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boss - sexual talk/touching. help!

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  • boss - sexual talk/touching. help!

    I work in a small office. there is no "higher up" or HR there is only the owner and he has been sexually harassing me for a long time. In the beginning I work with another friend and me and her were always together...he would make weird comments about us "being funny" (gay?) ...i let that kind of stuff slide...but when my friend left he began to really bother me. He would make sexual comments about my hair, body, clothes, which led up to the day he actually offered me money for sex, wanted an affair, grabbed me, touched himself the whole nine yards. I told him "NO" and left. the next couple days, he calmed down and i thought it was over, i was wrong. He's grabbed my chest, slapped my butt and i told my husband and he wants me to quit now. i'm trying to find another job, im scared to quit my job in this economy, but i've been so depressed lately i dont think i can take it anymore. i dont have "proof" because he does this when no one else is around...or he makes me stay late while everyone runs out the door....


    is there anything i can do??? or should i just give up and quit??

  • #2
    Immediately file a complaint with the EEOC or the state equivalent.

    The touching is also sexual assault for which you can file a report with the police.

    Or, the next time he touches you, just haul off and hit him (well, maybe not, but I'd sure be tempted).
    Last edited by Pattymd; 06-13-2009, 04:41 AM.
    I don't respond to Private Messages unless the moderator specifically refers you to me for that purpose. Thank you.

    Comment


    • #3
      I say the same thing as Patti.

      I would be inclined to say just haul off and beat the crap out of the (naughty word) and tell him it's between you two. He does it again he gets it worse. Otherwise he just volunteered to give you a nice pay raise and bonus.

      But I can't say that as it's inciting violence.



      (but if ya hit him just right you can take out at least three teeth!)
      I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
      Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
      I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
      Don't worry, be happy.

      http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

      Comment


      • #4
        We need to know two things:

        1.) In what state are you?

        2.) How many employees in this office?

        It makes a difference what, if any, recourse you have. There is a minimum number of employees before you can file with the EEOC, but some states have a lower minimum.
        The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

        Comment


        • #5
          beating the crap out of him does sound nice. but he's such a jerk, he'd call the cops on me!

          we only have 10 employees, which i see after reading other people's post might be a problem...(ugh) and i'm in NJ.

          my boss is known to never allow anyone to collect unemployment at his expense. he's told us that several times. now if i can't get a job (i'm waiting to set up an interview monday) and need unemployment after quitting, would stating sexual harassment be a good way to go??

          i'm just paranoid that i will be w/o some kind of income.

          Comment


          • #6
            You can file a sexual harassment claim with the state human rights commission in NJ, since they cover employers with one or more employees. You are correct that it would be a problem with the EEOC.

            No matter what he tells you, your boss does not have the final say as to who does or does not get unemployment. He can contest every claim, but the state, and only the state, makes the final say.
            The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

            Comment


            • #7
              Get a small tape recorder to keep in your pocket and start recording the stuff he says. Then you'll have evidence for your police reports and unemployment.
              I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

              Comment


              • #8
                But check your state laws before you do that since you don't want to be the one who gets prosecuted.
                The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Alice Dodd View Post
                  Get a small tape recorder to keep in your pocket and start recording the stuff he says. Then you'll have evidence for your police reports and unemployment.
                  In most cases, the person being unknowingly recorded is the victim of a felony.

                  I recommend against it.
                  Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                  I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                  Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    She's in New Jersey, it's a 1 party state.
                    I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Alice Dodd View Post
                      She's in New Jersey, it's a 1 party state.
                      Where, exactly, was it stated that the discriminatory behavior happened in New Jersey? She said she is in NJ, not where the offense occurred.

                      That is why I carefully coached my terms to absent the absolute.
                      Last edited by cyjeff; 06-13-2009, 04:50 PM.
                      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Poster, what is the name of the state where you work/where your employer is - where the harassment has occurred? We need to verify the # of employees required by your employer in that state to file a sexual harassment complaint. We also need to verify the tape recording requirements in that state.

                        I am assuming "probably" NJ but please verify as per above post. Thanks.
                        Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

                        Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Or check the link in my signature file, I find it a valuable resource.

                          But I won't go so far as to say it's a felony in most states. Some, perhaps. And not all states it's illegal to record in make it a felony.

                          I recall similar event years back in California where a landlord was recorded against his will and without his knowledge, but the court over looked it. It was my sister and she recorded the man threatening to evict her if she didn't have sex with him. I heardthe recording myself (a couple years after it was settled) and even I was shocked by his brashness. Suffice it to say that the court took her side, overlooked the violation she did, and nailed his butt to a tree (or so it seemed from the severity)- reimbursed for back rent & deposit and allowed $2,500 in punitive damages.

                          Some people are just SO stupid, it's beyond imagination.
                          I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                          Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                          I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                          Don't worry, be happy.

                          http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            In my opinion she most likely works NJ but cyjeff does have a point that she could live in one state & work in another where the harassment occurred since she just said she is in NJ. ( & not that she works in NJ)
                            Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

                            Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              call his/her wife/husband

                              Get this creep where he lives by making an anonymous call to his spouse.... lol

                              Comment

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