Terminating Father's Rights Illinois

[MomofBoys]

I am new and posted this on the adoption thread on accident...sorry

anyway...

I have a child with a former boyfriend. He never signed the birth certificate, and occasionally gave me small amounts of cash for about two years. After I was married a year and a half ago, he stopped giving any money. He stopped seeing the child one year ago, but three months after that filed a petition for visitation. A paternity test was ordered and proved he was the father, but now his lawyer has withdrawn from the case because he hasn't heard from my ex in about 7 months. Before that, his attorney showed up in court and got the case continued for status (even AFTER the paternity test) six times, but says my ex never returned his phone calls. My husband is more than willing to adopt this child, who calls him "Dad." Sum up: bio-father hasn't seen, called, written or otherwise contacted child in a year, never really paid child support, filed a petition for visitation but has since dasappeared. Does this constitute abandonment? Can I have his rights terminated?

[demartian]

Step Parent Adoption

You can try for a step parent adoption. It sounds like you meet the requirements, but I have to warn you that this is not a next month type thing, there is at least a year of processes to go through with it all.

[MomofBoys]

My sister went through a similar process with her husband (his ex girlfriend also disappeared), if you can believe the luck of one family to have this problem TWICE. She took about two years from until she adopted the baby, so I know we're in for the long haul. I just don't know if bio-dad can come out of the woodwork whenever he wants, or if there is a time limit, etc..

[mommyof4]

Unless his parental rights are terminated, he can file for visitation at any time until the child is 18. Go ahead and file for TPR. You are already aware of how long it can take and the difficulties. If you are not ready to go that route, file for sole custody with no visitation. If he does not respond or show up, then an order can be entered by default.

[luverboydude1]

why?

why can't you women just leave it alone. this guy is gone from the childs life what more can you want or do?? Its like you want to erase this guys memory from existance. well I'm sorry his DNA will never disapear from your child so live with it and move on.. I know this sounds harsh but think about your child 4 a sec. this kid has the right to know all about its father good or bad.

[MomofBoys]

why can't you women just leave it alone. this guy is gone from the childs life what more can you want or do?? Its like you want to erase this guys memory from existance. well I'm sorry his DNA will never disapear from your child so live with it and move on.. I know this sounds harsh but think about your child 4 a sec. this kid has the right to know all about its father good or bad.

Well, cowpats, I am unsure about the "you women" and the "leave it alone" part. My son's bio-father is the one who has "left it alone" by disappearing from his son's life. He erased himself, I didn't do it. The more that I can "want or do" is give my son a life with a loving father (which he has in my husband) which includes all the moral and legal obligations of a father.

For example, if something were to happen to my husband, my son would not be entitled to social security benefits. Or, if something were to happen to my son and I was not available, my husband is not a legal guardian who can make decisions. Or if something were to happen to me, my husband would not automatically get custody. Bio-dad is GONE, and step-dad wants the part. Why do you have a problem with this?

Please don't tell me to "think about my kid 4 a sec." His bio-father hasn't given my son a second thought for years now. He will know about the bio-father. I have every intention of telling him whatever he wants to know when the time comes. What you are saying is not harsh. It's stupid. Kind of like constantly trying to change your name so no one recoginzes that it is you who is spewing hatred over a website designed for help.

[demartian]

My own

From luverboydude1's other post, I don't believe he is cowpats, rather a father being denied access to his children.

Unfortunately, that is not the case with all of us. My older son's lovely bio-dad was involved with drugs and in a very bad way. He would use the boy as randsom to get money, was very abusive and never put any effort or money into the relationship. His step-dad has been a real father to him for over 4 years and loves him more than his bio-dad was even capable of.

The courts are very liberal and unless you fight it, will allow visitation for nearly anyone.

True, there are cases that are the opposite, but you can't judge all cases the same.

[mommyof4]

From luverboydude1's other post, I don't believe he is cowpats, rather a father being denied access to his children.

Unfortunately, that is not the case with all of us. My older son's lovely bio-dad was involved with drugs and in a very bad way. He would use the boy as randsom to get money, was very abusive and never put any effort or money into the relationship. His step-dad has been a real father to him for over 4 years and loves him more than his bio-dad was even capable of.

The courts are very liberal and unless you fight it, will allow visitation for nearly anyone.

True, there are cases that are the opposite, but you can't judge all cases the same.

Nope, I can promise he is. Cowpats ex is conveniently facing contempt charges for the exact thing loverboydud1's (misspelling intentional) is. His typing style is the same, and conveniently, after he got banned yesterday, he came back as "knowitallkiller". His favorite name to call me was "lil miss know it all" and the first thing he did was seek me out to continue to harass me. He got shut down before, he will be again.

It's going to be really interesting to see which parent the judge throws into jail first. His ex for denying court ordered visitation or him for refusing to pay child support. HEY!!! Maybe the judge could order them to the same cell.

[demartian]

It's going to be really interesting to see which parent the judge throws into jail first. His ex for denying court ordered visitation or him for refusing to pay child support. HEY!!! Maybe the judge could order them to the same cell.

Hmm, me thinks he will have a NEW wife (cell-mate) named Bubba.

[MomofBoys]

another question

I am new and posted this on the adoption thread on accident...sorry

anyway...

I have a child with a former boyfriend. He never signed the birth certificate, and occasionally gave me small amounts of cash for about two years. After I was married a year and a half ago, he stopped giving any money. He stopped seeing the child one year ago, but three months after that filed a petition for visitation. A paternity test was ordered and proved he was the father, but now his lawyer has withdrawn from the case because he hasn't heard from my ex in about 7 months. Before that, his attorney showed up in court and got the case continued for status (even AFTER the paternity test) six times, but says my ex never returned his phone calls. My husband is more than willing to adopt this child, who calls him "Dad." Sum up: bio-father hasn't seen, called, written or otherwise contacted child in a year, never really paid child support, filed a petition for visitation but has since dasappeared. Does this constitute abandonment? Can I have his rights terminated?

Added question to my original post: Does there have to be a certain amount of time for my son's bio-father to STOP having contact with him before I can file for TPR?

Right now, there is one more status hearing set for next month under bio-dad's original petition for visitation. If he does not show, then my lawyer will asked to have the petition thrown out/dismissed (don't know the correct term). She said that I shouldn't file for TPR until AFTER that, and there's always a chance he'll show, I know.

BUT, assuming he no-shows (again), that would mean he hasn't seen or had any contact with my son in more than a year, BUT since his lawyer was going to court for him, he'd been represented on the case the entire time. Does this make any sense?

I read somewhere (probably some random internet search) that the only way I could get his rights terminated without his consent is if he had had no contact for a year or more. Is that true, and if so, does his lawyer going to court (even though he was NOT returning his own lawyer's phone calls) count as "contact?" Of course, if he no-shows, I assume he might be willing to volunteer to give up his rights, so I'll ask that first. But at this point I am hoping for the best and expecting the worst.

Sorry so long!!