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being pressured from bio father Oklahoma

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  • being pressured from bio father Oklahoma

    my son is 18 months old. i havent even seen his bio father since i was about 2 months pregnant. after he was ordered to pay child support, he was furious and didnt pay so they garnish it. and now hes pressuring me and my fiance to get married. so that my fiance can adopt my baby so he doesnt have to pay child support anymore. he says if we dont hes going to take us to court and get visitation rights and joint custody and all this jazz, (history) when i was 10 weeks pregnant this man put me in the hospital, and he is on ssdi for being mentaly incompitant. i remember in the middle of the night waking up to him in the closet crying and screaming "GET DOWN GET DOWN!!! RUN" and hes a sociopath. i guess my real question is, would they let him have joint custody or visitations? and if they do, how much trouble could i get into for not letting him see him?
    Last edited by stacy_n; 06-26-2009, 10:11 PM.

  • #2
    Sure, he can get visitation.

    The child is his... you even have him financially supporting the child. However, now that he wants to have visitation, you change your tune.

    Did you just believe he should be a check and nothing more?

    As to the rest, the first thing a judge will ask is why you decided to have a child with a person that is as crazy as you say... and will also want to know what professionals have given this diagnosis.
    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

    Comment


    • #3
      most people dont let off that there that crazy in the begining.... and secondly i did not decide to have a baby with him, its not something we sat down and talked about, it was the first time, guess neither one of our contraseptives (ms) worked. and as far as him being nuts, hes on disability for it (hint ssdi), so yaa, it wont be hard to prove. and how can someone who cant take care of themselves, begin to think they could take care of a child? would you put your child in harms way? when i was around 10 weeks he beat the crap outta me, put me in the hospital, i had a very had pregnancy due to this, so ya i change my tune when he wants to see my child. if he could do that to me when i was pregnant, what makes you think the first time the child makes him mad, he doesnt kill him, and then, oooh its ok youve killed my baby, i think not!!! im just curious as to how much trouble i will get into when i dont let him see the baby. he doesnt want to have anything to do with the child, he has already said it. he knows (and has said) that he is not his daddy, hes a sperm donor.

      Comment


      • #4
        you would be in contempt of court which is a failure to obey a lawful order of a court.

        Comment


        • #5
          If what you say is true, you can request supervised visitation.
          Keep and gather any documentation that you have and wait for an order to appear in court.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by stacy_n View Post
            most people dont let off that there that crazy in the begining.... and secondly i did not decide to have a baby with him, its not something we sat down and talked about, it was the first time, guess neither one of our contraseptives (ms) worked. and as far as him being nuts, hes on disability for it (hint ssdi), so yaa, it wont be hard to prove. and how can someone who cant take care of themselves, begin to think they could take care of a child? would you put your child in harms way? when i was around 10 weeks he beat the crap outta me, put me in the hospital, i had a very had pregnancy due to this, so ya i change my tune when he wants to see my child. if he could do that to me when i was pregnant, what makes you think the first time the child makes him mad, he doesnt kill him, and then, oooh its ok youve killed my baby, i think not!!! im just curious as to how much trouble i will get into when i dont let him see the baby. he doesnt want to have anything to do with the child, he has already said it. he knows (and has said) that he is not his daddy, hes a sperm donor.

            What was the result of the criminal trial in which he answered to charges stemming from the assault?

            Is there a current court order in effect dictating custody?
            HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
            How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
            (unique up on him)
            How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
            (same way)

            Comment


            • #7
              Check this link about telephone recording http://www.callcorder.com/phone-reco...aw-america.htm


              If it's legal, you should record any statements he makes in regards to threats or general disregard for his child.

              And...... What MO4 asked......
              Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

              Comment


              • #8
                Listen- having sex outside of marriage is like tap dancing in a minefield. Condoms don't always work. The "pill" doesn't always work. If you're gonna play the game, be ready to pay the price when the ticket comes up. Well, your ticket came up and now it's time to pay the piper.

                It's not just HIS responsibility to fund the kid. It's yours as well. And I strongly believe that if BOTH OF YOU are big enough to play doctor, then you're also big enough to raise the kid together.

                Kids need BOTH parents. Not just the mommy and not just the daddy. They need both.
                I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                Don't worry, be happy.

                http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                Comment


                • #9
                  i do support my child, i pay $480 out of pocket for child care. when he was younger and i had to pay alot for his formula because i couldnt produce enough, i paid for it. i buy the stupid expensive diapers and wipes because he breaks out with the others. and you know what, not until recently have i got anything from his sperm donor. he gripes because they garnish a measly $180 for child support. i could do without if it ment keeping him out of our lives. baby has a daddy, and just because their dna doesnt match doesnt make a diference to us.

                  criminal charges- none were drawn. i was told by one of the officers that i shouldnt pursue it, i was already in trouble from when i was younger, that and his brother was the sherriff at the time and an officer told me it would be better if i didnt persue it, and just go back home. so thats what i did.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by stacy_n View Post
                    i do support my child, i pay $480 out of pocket for child care. when he was younger and i had to pay alot for his formula because i couldnt produce enough, i paid for it. i buy the stupid expensive diapers and wipes because he breaks out with the others. and you know what, not until recently have i got anything from his sperm donor. he gripes because they garnish a measly $180 for child support. i could do without if it ment keeping him out of our lives. baby has a daddy, and just because their dna doesnt match doesnt make a diference to us.

                    criminal charges- none were drawn. i was told by one of the officers that i shouldnt pursue it, i was already in trouble from when i was younger, that and his brother was the sherriff at the time and an officer told me it would be better if i didnt persue it, and just go back home. so thats what i did.
                    Don't get cute.

                    Legally, the baby's father has been established in court... and is currently paying $180 a month.

                    Just because you found someone else that you currently like better doesn't make him legally anything to the child.

                    Even if.
                    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Stacy,

                      I am going to opt for being the unpopular one here and say that the mother may know best in this situation. I am not condoning illegal activity, but if I thought for a moment that my child would be in danger in the hands of another person - biologically related or not- I would do everything in my power to keep my child away from that person.

                      The child does not NEED a father if the father is going to do only harm. The comfort of having a man in his/her life will not negate the physical or even emotional harm that he could do.

                      The "family" is an ideal and like any other ideal it is corrupted in this evil world we live in. To say that a child must have a mother AND a father at all costs closes the door on any debate based on other factors, such as a history of abuse or mental instability, not just in this case but in EVERY case.

                      There is no template for cases like these and if the mother truly loves her child she needs to spend a heck of a lot of time in careful, wise consideration of every variable in order to make the right decision.

                      On that same note, if you do not want him to be the father of your child and the court agrees with you then you need to stop receiving financial support from him. You are only enabling him by taking that money. Your best hope of showing your son that he does not need his biological father is to show him that YOU do not need his biological father.
                      Last edited by HRC2008; 07-23-2009, 06:42 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HRC2008 View Post
                        Stacy,

                        I am going to opt for being the unpopular one here and say that the mother may know best in this situation. I am not condoning illegal activity, but if I thought for a moment that my child would be in danger in the hands of another person - biologically related or not- I would do everything in my power to keep my child away from that person.

                        The child does not NEED a father if the father is going to do only harm. The comfort of having a man in his/her life will not negate the physical or even emotional harm that he could do.

                        The "family" is an ideal and like any other ideal it is corrupted in this evil world we live in. To say that a child must have a mother AND a father at all costs closes the door on any debate based on other factors, such as a history of abuse or mental instability, not just in this case but in EVERY case.

                        There is no template for cases like these and if the mother truly loves her child she needs to spend a heck of a lot of time in careful, wise consideration of every variable in order to make the right decision.

                        On that same note, if you do not want him to be the father of your child and the court agrees with you then you need to stop receiving financial support from him. You are only enabling him by taking that money. Your best hope of showing your son that he does not need his biological father is to show him that YOU do not need his biological father.
                        I don't think anyone doubts the OP's desire to protect her child. But I do disagree with the last statement, that Mom should show the son HE doesn't need the bio-Dad by not needing him herself. The child may, whether or not Dad is involved, want to know and/or see his biological father one day, and that is HIS decision to make, when he is old enough. Mom shouldn't try and make it for him.

                        But protecting the child is not the issue here. She wanted to know if biological father can get visits. The answer is yes. He is the father, and as such, is entitled to visitation if he so chooses. If Mom thinks he is a danger to the child, she needs to go through the proper channels to PROVE that he is a danger. One parent is not allowed to simply decide that the other one is not fit.

                        Here's an example: I do not like the way my son's biological father drives. He drives too fast, he does not wear a seatbelt himself (though son puts one on). He has had many fender benders, including a week ago with my son in the car (no real damage to either car, but he rear ended someone). He has at least one DUI on his record.

                        BUT... I am not allowed to say, you know what, I don't like your driving therefore you cannot pick him up. It doesn't work that way. And interfering with his visitation will only get me a world of hurt. Sure I don't like his driving. But my Mom drives too fast too, and I let HER take the children. Bio-Dad served out his probation for the DUI. And *I* have accidentally rear-ended someone.

                        The point is, if the bio-dad wants the fiance to adopt, then why not pursue that route? They are planning on getting married anyway. I guess I don't really understand what the issue is here at all.

                        But, if bio-Dad wants to pursue visitation, that is his right.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I wouldn't exactly compare a history of violence to a bad driving record, but you are right that the proper channels must be gone through. I dont' know whether Stacy's concern is bio-dad's violence or her own desire to move on.

                          I've seen plenty of women who just don't want the inconvenience of having bio-dad around so they think they can snap their fingers and make his rights disappear.

                          I deliberately keep my own daughter away from her biological father because he is a junkie and I have made the decision that he would do her more harm than good. Nobody can know that like a mother does (or a father in the reverse case); not the government, not a forum moderator and certainly not a forum visitor. The point of my post was to contradict what was said by Cactus Jack:

                          "Kids need BOTH parents. Not just the mommy and not just the daddy. They need both. "

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by HRC2008 View Post
                            I wouldn't exactly compare a history of violence to a bad driving record, but you are right that the proper channels must be gone through. I dont' know whether Stacy's concern is bio-dad's violence or her own desire to move on.

                            I've seen plenty of women who just don't want the inconvenience of having bio-dad around so they think they can snap their fingers and make his rights disappear.

                            I deliberately keep my own daughter away from her biological father because he is a junkie and I have made the decision that he would do her more harm than good. Nobody can know that like a mother does (or a father in the reverse case); not the government, not a forum moderator and certainly not a forum visitor. The point of my post was to contradict what was said by Cactus Jack:

                            "Kids need BOTH parents. Not just the mommy and not just the daddy. They need both. "
                            I wasn't comparing her situation to mine, simply offering a scenerio based on my own experience. But I have to ask, why not compare them? She feels he could be a danger because he has violence issues. My son's father has a history of DUI (at least one anyway), causing accidents and driving very fast. Are you saying my son is NOT in any danger because his father is careless with his car rather than his fists? I disagree. I think it is not identical, but not a bad parrell.

                            I agree with you that it is not as simple as "a kid needs a mommy and a daddy." My son is lucky enough to have a mommy and TWO daddies, but he was happy and healthy back in the days when it was just Mommy.

                            All that aside, her ex (and yours too if there is no court order keeping him from the child, but I am assuming you have gone through all that) has the right to ask for visitation if he so chooses. Based on the individual situations, it may or may not be granted right away, it may be supervised, it may be laughed right out of court. But he always has the opportunity to ASK unless and until those rights are stripped from him.

                            That is the lesson here. "Mom knows best" may make sense in many cases, but unfortunatley, it is not a legitimate legal argument.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              HCR2008, you're right. And by your own conclusion a child doesn't need a mommy, either.

                              A father may beat or molest or otherwise abuse his children. But a daddy doesn't. A mother may beat or molest or otherwise abuse her children, but a mommy won't.

                              Not all children are abused, not all fathers abuse, and not all mothers abuse. No matter what you try to pull up it is still the same- a child NEEDS both.
                              I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                              Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                              I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                              Don't worry, be happy.

                              http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                              Comment

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