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The RIGHT thing to do... California

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  • #16
    I'll just second what MomofBoys told you.

    Contact the atty.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

    Comment


    • #17
      Im starting to get frustrated

      Alright, we contacted the attorney, who informed us that the child support paperwork she filed with the state isnt legal first and foremost because we both have attorneys and she cant do it herself anymore and all paperwork has to be served to our attorney not us so she was in contempt for having people come harass us during visitation on the first day. Secondly, it isnt legal because she lied horrendously on every inch of the paperwork his income, marital status, job, and even spelled his name incorrectly. It was ridiculous. So Child Support has stopped for the time being because all paperwork needs to be refiled. She said she doesnt want the lawyers involved because she cant afford the attorney fees anymore so we are kind of stuck. The attorney also has been helping with visitation, he DID miss his visitation as per the agreement now she is saying she has a doctors note informing us that we cant remove the child from her home due to his illness, which he has had since at the very latest our first day of visitation. Convenient? I think so. The attorneys have been arguing over whether or not he gets the original agreement and she is refusing to let us see him now claiming that he is in danger healthwise by being with us. So a new question, since she is claiming that he is constantly sick with sinus infections, respitory infections, bruises, cuts, scrapes, bangs his head constantly (like most kids do I know), but in short, he is ALWAYS sick with something that causes him to be locked in their 12 by 12 living room filled from one side to the other with furniture and this is the only place he is ever allowed to play, he cant go outside or in another room, he is locked in this spot with a tv while the mom is online or on the phone with the new "daddy" Would we be justified in requesting medical records from the doctor? Would that be cause to go back to court as well, if he is always sick due to being in her home or with her my husband would like to take him out of a situation so he can get better and be able to play and be active. we are just at a loss for what to do in this situation it seems like she is just going to claim illness til my husband leaves in february for the service then he will get better and she is going to move him out of state to cuba to live with her new husband.

      Comment


      • #18
        ouch. he is definitely in his rights to speak to the Dr. Set up an appt and discuss why the Dr. feels that the child should not be with his father (in our case, bio mom has refused training in child's special medical condition). Mark each and every time she refuses visitation and her "reason". file so that she cannot remove the child from that jurisdiction before he leaves.

        Comment


        • #19
          Again, if she is denying court-ordered visitation time, then file for contempt. She is not allowed to just say, "Nope, he's sick... can't see the kid today!" She is directly violating a court order. If you don't file for contempt, she won't stop.

          She can drop her attorney if she wants to, but she cannot request or require in any way, shape or form that your husband not have an attorney. It is simply not his problem that she cannot afford one. I don't think there is anything illegal with her serving your husband personally (rather than serving his attorney), but she's not allowed to serve him as a means to harass him.

          Your question (shortened a little): So a new question, since she is claiming that he is ALWAYS sick with something, would we be justified in requesting medical records from the doctor?

          The answer to that is yes, you can request the records. Since she is using this as an excuse to directly violate a court order, then your husband is well within his rights to ask her to produce proof that the child is too sick for visitations. But I am not certain if you can request them directly from the doctor unless your husband has joint-custody.

          Have you asked the court to appoint a guardian ad-litem for the child? It seems that in this instance, one is desperately needed. The guardian will objectively observe and report back to the court about what is in the best interest of the child. If Mom is neglecting the child or interfering with visitations or making phony claims of illness, the guardian will report that to the judge.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by gabby04 View Post
            She said she doesnt want the lawyers involved because she cant afford the attorney fees anymore so we are kind of stuck.
            Okay, first of all, this is HER problem, not yours. This is actually good for your case if it is true because eventually, she will run out of money before she runs out of crazy making with the visitation. And again, it will be HER problem. Stop letting her run this. File the contempt.

            Originally posted by gabby04 View Post
            we cant remove the child from her home due to his illness,
            BS!! What she is trying to set up is that your husband is incapable of caring for the child through normal childhood illnesses. She is setting him up. STOP ACCEPTING THESE EXCUSES!!!!

            Originally posted by gabby04 View Post
            Would we be justified in requesting medical records from the doctor? Would that be cause to go back to court as well, if he is always sick due to being in her home or with her my husband would like to take him out of a situation so he can get better and be able to play and be active.
            Absolutely your husband can request the medical records. While trying to interefere with your husbands visitation, she is setting her home up to be an unsafe environment. This could possibly work but you're really going to have work to PROVE her home is unhealthy / unsafe. More so than cluttered and small.

            Originally posted by gabby04 View Post
            she is going to move him out of state to cuba to live with her new husband.
            She can't do this. She has to file an intent to relocate first to which your husband is entititled to object to which would lead to another hearing. If she does relocate without filing, he can file for interference with his visitation and have grounds for a modification of custody.
            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

            Comment


            • #21
              What this woman is trying to do is slowly but surely widdle away your husband's will to be a part of this child's life. She's hoping that if she gets in the way enough, he'll decide that everyone would just be better off if he just walks away. I know this is her master plan because I once was this woman.

              In my case, paternity hadn't even been established, so I was never violating any court orders. But I did things like refuse to leave my son with his father's sister simply because his father was running 10 or 15 minutes late, when his (adult) sister was perfectly able and willing to babysit for a few minutes. Also, after just two times of being just a little late bringing the child home, I made a decision that dad was no longer allowed to pick him up and drop him off, that I would be in charge of transportation (of course, I would be as late as I wanted dropping him off without ever making a simple phone call to say I was running late). I insisted that he use his mother's van rather than his own car when he went anywhere with the child because his car only had two doors (huh?). I made up excuses so that he couldn't see the child on Father's Day. I waited until 9pm on a Friday night to call and say, "oops, I forgot, you can't see him this weekend." And I lied to others about his behavior (which was bad, but let's just say I stretched the truth a bit).

              Essentially, I was so blinded with hate for this man that I forgot that he was my son's father, and he had rights. Of course, I liked him well enough the night we made the baby, but for some reason, I wanted him out of the child's life. And I absolutely convinced myself that I was doing it for my child, when the truth is, I was being selfish and wanted my son all to myself. I got married and my husband was a better role model, and I just unilaterally decided that he trumped the baby's father. I was wrong.

              In the end, it was completely unnecessary anyway. Once my son's father found out how much child support he was going to have to pay, he became Houdini (where'd he go? hellooooooo?). I always knew he was a loser, but loser or not, he still had rights, and I was wrong to get in the way. And now we are pursuing a step-parent adoption.

              The point of my little embarassing tale of woe and humility? Don't let her run the show. Stop letting her make decisions that she has no right to make. Hold her feet to the fire, and she will do the right thing, either because she realizes it is right, or, more likely, because a court tells her to. She cannot keep cutting your husband out of their child's life unless he lets her. So don't let her.

              Like I said, I was her once (though I'd like to think it was with about 75% less crazy!).

              Comment


              • #22
                Simply call the police and have a copy of the court order on hand when they arrive. Cops are officers of the court just like lawyers are and they WILL enforce a court order.
                This will pass. Life's got bigger disapointments waiting for you.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by mikswi View Post
                  Simply call the police and have a copy of the court order on hand when they arrive. Cops are officers of the court just like lawyers are and they WILL enforce a court order.
                  Well, they might fill out a report, but they won't drag the child out of the mother's home and hand him over to Dad. And in some cases, the police won't interfere at all unless the child seems to be in danger or the parent is just that beligerent.

                  I would skip the cops for now and file the contempt. This is already a volatile situation, and I think you need to find a happy medium between what you are doing NOW and something as drastic as calling the police, but contempt is clearly called for.

                  This report is 10 years old, but it has some good information:

                  http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-turkat2.php

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    I guess it depends on the situation then because ive seen it happen around here.
                    This will pass. Life's got bigger disapointments waiting for you.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      momofboys is right. there would have to be major extenuating circumstances for the police to remove the child and I think at that point, they would have to call in CPS. The police will go with you and stand there and document the fact that the mother would not give you the child and if there was any harrassing or threatening behavior on either part.
                      Your best bet is to keep filing contempt charges- make her show a judge these Dr's notes. Keep records of EVERYTHING! If she keeps it up, a judge just might remove the child from her custody.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
                        What this woman is trying to do is slowly but surely widdle away your husband's will to be a part of this child's life. She's hoping that if she gets in the way enough, he'll decide that everyone would just be better off if he just walks away. I know this is her master plan because I once was this woman.

                        In my case, paternity hadn't even been established, so I was never violating any court orders. But I did things like refuse to leave my son with his father's sister simply because his father was running 10 or 15 minutes late, when his (adult) sister was perfectly able and willing to babysit for a few minutes. Also, after just two times of being just a little late bringing the child home, I made a decision that dad was no longer allowed to pick him up and drop him off, that I would be in charge of transportation (of course, I would be as late as I wanted dropping him off without ever making a simple phone call to say I was running late). I insisted that he use his mother's van rather than his own car when he went anywhere with the child because his car only had two doors (huh?). I made up excuses so that he couldn't see the child on Father's Day. I waited until 9pm on a Friday night to call and say, "oops, I forgot, you can't see him this weekend." And I lied to others about his behavior (which was bad, but let's just say I stretched the truth a bit).

                        Essentially, I was so blinded with hate for this man that I forgot that he was my son's father, and he had rights. Of course, I liked him well enough the night we made the baby, but for some reason, I wanted him out of the child's life. And I absolutely convinced myself that I was doing it for my child, when the truth is, I was being selfish and wanted my son all to myself. I got married and my husband was a better role model, and I just unilaterally decided that he trumped the baby's father. I was wrong.

                        In the end, it was completely unnecessary anyway. Once my son's father found out how much child support he was going to have to pay, he became Houdini (where'd he go? hellooooooo?). I always knew he was a loser, but loser or not, he still had rights, and I was wrong to get in the way. And now we are pursuing a step-parent adoption.

                        The point of my little embarassing tale of woe and humility? Don't let her run the show. Stop letting her make decisions that she has no right to make. Hold her feet to the fire, and she will do the right thing, either because she realizes it is right, or, more likely, because a court tells her to. She cannot keep cutting your husband out of their child's life unless he lets her. So don't let her.

                        Like I said, I was her once (though I'd like to think it was with about 75% less crazy!).

                        Ya know what? I dont think ive ever heard a woman or custodial parent be as brutally honest as you just were. Im sure it wasnt overnight but you obviousely did allot of thinking about what pissed you off about the situation. Thats not an easy thing to do.........admirable
                        This will pass. Life's got bigger disapointments waiting for you.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by mikswi View Post
                          Ya know what? I dont think ive ever heard a woman or custodial parent be as brutally honest as you just were. Im sure it wasnt overnight but you obviousely did allot of thinking about what pissed you off about the situation. Thats not an easy thing to do.........admirable
                          Thanks.

                          Actually, it was my lawyer who figuratively slapped some sense into me. I went to her after bio-dad served me with papers to establish paternity, visitation and support. I whined and cried and gave the whole "I know he's supposed to get visitation but my case is sooooooo different because he's a big bad meanie jerkwad" story that we all think is unique to our own situation. She listened patiently, then pretty much said, "That's what you get for having a child with someone you aren't married to. Now you have to deal with the consequences."

                          It was the first objective thing anyone had said to me ever about the situation, and it made me realize that I was just being that b-word that I hate so much.

                          So I made peace with the fact that the boy would be spending time with his father, and even got to the point where I was thinking about how great and positive it would be, that my son would be lucky enough to have THREE parents (including my husband) who love him so much. That's when bio-dad's lawyer helped him figure out how much he owed in CS and back-support, plus the arrears that accrued while I was on public assistance (I got fired and lost my insurance at the start of my second trimeser). Bio-Dad disappeared like the Hope Diamond at the Pick-Pocket Convention.

                          But like I said, just because I was right about the man being a total loser doesn't mean I had the right to withhold his child.

                          Anyway, back to the original poster, I just hope that the Mom in your case has a similar moment of clarity. But since it doesn't appear forthcoming, I would file the contempt, and do it as often as necessary. This is your husband's child. Don't let her forget it.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Thank You All!

                            Wow, that was so very helpful thank you all for taking the time to help. We did talk to the lawyer about contempt, we have paperwork being filed right now and our lawyer has informed her attorney that should the harassment continue we will be taking her back to court. As for the medical records, our attorney says that he is going to request a copy of the medical records for us and if he has actually been as sick as she claims constantly since he was born he will start paperwork to verify that her home is safe for the child. He isnt trying to get away from the child support so please dont think this is what its about, we are more than willing to help pay for his care and wellbeing but according to the state who she filed the paperwork with because we both have attorneys what she did wasnt legal and she lied on her paperwork about him having an attorney or it wouldnt have been served to him to begin with. Thank you all for your help again and I will definately keep this thread posted with what comes of the situation

                            Comment

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