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Thread: Want to give up paternal rights. PLEASE HELP!!

  1. #1
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    Default Want to give up paternal rights. PLEASE HELP!!

    I know I'll probally hear alot of bad things from people but let me explain. I have 2 kids from my ex that I met while I was in the NAVY when I was 19. She lives in Seattle and I live in Philly. I have not seen the kids in 4 years. I've gone out there but it gets too expensive. She refuses to come out here. My mother and I have offered to pay for the plane tickets and she will not. Now, we have no court order. We agreed that I would pay $400 a month. I've done so for years. I never get any part of the tax refund and I'm not even sure if one of the kids is mine. She's got me by the balls. I don't know what to do. If I ask for a paternity test, she'll take me to court and I'll have to pay double or triple. I'm tired of being a paycheck. I can explain further if someone is willing to help me.

  2. #2
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    You don't have a divorce decree or child support court order?

  3. #3
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    No court order and I was NOT married. They dont have my last name either.

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    I certainly wouldnt be paying support if I wasnt sure the children were even mine. You should request a dna test. Did you sign the birth certificates and a acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital? You wont even be able to sign over your rights if the above has not been done. Is she willing to allow you to sign over your rights? Is she married? Most states, I only know of 2 that dont, require that a stepparent be willing to adopt. Is that the case here?

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    I did not sign one of the birth certificates and the other I really dont remember. She is engaged. There is not a chance in hell she'll agree to let me stop paying. The problem is if I stop paying or ask for a DNA test and they both or just one turns out to be mine, she'll take me to court and I'll have to pay a ****load more. And another huge part of the problem, hald the reason I wanna give up my rights is I'm quite sure she has a form of munchausen syndrome. But thats another issue.

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    Honestly....I dont think I would be paying support. Think of it like this, she knows that if she takes you to court you would be paying more. She also knows that at their ages and the distance you would have a hard time visiting. Why does she not want to take it to court? Does she know something that you dont? Trust me I am a single mom and would never encourage someone to not pay their child support if they KNEW it was their child. The fact is you dont know. I would try talking to mom and tell her that she want the dna and you want visitation. She may change her mind about wanting support and about allowing you to give up rights.

    I have no idea what the manchausen syndrome is.

  7. #7
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    Default Well now...

    manchausen syndrome is a very serious situation. Even if the children arent yours you need to contact the proper authorities.

    As for the support. I wouldnt pay either. Demand a DNA test for both children and let the courts take it from there. You may be suprised at the outcome.

    Not all courts award the mother more money.

  8. #8
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    Well, "shannon" and "confused" have provided adequate responses. I will add only one - you might want to contact an attorney and allow them to advise you on the situation.

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    I agree I would get a DNA done ASAP. And then go from there

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    I really wanna thank everyone for your helpful info. I know I should get a DNA test BUT, like I mentioned before if I ask than she will take me to court. Pros and cons to that. I'll never have to deal with her **** again. Since the ONLY time she calls(every other week or so) its only ever about more money. The bad thing is the courts will demand more money and therefore I will be screwing myself. Now to the munchausen syndrome; she has a form of it. Not the full out poisoning the kids but another form of it is making up extreme lies about the kids. She has been telling me that my son, age 6, has epilepsy and has had brain surgery and multiple kidney operations. Than a couple weeks after telling me about hid operations, she'll tell me about his baseball games or basketball games. Now how many people get a major surgery and play baseball 2 weeks later? NONE. It's just **** like that over the last 5 years that makes it so bad. When I get off the phone with her I'm depressed for days cause of my dilema. I guess the least I could do is see an attorney. I just dont know what to do and I'm miserable, depressed and confused. Oh and as far as her not wanting to take me to court cause she might know something, I have 2 theories. My wife agrees. She is either still in love with me or she knows that 1 of them is NOT mine.
    Last edited by jarnic18; 12-01-2005 at 01:11 PM.

  11. #11
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    I think your wife is an intelligent women, listen to her. Hopefully she will tell you to take your ex to court. Good luck and please keep us updated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jarnic18
    . There is not a chance in hell she'll agree to let me stop paying. The problem is if I stop paying or ask for a DNA test and they both or just one turns out to be mine, she'll take me to court and I'll have to pay a ****load more. And another huge part of the problem, hald the reason I wanna give up my rights is I'm quite sure she has a form of munchausen syndrome. But thats another issue.

    First without a court order she'd have no choice to accept you stopping the payments. If you're wanting to do a DNA then take that money and put it aside in a bank account JUST in case you would have to pay it but generally it doesn't go back until the date of filing or the date of return of the test. I surely wouldn't be giving it to her.

    Secondly, I'm sorry but that is the worse excuse I have seen about wanting to give up rights. What good does that do for the children if in fact she has this?

    Oh and to add.. if you didn't sign an affidavit of paternity or a BC or paternity has not be settled legally then you don't have any rights to give up anyways.

  13. #13
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    Thanks again. Suzy72, I can understand why you would say its a bad excuse, but you dont know half the story because I only briefed everyone about the situation. I havent seen or spoken to the kids in 4 or 5 years. That alone is reason enough. No one in my family has ever met my son. Theres alot more involved. She makes up all these stories to milk money out of people. My mom,aunt,grandmom and even my friends have been giving her money to help pay for all the "medical bills". She has told my family so many lies about me saying that I threatend to kill her. My family is torn apart. I need to get the whole situation out of my life so I can try to gain a sense of normalcy and peace of mind, oh and my relationship with my family back on track.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by jarnic18
    I know I'll probally hear alot of bad things from people but let me explain. I have 2 kids from my ex that I met while I was in the NAVY when I was 19. She lives in Seattle and I live in Philly. I have not seen the kids in 4 years. I've gone out there but it gets too expensive. She refuses to come out here. My mother and I have offered to pay for the plane tickets and she will not. Now, we have no court order. We agreed that I would pay $400 a month. I've done so for years. I never get any part of the tax refund and I'm not even sure if one of the kids is mine. She's got me by the balls. I don't know what to do. If I ask for a paternity test, she'll take me to court and I'll have to pay double or triple. I'm tired of being a paycheck. I can explain further if someone is willing to help me.
    Well, let's see- there isn't any court orders for custody, child support, visitation, you were never married to the mother, you "may" have signed 1 acknowledgement of paternity, and no DNA tests or court orders have ever LEGALLY established paternity, Am I correct?

    If so, You don't have any rights to "give up" because you are not legally the father. At this point, apparently you don't have ANY rights or obligations. So your first order of business should be to determine if you did LEGALLY acknowledge paternity of any of the kids. Once you figure that out, you can decide if you want to continue to pay the $400 a month, WITH the knowledge that at any time she can take you to court to establish paternity and CS. OR, if you want to quit paying her, let her take you to court, OR you file yourself for paternity, CS, etc. You have alot of options, however, as I said, you have to do first things first. I hope that you have reciepts for all monies paid, because eventually this will end up in court and you'll need proof of payments made. Good luck.
    Xena

  15. #15
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    Obviously there is a way to speak with these kids via telephone if she's calling you. What about letters/cards/something???

    What you described doesn't sound like munchausen to me--it just sounds like lying. If you honestly believe that she does have munchausen and is actually harming the kids--THEN FILE A REPORT!

    My advice is the same as every one else's--get DNA test to legally establish paternity. If you are the father, and her hubby-to-be is not interested in adopting the kids, then BE a father. No matter how crazy Mom is, those kids need a Dad, and they especially need one if Mom's a little loopy!

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