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in OK, pondering cases in VA and AL Oklahoma

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  • in OK, pondering cases in VA and AL Oklahoma

    in OK, pondering cases in VA and AL

    this story i am going to detail is lengthy and encompasses a few states and probably a few cases, but i will include it all here to tie everything together and keep details from being distorted with short posts. the following is a true story, its my story:

    i met my g/f in 1998 when she was 16 and i was 19 in Alabama, still in school (i graduated when i was 20, the first of many cousins to graduate from school instead of dropping out, and i was held back twice, not my fault at all). by the time she turned 17, i was already living with her and her parents, working with her dad making church furniture.

    in June 1999, 2 weeks before i left for boot camp (Navy), we found out she was pregnant and we went before her parents and told them. we also told them of our plans to get married, which we did about 2 months after i got out of boot camp, after she turned 18. and we had a son about 4 months later.

    about 7 after our son was born, she confessed that she had sex with another guy during the 2 months i was in boot camp. instead of considering the fact that she felt compelled to tell me in the first place, i was the hotheaded 20 yr old that felt wronged and trapped in a marriage when she never gave me the option to back out of. and i figured it was over.

    so, when i was stationed in Norfolk, VA i made the mistake of leaving her in Alabama, instead of working on getting past this mistake. and i met another girl, who would later become my second wife (Jen). i also found out that first wife (H) was pregnant with my daughter. because of certain facial features passed down through my family, i knew those 2 kids were mine.

    while Jen and i were getting to know each other, i was also going through a divorce with H. Jen became pregnant around June 2001 and our daughter was born in March 2002. H and my divorce wasn't finalized until Sept 2002. once that was done, Jen and i went to the courthouse to be married in December 2002. this happened in Virginia and H was still in Alabama.

    i left for deployment to The Med in March 2003, in support of GWOT (global war on terror). my deployment ended after 3 months cause it was time for me to transfer. i had an arrival date to come home but i didn't let her know so that maybe i could surprise her. but i got the surprise instead. i came home and knocked on my door for about 45 minutes when, all of a sudden, another guy comes out of my apartment. Jen's explanation was that "he's just a friend". only to find out that her and this guy has been brought up before (while i was on deployment) and counselled on fraternization.

    even after i got back, she still would spend nights at this guy's house cause "he's just a friend". i trusted her over and over, but i felt something was wrong with it.

    now, i am an INFJ and a very powerful empath, and i can feel when something is out of place, and i knew i was in trouble.

    but even then, i wanted to make it work out between us for our daughter. from her point of view, she would tell me that i was in the wrong and i should be the one apologizing and making the marriage work; while she is still spending nights at these guys' houses. she would get very defensive if i would say that it was up to both of us to make it work. in her mind, she always did what was right and i never did.

    finally, in 2005, it escalated to the point where she accused me of stabbing our daughter with a pencil, first in her arm and then when she got to another command (she was Navy as well), the story grew to where i had stabbed our daughter in the neck. in court, they questioned the social worker who saw no marks and even took pictures and there were no evidence of that type of violence. that case was dismissed from court. but she still wanted to press on and get a restraining order for me to not come near her or my daughter. at this time, these accusations came out in June 2005 and was dismissed about November 2005. i haven't been able to see my daughter until after the dismissal. so, when the court gave her the restraining order, they also gave me one on her; a mutual restraining order that allowed shared visitation, 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off, starting with my visitation for 2 weeks.

    i was jubilant about it and went to go pick up my daughter and spent time with her. i worked 4 days on and 4 days off in a communication center for the US Navy (telecommunications), so the babysitter (Renee) had her share with my daughter as well with this schedule. throughout this whole case, the babysitter was never questioned about how my daughter played with the other kids, daughter's actions and reactions, etc...

    i seen my daughter for 2 weeks in November, for 2 weeks in December, and 2 weeks in the beginning of January 2006. i went to pick her up for my 2 week visit in late January when all of a sudden i am slammed with more accusations, aggravated sexual assault on a minor under the age of 14. my own 3 yr old daughter, wtf? and i wasn't allowed to see her until everything was resolved.

    oh, i asked over and over, i pressured people to tell me what was going on. and everyone said that it is still being investigated.

    and i heard nothing more about it until i was arrested in early August.

    the police and detectives were asking me why she wouldn't cooperate with the doctors for a full physical evaluation. and i told them that she didn't like to be touched. but nobody listened.

    and i spent 5 days in lockdown.

    only when i got out did i start ordering the things i would need for a case like this; like a copy of her medical record which not only shows her physical evaluation in July 2006 but also the other 3 PHYSICAL EVALUATIONS that she had from December 2005 - May2006 which shows NO abnormalities at all. and i try to figure out, why does a loving mother put her own 3-4 yr old daughter through this ordeal over and over without any concern over her daughter's emotional well-being?

    i also found out that there was another guy from her command that she was living with. and i believe to be the father of Jen's 2nd daughter.

    weeks turn to months, months to years,,,

    finally, me and my attorney had enough of it and we ordered for my record to be expunged in late 2007, due to lack of evidence from the prosecution. i was expunged in about March 2008 time frame

    the Navy system required that i stand before an Admin Separation Board to determine if my service should continue or not. i had been a stellar sailor in the US Navy with a impeccable service record and a devotion to my duty for over 9 years by this time.

    in the end, i was given an Under Other Than Honorable discharge due "to the severity of these accusations".

    i was humbled. here i was, on top with a promising career serving my country only to be brought down by accusations. i had not only my first ex-wife testify on my behalf but also my girlfriend and 2 very strongly endorsed letter from my command's Army Colonel (i served at a Joint command with Army, Air Force, Navy and Marines) for retention in the Armed Forces.

    hell, my Col told me that if only i had joined the Army, he could have just made a couple of phones calls. but the Navy requires an Admin Sep board (which is why Col blatantly called the Navy System "horsesh!t")

    so i went back to move in with family until i can get back on my feet. and i ended up in Carrollton, GA where i tried to get a job in a bad economy. more people were losing jobs than gaining in GA after Sept 2008.

    and i finally moved in with mom in Oklahoma.

    so, where do i stand now?

    well, i was
    paying H $500/month for child support
    paying Jen $587/month for one child in VA (based off the income i had)

    a few loans, 2 credit cards...

    oh, and the IRS back taxes... cause i made too much...

    while i served the military in VA, i also took it upon myself to work at a night club during the week and at the East VA Medical School in Security Dispatch...

    cause i wasn't married, had no kids living with me, and i was just going nuts...

    i was injured in the military and am now in the process of applying for disability through the Veterans Affairs. looking at me, you couldn't tell that i have a very, very bad shoulder that i will need surgery one again. employers like to have able bodies to work for them

    so, once i was out, i KNEW the numbers were only going to get higher and higher. and it all comes falling down on me

    now, the reason i joined the Navy was because i grew up in poverty-stricken Deep South, USA and the military was a way out for me.

    but it looks like i am back in square 1 again, with a helluva lot more debt to keep me down...

    and i don't know what to do...

    and i STILL haven't seen my youngest daughter since Jan 2006

    can anyone help?


    i am finding out that i am stuck in "what are they going to do to me? take my life?" mode...



    - Will (Berlioz isn't my real name, i just like the way it sounds)

    ps. don't marry military chicks, especially the ones that work in Navy Legal

    pss. last state i knew where Jen was at was in VA. the last time i saw her in passing was about mid-2008. but she is originally from Vancouver, WA
    Last edited by Berlioz; 07-03-2009, 09:19 AM. Reason: rewording and mispellings
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