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Thread: Does verbal and emotional abuse always turn into physical abuse?

  1. #1
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    Default Does verbal and emotional abuse always turn into physical abuse?

    My boyfriend sometimes drinks too much, then get very out of hand. He has yelled at me and broken things and I have had to call the police on him over three times already for fear that he would physically hurt me. He says that he would never hurt me but when he becomes that way it is like he is another person and just throws everything we had good out the door. His temper just rises and rises and it seems as though nothing could cool him down. The argument usually starts with me telling him to stop drinking, that he's had enough, then he gets mad as though I am trying to control him. Just want to know if in most cases, this turns into something physical.

  2. #2
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    Default alone

    If he is throwing things and breaking stuff it will probably turn to physical abuse. Like I have said a number of times though. Sometimes the mental abuse is worse than the physical. Good luck.

  3. #3
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    It is painful when he threatens me. It is such a long story. We've been together for a year and a few months now. He gets out of control and if I argue back he just gets worse and worse. I hate it because he becomes unpredictable. He has threatened suicide in the past and has threatened to kill me. It's hard to tell if these are things just said in anger or if they are really things he would do. I love him. It is a bad situation because I do not have a place to go and we have started the process of getting a house together. We have not come to closing yet and we are both going to put down a good deal of money. I don't know if this will be a wise thing to do right now but closing is so soon and we had so many dreams for our future. He is great 90% of the time. A wonderful person. It's only when he drinks that he becomes a totally different person. Just venting I guess and checking to see if there's any advice out there.

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    Wink I understand

    I know exactly how you feal. If this is only when he is drinking does he see this? If so decide when it is and isn't okay to drink. I wouldn't drink together. Maybe he should think about councelling or even going together. I know how scarry it can be but try to talk to him when he hasn't been drinking and see how he reacts. If he doesn't think there is a problem I would be very concerned. It sounds like he could even use some anger management. How often does he drink?

  5. #5
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    Default Yes the verbal becomes physical

    My husband was the perfect husband. Then his father died and he shut everyone out and started drinking and doing God knows what else. He turned into a totally different person. He would get mad and not talk to me for days. When I would ask him why he would say, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you". He would say the meanest things like he was stupid for marrying me, etc. I read about verbal abuse on the internet and it said that physical abuse is next. I thought there was no way it would happen to me because I knew my husband and that was not him. Well it happened for no reason at all and he threw me through the bathroom wall and threw me down and punched me in the eye in front of our kids. He only hit me the one time and then he got up and left but he hit me so hard that they thought he had broken my bones in my face. 2 of my fingers were broken in the struggle and my thigh had a bruise as big as my entire thigh. My eye was swollen shut and remained black for 45 days. My finger has suffered nerve damage for which I have to take medication every day now. That medication is the kind they give epileptics to prevent seizures so it clouds my brain sometimes. I can still feel a knot under the skin on my cheekbone and I have a indentation on my thigh from the damage done by the enormous bruise. And my 3 year old (who was 2 at the time and very smart for his age) told everyone he saw how daddy threw mommy through the wall. It has been over a year and when he sees my crooked fingers he still remembers daddy did it. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. Whatever you do just be careful. Don't ever fully trust him. I never thought it would happen even though I read about it and all the signs were there. Now I know better. Take care and whatever you do, I wish you luck. I've been where you are and I know what you're going through. You want to believe it won't happen because you love your man. Think with your mind, not your heart.

  6. #6
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    I sympathize with you greatly. Well when I first met him, he was the sweetest guy. He has Tourette's Syndrome (very mild) and the way he spoke and carried himself like a gentleman made me overlook his condition. A few months later was when I noticed that he never went to bed without having some form of drink whether it be beer or wine, and lots of it. He always said that it took the edge off and that it helps him sleep. But I began having concerns over it, until one night, we argued over it, and he went totally out of control, trashed his mother's house (we were staying there at the time while she was away), and threatened suicide. He hid my shoes and bag and coat so that I couldn't get away then kept me there and harassed me and yelled at me for hours. I never told the police this but he also took out what looked like a rifle from his closet (ended up being a bbrifle) and pushed me onto the bed and started to hold it and swing it around. He ended up putting a small flare gun to his mouth in front of me and I snatched it out of his hand and he started to cry. That was when I snuck away hid in the closet and called 911 with my cell phone. This was the worse night of my life. I thought I was going to die. And he blamed it on the fact that I had had an abortion, and that he was depressed because his father had died some months ago (died from liver disease due to alcohol). The police ended up taking him to the hospital and he was there detoxing for a few days but ended up protesting and leaving. Anyway I loved him and gave him a chance and forgave him afterward, but find that even if a few months go by without his drinking we end up in the worse fights and he loses control. He has cursed me, called me the worst things and has spit on my face. Nothing has gotten as bad as the first night, but I am always afraid that it will. He thinks it is ok with him if he has a few beers but a few beers for him is a 12 pack. He goes without drinking for weeks sometimes months, but hasn't gone for help. I have built a life with him, and I am feeling that although he loves me and tries hard not to make these mistakes, it is going to be hell for me if I stay. I don't know if situations like this ever have a happy ending.

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    Just a suggestion, but you may want to consider a new boyfriend. Abuse, no matter what kind, doesn't just go away on its own, it will only get worse.

  8. #8

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    Hi - this is my first post. I have been in a verbally abusive marriage for almost 5 years and I finally left 5 months ago! Just when I thought I had finally gotton away from this controlling A$$hole's control - he now refuses to sign the divorce papers. I have offered to give him the house and my part of the equity in our house and he still won't sign!!!!!! I think it's still about the control because if he doesn't sign then he's still in control of what happens to me.

    I am now planning to file on grounds (tried unreconcilable differences and obviously that didn't work). Now I'm only afraid that he will come after me or come to my job and follow me to my new home (moving before he is served with the papers).


    minihoopercooper

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    Quote Originally Posted by minihoopercooper
    Hi - this is my first post. I have been in a verbally abusive marriage for almost 5 years and I finally left 5 months ago! Just when I thought I had finally gotton away from this controlling A$$hole's control - he now refuses to sign the divorce papers. I have offered to give him the house and my part of the equity in our house and he still won't sign!!!!!! I think it's still about the control because if he doesn't sign then he's still in control of what happens to me.

    I am now planning to file on grounds (tried unreconcilable differences and obviously that didn't work). Now I'm only afraid that he will come after me or come to my job and follow me to my new home (moving before he is served with the papers).


    minihoopercooper
    Just because he won't sign the paper doesn't mean that you can't use unreconcilable differences as the reason for the divorce. Your probably talking about a NO FAULT divorce as opposed to a contested divorce. You can still get a divorce if he won't sign the proposed orders. You will just be letting the judge or mediator decide how to divide everything according to what the law says. THEN, you can start offering him part of what YOU should get. If he still won't agree, the judge will still grant the divorce and divide the belonging per the state guidelines. If you're worried he will thry to hurt you, get a protective order.

  10. #10
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    Default to: ccr

    I know for a fact if your boyfriend is throwing things & getting so very angry that it will turn into him being physically violent w/ you. I just came out of a 7yr. marraige to a physically, mentally, & emotionally abusive relatiionship. He started throwing things first then it lead to him beating on me. I finally had enough and gave up on him ever changing because he would never admit he had a problem. See he had no remorse what so ever about the beatings either. It's like the abuser has no consience at all. Get out of the relationship now because if you don't you certainly will live to regret it. I regret that i was hard headed & that i stayed in the relationship for 7 yrs. I kept telling myself that he would get help eventually & change but no such luck. He actually killed any love i could have possably had for him. My divorce should be final any day now from this man thank God! Just hope you read this and get out soon. Good luck.
    cindi bryan

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    Angry thrread

    Quote Originally Posted by ccr
    My boyfriend sometimes drinks too much, then get very out of hand. He has yelled at me and broken things and I have had to call the police on him over three times already for fear that he would physically hurt me. He says that he would never hurt me but when he becomes that way it is like he is another person and just throws everything we had good out the door. His temper just rises and rises and it seems as though nothing could cool him down. The argument usually starts with me telling him to stop drinking, that he's had enough, then he gets mad as though I am trying to control him. Just want to know if in most cases, this turns into something physical.
    dear thread:

    my ex husband drank too much too it started off the same way, throwing, wripping up pictures. he does become a different person. it is control, manipulation, also not the alchohol that changes him. nothing you do or say will change him it is not your fault. yes it turns physical it starts inside the home, @ each police call, arrest it gets worse, then they graduate to abuse int the outside, to your children, to others. get out now before you have children, loose them because of his actions, they are placed into foster care, or you end up extremely battered. the best advice i can say to you is to go to your local domestic violence coalition join some meetings, go to a domestic violence therapist, buy" why does he hit me" a abusive man's version on why they batter women. there are numbers of books in your local library also find out ask him questions why his ex girlfriend or wife left him?
    invest the money look up his past record on the internet believe in yourself that you life is in jeopardy. been thru this all, lost everything, almost my life he is in jail my ex facing 4 felonie offences for violating o/p's abuse while i was pregnant. get out while you still have the chance good luck.

  12. #12
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    I'm sorry to say; that things will only get worse with time. And everytime you "forgive " this behavior it will escalate. I thought my husband would never hit me because he said "well; I might get pissed off and break things and say things but I'll never hit you." Guess what; he did. The excuse was "I never hit a woman before; (found out this was not true) you drove me to it; you know how to push my buttons." He blamed his behavoir on me. He is also a full blown alcoholic. I'd manage to throw him out and than I'd take him back because he was "so sorry" and he would talk the talk and act the act til he got his foot hold on me again and it would start all over. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of this man. It may not be easy but please just do it.

  13. #13
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    Well- sometimes it does and sometimes not. I am referring you to my resource page at
    http://www.elklaw.net/domesticabusea...tionlinks.html
    I suggest that you read the What is abuse? link but also, call a hotline number and ask them your question. It may be that you need to move into your own place so you do not have to call the police because you are threatened in your home you share with your boyfriend. The Leaving Abuse link should give you some strategies for how to do this.

  14. #14
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    Post advice for ccr

    i understand where you are at, i too was there. my husband was verbally abusive at times threatening suicide and would overreact about most arguments. i realized that when he threatened me with suicide it was a game, he was controlling me with it, he knew it hurt me to think of him doing such a thing. IT IS MANIPULATION! finally one day i had enough and when he locked himself in the bathroom with a knife and threatened to kill himself i called the police and explained his intent. i have two small children with him so this is what i had to do to protect them from seeing anymore. the police came and put him in protective custody, the next day he was evaluated by a psychiatrist and was deemed sane enough to be released. he called me and begged for my forgiveness, we worked on our weaknesses, we saw a psychologist for several months and learned a wealth of knowledge of how to deal with our problems. he has been a different man ever since, i laid down MY law and let him know i could not subject myself and more importantly MY CHILDREN to this anymore. you need to let him know you deserve better and you need to do this before you get hurt. if he can't change then you have to leave, you need to find it in yourself to be strong and think of your self. i would advise you not to buy the house with him because that could eventually be detrimental to your credit if you split later after the purchase. with your credit being effected negatively you have to work harder to get what you need, for example a car for yourself. additionally, after only a little more than one year together you really don't know each other, were going on eight years next month and we learn about one another every day. i am a psychology major and feel that what i did was right for me because of what i have learned through my education, this may not work the same for you, i wish you the best and i hope this reaches you in time. my heart goes out to you. if you would like to email me privately, please feel free.

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    Lightbulb I never believed it would...not HIM...but it did, today

    He was emotionally and verbally abusive to me for our whole 5 year relationship. He always promised that he would NEVER hit me or lay his hands on me. He was SO adamant about it, I believed him.

    I shouldn't have. Today, he went on a rampage smashing my things and out in my car tearing it apart and calling me the most horrible names imaginable, I made the "mistake" of throwing his cd case out the window, the next thing I knew, I had been shoved, pushed, thrown into the middle of the street, yes, there were cars driving by.

    He called me after saying, "why did you make me do it? why did you PUSH me so I had to be violent to you?" I hung up. He will never accept responsibility for his actions. Don't wait until it happens to you. I had heard millions of "Baby, I would NEVER lay my hands on you in anger...no matter HOW mad YOU make me." Get it? He has NO accountability. If a guy loses control in a rage, if he screams and threatens you, eventually he WILL hurt you physically. Please don't make my mistake and stay until it happens. Now my whole hip and leg is road rashed and bruised, and I am in a lot of pain to walk. This is not a man who LOVES me, no matter what promises he makes. He is out of control and will eventually hurt you, your kids, your pets. Verbal abuse is just the beginning. Don't let it get any farther. YOu don't deserve to be hurt emotionally, or physically.

  16. #16
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    Post Things will only get worse!!!!!

    If this guy is chucking stuff around its only a matter of time before he starts chucking you around, it only takes for you to say 'you've had enough' and he'll get to emotionially carried away and beat you till the sun comes up really i think it would be best for you to get out of a relationship that will end up you being amited into hospital.....or even worse!!! you'll never no what a drunkin man is thinking in that state of mind!!!!!! but really its up to you and what you really want to do in this sort of situation.........all we can offer is advice......So with that stay safe......

    >*p!n!ky*<

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    Quote Originally Posted by ccr
    My boyfriend sometimes drinks too much, then get very out of hand. He has yelled at me and broken things and I have had to call the police on him over three times already for fear that he would physically hurt me. He says that he would never hurt me but when he becomes that way it is like he is another person and just throws everything we had good out the door. His temper just rises and rises and it seems as though nothing could cool him down. The argument usually starts with me telling him to stop drinking, that he's had enough, then he gets mad as though I am trying to control him. Just want to know if in most cases, this turns into something physical.
    you should try to leave why you can my husband drinks and gets out of hand ive been chocked thrown and put down he swears he will change but he dont so leave before it gets to far in the relationship you can do better i know i can im working on it its harder to get out when your married

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