forcing me to go to the store and buy him cigarettes. After bruising me, I got in the car with him and he took me home, where I then left and went to stay with a friend. I didn't press charges, although I was **** close and should have. Again, I was STUPID and returned to the condo, getting back together. Here it is the end of June and it looks as if we are going to break up again. He has flipped out on me once again over nothing. In front of my younger brother and sister, he repeatedly flicked me in the ears and shoulder blades very hard, giving me a migrane. I ignored it until we got to my parent's house and he took off, leaving me here. I know this time that there is no turning back. This is it for me. I cannot deal with this any longer and I will not take anyone's ****. Now here comes the real dilemma. For two years I have dedicated my everything to this man. For the first five months of living together... I did not have my own bank account. All of my money went into his, leaving me nothing. I didn't even have access to the account. I had to ask him permission to use the debit card to put $10 of gas into the car. The car I drive is in his name, because I was too young when we bought it, though I make the payments for the car itself and the insurance. He has told me before that everything in the condo is HIS because I left it all behind when we broke up. Trust me, I was going to take all of my stuff, but he never let me. The first time we broke up, I made my own checking account and began taking control of my own money, which he did not like. I still paid him practically everything that I made, again, leaving me with nothing. Recently we have been talking about selling the condo we live in. When we sell it, we would be making about $40,000 profit *after taxes and commission*. And I fear that if we break up now, before we sell... that I will not see a dime of that money. I am not a gold digger or anything along those lines. I just cannot leave this behind without getting anything that I put into it back. I put just as much work and money into the condo as he did and I deserve half of the profit we make.
    What I want to know is if there anything I can do to get some of this money and help me move on to a better life. I have plans of my own that are unfolding and turning into a wonderful career. But like I said before, I cannot see all of my hard work for the past two years, go to waste. I NEED HELP! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. E-mail if you want! [email protected]

  • #2
    not sure of all the laws here

    Originally posted by yelloyella
    Ok So I don't know whether I have anything here or not or if I'm in the right place. I just need some outside advice. Here's my situation:
    I've been in a relationship with a man who is three years older than me. Yes, we are too young to be dealing with this. I just recently turned 19 and he will be turning 22 in July. We have been together for 25months and are "engaged." We have been living together for 16months in a condo that his parents own. Our bills total almost $2,000 a month and I pay him atleast $800, more if I can afford it. I buy all of the groceries and usually anything we need for the house. We have broken up twice before, where I have moved out back to my parent's house. The first time we broke up because of some issues I had with some other girls he was seeing behind my back. I was gone for less than a month and stupidly, returned to the condo getting back together with him. We then broke up again March of this year, because he had put his hands on me... leaving me bruises on the backs of my arms. I do have pictures. And he did it in the public... because I wouldn't get in the car with him. I refused to, because he was acting crazy... forcing me to go to the store and buy him cigarettes. After bruising me, I got in the car with him and he took me home, where I then left and went to stay with a friend. I didn't press charges, although I was **** close and should have. Again, I was STUPID and returned to the condo, getting back together. Here it is the end of June and it looks as if we are going to break up again. He has flipped out on me once again over nothing. In front of my younger brother and sister, he repeatedly flicked me in the ears and shoulder blades very hard, giving me a migrane. I ignored it until we got to my parent's house and he took off, leaving me here. I know this time that there is no turning back. This is it for me. I cannot deal with this any longer and I will not take anyone's ****. Now here comes the real dilemma. For two years I have dedicated my everything to this man. For the first five months of living together... I did not have my own bank account. All of my money went into his, leaving me nothing. I didn't even have access to the account. I had to ask him permission to use the debit card to put $10 of gas into the car. The car I drive is in his name, because I was too young when we bought it, though I make the payments for the car itself and the insurance. He has told me before that everything in the condo is HIS because I left it all behind when we broke up. Trust me, I was going to take all of my stuff, but he never let me. The first time we broke up, I made my own checking account and began taking control of my own money, which he did not like. I still paid him practically everything that I made, again, leaving me with nothing. Recently we have been talking about selling the condo we live in. When we sell it, we would be making about $40,000 profit *after taxes and commission*. And I fear that if we break up now, before we sell... that I will not see a dime of that money. I am not a gold digger or anything along those lines. I just cannot leave this behind without getting anything that I put into it back. I put just as much work and money into the condo as he did and I deserve half of the profit we make.
    What I want to know is if there anything I can do to get some of this money and help me move on to a better life. I have plans of my own that are unfolding and turning into a wonderful career. But like I said before, I cannot see all of my hard work for the past two years, go to waste. I NEED HELP! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. E-mail if you want! [email protected]
    You stated that the condo you live in belongs to his parents so neither one of you can sell it unless you were buying it from them. If your name is not on the contract or lease,you can not get anything back for the money you paid to live there. You are entitled to your own stuff,like furniture you both bought while you were living there,and your own stuff you owned before you moved in. You will though,have to go through small claims court. On the latest abuse issue,you NEED to get a restraining order on him!! You also NEED to press charges!! If you don't he will be likely to try to go after you when you take him to court for half of your things you bought together. Is your name anywhere on any paperwork for this condo? Were you two jointly buying it? You may not be able to get the car since it was never in your name,if you can,im not aware of the laws pertaining to this sorry! Good luck to you! I am very glad you've had enough,it would have never stopped! Please i can't stress it enough,protect yourself,press charges and get a restraining order!!

    Comment


    • #3
      turbowray

      Dear turbowray,
      It sounds like your situation is very complicated--from finances, ownership of the car, the condo, checking account, physical abuse, emotional abuse, etc.
      It will take more help than you can get on these boards for you to get out of your situation. Protective orders have been mentioned, would suggest your own checking account and there are lots of other suggestions.

      First, call your local domestic abuse project. You said you were in Maine, I am too and know there are approx. 9 DV (domestic violence) projects here, and we are all on just about the same page. You need to talk to a legal advocate, maybe attend a support group, or talk to someone on a hotline to try to figure out what you want and how to get it. It can be confusing as to just where to start, but support from other women who have "been there" can be very helpful to sort out abuse and just what it is and how to cope or get away from it. It is NOT impossible to free yourself from this man, but it will take a while for your emotions and fear level to diminish.

      If you don't know the number to your local Project, the National DV Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. They can give it to you, and also talk to you about what's going on. I encourage you to call from a safe place, don't tell him what you are doing (abuse often escalates if he thinks you are trying to get help). He may cry, try being nice to get you to stay, but from your story, he will not change. Good luck in your efforts.
      [CENTER]TIME TO LEARN HOW TO BE FREE[/CENTER]

      Comment


      • #4
        oops this isnt my thread lol

        Originally posted by pinkflower
        Dear turbowray,
        It sounds like your situation is very complicated--from finances, ownership of the car, the condo, checking account, physical abuse, emotional abuse, etc.
        It will take more help than you can get on these boards for you to get out of your situation. Protective orders have been mentioned, would suggest your own checking account and there are lots of other suggestions.

        First, call your local domestic abuse project. You said you were in Maine, I am too and know there are approx. 9 DV (domestic violence) projects here, and we are all on just about the same page. You need to talk to a legal advocate, maybe attend a support group, or talk to someone on a hotline to try to figure out what you want and how to get it. It can be confusing as to just where to start, but support from other women who have "been there" can be very helpful to sort out abuse and just what it is and how to cope or get away from it. It is NOT impossible to free yourself from this man, but it will take a while for your emotions and fear level to diminish.

        If you don't know the number to your local Project, the National DV Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. They can give it to you, and also talk to you about what's going on. I encourage you to call from a safe place, don't tell him what you are doing (abuse often escalates if he thinks you are trying to get help). He may cry, try being nice to get you to stay, but from your story, he will not change. Good luck in your efforts.
        Hon,I was just responding to the poster with advice,I am not the one in need,but your post should help the poster alot! Thanks for your advice for her!

        Comment


        • #5
          it's not easy

          Originally posted by yelloyella
          Ok So I don't know whether I have anything here or not or if I'm in the right place. I just need some outside advice. Here's my situation:
          I've been in a relationship with a man who is three years older than me. Yes, we are too young to be dealing with this. I just recently turned 19 and he will be turning 22 in July. We have been together for 25months and are "engaged." We have been living together for 16months in a condo that his parents own. Our bills total almost $2,000 a month and I pay him atleast $800, more if I can afford it. I buy all of the groceries and usually anything we need for the house. We have broken up twice before, where I have moved out back to my parent's house. The first time we broke up because of some issues I had with some other girls he was seeing behind my back. I was gone for less than a month and stupidly, returned to the condo getting back together with him. We then broke up again March of this year, because he had put his hands on me... leaving me bruises on the backs of my arms. I do have pictures. And he did it in the public... because I wouldn't get in the car with him. I refused to, because he was acting crazy... forcing me to go to the store and buy him cigarettes. After bruising me, I got in the car with him and he took me home, where I then left and went to stay with a friend. I didn't press charges, although I was **** close and should have. Again, I was STUPID and returned to the condo, getting back together. Here it is the end of June and it looks as if we are going to break up again. He has flipped out on me once again over nothing. In front of my younger brother and sister, he repeatedly flicked me in the ears and shoulder blades very hard, giving me a migrane. I ignored it until we got to my parent's house and he took off, leaving me here. I know this time that there is no turning back. This is it for me. I cannot deal with this any longer and I will not take anyone's ****. Now here comes the real dilemma. For two years I have dedicated my everything to this man. For the first five months of living together... I did not have my own bank account. All of my money went into his, leaving me nothing. I didn't even have access to the account. I had to ask him permission to use the debit card to put $10 of gas into the car. The car I drive is in his name, because I was too young when we bought it, though I make the payments for the car itself and the insurance. He has told me before that everything in the condo is HIS because I left it all behind when we broke up. Trust me, I was going to take all of my stuff, but he never let me. The first time we broke up, I made my own checking account and began taking control of my own money, which he did not like. I still paid him practically everything that I made, again, leaving me with nothing. Recently we have been talking about selling the condo we live in. When we sell it, we would be making about $40,000 profit *after taxes and commission*. And I fear that if we break up now, before we sell... that I will not see a dime of that money. I am not a gold digger or anything along those lines. I just cannot leave this behind without getting anything that I put into it back. I put just as much work and money into the condo as he did and I deserve half of the profit we make.
          What I want to know is if there anything I can do to get some of this money and help me move on to a better life. I have plans of my own that are unfolding and turning into a wonderful career. But like I said before, I cannot see all of my hard work for the past two years, go to waste. I NEED HELP! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. E-mail if you want! [email protected]

          Put a lein on the condo so he can't sell it unless he pays you the money he owes you. You can place a lein against the deed to the owner of the property at small claims court or the county clerks office at your local court house and while you continue to stay in the condo live with a roomate and collect rent from them. You have to put him in is place. marie s. staten island

          Comment


          • #6
            library

            Originally posted by yelloyella
            Ok So I don't know whether I have anything here or not or if I'm in the right place. I just need some outside advice. Here's my situation:
            I've been in a relationship with a man who is three years older than me. Yes, we are too young to be dealing with this. I just recently turned 19 and he will be turning 22 in July. We have been together for 25months and are "engaged." We have been living together for 16months in a condo that his parents own. Our bills total almost $2,000 a month and I pay him atleast $800, more if I can afford it. I buy all of the groceries and usually anything we need for the house. We have broken up twice before, where I have moved out back to my parent's house. The first time we broke up because of some issues I had with some other girls he was seeing behind my back. I was gone for less than a month and stupidly, returned to the condo getting back together with him. We then broke up again March of this year, because he had put his hands on me... leaving me bruises on the backs of my arms. I do have pictures. And he did it in the public... because I wouldn't get in the car with him. I refused to, because he was acting crazy... forcing me to go to the store and buy him cigarettes. After bruising me, I got in the car with him and he took me home, where I then left and went to stay with a friend. I didn't press charges, although I was **** close and should have. Again, I was STUPID and returned to the condo, getting back together. Here it is the end of June and it looks as if we are going to break up again. He has flipped out on me once again over nothing. In front of my younger brother and sister, he repeatedly flicked me in the ears and shoulder blades very hard, giving me a migrane. I ignored it until we got to my parent's house and he took off, leaving me here. I know this time that there is no turning back. This is it for me. I cannot deal with this any longer and I will not take anyone's ****. Now here comes the real dilemma. For two years I have dedicated my everything to this man. For the first five months of living together... I did not have my own bank account. All of my money went into his, leaving me nothing. I didn't even have access to the account. I had to ask him permission to use the debit card to put $10 of gas into the car. The car I drive is in his name, because I was too young when we bought it, though I make the payments for the car itself and the insurance. He has told me before that everything in the condo is HIS because I left it all behind when we broke up. Trust me, I was going to take all of my stuff, but he never let me. The first time we broke up, I made my own checking account and began taking control of my own money, which he did not like. I still paid him practically everything that I made, again, leaving me with nothing. Recently we have been talking about selling the condo we live in. When we sell it, we would be making about $40,000 profit *after taxes and commission*. And I fear that if we break up now, before we sell... that I will not see a dime of that money. I am not a gold digger or anything along those lines. I just cannot leave this behind without getting anything that I put into it back. I put just as much work and money into the condo as he did and I deserve half of the profit we make.
            What I want to know is if there anything I can do to get some of this money and help me move on to a better life. I have plans of my own that are unfolding and turning into a wonderful career. But like I said before, I cannot see all of my hard work for the past two years, go to waste. I NEED HELP! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. E-mail if you want! [email protected]

            go to the library and start reading law books for the state of Mane under real estate and property law.
            Last edited by sevilm07; 08-14-2006, 10:04 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by sevilm07
              go to the library and start reading law books for the state of Mane under real estate and property law.
              Please don't dredge up 2 month old posts.
              Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

              I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

              Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by cyjeff
                Please don't dredge up 2 month old posts.
                I submitted a domestic violence thread a few months ago and got a response back today. And I really needed it! Please dont tell us when we can and cannot reply to a post. Especially on this topic. Domestic Violence is very serious and very real to those of us who are in it. And any advise and/or support, weather it be right away or months down that LONG violent road is cherished by us.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by OpenEyes
                  I submitted a domestic violence thread a few months ago and got a response back today. And I really needed it! Please dont tell us when we can and cannot reply to a post. Especially on this topic. Domestic Violence is very serious and very real to those of us who are in it. And any advise and/or support, weather it be right away or months down that LONG violent road is cherished by us.
                  I do understand your feelings here, but the poster got immediate response, and hasn't even responded to our responses, showing that she is long gone. If the poster responds, we will post further, until then, it is kind of mute.

                  Comment

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