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Need MAJOR HELP! What can he do? Florida Georgia Hawaii

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  • Need MAJOR HELP! What can he do? Florida Georgia Hawaii

    Ok, long story short... my fiance and I have every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with his son from his first marriage. His ex seems to think that we MAKE the boy call me Mom, is very jealous of our relationship, and is pretty much all around an angry person.

    This past weekend, my fiance had to work Friday evening, a double on Saturday, and 9-4 on Sunday since one of the guys he works with went on vacation. His parents have been asking for weeks if they could come get their grandson and keep him for a day or so. So my fiance thought this would be the perfect weekend since he was going to be working pretty much all weekend, which he normally never does.

    The ex read online that his parents were keeping him for a day (overnight too) and called and FREAKED out! Said that we were not allowed to let him stay overnight with ANYONE without her concent! We usually bring him back to his Mom on Sundays around 3pm, same every week.... THIS WEEK since she called and heard that 'I' was (as she calls it) "babysitting" him on Sunday morning, she called the cops and had a police escort to come get him at 1145am, which is 3hrs and 15mins too early.

    What can my fiance do about all of this?! We are tired of her making the sons life so crazy and tramatic! He kept asking me "Why are the cops here?" and "I don't want to go to my Mom's house" : (

    Please help!
    Last edited by sasas711; 10-08-2009, 12:47 PM.

  • #2
    Does his decree say anything about first refusal? Many times, the decree says that if the parent is unavailable or will be gone for a time, the other parent has first right of refusal.
    In this case, knowing he wouldnt be around, he would need to offer the Mom the opporutnity to have the children rather than use a babysitter, his spouse or other relatives.

    Second, you shouldnt be making decisions about who watches him. Your spouse should do that and it should be communicated with the Mom.

    Although I know your intentions are good, I would have been hacked if the other parent wasnt with the children and I lost out on time with them.
    I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
    Thomas Jefferson


    • #3
      I get what you are saying, and it was my fiances decision to let me or his parents be with his son and he told the Mom his son was staying with his parents on Friday and she didn't have a problem with it... on Friday. On that note, the Mom works nights (about 4-11pm)and leaves the boy with her Mom or husband... is that not a double edged sword? Why is it fair for her husband or mother to "babysit" him but not me or my fiances parents? Couldn't my fiance say "If you are going to be at work and your Mom or husband is going to watch him and I am not working that night, I should have first priority over them" ??? She makes up her own "rules" all the time and thinks she has the right to tell my fiance not to take him here or there when she never asks him when she does ANYTHING with him. I think it's a little uneven and unfair.

      ETA, we'd have to look at the papers for the "first refusal" you are speaking of! And if it is not in the papers, is she in the wrong?
      Last edited by sasas711; 10-06-2009, 12:37 PM.


      • #4
        I am not sure about your state but in mine....I as the mother can not say what the father does with our children...who watches them or where he goes with them. I have full custody rights too. mention it to a mediator at your friend of the court office.


        • #5
          Right of refusal Florida

          What is Florida law on this? Is it written in custody papers, or just implied?


          • #6
            sasas, I'm going to add this post to your thread you started yesterday.
            Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

            Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.


            • #7


              • #8
                First Right of Refusal does not normally include immediate family (i.e. grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.). Family is required to visit w/ the child on that parent's time. Your fiance has every right to let his family spend time with his child on his time - including overnight visits.

                If his court order does not include first right of refusal, his ex can pound sand - his time, his rules, and he can do what he pleases on his time with his child...


                • #9
                  Thank you KSMOM, we are going to get a copy of the papers today and see what it says (can't find the originals) but hopefully it doesn't say anything about that in there. I just don't find it fair that she thinks she can leave him with anyone SHE wants at anytime and the ONE time my fiance has to work, she calls the freaking cops?!?! And to cause that much anxiety and worry for one little boy is just ridiculous! He cried in front of the cop because he wanted to stay with me and didn't want to go back to Mommy's house. He even cries when we bring him home if her husbands car is in the driveway, or if it's not he say (and remember, he's 4 years old) "Oh GOOD, HE'S not home!" That never happens at the other way around.

                  AND, another thing I forgot to mention, while I was watching him this past weekend he tells me "(husbands name) did this to me (proceedes to give me and "Indian burn")" and also "(husbands name) saved my life, I got my arm stuck under the curio cabinet and Mommy couldn't get it off of me and she had to call (husbands name) to come home from work but he didn't have a car so he had to find a ride home" Is that something they would consider grounds for an emergency injunction?

                  I know before someone told me that what a child says doesn't really hold up in court, but this is very alarming to my fiance and I. Is there a proper way to document all of the things he says like that?!

                  ETA: My fiance just called his ex to go pick up his son today and she says "Well, I don't want you at my house anymore, so I'll meet you somewhere in the middle." Which we have always picked him up at her house, and took him home there too. She never comes to pick up or drop off, which is annoying too.

                  I can't wait to get those papers! I will keep you updated on the filing and outcomes
                  Last edited by sasas711; 10-09-2009, 10:33 AM.


                  • #10
                    Ok guys, now, seriously... she is driving around the parking lots of my work and his work! Not to mention that my step son threw the biggest fit when he went home and said he was scared to go to Mom's house because of her husband!!!

                    Please help guys, my fiance was in tears yesterday after he dropped his son off because all he kept saying was how he wanted to stay with us. She told her son "If you don't get in the house I'll give you something to be scared of!" WHO SAYS THAT TO A 4 YEAR OLD?!


                    • #11
                      If your finace has any type of legal custody with his ex then he could consult with her for the little guy to see a play thearpst. What he says to you may not hold up in court but what he would say to a thearpst and their professional opinon on the matter would hold up more in court then the "hear say" of a four year old. If there is more serious concerns then contact your county child protection services, give them a breif discription of the events and verbal abuse you have witnessed and the boys reaction to those situations and at that point its up to them if they think its serious enough to investigate further.
                      Has your fiance considered medation?


                      • #12
                        Just an update: We got a copy of the custody agreement and NOWHERE does it say anything about "First Right of Refusal" so she was completely in the wrong to come and get him that day!

                        Where should my fiance go from here? The clerk lady was not very helpful, just highlighted some numbers and said "Here, go to the law library and print these".

                        Also in the papers it say that one parent picks up the child on Friday and the other comes to get him on Sunday, which has NEVER happened! My fiance ALWAYS drives for both exchanges, should we note that?


                        • #13
                          He could pick him up on Fridays and on Sunday morning call her and remind her that its her repsonsibily to pick him up on Sunday and you'll be waiting for her. The fact that he has been catering to the transportation thing might cause some drama but he should have been sticking to the agreement since day one. If she causes trouble then pull out the order and show her where it is. Ask her if she has a copy and if she doesnt then offer to make her one off his. Also tell her that there is no "right to first refusal" and when its Dads time its Dads time she has no power over it. Try and talk to her about it respectfully it seems like more of a communcation issue and everybody not having all the facts. Which the facts are in your fiance's favor.
                          When my step-son visits his mother he may not even go there, sometimes he goes up north (about 7 hours away) with his grandparents (mother not present on trip) and there is nothing we can do about it as long as he is home by Sunday. Which as responsible gaurdians we want him to know that side of the family and support it.
                          I have read somewhere even in "right of first refusal" grandparent visitation is not viewed as babysitting so he should be able to go to grandma and grandpa's either way. I cant find the link or I'd post it. Sorry


                          • #14
                            Kris, thank you for the helpful information. I have been unsuccefully been looking up the "first right of refusal" laws for Florida but hope to find something soon. My fiance has his folders (ducks) all in a row, all he has to do now is file.

                            Any words of advice from anyone who has taken a case back to court and won? or lost? Thanks for all the help guys, it really means a lot to my fiance (and me!)


                            • #15
                              Sorry for all the questions!

                              Ok, here is a question my fiance has....

                              In the custody papers it says "Mom" is to claim "son" as a dependent, but this past year since she didn't work and wouldn't get any money back, she had her husband (JUST boyfriend at the time) claim her son. Is that even legal?!


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