We were driving somewhere on Friday evening. For one reason or another we start to argue. Not the first time and I know not the last time either. I am trying to ignore him not to make things worse because he starts speeding and makes aggressive moves. I am pregnant I need to think about my baby. I tell him to take me back home.
As he grabs my hands I panic. He is a big, tall and a strong man. I am afraid. I feel like a trapped kitten and I hit him in an arm. He gets so upset like I have never seen him before. Name-calling and threats are coming out of his mouth. One of the more creative would be hit me again and you will be a pregnant woman in a wheelchair. I start to cry. We get out of the car. He grabs my hand and pulls me or pushes me wherever he things we should go to discus whatever differences we have. I am afraid. I don’t want to go anywhere. I repeat few times that I want to be left alone. He doesn’t listen. I cry. Finally a change of harts. Now he talks about his love for me. He gets equally creative and crafty when he expresses his love for me and when he is threatening me.
Today we went for a sonogram to see our baby for the first time. The same story fallows. We need to wait for the doctor about an hour. He gets aggravated. We go for a walk. He gets upset because a walk is to long. We get to the ice cream café and I want to sit down look at the menu. He doesn’t. He wants Starbucks coffee. So I leave the café. I’ll just have something in Starbucks. At this point he is fuming. Few minutes’ later hands grabbing, loud comments on a busy street, blacking my way, pushing and pulling starts. I hit him in his arm so he can let me go. He hits me back with no consideration for my and his size. I start crying. Now he leaves me alone. I go back to the doc’s office. He is already there. We go for a sonogram and he is by my side as a perfect husband holding my hand.
I would say what is happening to me is typical. It all started when I met a man of my dreams and soon after I was in love. There is so many things that he did and still does to make me feel special so that many times I just can’t believe I could be so lucky. But luck can only get you so far… We have been married for 7 months now I no longer believe I should be with this man. We argued before we got married. It was absolutely petrifying experience but never did he get violent. If he did all these things he does now before we got married I wouldn’t marry him. I suspected that his anger could potentially turn into violence but I didn’t know it could happen so soon and that even our pregnancy wouldn’t calm him down. I don’t know what to do. I believe his anger will reach a point where I won’t even have to say anything or touch him and he will start hitting me. For now I am so confused. I have nightmares that he wants to kill me. He looks for me with a butcher knife.
It is after 4 am in the morning now. I couldn’t sleep. Maybe this confession will help me. Maybe your advice will give me a new perspective and take me away from that dead end street that I am on right now.
No one in a family knows about what is going on. I keep it quiet. I don’t want to advertise it. If anything we should just quietly part but I know he will not let me go that easily. How do I decide enough is enough? Or maybe he is the victim here?
I am sorry for my English. I am still learning.