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  • What can we do?

    With so many people getting hurt with child support laws, what can we do?
    There are people that milk welfare and the rest of the system just to sit on their butts. The people that DO work and want to take care of what they have are the ones getting hurt the most. Do we all just quit our jobs and live off the system? I don't think so. I have pride. I just don't understand why the people that DO work and take care of what they have are the ones that are getting the hardest?
    The government wants to suck up what the foreparents have done. Now the next generation gets to pay. It's not fair! I tried to teach my children that the world might not be fair, but it's our (all people) job to make it as fair as possible.
    Are we all supposed to stay in a bad marriage so we don't have to go through all of this? I stayed in mine 5 years. Then I saw what it was doing to the children. Their grades were (and still are, because they are not happy where they are at) dropping in school.
    Just to let you all know, my ex threatened to kill himself. HE did it three times in our ten year marriage. The last time HE did it in front of the children. I know you all would wonder why I'd let HIM to have costody, so I'll explain that too.
    I know that one of my children will try that (threaten in the future). And I wanted HIM to see how it feels on the other end. Now, after just HIM and the children have been co-existing, I know he really don't care.
    What to do?! HOW do we make right from wrong when the government doesn't listen or understand? Nothing will ever change. We will always have to pay for what the generation before us did. Just think, our children will pay for what we do.....
    don't know what to do anymore

  • #2
    I really wish I could find the answer, the way things are now really is for the worst, all the things the governments says to why it is, I can come up with a good reponse and really they do make alot of point and should make them think but they just dont too.

    They dont realize how much more they are tearing familys apart, besides both set of parents, the children are not liking it one bit and wished more of them would express the way it for them, then maybe things will change because we made this terriable situtation for them, and just wished we could corret it before it ruins more lives.

    I have been doing alot of reading and trying to find ways but some days I feel I can do it other days, I feel so depressed and basically give up, and it dosnt feel good

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you!!!!
      The ones with the biggest hearts, wonder: What can we do?
      It's so hard to understand everything, but: How can we change it?
      Listen, love, & learn.
      don't know what to do anymore

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by babeeandeeblue
        With so many people getting hurt with child support laws, what can we do?
        There are people that milk welfare and the rest of the system just to sit on their butts. The people that DO work and want to take care of what they have are the ones getting hurt the most. Do we all just quit our jobs and live off the system? I don't think so. I have pride. I just don't understand why the people that DO work and take care of what they have are the ones that are getting the hardest?
        The government wants to suck up what the foreparents have done. Now the next generation gets to pay. It's not fair! I tried to teach my children that the world might not be fair, but it's our (all people) job to make it as fair as possible.
        Are we all supposed to stay in a bad marriage so we don't have to go through all of this? I stayed in mine 5 years. Then I saw what it was doing to the children. Their grades were (and still are, because they are not happy where they are at) dropping in school.
        Just to let you all know, my ex threatened to kill himself. HE did it three times in our ten year marriage. The last time HE did it in front of the children. I know you all would wonder why I'd let HIM to have costody, so I'll explain that too.
        I know that one of my children will try that (threaten in the future). And I wanted HIM to see how it feels on the other end. Now, after just HIM and the children have been co-existing, I know he really don't care.
        What to do?! HOW do we make right from wrong when the government doesn't listen or understand? Nothing will ever change. We will always have to pay for what the generation before us did. Just think, our children will pay for what we do.....
        The highlighted sentence in your post is very troublesome. I can understand wanting to get even, but your reasoning is way past revenge. It's sociopathic. If you KNOW that one or more of the children are troubled enough to threaten suicide, you should get the child PROFESSIONAL HELP, not send him off to dad's so that dad can "see how it feels" when someone threatens to take their own life. No wonder your husband was so freakin' depressed. When one of the kids DOES actually kill themself, I guess that would REALLY teach him a lesson huh??!!??!!

        Comment


        • #5
          My ex was supposed to take the children to counceling. I found out that he is not doing this when I called the councelor for an update.
          Since I do not live in the same town as they do, it is very difficult for me to over-see exactly what is going on.
          The school did contact me with conerns about my middle child. My ex brought her to me because she told the school she wasn't going home. I took her to a psychologist that afternoon. My daughter stayed with me for a few days and my ex and I agreed it would be better for her to live with me. I had the papers drawn up but when it came to sign, he refused without a reason.
          North Dakota law won't change custody unless I can prove the children are in danger or we can agree. The ball is in his court.
          don't know what to do anymore

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by babeeandeeblue
            My ex was supposed to take the children to counceling. I found out that he is not doing this when I called the councelor for an update.
            Since I do not live in the same town as they do, it is very difficult for me to over-see exactly what is going on.
            The school did contact me with conerns about my middle child. My ex brought her to me because she told the school she wasn't going home. I took her to a psychologist that afternoon. My daughter stayed with me for a few days and my ex and I agreed it would be better for her to live with me. I had the papers drawn up but when it came to sign, he refused without a reason.
            North Dakota law won't change custody unless I can prove the children are in danger or we can agree. The ball is in his court.
            The fact that the kids are having problems is YOUR FAULT. You left them with dad to "teach him a lesson" knowing full well it was NOT in their best interest. You really have no right to complain about it NOW. If you KNOW something bad is going to happen and you intentionally take no actions to prevent it, you are the CAUSE of it. Not only did you leave them with a father you KNEW could not take care of them, you moved to a different town where you couldn't even keep an eye on them! What do you think that says about YOU as a parent. I hope for the kids' sake the state will intervene and place them in a foster home where someone will actually give a **** about their needs!

            Comment


            • #7
              I aready contacted the state. They won't intervene.
              don't know what to do anymore

              Comment


              • #8
                what can we do

                Have better judgement in men next time. Theres no way you didnt have any idea that this guy was a jerk. Better common sense was needed here.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by babeeandeeblue
                  I aready contacted the state. They won't intervene.
                  If that's the case, what exactly is it you are wanting to accomplish? YOU created this situation, knowing full well it would all blow up in everyone's face at some point and now it has done just that. Is this not the EXACT outcome you were hoping to create? I would think you'd be happy, now that you have "taught a lesson" to your ex. Like I said, YOU created this disaster, now YOU have to live with the consequinces.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    This is an example of one thing that I find very sad in a divorce. Two grown people blaming each other for thier own problems. It is a hard thing to learn if you didn't learn it growing up, but we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. It is too easy for someone to blame an ex spouse for many things just because they are divorced. Forget about the ex spouse, just take care of you, and whoever you're responsible for, end of story. If your ex spouse is doing something you don't like, you still have to take care of yourself and those you are responsible for, it doesn't give you any excuses.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I do know I will paying myand my ex's mistakes for the rest on my life.
                      The reason I didn't take the children with me, was because I had no way of taking care of them. It's not right just to pack them in a car and leave, not knowing what's to come. I have no family or friends to help. My ex made sure of that years ago.
                      The children were with thier grandparents(paternal) when I moved out. I knew they were safe and loved. I trusted them. When the children returned, my ex also have two brothers (whom I also trust) living nearby.
                      Our divorce was by default. I didn't agree with all that was in the papers, and I also didn't know that it would go through without my signature.
                      Yes I did learn a hard lesson.
                      All I want is advice. I want to make things right with my children.
                      don't know what to do anymore

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Had a visit with my ex brother-in-law's girlfriend today

                        My ex brother-in-law and I were once close. He saw how ****y my ex treated me first hand.
                        He and his girlfriend live in the same town as my ex and kids. They see what's going on.
                        Last weekend I was supposed to have my children, but my ex said they had to go to a funeral across the state. I totally understood because it was a close relative.
                        My daughter called on Sunday and asked when I was coming. I told her that this weekend was supposed to be my weekend with them (I work every other weekend), but they had to go to the funeral. Then my daughter told me they didn't go to a funeral, they went to the casino. She then sounded confused like maybe she shouldn't have said that.
                        When I questioned my ex, he didn't have a real good explanation.
                        His (my ex) family is pretty angry with him that he choose to go to a casino instead of paying last respects.
                        My ex brother-in-law's girlfriend also told me my 11 year old son was home for two days last week with a 105 temp. They asked why they weren't taking him in to the hospital.
                        My children have never missed as much school as they have this past year, nor have they been sick as often.
                        I don't know what to do. I want them with me. They want to be with me. ND law won't change custody within 1 year after divorce, and my ex won't give them up.
                        don't know what to do anymore

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Babeeanddeeblue...I must say that I honestly feel sorry for you in so many ways because you sound like you were in a very sticky situation and still are. I cannot believe that some people on here will respond with such ignorance as Ceara did. That is straight stupid to bash any parent for making a very difficult decision for the best interest of their kid which you obviously thought at the time you made that decision. If you believe the kids are in a dire situation then petition the court in which ya'll established custody and request a "home evaluation or study" and see what happens. Then if the judge will not do it then call CPS and see if they will go to the home and see how things are. If your EX does not have anything to hide then he should not be mad at all. Most CPS offices will not do inspections just so tha tthe NCP can find out what is going on and will more than likely require a court order from a judge so do that and see what happens it cannot hurt! Keep your head up and hopefully it will all work out for the best for you and your kids and their father. Ceara is just upset because she feels that no man is capable of caring for a kid and that all kids should be with the mother regardless of how ****ty the mother actually is. Don't bother even reading Ceara's replies it will only make you dumber and take your mind off what is really important!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by militarystepmom
                            Babeeanddeeblue...I must say that I honestly feel sorry for you in so many ways because you sound like you were in a very sticky situation and still are. I cannot believe that some people on here will respond with such ignorance as Ceara did. That is straight stupid to bash any parent for making a very difficult decision for the best interest of their kid which you obviously thought at the time you made that decision. If you believe the kids are in a dire situation then petition the court in which ya'll established custody and request a "home evaluation or study" and see what happens. Then if the judge will not do it then call CPS and see if they will go to the home and see how things are. If your EX does not have anything to hide then he should not be mad at all. Most CPS offices will not do inspections just so tha tthe NCP can find out what is going on and will more than likely require a court order from a judge so do that and see what happens it cannot hurt! Keep your head up and hopefully it will all work out for the best for you and your kids and their father. Ceara is just upset because she feels that no man is capable of caring for a kid and that all kids should be with the mother regardless of how ****ty the mother actually is. Don't bother even reading Ceara's replies it will only make you dumber and take your mind off what is really important!
                            This person came right out and said that she left the kids with dad "TO TEACH HIM A LESSON" because she KNEW they would give him hell at some point, just lkie HE did to her by threatening suicide. If you would care to explain exactly HOW it is in ANY CHILD'S best interests to leave them with a parent that is mentally unstable, I will gladly retract my previous comments.

                            The whole comment about me not thinking men are able to raise children is a TOTAL contridiction of the comments you wrote right before that. If I thought mom should always get the kids, I would be siding with Babeeanddeeblue, SHE IS THE MOTHER!!!! I NEVER side with either parent based on sex. I will ALWAYS take the side of the CHILD in every situation.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Am I a psychic?

                              Ceara, do you really think I KNOW what's going to happen in the future? It's just a belief, gut feeling, deepest fear, worst case scenario, etc. And none of that has happened yet. I want to STOP it BEFORE anything happens!!!!
                              don't know what to do anymore

                              Comment

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