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My ex is trying to get visitation while in prison for molest

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  • My ex is trying to get visitation while in prison for molest

    My exhusband was convicted of molesting a 5yr old girl a couple of years ago, as well as conspiracing to commit murder of the victim and her mother.
    Last edited by adhd_misfit; 02-13-2010, 03:02 AM. Reason: update

  • #2
    Originally posted by adhd_misfit
    My exhusband was convicted of molesting a 5yr old girl a couple of years ago, as well as conspiracing to commit murder of the victim and her mother. He was handed down a 67 yr sent. He is now trying to get visitation of our 5 & 8 yr old sons while he is in prison. A year or so ago I stopped writing him about the boys and tried to cease all communications, I think it is best. He is now coming after me through the courts. I have no belief that he molested our kids, but I want no contact, AT ALL. I am scared I will be forced to make them see him. My kids shouldn't be forced to spend time with a child molester! They see a mental health doctor and he says they should absolutely not have contact with them, that it would not be a good thing. The 5 yr old doesn't know he excists. The court is making me tell him where they live, whom their doctors are, where they go to school, etc. I don't think a child molester needs to know that! I need alot of guidence... Is there anything that can be done to stop him? HELP!!!!!
    First- you do NOT have to give any info at all to the father until a court ORDERS you too. If there isn't a court order, signed by a Judge, you shouldn't give any info at all.
    Second, you need an attorney ASAP- check with legal aid, domestic violence groups, etc. Under the circumstances, the father should not have any visitation rights at all, so a decent attorney will be able to get that done for you.

    If you absoloutly have to go without an attorney, make sure you get documentation of everything, including your kids' mental health records. Good luck.


    • #3
      Thanks for replying
      Last edited by adhd_misfit; 02-13-2010, 03:00 AM.


      • #4
        Originally posted by adhd_misfit
        1. Do both kids live @ ?
        2. What schools do they attend?
        Elementary & Elementary
        3. What is the petitioners intention in restricting visitation while the respondant is in prison? What is the purpose?
        Based upon the charges the he is in prison for, I feel it is not in the best interests of the kids to have visitation with him @ this time. I also believe that it is not in the best interests of the kids given their ages to visit a state penitentiary.
        4. In the past ? months, petitioner has failed to answer his mail in regards to the well being of his kids. Why is this?
        petitioner felt it was not in kids best interests
        5. why does mail get sent back marked refused?
        To the best of my knowledge, only to items have been refused. petitioner believes respondents actions to be vengefull means against petitioner rather thatna true desire to have contact with the kids.
        6. What have the minor children been told about where their father is?
        without explicit detail, I have told them the truth, they are aware he is incarcerated for a long time as a result of doing something very bad.
        7. What are the names of the childrens psychologist, psychatrist, & pede?
        I answered appropriately
        8. Are the kids aware that their father wants to see them? If so, how do the feel about visiting him?
        Little is metioned from the kids reguarding their father, when asked about seeing him, they say they do not want to see him @ this time.
        9. Has the Mom or the kids ever visited by someone in the dept of corrections? If so, who, when, and where?
        aside from answer to ? 10 the kids do not visit an jail of any sort.
        10. Since he has been incarcerated, has mom ever allowed the kids to visit him?
        Mom allowed visits with kids only once or twice while dad was being held in county jail, awaiting trial. After conviction, mom has not taken kids to see him
        11. If the court oders visitation, will mom obey order?
        While I believe the court will rule in is not in kids best interests for visits, I will follow the order of the court.
        Your answers are straight forward and honest, so I don't think you'll have a problem with that part.

        Do you have copies of any of the papers showing exactly what he's in prison for? It may help if you take those to court with you. If you don't have copies, first check with the courthouse- sometimes the files can be accessed under open records laws. If not, then you'd need to send him an interogatories or a subpoena for those records. You may be able to find the civil procedure rules for your state by going to or do a google search for "(your state) rules of civil procedure". It will explain exactly how to do evrything.


        • #5
          Originally posted by adhd_misfit
          I believe the attys & court have all the info of his crimes. He also has to show up in court in wrist & leg shackles. He asked to be unshackled, they said absolutely not, he even had 3 guards. If he needs that kind of supervision in the court house, he doesnt need to be around the kids.
          I agree with you, he shouldn't be around kids. Unfortunatley, it's not up to us though, you'll have to wait and see what the Judge says. I'm praying that the Judge does what is best for your kids.


          • #6
            Fight, fight, fight!!!

            Fight with all of your might not to let these children see this man. Just because he put forth the sperm donation does not give him rights especially once he has commited such a crime to a child. If the courts do not side with your and your children, I would write to your State rep and see what can be done to help. Shoot, I think that it is pretty standard that any molestor is not allowed to be around children after their release anyway. Not sure if this applies to their own but I do not see why it shouldn't....

            Good luck and please keep us posted.


            • #7
              Originally posted by adhd_misfit
              I was wondering if having my parents adopt my kids would be of help in this battle? The 7 yr. old has already been living w/them for the last for years. Let me know....
              No, it definately would NOT help. First, he would have to voluntarily relinquish his parental rights, which obviously he's not going to do. You would have to take him to court to have the court terminate his rights, which realistically, would be harder to do than getting the court to deny visitation. You have a court battle either way, so you should go for the choice that you're most likely to win.

              Also, for anyone alse to adopt, YOU would have to voluntarily relinquish your rights. I believe that that is something that you really don't want to do, plus the court would take a very dim view of a mother who's relinquishing her parental rights.

              All the way around, it's a bad idea, but don't feel bad, I certainly understand that you are scared and desperate. just please don't give up your kids, this is a situation that will work out for your kids' benefit, keep fighting.


              • #8
                Originally posted by adhd_misfit
                I wonder if my 8 yr. old living out there could pose a problem.
                My attourney initially suggested to me about the addoption issue, that is wierd now that I think about it... I asked her if he could fight it, She said "Yeah, he might be able to, I don't know." I hope she knows what she is doing, because I do not....
                Is your 8 yr old the ex's bio child? If so, it COULD cause a slight problem. It all depends on the reasons that the child is living with grandparents instead of you. If there are solid reasons, then it probably won't pose a problem.


                • #9
                  First of all, I am sorry I didn't see your post earlier.

                  Why doesn't your attorney turn around and countersue with a termination of parental rights based upon the fact that he has been convicted of child molestation, and the number of years he will be incarcerated? This will get him completely out of the picture.

                  Second, as long has he is alive and breathing, and the courts have not had terminated parental rights, he is entitled to visitation. If the court establishes a visitation schedule, you will have to adhere to it. Your attorney can file an injunction until the TPR hearing is held.

                  Unfortunately, no matter how the laws are written, the courts interpret them as being God given, and it is near impossible to have rights terminated.

                  My niece was sexually molested, and her CONFESSED perpetrator who also molested HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND NIECE, still has the court mandated rights to see his two sons twice per month. The rationale that the judge would not refuse to stop visitation with the sons is because he never molested them.

                  Sorry. I hate to hear this for you.

                  Good luck.


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by adhd_misfit
                    Well I went to the hearing on April 25th. My ex now has a public defender. When my atty showed up before the hearing started, she spoke with my ex's atty. She then came to me and said, he wants to know if you will agree to letters, pictures, and phone calls. I said what do you suggest? She said I don't know about the phone calls. I said yes that is not happening, so if this gets him to back off for now, lets see what happens. SO, she said do I still want to terminate his parental rights? I said yes, so she proceeded to instruct me to get my parents and I together in her office asap to fill out the paper work on that. So, when the judge came out and did his thing he ordered quartely letter updates as to how the kids are doing wrote by me as well as photos, and for a review of things in 6 months.
                    so how do you feel about the hearing?
                    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                    (unique up on him)
                    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                    (same way)


                    • #11
                      He's sick

                      I think that him even trying to get the courts to allow him to see your children is a joke. It shouldn't matter the sex or relationship to the children he has just the fact that he is known to molest a child period is the facts and I would fight it out to the death in fear of the emotional distress alone caused to the children. Good luck to you hun.


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by adhd_misfit
                        In November 2006, a judge sactioned me with a 30 day jail sentence(suspended) . I am now having to force my children to write their biological father against their wishes. I must also send him photographs.
                        For not abiding by the order, correct?

                        Please don't make this harder for yourself and your children. Continue to fight for your children's rights and safety, but don't do anything that will make a judge look disfavorably on you. My prayers are with you and your children.

                        Are you still trying to terminate his rights?
                        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                        (unique up on him)
                        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                        (same way)


                        • #13
                          Call your attorney, and put a restraining order against him IMMEDIATELY. Have your attorney to file a motion that all correspondence from him to his children must go through his attorney for proofing and appropriateness, as well as any correspondence to you must go directly to your attorney.

                          While the court has ordered that he will communicate with his children, you do not have to entertain any communication from him. The next time he sends a letter addressed to you, return it to him UNOPENED.


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by adhd_misfit
                            Ok so I just get home from a long day at my job to find this letter from the ex. Right before Christmas, I forced my 2 boys to right their first letter to David, it was very short due to the facts that they didnt want to do it, it was thier first one, and they didnt know what to. So I told them to right what grade they are in and then sign it. I sent him one photo copied black ink plain paper copy of a picture of the to of them, and I said I was sorry, but we have been busy, and I didnt have money to get a camera or photos. So the following is what he sent to me in response:
                            This letter is to remind you that you are still in contempt of Judge****'s May 24,2006 order. All you have sent me is 2 brief notes and a torn Zerox copy of a photo. According to the court order, here's what you should have already done:
                            1. assisted the children in writing at least 8 letters while reading my letters to lthem word for word.
                            2. correspond with me twice concerning the children's lives
                            including education, health, religeon, social, athletic, & extra curricular activities
                            3. twice you should have provided current PHOTOS of the children.

                            Technically you have done none of the above. You are going to have to make an effort or the consequenses will be dire. Perhaps you could funnel some of the money youre droppin on your attourney into getting color photos developed. . Through this all I had at least some respect for you because you were raising our kids correctly. Now i dont even have that for you. Forget your immature letters or the lack there of, you dont even want your children! How dare you! I cant seen to wrap my head around why you would want to put them up for adoption to the people who on many occsions you claimed abused you. Do you want the boys to suffer like you did? On the other hand, maybe they are better off with them. You obviously dont have your act together. Before you even dare to try to blame their behavior on me, take a good look at how you are doing as "mom". I dont care who you are with. Actually, I feel sorry for the guy(or girl) because I know what they have to put up with. It is all I can do to not hate your guts for the accusations you have made in court. You and I both know it was all lies. I have even swallowed my pride and extended you a friendly invitaion to stop all this crap; you ignored it like you did the judge's order. Do you really think that there is a lawyer in this state who can defeat me in court? I am a determined father with access to the state's largest law library and endless amounts of time to prepare. Dont toy with me. It doesnt have to be like this. Quit being a spoiled little brat. Are youa grown mother of two or are you still the immature girl who tried to abandon her newborn or batter her husband in front of her kids? Grow up. If you werent scared of everyone finding out the truth about you or pissing of your mother, you would speak to me in person.
                            I know your ex's letter was upsetting, but sadly, he's actually correct. Even after you were found in contempt in Nov. you still haven't obeyed the court order. As you were advised earlier, you are going to have to obey the order to a tee. I realize it's upsetting, but what you did will be seen by a Judge as being very very petty. The Judge had ordered YOU to keep ex informed of kids' lives, which you haven't done. I can understand that it would be very difficult to force your kids to write, but the court has ordered you to. Having the kids simply write what grade they're in and then sign it was NOT a letter. Next time instruct the kids to write about other things- maybe thier favorite sports, TV shows, games, etc. Although the kids don't want to write you can help them by explaining that a Judge has ordered you to help them write and that should help them understand why they must write even tho they don't want to.
                            Since a Judge has already found you in contempt, you really need to work at getting the letters and pictures out to ex, in other words, don't give him the ammunition he needs to win by continuing to defy the Judge's order. In the mean time, continue to work on the TPR.


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