Child Custody in Iowa

[Losthawk9]

I am new to the board and needing some help. I have a daughter and one on the way. My husband don't want the baby wants me to take a different option instead of going through and have the baby.

My husband told me that there is a new law in Iowa that states neither parent has to pay child support. Stating that both parents has half custody. Does anyone know about this law?

If I don't go through with this option he plans on taking full custody of my daughter.


Need advice please help.

Losthawk9

[step_mom_in_FL]

Okay, I'm a little confused. Bare with me. You said that your "husband" wants full custody. Are you seperated? In the process of a divorce? Is your first child his, or from a previous relationship?

In FL, there is 50/50 custody. Where the child/children spend half their time with mom and half their time with dad. This way there is no child support payments for either party. You both would be equally involved in the child's life. You would pay half of the doctor's bills, RX's, etc.

I'm assuming the other option is aborting the child? Please correct me if I'm mistaken. If so, then this delicate choice is up to you. He can't force you to do anything.

[Losthawk9]

Right now we can not contact each other do to assult charges that the county attorney has filled. He choked me and I hit him back in self defence. He called the cops and told them that I would not let him out of my garage.

Both of these children are his. I have never cheated on him I have always been the one to keep out marriage together for the last 8 years.

I want to resolve the matter but he wants to put me through a nightmare. He told me that if we don't go 50/50 then he would go for full custody of my 10 year old daughter knowing that she is all that I have left.

My daughter has ADHD and sever depression since she lost her grandmother that lived with us all her life. I don't feel that she would handle this issue being with him for one week and then me another. That is very hard for any child.

She is afraid to say anything to him for fear that he will yell and scream at her and blame her that it is all her fault.

He has told me that he don't love me and is staying with an other women since this has all happened with the assult.

He has been seeing this other women for about an month now and I just found out a week ago.

I feel that I am living in a nightmare and I can not get out.

Yes the other options was abortion. I have always wanted another child and he has always said that I would not be a good mother since I have a hard time dealing with my daughter.

We are becoming closer and more so since she found out that I was going to have a baby.

Thank you for your response

[step_mom_in_FL]

Okay...first off. If you want this baby, and have the means to take care of this baby, then by all means...you have your baby! Adoption is always an option also. You're call of course.

You make sure that you tell your daughter that this is NOT HER FAULT! She really needs to understand this. When the divorce goes to court, and she wants her voice to be heard (usually this can happen at the age of 12, but try anyway), then make sue the court appoints a Guardian Ad Litem. This is a court appointed "lawyer", will you, for your child. The GAL will speak with you, and your husband, the child's teachers, counselors, etc. and the child. Then will tell the court what he/she thinks is in the child's best interest. Whether it be 50/50, or you having primary custody, and him visitation.

What state are you in?

I also think that with all the things that are happening now, you both (you and your daughter) might benefit from seeing a counselor. This will help her too, with the depression and dealing with the loss of her grandmother.

[Losthawk9]

I live in the state of Iowa.

[step_mom_in_FL]

Sorry...I didn't even notice the state in your first post .

I wish I new the laws there. Sorry. I would check...you would probably easily get primary residency and he would have visitation. If he has a temper (which it seems like he does) you can request supervised visitation. You are the mother...YOU HAVE THE POWER! Really. Just make sure that with all of your decisions, they are all in the best interest of the children. That is a must.

[elklaw]

This is sad. He is just not wanting to support the child. My suggestion is if you divorce, seek sole custody based on his not wanting the child and it may be a good idea to separate if you think he may try to harm the child. It also may be helpful if you have folks favorable to you hear him talk about not wanting the child and wanting you to choose a different option to bolster your action should you go to court.
Parents are presumed to have joint custody, but that can change, and in a case like this where the child is not wanted and the parent makes threats about hte child and is not interested, tehre are grounds to give the other parent sole custody.