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Child Support Issues

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  • milspecgirl
    replied
    you can file for visitation without an atty. it will take some work and research, but a lot of ppl have done it. No one is punishing you for being poor- if he does not have a legal court order that allows him to see the child, she is doing nothing wrong. if there is a court order, he needs to file contempt. the only thing you can do is go to court. and as said before, DO NOT have more children if you're complaining you can't pay his support for this one. He is obligated to pay support. He can have it modified based on income and state guidelines, but again it will require a court order. Your hubby cannot go into court and say- but I'm poor and I have another child and she won't let me see her. A judge will be mad that he had another child with no means to support the first. He needs to send her a certified letter, return receipt that he would like visitation with his daughter and give her a couple of times that he would be available (make them at different days, times, etc). ask her to write back with her response. Then, go from there and if she refuses, send another letter that he wants to excercise his rights and if she's not willing to work with him he will go back to court and get it mandated.

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  • mommyof4
    replied
    Okay, one...what state are you in?

    Two...are you working?

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  • Barbtonio
    replied
    Can't afford cihld support

    I'm sorry for not starting a new thread. I'm new to this site and wasn't sure how to do it. I'm not using our child as a way not to pay this woman. But we afford what we can give her. This payment plan was set up before we had all these other baby expenses. And I realize that her husband's money has nothing to do with it nor hers. But she is asking for money that we don't have and punishing us for it. And not to mention, punishing her little girl. This girl cries that she can't see her daddy. We (me, my husband and his daughter) are being punished for being poor. There are so many fathers who want nothing to do with their children. My husband wants to be a part of her life. We can't even afford to take this woman to court. She is very powerful. And we feel it it useless.

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  • mommyof4
    replied
    And for Pete's sake...do NOT have another child when you cannot afford the ones that you and he are already responsible for.

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  • milspecgirl
    replied
    barbtonio

    you need to start a new thread. but in answer to your question- everyone is required to abide by court orders? what kind of visitation is set up? when she left the country was visitation set up? did he file to keep her from leaving? if she has sole custody and it is her discretion as to when and if he sees the child, then that is her right. Your financial state and the fact that you have other children is irrelevant (in most states) her husband's financial status is also irrevelant.

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  • Barbtonio
    replied
    Can't afford child support

    I have been with my husband for over five years. He had a 3 yr old daughter when I met him. He doesn't have a lot of money. His ex's family owns a well known beverage company. She is now married to a man whose family owns a beverage company. My husband and I have a 3 yr old son. About a month after I had my son, my husband's ex demanded child support, made up legal papers, etc. A few months after that, she took the little girl to live in another country so we could never see her because we dont have the funds to travel to another country and the ex knows that. Well, P.S. they are back in the states and my ex is behind on his payments. With the new baby and all our expenses, we really can't afford to pay his ex and when we have extra money we give it to her. Well now, she will not let my husband see the his daughter. The only way we can see her is when she visit's my husband's mom and dad. We are not to be alone with his daughter and she cannot come to our house. If my husband's parents are not there, we cannot be alone with her. Not to mention his daughter visits the grandparents like maybe twice a year for 3 days at a time. Does anyone know, what rights does my husband's ex have to do this? We cannot afford the payments, little as they are every month but are literally living hand to mouth and her and her new husband own major beverage companies. And not to mention the fact, I would love to have another child but then seeing my husband's daughter would be out of the question. This biatch would definitely take her away for good. What rights do we have? Is she allowed to have supervised visits as if my husband abuses her and not to mention, she only comes around twice or three times a year. And everything out of her mouth is how mommy bad mouths daddy. Please help!
    Last edited by Barbtonio; 01-10-2007, 11:03 AM.

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  • Suzy72
    replied
    Originally posted by alone
    A dad needs to be more than a man who made a child. Any man can make a child but to be there when things get tough without flipping out and wanting to hurt a woman or child is what a dad realy is and if a man can't do that then he shouldn't be allowed any rights because the child and woman would be better off without him!!!!!

    The problem with that blanket statement is that there are plenty of women who do the exact same thing but you don't see people talking about taking their rights away! As a woman, a mother is granted rights from the beginning and absent things like obvious drug use during preganancy they walk out of hospitals every day not having a CLUE how to or even wanting to take care of a child. Many women do it because of the stigma placed on women who don't have their children. They would rather take an unwanted child home with them and not care for them or dump them with relatives than for society to see them as unfit.

    The other problem with this issue is that when a couple are not together when the child is born a father is not around 24/7 like a mother is and I have seen case after case where the mother does whatever it takes to make the father either not want to come around or prevents them completely and then complains the father is not 'there.'

    Too many women simply will not accept that a man doesn't have to love and/or even like them to be a good father and that a father has a harder time not only bonding with a child than a mother as it's not possible to be around all the time but maintaining a relationship. That mother might be b**ching that he's not around but she's also b**ching he's not supporting that child. Last time I checked it took a job to create money and it took money to support a child.

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  • alone
    replied
    Originally posted by ericmknight1906
    And I guess allowing him any kind of joint custody was out of the question??
    I bet you're one of those kind of women that deny the father any kind of rights to be a father and then simultaneously accuse him of being a dead beat.


    A dad needs to be more than a man who made a child. Any man can make a child but to be there when things get tough without flipping out and wanting to hurt a woman or child is what a dad realy is and if a man can't do that then he shouldn't be allowed any rights because the child and woman would be better off without him!!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • Suzy72
    replied
    I also want to add that Xena is absolutely correct. Do not listen to this so called lawyer because visitation and support are separate issues. They have nothing to do with one another and will not prevent his visitation, arrears or not. And, not just that I find it VERY hard to believe that a lawyer would tell you this! EVERY lawyer, and even many non-lawyers that know even a small amount about family law knows this is the case.

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  • Suzy72
    replied
    To add... One also must be very careful about POs. Their blanket statements usually say that it includes the person that files and all in the household... HOWEVER, when children are involved judges look at things differently and do not like parents that do not allow the children to see or visit the other parent (even when there isn't an order of visitation as of yet) unless they can PROVE that they are a danger to the child. The act during pregnancy MIGHT help but that in itself does not prove this man is a danger to the child.

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  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by Tahari
    If there was a court order of protection involved with this case would they still grant him visitation? Would the fact that he tried to kill her as well as the unborn child make a difference?
    IF there is PO in force, and IF the assault while pregnant can be proven in court, the court might order supervised visitation, but still cannot deny vistation rights altogether.
    Xena

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  • Tahari
    replied
    Originally posted by xena
    I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here. You are headed for BIG trouble and heartache if you listen to the so called lawyer you spoke to. First, he can legally seek joint custody and depending on the situation ( child's age, etc) a court may decide to grant it. It is possible that the court can order him to pay some retroactive support- HOWEVER: it will be ordered to be paid in small payments (NOT lump sum) and most importantly, a court cannot legally deny him the right to visitation and or custody simply because of owing CS.

    DO NOT go by what that "attorney" is telling you. As the other poster told you- legally it doesn't matter what you think his reasons are for showing interest. Please take a little "non legal" advice: You stated " i have never prevented HIM from seeing MY son"- you need to change your way of thinking, the proper way of making that statement (one that leaves the impression that you are being honest) is- I have never prevented HIM from seeing HIS son. I hope you see the differnce between the 2 sentences.

    Also get a consultation with another lawyer, a reputable one who specializes in family law.
    Xena
    If there was a court order of protection involved with this case would they still grant him visitation? Would the fact that he tried to kill her as well as the unborn child make a difference?

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  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by brycensmommy
    i think 4 months is not 'mere' in the eyes of a child. he called me once in Sept. and then he only called last week after i had his check garnished for child support since he hadn't paid since sept. he's not on the birth certificate. he tried to kill me while i was pregnant by driving into on coming traffic. my husband is divorced and his ex wife filed charges of abandonment on him after only 2 months of not seeing his son which was her fault because she moved out of state. i did talk to a lawyer today and he said if he wants joint custody than he'll have to pay the back child support for the past 5 years or he can't have visitation. i know there's only 2 reasons he's doing this: he has to pay 500 a month in child support now (before he only paid me 150) and for revenge. things were fine before. he's trying to blame me for his lack of interest in visiting him. i have never prevented him from seeing my son.
    I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here. You are headed for BIG trouble and heartache if you listen to the so called lawyer you spoke to. First, he can legally seek joint custody and depending on the situation ( child's age, etc) a court may decide to grant it. It is possible that the court can order him to pay some retroactive support- HOWEVER: it will be ordered to be paid in small payments (NOT lump sum) and most importantly, a court cannot legally deny him the right to visitation and or custody simply because of owing CS.

    DO NOT go by what that "attorney" is telling you. As the other poster told you- legally it doesn't matter what you think his reasons are for showing interest. Please take a little "non legal" advice: You stated " i have never prevented HIM from seeing MY son"- you need to change your way of thinking, the proper way of making that statement (one that leaves the impression that you are being honest) is- I have never prevented HIM from seeing HIS son. I hope you see the differnce between the 2 sentences.

    Also get a consultation with another lawyer, a reputable one who specializes in family law.
    Xena
    Last edited by xena; 01-09-2006, 11:22 AM. Reason: fix typos

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  • brycensmommy
    replied
    i think 4 months is not 'mere' in the eyes of a child. he called me once in Sept. and then he only called last week after i had his check garnished for child support since he hadn't paid since sept. he's not on the birth certificate. he tried to kill me while i was pregnant by driving into on coming traffic. my husband is divorced and his ex wife filed charges of abandonment on him after only 2 months of not seeing his son which was her fault because she moved out of state. i did talk to a lawyer today and he said if he wants joint custody than he'll have to pay the back child support for the past 5 years or he can't have visitation. i know there's only 2 reasons he's doing this: he has to pay 500 a month in child support now (before he only paid me 150) and for revenge. things were fine before. he's trying to blame me for his lack of interest in visiting him. i have never prevented him from seeing my son.

    Leave a comment:


  • Suzy72
    replied
    Originally posted by brycensmommy
    do you know how long a father has to be out of the childs life before abandonment charges can be filed? my son's father hasn't seen him, called or paid child support since sept. 11. i filled out the paperwork to get child support and now he want to have joint custody. he wants to have him on his birthday and holidays. but he didn't even call on his birthday, thanksgiving, christmas.
    You will get NO WHERE with this. It was a mere 4 months and obviously if he's either filed for joint custody and/or has spoken to you about it recently then he's been in contact. Was paternity ever established? If that was never done then there would never have been grounds... Secondly, the least amount I have seen is 6 months but most states require at least a year of no contact and even then are reluctant to terminate rights. On top of this he is now showing interest, it doesn't matter that it only seems he is since you are filing for child support, what does matter is he's willing to try and the courts will not terminate his rights for that.

    Leave a comment:

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