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Question about dating (Illinois) Illinois

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  • Question about dating (Illinois) Illinois

    Hello, this seems like a good place to look and find the answers I've been needing for the longest time. I am 21, I'm not a punk, I'm completely 110% sober, I'm a responsible and respectful guy, I like to think that I have a heart of gold. Anywaysss, my girlfriend is 16. We met back in 05 and have been dating since 05, probably around early 05. We've been through anything and everything you could think of. I lost my virginity to her at the age of 18 and she had already done quite enough things with other boys before then, (sex, the whole nine yards..) So I'm basically just trying to say that this relationship has been based off of love, and not sex. I literally am crazy mad in love with this girl and we have been for 4 years now. NOW...
    My question..hah.
    Her family despises me because of my age, and because 2 or so years ago I wasn't the way I am now. I was kind of a punk, etc etc. Ya know, but I was still young, and dumb.. Soooo, I was wondering. Is it legal for me and her to date? I'm in Illinois, and I know the legal age of consent is 17, but that's just for sex. Dating is a whole different story, ay? Like could we legally date, just no kissing, groping, laying in the same bed, etc? Things that would come across as sexual. I'm asking because, I live across the street from her. And things have been great, I get to see her a lot. We spend a lot of time together, we have tons of fun, great times, blah blah. Now suddenly the people I'm living with say that she is no longer allowed in my room, because if the ladies ex husband finds out that we lay in the same bed together, he will have DCFS over here n stuff, and that they will be sent to jail and I will be sent to jail too. But what if we just..didn't lay in bed together? hah. You know? Like if it's legal for me and her to be dating right now, then they shouldn't care as much I'd think. Anways, I'm rambling, I'm lost and confused and just hoping for some good legit answers, and some good reasoning behind them would be appreciated also. I love this girl to death, it's been 4 years now and we're still together, still two kids crazy about eachother, that won't ever change, chances are. When she turns 17 in June she will be leaving her grandparents house and we will be getting a house together :] But I just don't want to go 5 months without being able to see her..

    Sorry for the long thread, I've just been wanting to know this for quite some time and am pretty anxious for some answers. Thanks

  • #2
    My advice is stay away from her. You lost your virginity to her at the age of 18 & you are now 21 (3 years ago) - she is now 16 - she was 13 then!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

    Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.


    • #3
      She's the only girl I've ever done anything with. And like I said, the relationship has been based off of love, nothing else at all. So yeah we've been dating since she was 13, but as I said before, unfortunately she'd already done everything there was to do sex wise. So it was weird me being a virgin, and her not..neither of us care about nor worry about sex, it's just not what we do. We just enjoy each others company, we have perfect chemistry, we fully know and understand one another. We are in love and nothing else matters..just saying to stay away from her isn't exactly the best advice...I thought it was legal for her to date whomever she wanted, but there could just be no sexual stuff involved. And if this is the case, that we can't date. Can someone tell me if when she turns 17 this year, if she can move out and we can get a place together? Because I've read that a 17 year old female can move out, under certain circumstances. They have to continue their education, and of course she would not drop school so that's no biggie. The place they live has to be permanent, also no biggie. The environment they are living in has to be suitable, we aren't pigs, we are both clean freaks, I plan on getting a nice house in 5-6 months, so no biggie. And she has to prove that she can support herself, which should be no biggie because she wants a job and is trying really hard lately, so I know she will score one soon. If anyone is going to look at this as some pedophile situation and all that jazz, then please just don't bother replying. There are SOME people out there that love each other and nothing else. I'm not trying to be an *** by any means, I'm just trying to find answers, nothing more. Simple as that. I'm also proposing to her on her 17th birthday, June 13th. I have the ring picked out and will be getting it in a month or less..So I don't know where I'm going with this exactly, just please TRY to be understanding..we aren't bad kids. I'm not a perverted sex freak :[
      Junior Member
      Last edited by sensesfailsean; 01-29-2009, 03:30 AM.


      • #4
        Can someone tell me if when she turns 17 this year, if she can move out and we can get a place together? Because I've read that a 17 year old female can move out, under certain circumstances

        The circumstances under which a 17 year old can move out involve parental permission in all states but one, and that state is not Illinois.

        If you had sex with her when she was 13, you committed a crime, regardless of who was a virgin and who was not.

        Now suddenly the people I'm living with say that she is no longer allowed in my room,

        Then she is no longer allowed in your room. End of story. Their decision, not yours, and there is NOTHING in the law that is going to force them to change their minds.

        Love, sex, whatever. Doesn't matter. Until she is 18, NOT 17, she lives where her legal guardians say she lives, and there is also nothing in the law that is going to change that.

        I'm not calling you a pedophile, I understand that you love her. But the law is NOT on your side here. When she is 18, you can do what you like. Until then, you are on very dangerous ground here and if you set foot the wrong way, you're going to end up in jail with a lifetime of sex offender registration ahead of you. That can happen based on WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE. For your own safety, stay away from her until she is legal.
        The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.


        • #5
          Well thank you for the reply C, and're right. **** law :[ Today, here shortly actually - I'm going to call some lawyers about getting her emancipated. I'm hoping that goes well, I don't know a whole lot about it yet but I'm almost positive there's a way to do this even without her parents permission. Because her living conditions where she is at aren't exactly that great..
          So one more question, where in this forum do I ask about emancipating my girlfriend?
          Thank you again for the reply


          • #6
            I very strongly recommend that you not do anything of the kind.

            First of all, in order to be emancipated she has to show a PROVEN history of ALREADY being financially self-supportive. Emancipation does NOT mean that custody is taken away from her grandparents so that you and she can live together; it means that she, and only she, is caring for herself financially. That means that SHE has the income, and the history, of paying for her own rent, food, clothes, utilities, medical care, transportation, insurance, school fees and supplies, and all the other incidentals of life, while simultaneously going to school and getting good grades. Emancipation is never - NEVER - in ANY state - granted so that a minor can live with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend. NEVER. You would be wasting time even trying.

            Additionally, I don't think you fully understand. If you have had sex with her, you have ALREADY committed a crime. For which you could go to jail. And have to register for life as a sex offender. Illinois does not have any kind of "Romeo and Juliet" statute that might protect you. She is under age; you are not; you have had sex; you have committed a crime. Period. The more attention you draw to yourself and your relationship, the more likely it is that you are going to end up in jail. The law does not go away because an underage teen consented. The law does not go away because you love her. SHE CANNOT LEGALLY CONSENT TO SEX AND YOU HAD SEX WITH HER. You have dodged the bullet so far but the more you keep messing around with trying to get her living with you, the more likely it is that that the bullet is going to hit.

            Repeat; THE LAW IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE. In fact, the law is very much against you.
            The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.


            • #7
              If her legal parent/guardian does not agree with who she dates, she has no right to change that. She has no right to consent to anything against the will of her parent/guardian. This ends when the latter of these two things happens:

              - She turns 18 (19 in one state).

              Any attempt to date her against the parent/guardian's will before the age of majority can lead to another charge of interfering with parental rights.

              - She no longer needs financial support from the parent/guardian.

              Any attempt to date her against the parent/guardian's will while she receives financial support can lead to her losing the support.


              • #8
                Let me try to tie a bow on this.

                OP, you are already a pedophile punishable by several years in a state prison followed by a lifetime on the sexual offender registry.

                You don't seem to really get this.... the "love of your life" is a little girl.

                But it is nice that you think that the fact that someone ELSE raped her first somehow makes it okay for you to continue the abuse.

                You must be a prince.

                Plan on going to prison for 5-10 for every incident.

                Oh, and I would also be very nice to the little girl when you break up with her. One call to the police in the NEXT TEN YEARS sends you to the big house for a very long and unpleasant time.

                Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.


                The forum is intended for informational use only and should not be relied upon and is not a substitute for legal advice. The information contained on are opinions and suggestions of members and is not a representation of the opinions of does not warrant or vouch for the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any postings or the qualifications of any person responding. Please consult a legal expert or seek the services of an attorney in your area for more accuracy on your specific situation.