Step parent adoption in North Carolina

[mommyof4]

Your responses are incorrect, not accurate. No I do not like it, it was extremely rude. We have to hide the fact that we are getting married, not where the children live. She knows our address. You are not a lawyer, so you cannot say what a judge will or will not like. I have been financially and emotionally involved in these children, it will be up to a judge. But thanks for nothing, I appreciate all your help.

Okay...

How about the fact that I went through 4 years of custody hell in NC and could not have parental rights terminated so my husband could adopt AFTER a forensic psych exam (ordered by the court, no less) showed that my daughter's father is borderline personality and that he had repeatedly molested my daughter.

And sweetie? I had one of the top 10 lawyers in the state.

Our responses are 100% dead on.

PM me and I'll give you the number for my personal atty. She'll charge you a pretty penny to tell you the same thing.

[mommyof4]

For your information, I have been his mother for the past 4 years. When her parental rights are terminated and I sign the birth certificate, I will be the legal mother at that point. It is not impossible at all, you need to research more information.

No you haven't. Unless you have legally adopted this child or pushed this child out of your womb, you are NOT the legal mother or the biological mother.

At this point, you're Daddy's girlfriend who can't even be honest with the mother of his children about your relationship.

[stress12D]

You can't read

You can't read, we are getting married, he is my fiancee, also the mother has not done anything, it is not my place to tell her what to do as a parent. A court can do that. You people are rude and jerks. He has never even been with the mother, they were never married. I have asked to be deleted from this forum, because I have never experienced such rude and stupid people.

[MomofBoys]

Your responses are incorrect, not accurate. No I do not like it, it was extremely rude. We have to hide the fact that we are getting married, not where the children live. She knows our address. You are not a lawyer, so you cannot say what a judge will or will not like. I have been financially and emotionally involved in these children, it will be up to a judge. But thanks for nothing, I appreciate all your help.

How do you know my credentials?

See, if I misunderstood what you meant (which was actually not my fault as you were not clear), then why not just say so? Why the temper tantrum?

And let's take it a step further.... why in the world would we lie to you? What is in it for us to crush the dreams of smeone wanting to adopt children who she loves? Why would thousnads of people come to this site if all we do is lie? That is insanely irraational, to come here absolutely ignorant of the law, then tell US that we are wrong about it. We're providing YOU with a service, for free. Don't like it? Then go away. Just don't come crying to us when you have to PAY a lawyer who will tell you the EXACT SAME THINGS.

You are not going to adopt these children without the consent of their mother. That is the truth. Are you a part of their lives, do you love and care for them, do they look at you like a mother? Certainly. Does that somehow trump the rights of their actual mother. No. Not now, not ever.

You are bitter and angry and taking it out on total strangers for telling you how the legal system works. Did you READ my post? My husband, the SOLE financial provider for my son, and not only is bio-dad let in, my husband isn't even a party to the case. Where do you get off telling me I don't know what I am talking about, when I have been involved in the system for years and you haven't even so much as filed a petition? Hell, your BOYFRIEND doesn't even have custody, and you are assuming you can have the mother's rights terminated against her will. You are in for one rude awakening, lady. And it will hurt.

Good luck.

[MomofBoys]

You can't read, we are getting married, he is my fiancee, also the mother has not done anything, it is not my place to tell her what to do as a parent. A court can do that. You people are rude and jerks. He has never even been with the mother, they were never married. I have asked to be deleted from this forum, because I have never experienced such rude and stupid people.

Which begs a whole different question. Is he even the legal father?

And apparently he WAS with her.... twice.... naked. She was obvioulsy a good enough person then.

[atsiamanda]

For your information, I have been his mother for the past 4 years. When her parental rights are terminated and I sign the birth certificate, I will be the legal mother at that point. It is not impossible at all, you need to research more information.

Why are you so defensive? You may like the answers you are getting but you are talking to people who have been there and done that. They are telling you what to expect. I don't think anyone here is doubting that you love these children and you are good to them. No one is saying that she should be able to pop in and out of the kids' lives when she pleases.

You asked for advise and that is what you got. You are getting advise from people who have fought the fight. You ask for advise and then won't answer questions in order to get more information.

Look up OhioStepmom. She has her step daughter living with her and she is no longer married to the father. Look what all that child has been put through. She was merely weeks away from adopting this child and the mother sent gifts. She is now back to square one because contact has been made.

[MomofBoys]

For your information, I have been his mother for the past 4 years. When her parental rights are terminated and I sign the birth certificate, I will be the legal mother at that point. It is not impossible at all, you need to research more information.

No one said it was impossible.

We said it was impossible without the mother's consent.

We are jerks? Ok, how's this: you are a total idiot.

You don't have her rights terminated then sign the blank spot on the BC. You spend months and months and likly years trying to have her rights terminated against her will, and only after you have been married for one full year.

Then, if that does happen, or if she for some reason agrees to relinquish her rights, you have to go through the ADOPTION process. Even with consent, that can take up to a year, although my sister did it in less than 6 months. It involes the same things as if you were adopting a child non-biologicaly related to your boyfriend, including home studies and several court dates.

Then, once the adoption is granted, the BC will be changed to reflect that you are the mother.

We are not the ones lacking in research.

I thought you were leaving.

[mommyof4]

You can't read, we are getting married, he is my fiancee, also the mother has not done anything, it is not my place to tell her what to do as a parent. A court can do that. You people are rude and jerks. He has never even been with the mother, they were never married. I have asked to be deleted from this forum, because I have never experienced such rude and stupid people.

I read perfectly fine. Apparently, you only read what seems to be what you want.

You can be married for the next 20 years. Doesn't matter. These are NOT your chilldren. You could be married NOW. Doesn't matter. These are not your children.

If and when Mommy consents to TPR and adoption OR the state feels there is enough evidence to show that she is endangering the children and involuntarily strips parental rights from her, then may you be allowed to adopt them.

Now, here's the kicker....as they are living with your boyfriend (presumably, their legal father) and are perfectly safe, it's going to be next to impossible to prove that she is endangering the children.


If there is no child support order (which hasn't been mentioned) then she is under no legal obligation to assist your boyfriend in supporting of the children.

He WAS with their mother at least 2X. Hence, the existence of these miniature humans on Earth.

They didn't have to be married to be together. After all, YOU'RE not married, but you are with your boyfriend, right?

Oops...forgot my smilie...

[atsiamanda]

I thought you were leaving.

Still lurking. Hopefully she will calm down and answer the questions so she can get the correct information.

Oooops...almost forgot

[Ohio "Step" Mom]

MOMMYOF4!!!!

I didn't know yours was a BPD!!!!! DOT is too!!! Oh my goodness we are mental illness sistas!!!!!


Just tryin to maintain my sanity one hour at a time.


OSM



Circumstances That Are Grounds for Termination of Parental Rights
Gen. Stat. § 7B-1111

The court may terminate the parental rights upon a finding of one or more of the following:
1. The parent has abused or neglected the child.

2. The parent has willfully left the child in foster care for more than 12 months without showing reasonable progress in correcting the conditions that led to the removal of the child.

3. The child has been in an out-of-home placement for a continuous period of 6 months, and the parent has willfully failed for such period to pay a reasonable portion of the cost of care for the child although financially able to do so.

4. A noncustodial parent has for a period of 1 year or more willfully failed without justification to pay for the care, support, and education of the child, as required by a custody agreement.

5. A putative father of a child born out of wedlock has not established his paternity.

6. The parent is incapable of providing for the proper care of the child as a result of substance abuse, mental retardation, mental illness, or organic brain syndrome.

7. The parent has willfully abandoned the child for at least 6 consecutive months, or the parent has voluntarily abandoned an infant pursuant to § 7B-500 for at least 60 consecutive days.

8. The parent has committed murder or voluntary manslaughter of another child of the parent or other child residing in the home; has aided, abetted, attempted, conspired, or solicited to commit murder or voluntary manslaughter of the child, another child of the parent, or other child residing in the home; has committed a felony assault that results in serious bodily injury to the child, another child of the parent, or other child residing in the home; or has committed murder or voluntary manslaughter of the other parent of the child.

9. The parental rights of the parent to another child have been terminated involuntarily, and the parent lacks the ability or willingness to establish a safe home.


Circumstances That Are Exceptions to Termination of Parental RightsGen. Stat. § 7B-1111

1. No parental rights shall be terminated for the sole reason that the parents are unable to care for the child on account of their poverty.


Who Must Consent to an Adoption
Citation: Gen. Stat. §§ 48-3-601; 48-3-602

1. Consent to an adoption in a direct placement must be executed by:
a) The mother of the minor

b) Any man who may or may not be the biological father of the minor but who:
Is or was married to the mother
Attempted to marry the mother of the minor before the minor's birth
Has legitimated the minor under the law of any State
Has acknowledged his paternity of the minor
Has received the minor into his home and openly held out the minor as his biological child
Is the adoptive father of the minor

2. A guardian of the minor
3. The guardian ad litem of an incompetent parent

In an agency placement, consent must be provided by:

1. The agency that placed the minor for adoption

2. Each individual described above who has not relinquished the minor


When Parental Consent is not Needed
Citation: Gen. Stat. § 48-3-603

Consent to an adoption of a minor is not required of:

1. An individual whose parental rights and duties have been terminated

2. A man, other than an adoptive father, if the man has been judicially determined not to be the father of the minor to be adopted, or another man has been judicially determined to be the father of the minor

3. An individual who has relinquished parental rights or guardianship powers, including the right to consent to adoption

4. A man who is not married to the minor's birth mother and who, after the conception of the minor, has executed a notarized statement denying paternity or disclaiming any interest in the minor

5. A deceased parent or the personal representative of a deceased parent's estate

6. An individual listed in § 48-3-601 who has not executed a consent or a relinquishment and who fails to respond to a notice of the adoption proceeding within 30 days after the service of the notice

7. An individual who does not respond to notice in a timely manner or whose consent is not required as determined by the court

8. An individual whose actions resulted in a conviction under § 14-27.2 or § 14-27.3 and the conception of the minor to be adopted

9. The court may issue an order dispensing with the consent of a guardian or an agency that placed the minor upon a finding that the consent is being withheld contrary to the best interest of the minor.

[mommyof4]

I always knew we were related!

How ya' doing, OSM? I haven't heard from you in a while.


*****never mind. I just found your thread.

[Baystategirl]

I understand that you are trying to help. But our address is not hidden. We are getting married. He is the custodial parent, social services has taken these children away. You need to read more carefully before you reply to something. Anyway these are opinions I am not sure of your credentials. I thought I would have help on this website not criticism. I am cancelling my member ship. Thanks for nothing. You are crazy!

I don't think you will ever be able to adopt...You wouldn;t pass the mental health evals or the home-study. You reaction to MoB's post, which is absolutely polite and spot on accurate, is bizarre to say the least. Learn how to communicate and perhaps you won't be mis-understood. I thought you were saying you and the father were hiding the children as well due to this comment:

She has given the kids to him, but hates me, we have to hide it from her for the last 4 years,