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crying at work/ depression New Jersey

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  • crying at work/ depression New Jersey

    I started a new job in January. I had trained for it for several weeks, did well, and was looking forward to starting. But we had been told that we would each have a mentor who would review our work ( preparing tax returns). That did not happen. We were told our work would be reviewed. That did not happen. I just had a meltdown two weeks ago and started crying. That happened a few more times. Last Wednesday I noticed I was the only one not scheduled. I called the office leader twice and she was really evasive. I have no idea what is going on. Prior to this job I had been out of work for 3 years. I am 58 and have been treated for depression most of my life. I have been hospitalized for depression (10 yrs ago.). I am a good worker but I have always cried very easily if angry or hurt. Last week I saw my psychiatrist and he added an antipsychotic to all the other meds I have been taking. I don't know what my recourse is if I am fired. Something similar happened at a school I attended after I was run over in 1999. The school said it was medical leave then sent me a letter that I had been dismissed. I got a lawyer and the school refunded my tuition, which was all I wanted. I feel better with the new drugs but I don't know what I can do if I lose this job.

  • #2
    If you're unable to work, you need to consider filing for SSDI/SSI disability.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Dogmatique View Post
      If you're unable to work, you need to consider filing for SSDI/SSI disability.
      Thank you for the speedy reply. My doctor has suggested it, but I CAN do the work. It's just things about the job that bring out these lightning-fast overwhelming emotions. I've studied hard to get a CPA license, which I got last year, and I want to use it. And I think if things were different, or I were different, I would adjust and get on OK. My psychiatrist, who has seen me regularly for 10 years, suggested temporary disability. But I would have to stop working. I just don't want to be fired because of this. I don't know if NJ law allows it but I had probably get a lawyer lined up just in case.

      Comment


      • #4
        Das ist in der Doktor!

        Originally posted by bansheeofbarrytown View Post
        I started a new job in January. I had trained for it for several weeks, did well, and was looking forward to starting. But we had been told that we would each have a mentor who would review our work ( preparing tax returns). That did not happen. We were told our work would be reviewed. That did not happen. I just had a meltdown two weeks ago and started crying. That happened a few more times. Last Wednesday I noticed I was the only one not scheduled. I called the office leader twice and she was really evasive. I have no idea what is going on. Prior to this job I had been out of work for 3 years. I am 58 and have been treated for depression most of my life. I have been hospitalized for depression (10 yrs ago.). I am a good worker but I have always cried very easily if angry or hurt. Last week I saw my psychiatrist and he added an antipsychotic to all the other meds I have been taking. I don't know what my recourse is if I am fired. Something similar happened at a school I attended after I was run over in 1999. The school said it was medical leave then sent me a letter that I had been dismissed. I got a lawyer and the school refunded my tuition, which was all I wanted. I feel better with the new drugs but I don't know what I can do if I lose this job.
        Don't assume the worse until it happens..
        What you can do if you lose your job,
        is pick yourself up and start looking for another one.
        You might want to start looking now for something a little less stressful.
        A bean counter with a CPA license is always in demand, somewhere.
        Reentering the workforce as a tax preparer this close to April 15 wouldn't be my first choise for sure,
        but I know, you gotta start somewhere.
        You have a leg up on most though, at least you will have had a job for a couple of months.
        Believe me it's getting crowded down here at the bottom so you have nowhere to go but up.
        You might also want to consult with an Attorney and see if you're covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
        Good Luck.
        .._______________
        ~ VOTE ALL INCUMBENTS OUT IN 2012,
        WE NEED TO MAKE ROOM FOR A NEW BATCH OF CROOKS
        !!
        Last edited by drruthless; 02-21-2012, 11:49 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm truly not trying to be insensitive here, okay?

          But being overly sensitive is not a disability, nor would it be protected by the ADA.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Dogmatique View Post
            I'm truly not trying to be insensitive here, okay?

            But being overly sensitive is not a disability, nor would it be protected by the ADA.
            I'm not trying to be insensitive either but
            if she were to be, or has been diagnosed as having clinical depression or suffering from manic depression, would she not be covered?
            If her psychiatrist, who has been seeing her regularly for 10 years, has suggested temporary disability and she were to qualify, I would think she might be covered,
            but then, I'm neither a Doctor nor an Attorney,
            so I still don't think it would hurt to ask.
            Last edited by drruthless; 02-22-2012, 12:07 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by drruthless View Post
              I'm not trying to be insensitive either but
              if she were to be, or has been diagnosed as having clinical depression or suffering from manic depression, would she not be covered?
              If her psychiatrist, who has been seeing her regularly for 10 years, has suggested temporary disability and she were to qualify, I would think she might be covered,
              but then, I'm neither a Doctor nor an Attorney,
              so I still don't think it would hurt to ask.
              Depression may be covered under the ADA. However being allowed to cry whenever you got overwhelmed would not be a reasonable accomodation. OP states she has only worked there since January and has one major meltdown and two weeks ago and cried several times since then. That seems like a large disruption in the workplace. OP states she has always cried when hurt or angry. So it doesn't seem like part of her depression but rather part of her personality.


              Speaking as a woman I will say that when women cry at work it hurts their reputation at the company. Crying makes others feel uncomfortable and it is tough to be taken seriously if you are know as the office crier. If you know why you cry then you need to work on ways to stop yourself when you feel upset. It is you who needs to change to succeed in work, not your work changing for you.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
                Depression may be covered under the ADA. However being allowed to cry whenever you got overwhelmed would not be a reasonable accomodation. OP states she has only worked there since January and has one major meltdown and two weeks ago and cried several times since then. That seems like a large disruption in the workplace. OP states she has always cried when hurt or angry. So it doesn't seem like part of her depression but rather part of her personality.


                Speaking as a woman I will say that when women cry at work it hurts their reputation at the company. Crying makes others feel uncomfortable and it is tough to be taken seriously if you are know as the office crier. If you know why you cry then you need to work on ways to stop yourself when you feel upset. It is you who needs to change to succeed in work, not your work changing for you.
                Well, ya know,
                at least she's got ONE friend in Congress.,
                and he's managed to keep his job....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Others can adress the job issue, I'm going to address the issue preventing you from working, and making them not want you there.

                  <RANT ON>Great! Just what you need is more drugs from drug pushing doctors, with side effects, that don't treat the origin of the problem! Okay, I don't usually give this info out for free, because I'm a health coach now, but here it goes.

                  Depression/Anxiety is a result of nutritional deficiency, learned helplessness (lack of good coping strategies) and needing an intenstinal cleanse to get toxins out of your body.

                  When's the last time you took a HIGH QUALITY B-complex vitamin? How's your vitamin D intake? Magnesium? EFA's? I'd be willing to bet they are ALL lacking. I take a Co-Enzyme B complex, it's the most easily absorbable. It needs to be taken with at least 8 ounces of water, on an empty stomach, and not with food, and wait an hour afterward before eating. Do not take with other fat soluable supplements. Vitamin D is HUGE for your mood, lack of it from the sun in the winter cause depression in a lot of people. Magnesisum is also essential for a lot of things, and is great for depression. The best is a spray on Magnesium, spray it on, rub it in, wash off in 20 minutes (not necessary but it can get sticky). Do this twice a day, especially at night as it relaxes you and helps you fall asleep. This combo of B-Complex, Vitamin D, magnesium and EFAs will have you feeling better within 24 hours, but you have to continue it forever. Our foods are depleted of the minerals they used to have and you're just not getting what your body needs.

                  EFAs - The upsurge in Prozak use conveniently coincided with the low fat diet craze. You NEED good fats, and most people aren't getting them. This make your mood drop into the gutter, and puts you on wild hunger swings. 1 hour after taking the B vitamins, here's my recipe: 1 shot (2 oz) of Udo's Choice EFAs with DHA. It's got the right ratio of Omega 3, 6 and 9 oils for you. (Yeah, it's very pricey, but not as pricey as hiding under the covers curled up in a ball. ) I do what I call double chasers. I drink some kefir or coconut water first, immediately followed by the shot of oil (yes, I'm telling you to drink oil. Do it like a shot, bottoms up, tip your head all the way back and just pour it down. DON'T focus on the nasty taste or texture, focus on what you're going to chase it with. Then immediately chase it with your kefir or yogurt or coconut water. Once you get this process down, it will go so fast you don't even taste or feel the oil in your mouth. Do this at least twice a day.

                  Okay, for when you feel like you're going to cry, I can tell you right now what you look like. You're sitting. You're slouched. You're looking down, and your face is in a frown. You're thinking about everything that is WRONG! You're telling yourself you can't fix it. It's not the situation that's making you cry, it's your 'triad', which is your focus, physiology and language. So, here's the instant cure: Stand up! (If that won't work, sit up as straight as you can. Put your hands behind your head and pull your hands back for a bit of a stretch. With your head facing forward, moving your eyes ONLY, look up. Not til it hurts, all you need is to look about 1 foot above your computer monitor if you're sitting. Now SMILE! It doesn't have to be real, it just has to be big. If you're alone, start singing your favorite happy song. Keep doing this - posture good, looking up, smiling. Picture something in your mind that makes you smile. Pets are great, they don't usually have negative emotions tied to them. ( I call this Rise and Smile). I guarantee that within 30 seconds, the smile will be natural, and you'll be laughing. This is something you can do at your desk whenever you need to. The more you do it, the longer it lasts. At least it gets you into a more resourceful state where you can find solutions to what was bothering you.

                  You also need daily exercise. Walking is best because it allows you to stand up straight (slouching compresses your diaphram, which means less oxygen, which means feeling bad). Bring an MP3 player and play your favorite happy music. Go for at least 20 minutes every day.

                  As for coping skills, get a Tony Robbins book - Awaken the Giant Within. You need to change your strategy NOW and this book will help you. For the intestinal cleanse (the more toxic you are, the worse your emotional health gets, moving from depression, to manic depression to psychosis). Many people die with around 30 pounds of fecal matter in their colon. Toxins from that are being reabsorbed into your body and making you ill. Your local health food store will have books on cleansing.

                  No regular doctor is going to tell you this because they're just trained to push drugs that just cause more problems and obviously in your case, are NOT solving the problem. I've used Rise and Smile on a woman who had just been beaten up by her son. She was laughing within 30 seconds. Not rolling on the floor laughing, but laughing. I taught this to a friend who uses this at a mental hospital in their morning circle, she's seen awesome results. It's not a cure, but it gets you in a much better state where you can see more options to solve the problem in front of you. <Rant off>
                  I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Speaking as a woman I will say that when women cry at work it hurts their reputation at the company.
                    This really annoys me. 1, because the workplace is 'male emotion' oriented. Men get angry when they're frustrated. Women cry. Angry is acceptable, crying isn't. Men's emotions are acceptable, women's aren't. Also, men accuse women of crying to manipulate, even though we do our best to not cry because we know that if we do, we've just lost not only the particular 'argument' at hand, but all credibility. But anger from women isn't acceptable either. So we have an impossible standard to meet. Can't be too masucline OR feminine. Men accuse women of crying to manipulate (mostly projection since men just can't handle women crying), but most women I know would rather jump out of a high rise window than cry at work.

                    BTW, from my post above, when you can't do the whole Rise and Shine, just looking up will also help. If you need to maintain eye contact, tilt your head down a bit so your eyes are having to look 'up' but you're look straight at the person you're talking too. This takes you out of your emotions and into your intellect, where you have more problem solving resources.
                    I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Alice Dodd View Post
                      This really annoys me. 1, because the workplace is 'male emotion' oriented. Men get angry when they're frustrated. Women cry. Angry is acceptable, crying isn't. Men's emotions are acceptable, women's aren't. Also, men accuse women of crying to manipulate, even though we do our best to not cry because we know that if we do, we've just lost not only the particular 'argument' at hand, but all credibility. But anger from women isn't acceptable either. So we have an impossible standard to meet. Can't be too masucline OR feminine. Men accuse women of crying to manipulate (mostly projection since men just can't handle women crying), but most women I know would rather jump out of a high rise window than cry at work.

                      BTW, from my post above, when you can't do the whole Rise and Shine, just looking up will also help. If you need to maintain eye contact, tilt your head down a bit so your eyes are having to look 'up' but you're look straight at the person you're talking too. This takes you out of your emotions and into your intellect, where you have more problem solving resources.

                      Thanks, Alice. It annoys me, too. It's a deck stacked against women. I totally agree about the rigid and arbitrary emotional standard at work. And tolerance of differences is a virtue in the workplace. Though actually I am in great physical health for my age. Maybe the crying is the reason I don't have ulcers, hypertension or heart trouble.

                      And I appreciate your attempt to offer what help you could and refrain from cynicism. I do have an intellectual side where problems do get solved, though it's generally when I have some privacy and can collect myself.

                      Someone alluded to Boehner. James Carville cries but he's high-functioning (if you guys remember the Clinton years). I THINK I said that I have been officially diagnosed with depression by an actual psychiatrist with a medical license, which, I suspect, is more than the nastier commenters here have. I have been hospitalized for same. On reading some of these posts it seems that there are some people here who have personality problems of their own.

                      In 2000, I sued my school and settled to get back my tuition payments (the education I had gotten was worthless if I asn't finishing the program). I had a very good employment law attorney then. I can always ask around for another if push comes to shove. I don't like lawsuits but I dislike unfairness even more.

                      Thanks to you and everyone here who actually tried to give me information, help and encouragement. I will do the best I can.

                      To those who tried to help, thanks. To those who didn't bother, but took my posts as a pretext to indulge their own problems, well, I would rather be me than you.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Okay, I gave you a ton of info on how to get over your depression issues and you want to hang on to your identity as a depressed person and make everyone else accomodate it? " I THINK I said that I have been officially diagnosed with depression by an actual psychiatrist with a medical license, which, I suspect, is more than the nastier commenters here have." AND I have more nutritional training than your MD has. Most med schools give only 3 hours of nutritional education to budding doctors. You completely gloss over what took me 1/2 hour to write, to help you, because you'd rather play the victim.

                        NO ONE here was disrespectful to you, but I will be. You are a professional victim. You are passive and let the doctors (most of whom DON'T know about the nutritional aspects of mental illness) pat you on the head, give you pills and send you home. And needing time to yourself to get yourself together when you're upset is NOT good coping skills. I didn't say you're dumb, but you ARE making very poor decisions. You grabbed onto the 'women crying are victimized' thing, and completely ignored things that can make your life better. I am 100% sure that you did NOT try the Rise and Smile. Is that beneath you? Or are you not willing to give up your helpless, depressed, I should be able to cry at work 'identity'?

                        Sorry, I'm going to agree with the others. Go out on disability. They have no obligation to accomodate someone who CHOOSES to be so helpless that they can't make it through a work day without crying or playing helpless.
                        I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Alice Dodd View Post
                          This really annoys me. 1, because the workplace is 'male emotion' oriented. Men get angry when they're frustrated. Women cry. Angry is acceptable, crying isn't. Men's emotions are acceptable, women's aren't. Also, men accuse women of crying to manipulate, even though we do our best to not cry because we know that if we do, we've just lost not only the particular 'argument' at hand, but all credibility. But anger from women isn't acceptable either. So we have an impossible standard to meet. Can't be too masucline OR feminine. Men accuse women of crying to manipulate (mostly projection since men just can't handle women crying), but most women I know would rather jump out of a high rise window than cry at work.

                          BTW, from my post above, when you can't do the whole Rise and Shine, just looking up will also help. If you need to maintain eye contact, tilt your head down a bit so your eyes are having to look 'up' but you're look straight at the person you're talking too. This takes you out of your emotions and into your intellect, where you have more problem solving resources.
                          Alice, I found your post fascinating and it contained lots of interesting advise. I understand what you are saying about being angry in the workplace is ok but not crying. I don't believe however that any extreme emotion belongs in the workplace. Someone who constantly laughs loudly is just as annoying as someone who gets mads and yells or a person who cries. All extremes run the risk of discrediting themselves.

                          However in my experience, someone who cries frequently thinks it is more socially acceptable and should be allowed. If an employee continually rants and raves he or she will get called into the manager's office. Someone who is loud will be told to quiet down. But managers don't seem to know how to handle a crier other than allow them time to compose themselves and give sympathy. The crier say they can't help themselves that it is a bodily function but someone with an anger issue is expected to shape up or else.

                          OP, obviously you don't like what you were told. Your post reads as if it is not your fault, that you weren't given a mentor and your work wasn't reviewed. Where is your personal sense of responsibility? You keep mentioning that you sued someone and won. What does that have to do with the current situaiton? Tuition at a school and discrimination at work are too different areas of law. I still say that even if you qualify under the ADA that crying at work is not a reasonable accomodation. You don't even say that your company is aware of your diagnosis. Just because a person cries that doesn't mean they are depressed. If you need an accomodation then you should ask HR to begin the interactive process as the ADA requires. You also say that the crying predates your diagnosis (by an actual licensed psychiatrist) so how does that mean you are being discriminated against for your alleged disability?

                          Finally you were rude to Alice who took a lot of time to try and help you. That in and of itself says plenty about you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It seems quite clear that the problems don't lie with those who have responded.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              HR - I agree that any excessive emotion in the workplace is disruptive. I was just on a little rant about the limit on acceptable female emotions in the workplace - it's one of the reasons I'm self employed. Now I've been self employed so long I'm hardly employable. Partly because I live near the beach and only own tank tops, board shorts, sweatshirts and flip flops! LOL.

                              As for the other, I've been amazed at what I've learned about health and how much is tied to diet. But some folks have a huge investment in being a victim, and have all sorts of excuses for not taking control of their lives. The OP seems to just be looking at the info that reinforces her view of the world. Sad, I gave her free advice that costs me thousands of dollars to learn, and could change her life very quickly, but she completely ignored it and focused on her victimhood.

                              Hopefully someone else will read it and benefit. Really? 30 seconds to go from crying to laughing, and how to sustain it? That is incredibly powerful, yet she completely ignored it.
                              I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                              Comment

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