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Stupid Question... Illinois

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  • Stupid Question... Illinois

    With a joint parenting agreement, what effect, if any does a new marriage have on the agreement? Can the simple act of getting married be used as grounds to change the custody agreement? Assuming this new personis not a drunk or drug addict or violent or such, does the new spouce have any effect on the existing parenting agreement?

  • #2
    That depends on 10,000 factors. General answer, Probably none.

    Only a lawyer can answer this one. Too many "Possibilities."

    Comment


    • #3
      It depends on what the custody arrangement is now and why it is that way.

      If your new spouse has a child, being married will not mean that you have any part of the custody arrangements or the process. Even though you are married to the child's parent and may have a huge part in raising the child, you have no legal standing in the child's life.

      I had to have a medical power of attorney in order to get emergency medical treatment when my spouse was away on a business trip and the child's Mom was unavailable.
      I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
      Thomas Jefferson

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      • #4
        Thanks for trying, let me try to give a quick run down.

        I am going to court to have child support reduced because my oldest daughter is now 18. This sparked off a whole bunch of arguments between my ex and me, but she had agreed the the reduction. We are waiting on our court date. I have since then told the younger children that my girlfriend and I have been "thinking" about getting married. For the most part, thekids were pretty good with the news, but it will be a change for them and I thought that the more time they had to think about it the better. Since the economy is bad, and my girlfriend would like a wedding, we have explored the possibility of her moving in before we are married so that eventually we can save up enough money to have a wedding.

        Nowit gets complicated. My ex-wife feels that I have decieved her, and that the reason I am asking for the reduction in child support is so that she can't ask for more money if or when my girlfriend moves in. She has the idea that since my girlfriend will contributing to my finances, she is entitled to more money. Although I have tried to explain to her that child support is only based on my income, she still feels that I am tring to pull a fast one. She has told me that she was told by a "friend" that if I get married this is a violation of the parenting agreement, and that she could get my visitation cut off. I also know this is not true.

        Somewhere along the line, someone said something to the kids about where my girlfriend would be sleeping. Through conversation, it come out that the "kids" decided that we should sleep in separate rooms, even if we get married before she moves in. The final threat from my ex was that if we sleep in the same room,she will use this as grounds to cut off my overnight visits.

        So, although it seems like a stupid question to me,if I get married and my new wife and I share a room, does this give my ex-wife any grounds to change the current parenting agreement.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by xpq559 View Post
          Thanks for trying, let me try to give a quick run down.

          I am going to court to have child support reduced because my oldest daughter is now 18. This sparked off a whole bunch of arguments between my ex and me, but she had agreed the the reduction. We are waiting on our court date. I have since then told the younger children that my girlfriend and I have been "thinking" about getting married. For the most part, thekids were pretty good with the news, but it will be a change for them and I thought that the more time they had to think about it the better. Since the economy is bad, and my girlfriend would like a wedding, we have explored the possibility of her moving in before we are married so that eventually we can save up enough money to have a wedding.

          Nowit gets complicated. My ex-wife feels that I have decieved her, and that the reason I am asking for the reduction in child support is so that she can't ask for more money if or when my girlfriend moves in. She has the idea that since my girlfriend will contributing to my finances, she is entitled to more money. Although I have tried to explain to her that child support is only based on my income, she still feels that I am tring to pull a fast one. She has told me that she was told by a "friend" that if I get married this is a violation of the parenting agreement, and that she could get my visitation cut off. I also know this is not true.

          Somewhere along the line, someone said something to the kids about where my girlfriend would be sleeping. Through conversation, it come out that the "kids" decided that we should sleep in separate rooms, even if we get married before she moves in. The final threat from my ex was that if we sleep in the same room,she will use this as grounds to cut off my overnight visits.

          So, although it seems like a stupid question to me,if I get married and my new wife and I share a room, does this give my ex-wife any grounds to change the current parenting agreement.
          It might. As the others have said, there are too many possibilities for anyone here to be able to give you an accurate response.

          Consults are usually inexpensive, you might want to take your court order to a local attorney for a consult.

          Comment


          • #6
            Really?! So I should take this treat seriously?

            I do have a lawyer, and she has been great and has actually performed a few things for me pro bono, but as with many people, money is really tight right now, so I have been trying to do some of this stuff myself. I work two jobs just to make ends meet, I have from since before the divorce. The only reason I filed to modify the child support so quickly is because I am really feeling the pinch.

            What kind of world do we live in where my rights as a father can be limited simply because I choose to remarry. My ex-wife had an affair before she filed for divorce and I was told that the affair had no affect on custody or child support, but now my getting married could?

            I know you are just trying to answer the question honestly, and that all you have to work with is what I have told you, but this really bites the big one.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by xpq559 View Post
              She has the idea that since my girlfriend will contributing to my finances, she is entitled to more money.
              Probably wrong, but you could check with your child support agency.

              She has told me that she was told by a "friend" that if I get married this is a violation of the parenting agreement, and that she could get my visitation cut off. I also know this is not true.
              Rubbish. Unless you can quote us the part of the agreement that says that neither party is allowed to re-marry.

              Through conversation, it come out that the "kids" decided that we should sleep in separate rooms, even if we get married before she moves in. The final threat from my ex was that if we sleep in the same room,she will use this as grounds to cut off my overnight visits.
              HUH?? Married folks aren't allowed to sleep together?

              So, although it seems like a stupid question to me,if I get married and my new wife and I share a room, does this give my ex-wife any grounds to change the current parenting agreement.
              I really doubt it. Unless there is something in the agreement about not cohabiting with someone you're not married to, she is blowing smoke, and probably has her nickers in a bunch because you're moving on.

              Can you imagine her in front of the judge:
              "Your honor, I want to cut off his overnight visits because he got married and his wife is sleeping in his bed with him."

              I would love to be there to see the reaction. Priceless.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks everyone for the info. I went back to the parenting agreement and this is the clause about new relationships and overnight guest.

                "Each parent agrees not to have any unrelated guests with whom that parent is involved in an intimate or conjugal relationship stay overnight if the children are staying with that parent overnight."

                Obviously, from this, if I wanted to have my girlfriend move in without getting married, I would have to ask the court for some sort of amendment to the agreement. I am not really sure if I want to fight that battle. But once we get married, we are then by definition related, and my ex should have no say in who stays over and where we sleep.

                Am I reading this correctly?

                Thanks again.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sounds like the same clause that was in my husband's custody papers for his daughter........... we asked for the clause when we gained primary/physical custody because the bio-mom had frequent, drug-pushing boyfriends spending the night regularly... and we suspected abuse to the daughter by one of those boyfriends (we were right).

                  The clause was meant to prevent the above --- it had nothing to do with preventing BM from getting re-married. That's different.

                  God bless you,
                  Amy

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by xpq559 View Post
                    Thanks everyone for the info. I went back to the parenting agreement and this is the clause about new relationships and overnight guest.

                    "Each parent agrees not to have any unrelated guests with whom that parent is involved in an intimate or conjugal relationship stay overnight if the children are staying with that parent overnight."

                    Obviously, from this, if I wanted to have my girlfriend move in without getting married, I would have to ask the court for some sort of amendment to the agreement. I am not really sure if I want to fight that battle. But once we get married, we are then by definition related, and my ex should have no say in who stays over and where we sleep.

                    Am I reading this correctly?

                    Thanks again.
                    Yes, I believe you are reading it correctly. For what it's worth, my personal opinion is that this is a fight that's not worth fighting. Why don't you get married in small civil ceremony, then on your first anniversay have a big wedding.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Xena,

                      That is very funny. That is exactly what my girlfriend said last night. Great minds must think alike.

                      Comment

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