Stepparent Adoption/ Abandonement? North Carolina

[myischmo]

Hi everyone! I'm looking for any advice or information that can be given towards my situation....

I have a 4yo daughter. Her father and I have never been married. Didn't really have much of a relationship. Off and on dating for a couple months(I was young, naive, and stupid). We were together maybe 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. He didn't want me to keep the child, and so we parted ways. Although I kept the same number for about two years after she was born, I haven't heard from him since I was pregnant. So, her father has never been in her life. He has never seen her, signed her birth certificate, paid child support, etc.

Obviously I had to grow up, so with the help of family I had my little girl and went to college. Almost two years ago I met a wonderful man, we dated while he and I finished up on our BA's, and finally married last month. For the past 6 months or so he has gradually expressed interest in adopting her. She sees him as her father, his parents as her grandparents, etc, so I don't see why not. However, I know nothing is that simple.

How do we go about this adoption when I have no way of locating the father in order to have him sign over his rights. I wouldn't even begin to know where to look. Are we better off just changing her last name to his, or should we grow through the whole process?

Any help is appreciated.

[xena]

Hi everyone! I'm looking for any advice or information that can be given towards my situation....

I have a 4yo daughter. Her father and I have never been married. Didn't really have much of a relationship. Off and on dating for a couple months(I was young, naive, and stupid). We were together maybe 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. He didn't want me to keep the child, and so we parted ways. Although I kept the same number for about two years after she was born, I haven't heard from him since I was pregnant. So, her father has never been in her life. He has never seen her, signed her birth certificate, paid child support, etc.

Obviously I had to grow up, so with the help of family I had my little girl and went to college. Almost two years ago I met a wonderful man, we dated while he and I finished up on our BA's, and finally married last month. For the past 6 months or so he has gradually expressed interest in adopting her. She sees him as her father, his parents as her grandparents, etc, so I don't see why not. However, I know nothing is that simple.

How do we go about this adoption when I have no way of locating the father in order to have him sign over his rights. I wouldn't even begin to know where to look. Are we better off just changing her last name to his, or should we grow through the whole process?

Any help is appreciated.

Step parent adoption, especially when the bio father cannot be located is NOT a DIY project. You really need to hire an attorney, although it costs, it is well worth it in the long run.

[dossusa]

You technically have many choices.
If you try to do a name change the court will likely have you try to locate the absent parent.
If you proceed with the step-parent adopt. there will be similar courses of action, along with 180 days of home inspections and background checks.
Think of how you would feel if proceedings were taken against yourself and you felt as if proper notification was not given.

Just remember that the more of a paper trail you have, the better off it is when you really need it to prove your case.

[OpenEyes]

Yes, they will most likely try and locate the bio father who at that point after doing some growing up of his own, may decide he wants a relationship with his child or maybe he will say he wants nothing to do with the child and at that point, he could sign over parental rights and allow your current husband to adopt. I do agree, if he has not had a chance to be a father, he should have it. But if he choices not to be a part of her life, she always has her daddy there. The home study thing is something that is not always necessary. I adopted my step son and we fought the bio mom in court. They never once came into my home nor did they do any kind of background check on me either. Hope all works out for you.