visitation for spouse of the non custodial parent Virginia

[chris1228]

Greetings,

Can I, as the spouse of the noncustodial parent get visitation rights. I ask because neither the mother or father care if the father is in the childs life. At least neither are making an attempt. I always set something up and she no shows so the father of the child has now given up so he doesn't have to deal with the mother.
I feel that if I can get visitation rights then it may bring my husband and his son closer together. he found out about him at when he was 2 and a half and the mother does not want the child around me. She is doing this with the other fathers of her other kids as well.

[Baystategirl]

Greetings,

Can I, as the spouse of the noncustodial parent get visitation rights. I ask because neither the mother or father care if the father is in the childs life. At least neither are making an attempt. I always set something up and she no shows so the father of the child has now given up so he doesn't have to deal with the mother.
I feel that if I can get visitation rights then it may bring my husband and his son closer together. he found out about him at when he was 2 and a half and the mother does not want the child around me. She is doing this with the other fathers of her other kids as well.

No. You can not get visitation rights. You could mind your own business though...If Dad cared enough about his child then HE would be here to determine how to get visitation with his child. Giving a darn is not something you can force on him.

[chris1228]

That tone was uncalled for. A simple 'no' would have done. At least I do care and would like to help a father and son get to know each other. As for the statement you made about giving a ****...as always, there is more to this story as there is with everyone's situation.
If I need ever to ask a question again, please do not respond to it.

[Baystategirl]

That tone was uncalled for. A simple 'no' would have done. At least I do care and would like to help a father and son get to know each other. As for the statement you made about giving a ****...as always, there is more to this story as there is with everyone's situation.
If I need ever to ask a question again, please do not respond to it.

When you post on a internet web site you will get all kinds of responses...blunt and sugar-coated. I go for blunt. But my advice was 100% accurate. Step-parents have, barring very unusual circumstances, as much right in court regarding their st-children as a stranger on the street. Hence the term LEGAL STRANGER. I am sure there is more to this situation than you posted....but the bottom line is if he cared enough about having a relationship with his child nothing would stop him. I have seen the lengths a parent goes to in order to be apart of their child's life..If he really cared he would not have given up.

[Suzz]

Disclaimer

That tone was uncalled for. A simple 'no' would have done. At least I do care and would like to help a father and son get to know each other. As for the statement you made about giving a ****...as always, there is more to this story as there is with everyone's situation.
If I need ever to ask a question again, please do not respond to it.

OP ... Note Bay's disclaimer below ... she calls it like she sees it... whether we want to hear it that way or not. Such is life.

Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

Bay

[Baystategirl]

OP ... Note Bay's disclaimer below ... she calls it like she sees it... whether we want to hear it that way or not. Such is life.

Thank you Suzz for pointing that out to the OP....

[xpq559]

She is doing this with the other fathers of her other kids as well.

I don’t mean to make light of the situation, but is the state motto of Virginia still

“Virginia is for Lovers”

I think this lady took it too far.

[ShakinThingzUp]

chris1228

The best that you can do is to have a sit down with hubby & tell him all that you are willing to do to help him, if HE will show a better interest in his child, etc. Sometimes, there are Dad's out there who have good intentions, but do not prioritize as they should.... and if the step mom is able to help do some of the "work" involved, remind Dad when to call, etc... it can help.

I'm sorry, but unfortunately the folks above are right, step parents generally don't have any rights at all. And, the unusual cases where they do ---- be glad you're NOT one of them, because that would usually mean you are in a situation like me, where bio-mom physically & sexually abused her daughter & is now in prison (I have a POA to care for my step daughter now, & hope to eventually adopt her).

God Bless!
Amy

[mom26]

First off, I don't care if you were getting to the point or not that was not cool to reply like that. She asked a simple question.. I know it sucks but if mom and dad do not care to interact with each other than there is nothing that you can do.. If dad want's he can go down and file for visitation and go from there..

[chris1228]

Thanks to the last few that responded to my question. This situation is long and out drawn and that is why I kept it simple and to the point. My husband pays his child support (on his own not through the court) so he is not a dead beat dad. The bio mom will not let him take his son around me, and my husband does not want his son in the court system. I'm not a bad person but she wants the father of her child and said she will cause enough problems to cause a divorce and have the type of clothes I have, house I have, job I have and education I have and so on. That's just a summary, more petty than anything. She is doing the same with the other 3 men and their relationships.
We found out about the boy when he was almost 3, actually the same time I had lost a baby. Anyway my husband has tried and now states he'll just wait until his son can make up his own mind which I do not agree with but now realize I can't do anything about it either.
So thank you for the comments, I appreciate the knowledge.

[mommyof4]

Okay, I was reading through your past threads. This has been going on for a while.

Your husband needs to realize that by the time this child is old enough to make his own decisions about custody/visitation (age 18, btw) this mother will have had free reign to completely destroy any chance of his child accepting his father.

Your husband NEEDS to take this to court, especially in light of everything else she is doing. I understand that he may not relish the idea of going to court, but this is his child. There should be NOTHING that would stop him from making sure this child is protected and cared for. Heck, let her believe that you and your husband are seperating just to be able to see the child to at least make sure he is okay.

Tell you husband to get an atty and take her lazy behind to court. He has a right to have a relationship with his child whether she likes the fact that he is married to you or not.

It will not be a long, drawn out battle. Paternity has already been established and unless he is a child raping, drug addicted, axe murderer it will be simple. He'll go to court, present the fact that he is the father and that she is refusing visitation, and the judge will ask her why. When she can't come up with the above excuses, the judge will set the visitation schedule (expect joint legal custody to be ordered, btw...he will have the right to have input into all major decisions) starting on such and such date.

If she doesn't abide by the order, he will file for contempt. Enough of that, and he can be awarded custody.

Did y'all ever report her for the fraud?

[ShakinThingzUp]

chris1228

My family is blended..... I have a lot of different situations in my home. I was married once before with one child, my husband was married twice before with a child from each marriage (praise the Lord, we've been happily married for nearly 8 years now and going strong)...... anyway....

I was dating my now husband when his son was only 1 because they actually learned of the pregnancy after they filed separation papers.... She had a major problem with any other woman in his life, much less with the child (kept changing her mind about wanting him back or not).

We developed a visitation plan and wrote up custody papers - I actually typed them up myself based on their conversations, but she never knew that. I based them on my own custody papers of my son with wording changes per their discussions.

What we put in there is that gradual visitation would occur. It would start with the father and mother and the child in a public place for one hour each visit. No one else. Then, it would be unsupervised in a public place for an hour-2 hours (she left the baby with him at a mall that had a merry go round and good food court). It was understood that I might see the child but I nor anyone other than the two of them was not to be at the exchanges at that time.

The papers were written up that this would go on for several visits and would gradually increase by 1-2 hours at a time until the father had the child for an entire day at his own home. Overnight visits would not occur until the child was weaned. (It ended up being until he was about 2.5 years old). The judge signed the papers into the order and actually told them he was impressed by the papers we had worked up & their ability to work it out without attorneys and high costs........ (I stayed at home and away from this and let my then boyfriend handle it on his own).

Mom needed time....... we gave it to her....... now everyone gets along.

God Bless!
Amy

[chris1228]

Mommy of 4,
Yes, this has been going on for sometime now. We did try the 'seperation' thing but when she realized we were still together she stopped showing up for visits. I am trying to get through to him and hopefully it will work. I had the boy on my insurance so that we could make sure he was getting all his shots and stuff like that but when my husband and I switched to my insurance and added the son, the bio mom went and got on medical throguh the state. I had already paid out about 800.00 for his coverage before I convinced my husband to call and find out why he was not getting his shots for school. The bio mom said 'oh I forgot to tell you'. Like I said petty stuff to get me mad or to try and hurt me. But I am still working on my husband to get through to him. I know what it is like to be a single mom and now that my children are grown, I know what it is like for a child to grow up without a father.

[chris1228]

Shakingthingzup,

That's how we started, only the mother and father and that was working fine. However, it got to the point were the son was familiar with his dad but the mom did not want that to end or anyone to interfere with that. It's just stupid what she is doing that it frustrates me to talk further about it. I do thank you for your idea but we already tried that to so I guess court is the answer, which is a shame.

[xpq559]

Court is the only answer.

If your husband is paying his child support, why is there not a visitation order? If there is one and the mother is not letting your husband see his son, she is in violation of the order. If there is not an order for visitation get one ASAP. Then she can not keep the son away, even if she doesn't like you.