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Will they make the kids just go to Florida--Minnesota

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  • Will they make the kids just go to Florida--Minnesota

    My bf's ex is in Florida, she hasn't seen the kids (2 boys, 7 and 10) in over 6 years. She was in prison until June of 95, then 2 days after she got out left for florida with her mother and father. She was in prison for probation violations on a second degree homiside conviction (of one of their children) of which she only got probation but couldn't stay off the pills. She had and may still have a chemical dependancy problem. Binge drinking and over medicating herself with perscritiions. This led to her passing out and the child drowning in the bathtub.

    She has had phone contact with the boys. There have been periods of time they didn't talk to her because of the manner of things she would talk to them about even though she was told not to talk about those things. (telling the 10 yr old that daddy killed his brother was the worst)

    All of which is documented in the court files, including letters from the 10yr old's councelor about him expressing his fears of seeing her, fear of something happening, and fear of being kid napped or not being able to come home.

    They are ordered to go through mediation which he knows won't get anywhere. Now she lives with her mother who is 80, can't drive and is almost deaf, her father who is bed ridden and always ill, and really has been on his death bed for years, and then there is her. She has told everyone she has a brain tumor and can't come up here, she has said she has all these other medical problems also. Her new parole terms still allow her to drink, no one knows anything about there home and if she is even staying clean as her PO told us about her terms and there is nothing but the usual checking in with him.


    Would a court actually order the kids to go so far away to see her given the uncertainty that she is not drinking or not overmedicating, and that it doesn't seem there is anyone in the home that can really take care of the kids?


    I told him to first ask the court to have her submit documentation from her doctor explaining her medical problems and the recomendation that travel is not advised. She has a history of saying she has medical problems that don't exist.

    His other concern is that she says how destitude she is and can't afford anything, (first how could she afford to provide for them while with her) would they make him pay for half of the travel expences?

    Help? Anyone!

  • #2
    also, a custody evaluation is ordered. He wonders if they will even do it given she is so far away.

    Comment


    • #3
      Have your boyfriend request supervised visitation. This seems fair given her criminal record.

      Yes, your bf is on the hook for half of the travel expenses, but only half. This could mean driving halfway to a mutually convenient (or inconvenient) meeting point for the visitation.

      If she can't afford to make it halfway, that would be her problem.
      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

      Comment


      • #4
        She lives in Florida, he is in MN, driving half way is a little much don't ya think? Even half the cost of air fair would be anywhere from 600-1000 for his half round trip. Given that they are minors it could cost more because they would have to pay for an escort. She up and moved to Florida without even trying to see the kids when she got out, she could have stayed in WI with her sister, why should he have to fork out so much when up until now she hasn't even made an effort to see the kids?

        Comment


        • #5
          That is neither here nor there really, I can't see them being made to visit her anytime soon. As far as visitation, here is my opinion: This woman is in no way, shape, or form fit to see her kids today, or any other day until they are 18. If you are good, loving parents, you will get an attorney. You will give him every shred of evidence and information humanly possible. From there I would tell him that you guys are in no way interested in cooperating with visitation. If they want to know why, well let's see.... She has already killed one child, has a history of lying, boozing, and being a drug addict. There is no one in the home that is physically or mentally capable of handling the situation should something happen, she hasn't seen her kids in how long, when she has talked to her kids on the phone she has said things that are hurtful not only to the kids themselves, but also to the parent/child relationship. There is documentation by professionals that it would be harmful to the children due to their mental states, and oh, did I already mention that she was convicted of homicide on another child of hers? Again, this is just my opinion, but the worst thing that could happen to those kids is for them to have to see her. The 7 year old obviously wont even remember her, and the 10 year old is tramatised. When they are 18 and can make their own decisions, then that will be theirs to make. But as a mother, I can't even begin to tell you how much your story angers me. And the kids are fortunate that Dad isn't in jail too for killing her for doing that to one of their own children.....

          Comment


          • #6
            Unfortunately, the courts will only terminate parental rights in a couple of situations. One is that the state has custody of the child and they would terminate parental rights to facilitate an adoption. The other is that a step parent (or person in loco parentis in some states) is requesting to adopt the child. At this juncture, the best the OP can hope for is supervised visits or supervised visits at the discretion of the custodial parent.

            This person is definitely someone I would not willingly ship children off to.
            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

            Comment


            • #7
              Or a Giants fan in my case!!!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by jim_bo

                3. Flights are NOT that expensive. You will likely be able to get a round trip ticket for $300 - $400. The unaccompanied minor fee is usually about $40.

                Jimbo
                There are two kids, so like I said, 600 at least.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ohio "Step" Mom View Post
                  Unfortunately, the courts will only terminate parental rights in a couple of situations. One is that the state has custody of the child and they would terminate parental rights to facilitate an adoption. The other is that a step parent (or person in loco parentis in some states) is requesting to adopt the child. At this juncture, the best the OP can hope for is supervised visits or supervised visits at the discretion of the custodial parent.

                  This person is definitely someone I would not willingly ship children off to.
                  He is under the impression that he needs to show his willingness to allow visitation. I told him that if he wants to show his willingness, say you will agree to supervised visitation.

                  or- Since he trusts his ex's sister(for the most part), to have her sign something drawn up that says she will fly down with the kids, and assume full responsibility for the children until the boys are returned to their father. Also to add that she is to be with the children at all times not leaving them alone with the mother. If anything happens to the children during such time, all visitations will stop, and she will be held accountable.
                  First two visits being 3 days in length including traveling, after the first two visits, they can be 5-7 days.

                  one of two things will happen with this - Either the sisiter wont do it because she knows that the mother isn't doing so hot, or she will and everything will go fine.

                  The mother gets SS because she cant work because of her mental state. She lives in a condo owned by her sister, living with her parents who both recieve SS. Other then normal utilities she doesn't have anything else, and her parents should help with that.

                  Like I said I find it hard to beieve they would make him pay out so much for her to see the kids, even before this brain tumor thing, that again we won't believe until we have proof, she wasn't willing to come to see her kids.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have read and posted on this site for a while. I have gotten good advice about my own situation. But...

                    Not everyone can afford a lawyer. And just because you can't afford a lawyer doesn't mean you don't love your kids. In his situation, he has crappy credit a lot due to her. He can't get a loan. Again, this doesn't mean he doesn't love his kids.

                    If all states would make information regarding the statues, laws, rules, and procedures readily available, people who couldn't afford lawyers could better help them selves. If we could afford lawyers, we would have one, I now say we because as some know I have had posts about my own situation.

                    I only say this because on almost every thread, someone says get a lwayer. When most of the time people come here because they can't.

                    NOT MENT TO OFFEND ANYONE! JUST AN OBSERVATION.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The other thing is that since SHE was the one to relocate so far away from the children, most courts will say she is solely responsible for transportation costs.

                      I understand the manuver of making it seem he is willing to facilitate visits, however, that is a fine line to walk when you are dealing with someone so unstable. The court may look at him and say "why he is so willing to put his children at risk?"

                      Just a thought.
                      Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I have said this:

                        Point out the concerns- chemical dependancy issues that are not montitored, of which lead to the death of their child. She has been unstable on the phone, not only to him, but to the children where as we have had to take the phone and hang up on her because the 10yr old didn't know what to do. All documented in the court file. She is ill, so how can she or anyone in the home care for the children. There are letters from the 10yr olds councelor expressing an extreme fear, and suggesting supervised visits be best.

                        Point out the solutions- Supervised visitation until she is better and can prove that she is staying sober and not over-medicating. She will need to show that the home there is a suitable enviornment for the children, and that they would be taken care of. (I said to give this a time frame too, of 2 years, I doubt a brain tumor is going to go away real fast.) If she truely isn't medically capable of travel, then she should be focusing on her recovery, and won't be able to take care of the kids. Especially if she is undergoing Chemo.

                        I told him given her past, and that when ordered by the court while in prison to sign a release of information she refused. This went along with the CHIPS order that was in affect at the time. He knows she was getting into trouble, doesn't know the extent, but she didn't want the courts to know, so she wouldn't sign. Given that her parole terms are so general, which allow for her really to go back to the same habbits, and given her actions, that really a judge would have to be nuts to send two boys down there when she killed one already. I even made sure he filed the transcripts from the sentencing (after she screwed up her probation) where the judge said it was the worse case of checmical dependancy he has ever seen. And given that 2 months before the death of the child she was dying in the hospital with a blood alcohol level of .45 (yes I typed that correctly) he gave her a chance to put her family first, to change her ways. He said that he doesn't believe she will be able to do so, ever.

                        Can you tell that as a mother I have such a contempt for this woman.

                        Comment

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