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Ex' Husband wants to Adopt my 6yr old. Pennsylvania

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  • Ex' Husband wants to Adopt my 6yr old. Pennsylvania

    Hi I live in the Berks county Pennsylvania. My Ex girlfriend's Husband would like to adopt my 6 yr old Daughter. It has been very hard for me since she was born. She was taken in and out of my life and the court would not help me. For the past 3 yrs it has gotten worse. She rarely lets me see or talk to my daughter and just wanted more and more money in support. It has drained me mentally for a long time. Sick of all the yrs that I tried to get the court to see me I kind of started taking a back seat and not attempting to talk to her much. I been working on my Family and being the best Dad possibly 10 folds.

    So, like I said my Ex Girlfriends Husband would like to adopt my Daughter has long has I pay everything. At this point I am all for it. So I don't get screwed in this process is there anything I should know before hand? I am listed on the Birth Cert has the Father so how will this all work. Is it an easy process or a long drawn out lengthy one. I don't want to source a Lawyer or an outside group to do this and have her just decide she was playing with doing this the whole time.

    If anyone could tell me what I'm looking at, the steps and cost I'd appreciate it. In the mean time I have been researching for a few days. I came across this site and thought I could get clear insight.

    Jeff R, 32yr old, Berks County, Pennsylvania

  • #2
    I'd rethink this. Do you really want your daughter to grow up knowing that you gave up fighting for her? That would cause her untold trauma. Build yourself a support team and fight for her. Join that dad's rights group or whatever it takes.

    And stepdad is a lowlife for expecting you to pay everything. Does he mean paying for the adoption or continuing to pay child support? Child support would end if you gave up your parental rights.

    If these parents are acting this way, your daughter NEEDS you to be in her life to show her something different. Please don't give up!
    I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.


    • #3
      Her Ex does not want me to continue to pay support they just want me to pay all the costs to get this done.

      Trust me I have tried and tried again. I keep getting screwed and it's so hard. When my Daughters mother became a stripper a yr after my child was born (and still is) she did not want anything to do with her. I got notified about that and about her parents wanting to get custody of my Daughter. I flew down here from where I was stationed at the time and said ok I am going to get my Daughter. The judge was like you can't have her b/c she will be away from Family and 3,000 miles away. I said she is away from me, her Father, which is more important.

      Arguing in court went on for a few minutes and the judge said look if you want to fight this you need a Lawyer. I didn't get one b/c I thought there would've been no problem getting my Daughter. The Lawyer for the Grandparents said what if you go to war, (this was before 911 mind you) and what will she do when your working? I said there's a on post day care where she can go while I'm at work and if deployment happens I have a great Family who will take her. I had perfect rebuttals since my superiors at the time knew what was up and wanted to help me. They were even going to work on taking me out of my Infatry MOS (job) and putting me on a desk job so that would insure me having a 9-5 so to speak.

      The Judge said will I can not allow that at this time. I got pissed and said whatever, do whatever. I could not believe that happened. So a month later I got a letter in the mail to pay the Grandparents support. I ended up paying over $400 a month and they were set against on me talking to my Daughter. I would call and they would hang up on me. This drama went on for a long time even up till when my Ex took my Daughter back from her parents more then a year later.

      My Ex was rude to me all the time and wanted me to pay support and that was it! Nothing was good enough. She wanted more and more. She didn't want me to talk or see my child, but wanted to say I was a bad parent and never around. Typical Stripper??? hmmm. Granted I was still stationed away from her but I made attempts to call and send stuff weekly. All the clothes I ever sent never got worn. I found this out bc when I came home and luckily got to see my Daughter one weekend all these Gap clothes with tags were still on them. Heck they couldn't even fit her. I confronted her mother (my Ex) and she said no kid needs Gap clothing, if you can always afford that you can afford to pay. I just wanted nice things for her.

      So support when to $185.XX a week and I still couldn't see my Daughter. Since I was paying so much I could barely afford rent, food etc when I got out of the service. So I had no way to pay a Lawyer. I tried to get ones to help but they wanted $$$$$ up front. So for 18 months this went on until one day out of no where she answered the phone and said I'd like to stop support and you can see her. I was shocked. I jumped at the opportunity and started seeing my Daughter weekly. She was in a rocky spot with her Husband so could this be why? I don't want to be like that but some are weak minded sop perhaps this was why. A few months after that some how she started up again saying if you want to see her you PAY. Her Husband was back in the picture and all was destroyed.

      My heart broke and instead of pursuing I just walked away. It was to much to go thru again. Now I have another Daughter and I just try so hard to be the best Father I can with her. I continue to pay support and now all this came up (adoption). This is why I feel this is better. I can't go thru anything like this again. It's been to hard for years. I know I'm doing wrong, but my hope is that when she is older (late teens or what not) I can explain to her my side and she will want a relationship. I know if no judge here gave me custody with the circumstance before then there is no way with what happened over the years that they will grant me even partial custody. They will say "this is what's in the best interest of the child." I'm tired of hearing that.

      Hopefully this sheds light on why I want to agree and go this route

      Thank you. :/


      • #4
        Dont give up

        First question..
        Do you have visitation order at all?
        Second question..
        You know that in a step parent adoption you would be willfully agreeing to terminate your parental rights?
        Third question..
        Do you feel like you have done everything you could for real? Sounds like you havent if you havent got a lawyer yet.
        The best advice I can give you is that it would be wrong for you to do this if you havent done everything you possibly could do. Even if you cant hire a lawyer there is other assistance out there that can help guide you in this process. Your probably right you wont get full custody or joint custody (to much distance and distress) for the child but you need to fight for your visitation rights especially since you are paying child support on a child you never see. YOU HAVE RIGHTS YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR THEM AND YOUR DAUGHTER. If you dont do everything you could have then you well regret it, if it doesnt totally work out in your favor at least you know you tried. Think long and hard about it.


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