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I need some advice....NC Child Support/Custody North Carolina

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  • I need some advice....NC Child Support/Custody North Carolina

    My daughter is 2 yrs old. I was with her father for about 4 yrs. After years of domestic abuse I finally left. (He is actually still on probation for assaulting me now). He is a professional basketball player who plays in Italy. He hasnt sent a dime for my daughter since October 2007. Mind you, he makes $42,000a month. He says that if I want to be with him then all of my worries financially, and emotionally will go away. But the thing is I DONT WANT HIM. Its like he will take care of my daughter ONLY if I say I will be back with him. I opened up a CS case in Nov 2007 and we are scheduled to go to court in May for that. He has hired 3 different attorneys since my case opened. He doesnt call for my daughter although sometimes he will call or email when he gets drunk and its 2am here but never to ask how she is. He has 5 kids by 5 different women altogether and I am seriously just fed up with him only supporting his child if he is "with" the mother. I was told I could look into filing a TPR since April 1 will be 6 months since he has provided anything for her and I just wanted to know how that works. One of lawyers called me saying he wants a paternity test, mind you he got upset when he saw that his name wasnt on the birth certificate and when he returned to the states immediately and WILLINGLY signed it. Has her name tattooed on him, and is claiming her on his facebook and myspace page (REAL MATURE). The attorney also said she was trying to get him to send some type of support soon. I just cant believe that he is stooping this low and hasnt sent a dime. Any advice on what I should do? I really just want it all to be over and if he isnt going to support her then he can sign over his rights.

  • #2
    My best advice is this....... handle your own emotions and settle for having to deal with him a bit longer....... get what your daughter deserves. She deserves his financial support, no matter how much it hurts you to have to deal with him.

    God Bless!
    Amy

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by allmyluv4madi View Post
      My daughter is 2 yrs old. I was with her father for about 4 yrs. After years of domestic abuse I finally left. (He is actually still on probation for assaulting me now). He is a professional basketball player who plays in Italy. He hasnt sent a dime for my daughter since October 2007. Mind you, he makes $42,000a month. He says that if I want to be with him then all of my worries financially, and emotionally will go away. But the thing is I DONT WANT HIM. Its like he will take care of my daughter ONLY if I say I will be back with him. I opened up a CS case in Nov 2007 and we are scheduled to go to court in May for that. He has hired 3 different attorneys since my case opened. He doesnt call for my daughter although sometimes he will call or email when he gets drunk and its 2am here but never to ask how she is. He has 5 kids by 5 different women altogether and I am seriously just fed up with him only supporting his child if he is "with" the mother. I was told I could look into filing a TPR since April 1 will be 6 months since he has provided anything for her and I just wanted to know how that works. One of lawyers called me saying he wants a paternity test, mind you he got upset when he saw that his name wasnt on the birth certificate and when he returned to the states immediately and WILLINGLY signed it. Has her name tattooed on him, and is claiming her on his facebook and myspace page (REAL MATURE). The attorney also said she was trying to get him to send some type of support soon. I just cant believe that he is stooping this low and hasnt sent a dime. Any advice on what I should do? I really just want it all to be over and if he isnt going to support her then he can sign over his rights.
      You cannot get a TPR based on abandonment because paternity hasn't been legally established. Until a court issues an order establishing paternity and CS, he is not legally a father nor is he legally required to pay any CS.

      Are you going through the state CS enforcement agency? If you are, ask your caseworker to request retroactive CS.

      Comment


      • #4
        He signed the affidavit of parentage so until otherwise proven he is legally responsible. I have no problem doing a paternity test, but he is ONLY asking for one b/c he thinks that will "buy him time" and to piss me off. It would be different if he had a reason to question his parentage. Its not a thing of "my emotions" or anything like that, but if I have to raise her alone then I don't feel he should be on her birth certificate. Or pop up sending me emails and text saying tell my daughter I love her...blah..blah..blah if he isn't supporting her. It would be different if he didnt have the means to do so. But it was not until I told him I didnt want to be with him that he stopped taking care of her. We even moved to Italy and live with him last year, and NEVER until now do I hear this paternity stuff, only if I want to be with him will he not ask for it...thats stupid and its a waste of my time. I read a lot of blogs about TPR procedures being hard, so maybe I will just fight for sole custody. And I have the grounds and evidence to do so. But this is getting very time consuming and I need to be putting that energy into raising my daughter. He called about a month ago and said if he sends me $7000 right then and $700 a month would I agree, I told him to do what he felt and he said well by the time I get home we will be back together and as soon as I said no we will not, he said "I can ask for a paternity test and prolong it", you stupid to go thru the courts you should have just stuck with me". He is not thinking about his daughter at all. Thank god I'm a strong individual!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by xena View Post
          You cannot get a TPR based on abandonment because paternity hasn't been legally established. Until a court issues an order establishing paternity and CS, he is not legally a father nor is he legally required to pay any CS.

          Are you going through the state CS enforcement agency? If you are, ask your caseworker to request retroactive CS.

          Yes. I have a caseworker. He signed the affidavit of parentage so he is "legally" her father until otherwise proven and we go to court in May for CS. It will be retro and current. I honestly would rather just have him give up his rights because of the fact he has too much going on to be able to be the father he needs to be (mental diagnosis, prior assault convictions on me and 2 other mothers of his kids, money managing problems..and a lot more). And even if he is ordered to pay child support there is still no guarantee he will pay it, I have seen him blow $180,000 in less than a year and have nothing to show for it. I really am just trying to figure out the best road to take because its all really uncalled for.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by allmyluv4madi View Post
            Yes. I have a caseworker. He signed the affidavit of parentage so he is "legally" her father until otherwise proven and we go to court in May for CS. It will be retro and current. I honestly would rather just have him give up his rights because of the fact he has too much going on to be able to be the father he needs to be (mental diagnosis, prior assault convictions on me and 2 other mothers of his kids, money managing problems..and a lot more). And even if he is ordered to pay child support there is still no guarantee he will pay it, I have seen him blow $180,000 in less than a year and have nothing to show for it. I really am just trying to figure out the best road to take because its all really uncalled for.
            The best road to take is to get the DNA test and once he is determined to be the bio- and legal father get yourself and your child prepared to have him in your lives for at least the next 18 years.

            You can ask for supervised vistation if you can PROVE in court that he will present a danger to his child. The mental diagnoses, assault convictions may or may not be relevant, depending on how long ago they ocurred. His inabilty to properly manage money will NOT be relevant at all. Basically what it boils down to is this- you chose to have a child with this man and you cannot now claim that he's not good enough to be a father.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by xena View Post
              The best road to take is to get the DNA test and once he is determined to be the bio- and legal father get yourself and your child prepared to have him in your lives for at least the next 18 years.

              You can ask for supervised vistation if you can PROVE in court that he will present a danger to his child. The mental diagnoses, assault convictions may or may not be relevant, depending on how long ago they ocurred. His inabilty to properly manage money will NOT be relevant at all. Basically what it boils down to is this- you chose to have a child with this man and you cannot now claim that he's not good enough to be a father.
              As stated before he is STILL on probation for his conviction of assaulting me in 2006. I have bite marks on my arm from when he bit me in the early part of 2007. And the list goes on, which all was IN FRONT of his daughter. I was granted full custody for one year but that expired in 2007 and I was kind enough to let him see her then, although he wasnt supposed to. My question to people on Labor Law is NOT whether or not to get a paternity test or to prove anything, my question was for advice/ procedures on TPR or going the sole custody route. DNA testing is not a problem it will only prove the EXACT same thing his signature does already on her birth certificate. I am NOT claimining he isnt good enough to be her father his actions are.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by allmyluv4madi View Post
                My question to people on Labor Law is NOT whether or not to get a paternity test or to prove anything, my question was for advice/ procedures on TPR or going the sole custody route.
                As answered, a TPR is not an option at this time. However, you should certainly go for sole custody with supervised visitations. Then, in a couple of years you can look into the possibilty of a TPR depending on his actions for a year or 2 after the court order is issued.

                Also, before a TPR can be done, you'll need to be married for at least 1 year to someone who wishes to adopt. Courts do not like to leave a child fatherless.
                Last edited by xena; 03-25-2008, 03:06 PM.

                Comment

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