Step-parent adoption Alabama help!!!! Alabama

[mrstoney]

Ok so I got married may of '09 had a son January '10 and then we separated in Feb. When my son was 4 months old I met R. Now we just had a child in august my divorce was just finalized. R. And I are engaged and will be getting married in a few months. My ex hasn't seen or paid child support for my son since we separated.

For R to adopt him, how long do we have to be married, and how can we do it without my ex's consent. We don't know how to find him. Thanks in advance for your help!

Paige

[Dogmatique]

Ok so I got married may of '09 had a son January '10 and then we separated in Feb. When my son was 4 months old I met R. Now we just had a child in august my divorce was just finalized. R. And I are engaged and will be getting married in a few months. My ex hasn't seen or paid child support for my son since we separated.

For R to adopt him, how long do we have to be married, and how can we do it without my ex's consent. We don't know how to find him. Thanks in advance for your help!

Paige

Get married, stay married for about a year and then talk to an adoption attorney in your area.

You'll need one even moreso if you don't know where your ex is - at the very least, he WILL need to be notified.

You'll also need to convince the court that you're stable.

Quick question - how did you get divorced when you were pregnant? Was your youngest born before or after the divorce was finalized?

[mrstoney]

after...

She was born after it was finalized. And thank you for the advice, I thought it was 90 days after we get married that he could file for a step parent adoption. As far as stable, do you mean financially?

[Dogmatique]

She was born after it was finalized. And thank you for the advice, I thought it was 90 days after we get married that he could file for a step parent adoption. As far as stable, do you mean financially?

Was your ex-husband's presumptive legal paternity disestablished? Is your fiance the legal father of your child?

There is a reason why I'm asking.

Your other questions:

90 days is not going to convince a court that you're in a stable relationship.

No, I didn't mean financially. I mean convincing the court that you're not - I'm sorry to be blunt - skipping from man to man, child to child, without really thinking about the consequences.

Two marriages and two children with two different fathers in two years does not show stability quite honestly.

Another question for you, if you don't mind

If you get married, and do a stepparent adoption, are you willing - should you end up divorcing your husband - to pay him child support if he gets custody of your child?

Is HE going to be willing to pay child support for his non-biological child if you get divorced?

Don't rush into this. Please.

[mrstoney]

He is the one that brought up adopting my son. Yes he and i would be willing to pay if we got a divorce, his biological father hasn't seen him, called to ask about him, or supported him since he was three weeks old. So we both think this is in his best interest. Also in this case is the scenario considered abandonment since it has been over a year? Yes my fiancee is my daughters legal father. Thank you!

[Dogmatique]

He is the one that brought up adopting my son. Yes he and i would be willing to pay if we got a divorce, his biological father hasn't seen him, called to ask about him, or supported him since he was three weeks old. So we both think this is in his best interest. Also in this case is the scenario considered abandonment since it has been over a year? Yes my fiancee is my daughters legal father. Thank you!

It can be, and that's the angle you would take once you're married and have been married awhile. If Dad contests the adoption, you would argue that due to Dad's abandonment, his rights should be terminated involuntarily.

If you don't mind me asking (and thank you for being so gracious - my previous post was quite blunt, and some people would have been terrifically defensive!), how did your fiance become the legal father of your daughter?

(I would really hate for a hiccup there)

[mrstoney]

He is her biological father, and when we had her I was divorced so we both had to sign quite a few forms in the hospital stating that he is her father biologicaly and legally, and they give you the option for a dna test. I did understand where you were coming from about it not sounding stable because if someone told me what I told you is think the same thing. Anyways, I'm also thinking of using the unfit parent against my ex. He had a dv charge against me and an assault on my minor sister. So would that help my case when the time comes?

[Dogmatique]

He is her biological father, and when we had her I was divorced so we both had to sign quite a few forms in the hospital stating that he is her father biologicaly and legally, and they give you the option for a dna test. I did understand where you were coming from about it not sounding stable because if someone told me what I told you is think the same thing. Anyways, I'm also thinking of using the unfit parent against my ex. He had a dv charge against me and an assault on my minor sister. So would that help my case when the time comes?

(Thank you for clarifying that )

What you've said though doesn't make him unfit, legally.

Most people are very surprised (I was, too) to realize how low the acceptable standard of parenting actually is; basically unless the parent is regularly abusing the child, drunk driving with the child present (frequently, with proof), leaving the toddler unattended for 12 hours on a regular basis, feeding the child special brownies and beer, the parent is generally considered fit.

However it does matter if there are multiple convictions (not just charges) for DV if the child was present during the assaults. If that's the case, it's something to consider.

But from what you've said so far, I think your best bet is to let things lie for now. If he's not interested, let him be not interested. It simply bolsters your case for abandonment.

When the time comes, speak with a local adoption attorney. Adoption is never a do-it-yourself project, even when all parties agree. You want to make sure that it won't be overturned on a technicality at a later date.

Also, there is the risk that if you file (because Dad will have to be at least notified) that Dad will suddenly want to become Dad again. The courts have a tendency of allowing even an absent parent to have at least one "make up" chance at being a parent.

(I'm not trying to scare you - just wanting to prepare you for the possibility).

Otherwise, do what you're planning to do. Get married, stay married, and hire an attorney when the time comes.

[mrstoney]

(Thank you for clarifying that )

What you've said though doesn't make him unfit, legally.

Most people are very surprised (I was, too) to realize how low the acceptable standard of parenting actually is; basically unless the parent is regularly abusing the child, drunk driving with the child present (frequently, with proof), leaving the toddler unattended for 12 hours on a regular basis, feeding the child special brownies and beer, the parent is generally considered fit.

However it does matter if there are multiple convictions (not just charges) for DV if the child was present during the assaults. If that's the case, it's something to consider.

But from what you've said so far, I think your best bet is to let things lie for now. If he's not interested, let him be not interested. It simply bolsters your case for abandonment.

When the time comes, speak with a local adoption attorney. Adoption is never a do-it-yourself project, even when all parties agree. You want to make sure that it won't be overturned on a technicality at a later date.

Also, there is the risk that if you file (because Dad will have to be at least notified) that Dad will suddenly want to become Dad again. The courts have a tendency of allowing even an absent parent to have at least one "make up" chance at being a parent.

(I'm not trying to scare you - just wanting to prepare you for the possibility).

Otherwise, do what you're planning to do. Get married, stay married, and hire an attorney when the time comes.

Thank you so much for all of your help!