Custody hearing Pennsylvania

[stepmom33]

Well my husband and I had our hearing on October 13(which was a Friday). I sure was nervous. I work nights and my job would not let me have off the night before the hearing so I went to work the night before. My supervisor was nice enough to let me leave at 6:30am instead of 7:30am. So I was able to get 2 hours sleep.
Anyway my husband filed the case so our side went first. It seemed to go well. Mom even at one point showed her true colors and became a little irrate while one of our witnesses were testifying. I think the most suprising thing was when my husband was telling about how she screams profanity at the kids and him etc. her lawyer looked at her and said in the middle of it all "Do you talk like that???. Which made the hearing officer start laughing because she just looked away. Her lawyer asked my husband a bunch of questions which in the end made her look worse. Anyway now we have to wait 3 more months b/c the hearing was continued due to her side needing to testify still. So far it is looking good. The part that is really upsetting is that the next hearing is a couple weeks before Christmas. I was just ready for the stress to be over. Anyway does anyone have any suggestions?? Our lawyer wants us to come up with idea's for questions for her witnesses. I am not even sure where to start.

Also would like some advice for myself about CS with my daughters father. She has not seen him for 6 years. And right now he is once again "missing" I haven't gotten support for almost 3 months. Honestly I just want to get rid of him as a stressor. He is a scary person(on crack) and everytime this happens and DR goes after him I get nervous that he may follow thru on some of his past threats. My husband and I have discussed this and I am thinking about calling DR and telling them to terminate my case for CS. I never really count on the money it is not that much and I really think that would be a good idea. What do you all think???

[cyjeff]

Crafting pointed questions is an art form.

Start with a list of pros and cons to the court awarding custody to Mom. Then present your lawyer with a list of the cons.

No con too small, no incident too distant or short to be considered. Focus on holidays... stress makes folks true nature come out.

[stepmom33]

Cy,

We have notebooks on Mom. Our lawyer has been reading up on her for months now. She should have no problem with her. What I am not sure about is what to come up with for my step-daughters sister and Aunt. Those are the only witnesses she has. Moms brother-in-law has already told us that Aunt plans on lying. About what we have no idea. They can't say my husband does drugs b/c he gets tested regularly and gets a card to keep in his wallet. So if they would that would really be funny(almost hope they do)lol. But our lawyer is very smart and cunning she really amazes me.

[cyjeff]

Then just sleep on it.

Take your time and don't stress. These things work out for the best.

[stepmom33]

Cy,
Do you have any suggestions for me on the second part of my thread about my daughters father??? Should I just terminate my CS??

[stuckinamuck]

Stepmom33,
When your lawyer asks for a list of ?'s for the potential witnesses what he is wanting is the dirt...he'll rephrase the question. It's stuff about the person's credibality like if they are a drunk, convicted of crimes, have neglected or abused thier own kids, etc. It is also stuff about thier relationship with the "Mom" and the child. Like if they have never been alone with the child and only see the kid on holidays (so that would give them a vague understanding of the child) or they babysit the kid every Saturday night so mom can go party at the bars. You know the person so you can best think of ways to make them look bad....
I think the real reason the woman holding the scales of justice is wearing a blindfold is so she doesn't get any mud slung in her eyes...
As for the child support....perhaps you should consider a step-parent adoption... it would terminate the Bio-dad's rights and he would not have to pay child support. He may do this voluntarily if you agree to "forgive" the past debt.

[mom26]

If you frrl you no longer need the support from the supposed father goahead and terminate it, it is your call, you do what you fell is best.

[stepmom33]

As for the child support....perhaps you should consider a step-parent adoption... it would terminate the Bio-dad's rights and he would not have to pay child support. He may do this voluntarily if you agree to "forgive" the past debt.

I would like to respond to the above. My husband and I approached my daughters father about the above 6 years ago. My husband ended up with a pipe to the head and 3 staples and also a broken bone in his hand. My daughter has not seen her dad since that day. She asked me not to make her see him anymore. I did not even have to do that because he cut off all contact. No phone calls, no b-day cards, nothing. Then he disappeared for a while. I did not even know he was back 2 years ago until I got a call from the Sheriff's department asking me if I knew where he could be. I told them the whole story and asked them to not even mention my name b/c his mother lives right down the street from me and he is crazy. So they didn't. So he has been living down the street for the last 2 years and still no attempt at contact. My daughter for the first three months would not go off the front porch unless my husband was home. I remember being at a High School football game right after his return to town. We were leaving the stadium talking and laughing and then she froze. I kept asking what was wrong and she just kept still. So I looked in the direction she was facing and he was up on the hill staring at her. I had to call my husband who had walked ahead of us. She did not move until then.
She said she does not want to go through with the adoption unless her Dad turns up missing again or when she turns 14. She is afraid that if she tries now that he will get legal visitation and she is afraid of him. This does not just stem from what happened to my husband. I later found out that he would beat his wife in front of the kids. She would have night terrors and I had no idea they were from being at her dad's until she stopped going there and the nightmares stopped. She used to yell for me in her sleep "MOMMY HELP ME!!!" About a year after she stopped going to her dad's we ran into her step-mom at the store she had a broken arm. I asked her what happened. She said she fell in the backyard. Later in the car my daughter out of no where said she didn't fall Mommy. I said what do you mean?? She said I know my dad did that to her. That's when she finally told me what happened at her dad's.
Anyway my daughter is a possesion to him like your TV or a house. She is HIS. Thats what he told me the day I asked him to let me husband adopt her. She's mine not his. I even told him his arrears would go away if he did. He did not care. That does not matter.

[stuckinamuck]

As for the child support....perhaps you should consider a step-parent adoption... it would terminate the Bio-dad's rights and he would not have to pay child support. He may do this voluntarily if you agree to "forgive" the past debt.

I would like to respond to the above. My husband and I approached my daughters father about the above 6 years ago. My husband ended up with a pipe to the head and 3 staples and also a broken bone in his hand. My daughter has not seen her dad since that day. She asked me not to make her see him anymore. I did not even have to do that because he cut off all contact. No phone calls, no b-day cards, nothing. Then he disappeared for a while. I did not even know he was back 2 years ago until I got a call from the Sheriff's department asking me if I knew where he could be. I told them the whole story and asked them to not even mention my name b/c his mother lives right down the street from me and he is crazy. So they didn't. So he has been living down the street for the last 2 years and still no attempt at contact. My daughter for the first three months would not go off the front porch unless my husband was home. I remember being at a High School football game right after his return to town. We were leaving the stadium talking and laughing and then she froze. I kept asking what was wrong and she just kept still. So I looked in the direction she was facing and he was up on the hill staring at her. I had to call my husband who had walked ahead of us. She did not move until then.
She said she does not want to go through with the adoption unless her Dad turns up missing again or when she turns 14. She is afraid that if she tries now that he will get legal visitation and she is afraid of him. This does not just stem from what happened to my husband. I later found out that he would beat his wife in front of the kids. She would have night terrors and I had no idea they were from being at her dad's until she stopped going there and the nightmares stopped. She used to yell for me in her sleep "MOMMY HELP ME!!!" About a year after she stopped going to her dad's we ran into her step-mom at the store she had a broken arm. I asked her what happened. She said she fell in the backyard. Later in the car my daughter out of no where said she didn't fall Mommy. I said what do you mean?? She said I know my dad did that to her. That's when she finally told me what happened at her dad's.
Anyway my daughter is a possesion to him like your TV or a house. She is HIS. Thats what he told me the day I asked him to let me husband adopt her. She's mine not his. I even told him his arrears would go away if he did. He did not care. That does not matter.

After reading that, I would say terminate the support order if possible... The reason is that support can count as "contact"...It would just make things so much easier in the future if you and your daughter decided to do the step-parent adoption or if he attempted to get visitation.

[dwj119]

I wouldn't terminate the CS

Are his threats really credible? The CS may not be alot but will your child benefit from it?

Think of good questions that will show bias in any witness the other pary presents.

Good luck and get some sleep.


http://pafamilylaw.net

[stepmom33]

Are his threats really credible? The CS may not be alot but will your child benefit from it?

Think of good questions that will show bias in any witness the other pary presents.

Good luck and get some sleep.


http://pafamilylaw.net

His threats are very credible. Did you not notice the part about the pipe to my husbands head??? My daughter having nightmares from when he beat-up step-mom(they are now divorced by the way). I think I have been very lucky. The thing I don't like now is that I am home alone most days. Before I used to work during the day. As for the child support being a benifit. Not if he is not paying it.

[stepmom33]

Stuck

Thanks Stuck--I have been thinking about it all week and I think that is what I am going to do.

[dwj119]

I would probably terminate

If you think the threats are really credible I would terminate the support order. It sounds like you don't desperately need the money. Safety comes first. I hope things work out for you.