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Destitute Ex?????? Suggestions, Please Florida

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  • Destitute Ex?????? Suggestions, Please Florida

    A question arose last night after my fiance received an email from his ex. He'd received two court motions demanding he pay all kinds of fee's, additional child support, spousal maintenance, etc. It's flat out stated she's incapable of meeting her bills, it's causing financial hardship to have the 11 year old with her, and there should be additional monies paid for the "custodial care" of the 17 year old. The whole situation boils down to the ex does not want to pay her portion of child care costs for the 11 year old - she want's my fiance to pay everything. She's been told by the judge it's HER responsibility, my fiance has reitterated that sentiment, but it simply doesn't get through to her. This has been on-going for at least the last two years. Since August 2006, the ex has abandoned the child at the school twice, dumped her at a neighbors home to wait for the bus (she'd never met the adults, and my fiance was home at the time, almost directly across the street!), and driven to various neighborhoods dumping her at bus stops if she seen an adult there. Absolutely horrible behaviour on her part, to say the least. There is a court order in place where my fiance pays $500 per month child support for the 17 year old. The Guardian is conducting his investigation, which should be complete within the next couple of weeks.

    She emailed last night saying she officially has a new address. She's moved from a two bedroom townhouse to a three bedroom single family home. The rent (compared to the average of that particular area) would've increased at least three to four hundred dollars per month. Obviously, the utilities will be higher (larger living space), and yard maintenance will be required. Our question is - HOW can she scream poverty if she has the funds to not only move right now, but take on the responsibility of renting/leasing a larger home, having higher utilities, and additional maintenance costs???

    Given that there are two pending motions claiming poverty, would it be appropriate and practicle to file something demanding copies of her new lease/rental agreement??? I told my fiance he should request the old and new rental agreements, utility transfer fee's, as well as proof of paid moving costs. Creditors call him all the time for HER debts (yes, she gave HIS contact info to them), her utilities are constantly disconnected, and she's been evicted from three different apartments in the last five years - if she rented through an agency, there's no way her credit would've passed. If she was honest in admitting the evictions, there's no way she would've qualified for the home. Housing is truly at a premium here, especially in this particular area of town - very upper class. Our belief is that her "sugar daddy" is footing the home, and the lease is actually under his name.

    The financial settlement is pending, so this is really quite a major event. Again, especially on the heels of receiving not one, but TWO motions claiming poverty. Oh - and she still owe's HIM $6,500 in support arrears which she refuses to pay!

    Suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    Originally posted by fla_nanny View Post
    A question arose last night after my fiance received an email from his ex. He'd received two court motions demanding he pay all kinds of fee's, additional child support, spousal maintenance, etc. It's flat out stated she's incapable of meeting her bills, it's causing financial hardship to have the 11 year old with her, and there should be additional monies paid for the "custodial care" of the 17 year old. The whole situation boils down to the ex does not want to pay her portion of child care costs for the 11 year old - she want's my fiance to pay everything. She's been told by the judge it's HER responsibility, my fiance has reitterated that sentiment, but it simply doesn't get through to her. This has been on-going for at least the last two years. Since August 2006, the ex has abandoned the child at the school twice, dumped her at a neighbors home to wait for the bus (she'd never met the adults, and my fiance was home at the time, almost directly across the street!), and driven to various neighborhoods dumping her at bus stops if she seen an adult there. Absolutely horrible behaviour on her part, to say the least. There is a court order in place where my fiance pays $500 per month child support for the 17 year old. The Guardian is conducting his investigation, which should be complete within the next couple of weeks.

    She emailed last night saying she officially has a new address. She's moved from a two bedroom townhouse to a three bedroom single family home. The rent (compared to the average of that particular area) would've increased at least three to four hundred dollars per month. Obviously, the utilities will be higher (larger living space), and yard maintenance will be required. Our question is - HOW can she scream poverty if she has the funds to not only move right now, but take on the responsibility of renting/leasing a larger home, having higher utilities, and additional maintenance costs???

    Given that there are two pending motions claiming poverty, would it be appropriate and practicle to file something demanding copies of her new lease/rental agreement??? I told my fiance he should request the old and new rental agreements, utility transfer fee's, as well as proof of paid moving costs. Creditors call him all the time for HER debts (yes, she gave HIS contact info to them), her utilities are constantly disconnected, and she's been evicted from three different apartments in the last five years - if she rented through an agency, there's no way her credit would've passed. If she was honest in admitting the evictions, there's no way she would've qualified for the home. Housing is truly at a premium here, especially in this particular area of town - very upper class. Our belief is that her "sugar daddy" is footing the home, and the lease is actually under his name.

    The financial settlement is pending, so this is really quite a major event. Again, especially on the heels of receiving not one, but TWO motions claiming poverty. Oh - and she still owe's HIM $6,500 in support arrears which she refuses to pay!

    Suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.
    While motions or petitions are pending everything that is mentioned in the pleadings, financial affidavits, etc. is legally open to discovery. So yes, he can request documentation of all her finances relating to her claims.

    Does her motion actually state that having the 11 yr old with her is causing financial hardship? If it does, the most effective response to that claim would be a request for custody of the 11 yr old due to custodial parent's inability to support child,

    Comment


    • #3
      exactly. if she is having that much trouble making her bills, maybe she doesn't need the "burden" of the children

      Comment


      • #4
        I appreciate the quick response! Yes, the two motions her attorney filed specifically state the child care costs of the 11 year old is creating a "financial hardship" and further states additional financial hardship is incurred due to the "increased custodial needs" for care of the 17 year old - which is after she's been receiving the $500 per month child support, still owing my fiance the $6500 in arrears!! The child support she's receiving isn't even MENTIONED in the motions. And, of course, she's incurred NO costs for child care due to her previous stated "resolutions" to the problem - abandonment, dump and run, etc. (yes, paid receipts ARE being requested)

        She's been fighting the fact she's responsible for paying the child care costs she incurs while the 11 year old is in her custody for the last five years. Up until two years ago, my fiance paid for the school's Extended Day Program, frankly because she simply doesn't pay her bills and he needed to ensure the child was properly cared for and in a safe place. Since April 2005 he's told her at least several times a month if she wants to use the service, she needs to set up her own account. During their numerous court hearings, the judge also stated she needs to be responsible for the child care costs. I mean, c'mon - we're talking $40 per week, with an annual registration fee of $130! The ONLY time the weekly fee would be incurred is during the week the service is used.

        The child goes to her mom's every other Friday after school, until the following Monday morning. The ex is fighting tooth and nail to make him pay $40 for the one and a half hours of time the child would spend in the extended day program on Friday afternoon. Other than that, the only time the service would be used is if she accepts First Right of Refusal when my fiance travels for business. And, of course, even if she's on vacation or leaves work early, she doesn't pick the child up until absolutely necessary - one time leaving her there until after the center closed (they ended up calling my fiance at almost seven o'clock because the ex wouldn't even answer her phone or anything!)

        It's truely frustrating! The ex travels constantly (like, flying every other weekend out of state), takes week long cruises, plays oodles of golf (of course, she MUST have pro golf equipment, that's the ONLY thing she'll use), constant manicures and pedicures - but, there's never any food in the home (noted by two GAL's), the utilities are constantly disconnected, bill collectors calling constantly, and month after month, visitation and custody of the 11 year old is declined because the ex say's she can't afford the child care costs! I'm sure you can imagine how this affects the 11 year old - she's so hurt by it all. Heck, I take the 11 year old for haircuts, personal hygiene products, new clothes, shoes, splurging now and then letting HER get a manicure and pedicure. The claims of poverty are utterly ridiculous, and from everything the ex is doing, really seem unfounded. The move to a house was really the topper, and I really needed some input so I'd know if I truly was going batty, being hypercritical, or just witchy over the whole thing.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by fla_nanny View Post
          I appreciate the quick response! Yes, the two motions her attorney filed specifically state the child care costs of the 11 year old is creating a "financial hardship" and further states additional financial hardship is incurred due to the "increased custodial needs" for care of the 17 year old - which is after she's been receiving the $500 per month child support, still owing my fiance the $6500 in arrears!! The child support she's receiving isn't even MENTIONED in the motions. And, of course, she's incurred NO costs for child care due to her previous stated "resolutions" to the problem - abandonment, dump and run, etc. (yes, paid receipts ARE being requested)

          She's been fighting the fact she's responsible for paying the child care costs she incurs while the 11 year old is in her custody for the last five years. Up until two years ago, my fiance paid for the school's Extended Day Program, frankly because she simply doesn't pay her bills and he needed to ensure the child was properly cared for and in a safe place. Since April 2005 he's told her at least several times a month if she wants to use the service, she needs to set up her own account. During their numerous court hearings, the judge also stated she needs to be responsible for the child care costs. I mean, c'mon - we're talking $40 per week, with an annual registration fee of $130! The ONLY time the weekly fee would be incurred is during the week the service is used.

          The child goes to her mom's every other Friday after school, until the following Monday morning. The ex is fighting tooth and nail to make him pay $40 for the one and a half hours of time the child would spend in the extended day program on Friday afternoon. Other than that, the only time the service would be used is if she accepts First Right of Refusal when my fiance travels for business. And, of course, even if she's on vacation or leaves work early, she doesn't pick the child up until absolutely necessary - one time leaving her there until after the center closed (they ended up calling my fiance at almost seven o'clock because the ex wouldn't even answer her phone or anything!)

          It's truely frustrating! The ex travels constantly (like, flying every other weekend out of state), takes week long cruises, plays oodles of golf (of course, she MUST have pro golf equipment, that's the ONLY thing she'll use), constant manicures and pedicures - but, there's never any food in the home (noted by two GAL's), the utilities are constantly disconnected, bill collectors calling constantly, and month after month, visitation and custody of the 11 year old is declined because the ex say's she can't afford the child care costs! I'm sure you can imagine how this affects the 11 year old - she's so hurt by it all. Heck, I take the 11 year old for haircuts, personal hygiene products, new clothes, shoes, splurging now and then letting HER get a manicure and pedicure. The claims of poverty are utterly ridiculous, and from everything the ex is doing, really seem unfounded. The move to a house was really the topper, and I really needed some input so I'd know if I truly was going batty, being hypercritical, or just witchy over the whole thing.
          Why doesn't your fiance file for custody? It sure sounds like he'd be able to prove that he's the better parent.

          Comment


          • #6
            Oooooh - you hit the nail right on the head! August 2004, custody of BOTH girls was removed from the ex and given to my fiance due to neglect. Their divorce has been ongoing for five years, with the 17 year old now diagnosed as being severly affected by Parental Alienation Syndrome by the court appointed psychologist. The ex has done everything conceivable to alienate the child from her father. Last March, for whatever reason and to everyone's amazement, the judge awarded "temporary" custody of the 17 year old back to the ex after she accused him of removing her bedroom door, making the girl change in a closet. That time, the judge spoke to the child in chambers, she came out literally skipping, and that's when the custody was temporarily changed. The judge then appointed the second Guardian Ad Litem in June, who's still in the process of conducting his investigation.

            My fiance has retained the custody of the 11 year old throughout that nonsense - the ex has NO interest in having her. She's the shunned child - constantly left alone, constantly neglected, it's truly heartbreaking.

            I've been interviewed by both the psychologist and the 2nd Guardian, and the impression is (based on their questions) they know what the ex is up to. The 1st Guardian AND the psychologist both said the children are better off with my fiance. The psychologist went so far as to include in her report if the 17 year old was with the ex, all relationship with her father would cease - which it did within three weeks of the "temporary" custody change. The only thing we can figure is the 17 year old told the judge she'd hurt herself or run away if he made her go back.

            He's at his wits end, wants nothing more than to do what's best for his children, and has been fighting for five years to try and ensure they are actually cared for, supervised, have food, electricity, clean clothes, doing their schoolwork, and tries to encourage friendships with their peer groups. Both girls were ordered into full time counseling - the ex refuses to take the 17 year old - for a year now - legal action is pending on that issue.

            The Guardian's investigation should be complete within a couple of weeks now. We truly hope, for the sake of the children, that custody of both girls is awarded to my fiance. This is the concensus of not only his family, but ironically, HERS - which they've told the GAL's.

            Comment


            • #7
              OK, I get it, your fiance has Physical Custody of the 11 year old and the ex is claiming that she needs care money for her weekend visitations, is that right?

              I was confused in thinking she had both girls... Um, if she isn't actually visiting with her, then it isn't visitation, make sure that your fiance ALSO has the right of first refusal so that if she is not actually with the child, he gets to decide how the 11 year old can spend her days.

              Comment


              • #8
                With the 11 year old, he's offered First Right of Refusal about 90% of the time - the ex has been known to dump her where ever, and leave for her trips.

                With the 17 year old, there are so many violations of First Right of Refusal and visitation with my fiance that we've darn near lost count - yes, there's action pending on that now. The ex has went so far as to have a friend hide the 17 year old for a week, refusing to deliver her to my fiance, after he accepted her offer of First Right of Refusal.

                We've found many times as issue's arise, there simply isn't a court order in place to cover that event - we're fortunate because there IS an order stating First Right of Refusal, and that it applies to both parents.

                A question, though. For example, my fiance had to offer First Right of Refusal for Monday through Friday of next week; he must travel for work. The ex replied she could "handle" the child all the days except Thursday, saying she had a huge conflict. So - does that mean SHE'S responsible for arranging care to cover for that day since she'll have the child the remainder of the week? Or, is it my fiance's responsibility to make arrangements for that one day before leaving? OR - if the ex cannot (or, will not) accept the responsibility of caring for the child during the entire time offered, does that negate the offer entirely - would my fiance then be within the law to make alternate arrangements for the child for the entire week?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I would think your fiance would be responsible to take care of the Thursday care somehow...

                  How many times has he filed for contempt against the ex?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Sadly, this is the first time contempt is being filed against her. His first attorney felt that it'd be like pouring gas onto a fire when she ignored court orders in the past. Last June, his attorney withdrew from the case, and he retained a new attorney. Given the multitude of incidences where she's violated the court orders, as well as State Law, the new attorney is putting everything together under a Show Cause Motion. He's going to request incarceration, though he doesn't feel it will happen - because this is the first time contempt has been filed.

                    While I'm by no means an expert in human behaviour, I've had the distinct impression the violations occur simply because the ex is allowed to continue the behaviour. I've wondered at least a million times if the first attorney had filed for contempt when she started the nonsense, if she and my fiance would still be battling five years later.

                    If my fiance needs to make the arrangements for Thursday care, it won't be a problem - I'm his "contingency plan", as he says. Since he and I started dating two years ago, I've been the only person he's ever left either of the girls with. June of 2005 the judge acknowledged me court as "The Nanny". The ex had contacted me herself a bazillion times to care for the 11 year old when my fiance is out of town, which I've never refused. I fully expect, if she does take the child on Monday, she'll have the child ask me if she can come to my house Thursday after school to stay the night. The ex cannot contact me herself - there's a trespass warning against her for my home, and it was stipulated by the deputy no calls, no emails, no notes, no letters. So now she uses the 11 year old to ask me if I can keep her when the ex has other plans come up. The last time, the 11 year old even said if I couldn't keep her, she didn't know what she was going to do because her mom just didn't have time to go get her that day after school - she even started crying, wondering if she'd have to sleep in the school, what she'd have for dinner, it was really horrible.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Additional Interesting Facts Added...

                      Well, according to both girls, the ex BOUGHT the home they've just moved into. With her credit, we don't see how that'd be possible! The 11 year old said she thought the married boyfriend gave her mom the money, or bought it for her. So - if the house was bought for her, does that impact anything???? She's crying "poor me", for no cause. The county site may not be updated with a possible home sale for two weeks or so. I told my fiance he needs to get his attorney involved immediately - file Motion to Compel demanding proof of everything.

                      Come to find out, the ex also just got a new job. She never provided any financial information from the last one (since June 2006). To my way of thinking, she should have to provide proof of income from that job, as well as the new one.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by fla_nanny View Post
                        Well, according to both girls, the ex BOUGHT the home they've just moved into. With her credit, we don't see how that'd be possible! The 11 year old said she thought the married boyfriend gave her mom the money, or bought it for her. So - if the house was bought for her, does that impact anything???? She's crying "poor me", for no cause. The county site may not be updated with a possible home sale for two weeks or so. I told my fiance he needs to get his attorney involved immediately - file Motion to Compel demanding proof of everything.

                        Come to find out, the ex also just got a new job. She never provided any financial information from the last one (since June 2006). To my way of thinking, she should have to provide proof of income from that job, as well as the new one.
                        You advised your fiance correctly, he really needs to let his attorney know about all of this.

                        Comment

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