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Mother in TN needs advice. Tennessee

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  • Mother in TN needs advice. Tennessee

    Hello, my name is Amanda and I am the mother of two wonderful little girls 2 and 3 yrs old. I have been married to their father for 4 and a half years, and during that time I endured physical and emotional abuse. I had to cut ties with what little decent family I have (i went into foster care in NC at the age of 12 and stayed untill I was 18), I wasn't allowed to have any friends, work, or go to school (which I constantly begged to do). I repeatedly tried to leave him, but these attempts only resulted in either being locked up in a room, a beating, my possessions being broken, and the threat of taking the children and me never seeing them again. My resources are very limited, and apon my enrolling in school (a light at the end of the tunnel on how I could support them), and finding a wonderful roommate/friend that vowed to help me financially through school, I kicked him out of the home in mid-May of this year. Shortly after that , I had to take out an Order of Protection due to his threats and him stalking me. In the order of protection, I was granted temporaty custody of the children, and he was ordered to anger management and alimony/child support--none of which he has done. I am struggling to find an attorney that I can afford (no one's rich here!) and have finally gained the courage to attempt to file for divorce and the sole custody of our two children. Before I do, i was wondering if anyone had any advice that could help my case. I only want what is best for my children, and it breaks my heart to say that I do not feel that their father should be in their life. He believes that women should be barefoot and pregnang in the kitchen, and I want the girls to feel empowered, educated, and able to stand on their own two feet one day. I anticipate that as soon as I file, him and his family will rebutt with lie after lie (although I'm sure that's pretty common). I tried to leave him once before while we were living in NC, and him and his mother called DSS and told horrible lies, trying to get them put into foster care. I am afraid of what will happen to me once I get the ball rolling, but I feel that this is what will be best for the girls. Also, if anyone knows of any legal assistance that I could use I would appreciate it--I would put every dime into a legal defense that would honor the best interest for my children, but untill I graduate from school (6 months), I am pretty much making it on air! I feel like a fool because I only called the police a couple of times on him because I was told I would promptly be killed if I did, so I have very little evidence of his abusive ways. Aside from yelling at the children and never giving them any loving fatherly attention, I have done the best I could to shield them from his abuse. I have never said anything bad to them about their father, or his family--they haven't seen their father since he was told to leave in May, and as far as I can tell, they have flourished in his absence. I'm not doing this out of spite or for revenge, I truly believe that they would be much better off without him. Please help if you can.
    Last edited by graesslea; 10-17-2006, 10:48 AM.

  • #2
    Ignore the Deadbeat

    You seem to have access to the internet/telephone and there are legal aid departments that can help you get the restraining orders, divorce, custody that you need.

    You may not be in a domestic violence situation anymore but those hotlines should be able to point you in the right direction so that you don't need to return to that situation.

    Comment


    • #3
      Ignore the troll.

      Do what is best for you and your children and get out while you can. FILE!

      Comment


      • #4
        Looks like the Troll has been kicked off the bridge one too many times by the judge. lol Faith

        Comment


        • #5
          Hey troll learn how to spell!!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            mrdeadbeat is a deadbeat

            What reason do you have for being so harsh? I never said anything about wanting money, I just want my children to have a good and violence free life. If you don't have any constructive advice then don't respond. If I wanted someone to talk trash to me, then I would've asked someone to.
            To all the rest of you, thankyou for your comments.

            Comment


            • #7
              If there are police reports from the 2 times you called about the violence, have copies of them to present to the court. Also, the fact that there is an order of protection serves your case well. He has not followed the court order as it stands in regard to anger management, so a judge *should* understand what is going on. You do have proof of the history of the relationship. Use it to help protect your children. Contact your local bar association to find out if there are any family law attorneys doing pro bono or reduced fee work.
              HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
              How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
              (unique up on him)
              How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
              (same way)

              Comment


              • #8
                My daughter (in Arkansas) was involved in an abusive relationship. Because the abuse was reported to the police, the husband was charged. He pleaded no contest. Due to that being on the record, my daughter was able to get free legal representation for the divorce. Check with your state, legal aid may do the same there. Good luck -- I wish you well!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'll give it a try

                  Thank you for all of the responses (and thanks for the "ignore the troll" comments, that guy was horrible!). Calling the local bar association sounds like a good idea, I'm going to try that today. Legal aid in TN represented me in the order of protection order; however, since he isn't forthcoming with his address and job status they said they wouldn't help me with the divorce/custody. I would have to wait untill he contacted the court with an address, or untill I find where he lives, none of which I have any idea, and none of which will probably do. Do any of you think that it will hurt me that I have waited since May to file?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No, I don't think it will be harmful to your case that you waited to file. The argument can always be made that you were giving him time to get it together and be a father. When it became obvious that he was not going to do that, you took the steps you needed to take to protect your children. Good luck.
                    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                    (unique up on him)
                    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                    (same way)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Contempt of Court

                      IF support is ordered in your Order of Protection, you can file a motion in the court for him being in Contempt of court for non-payment. At that time, the judge will either order him to pay or throw him in Jail.There should not be any fee for filing contempt charges. You could also call the local DA for the county that the order of protection was filed in and ask them to help.
                      You should also contact a local Domestic violence shelter... Often Legal aid will say "NO" on your first attempt because they have a huge case load... However they will take referals from domestic violence centers...Or they can point yoy to a pro-bono (free) atty. that will help you out. You may have to pay the filing fee for the divorce papers.

                      Comment

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