in new york - please help

[snooperella]

am in big trouble

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i decided not to fight my 16yr old wanting to live with his dad.but now my ex wants to take my 13yr old-he has even called child services and told them that my 13yr old is petrified of me and that he has witness me hitting thechild.when my children were young about 3 and 5yrs old.i really was angry at my husband all the time and i hit my kids when they were bad, i am ashamed of that but one day as i spanked my youngest i realized that this had to stop and i never did it again. shortly after that my ex husband left maybe that helped,,,i don't know.anyway, that is the basis that he is using.meanwhile,he hasn't been concerned all this time.he just wants to cause me misery,cause i gave him such a hard time about him taking my 16yr old and i threw a lot of things in his face so now he wants to get even.he has even turned my oldest against me so that my 16yr old is calling my 13yr old and trying to recruit him to go and live with them.i am broken hearted because i swear that i have been an good parent-my only flaw has been in trying to find a father figure for my kids-since their dad was never there-not so much as a call.now someone from children services is coming to interview my son tomorrow.any suggestions-i am hurt,scared, and desperate-i feel like i am losing control

[jackdoreen]

am in big trouble

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i decided not to fight my 16yr old wanting to live with his dad.but now my ex wants to take my 13yr old-he has even called child services and told them that my 13yr old is petrified of me and that he has witness me hitting thechild.when my children were young about 3 and 5yrs old.i really was angry at my husband all the time and i hit my kids when they were bad, i am ashamed of that but one day as i spanked my youngest i realized that this had to stop and i never did it again. shortly after that my ex husband left maybe that helped,,,i don't know.anyway, that is the basis that he is using.meanwhile,he hasn't been concerned all this time.he just wants to cause me misery,cause i gave him such a hard time about him taking my 16yr old and i threw a lot of things in his face so now he wants to get even.he has even turned my oldest against me so that my 16yr old is calling my 13yr old and trying to recruit him to go and live with them.i am broken hearted because i swear that i have been an good parent-my only flaw has been in trying to find a father figure for my kids-since their dad was never there-not so much as a call.now someone from children services is coming to interview my son tomorrow.any suggestions-i am hurt,scared, and desperate-i feel like i am losing control

ex's will use anything they have on you to prove you were a bad parent. it seems that you took care of the care for that long and let your oldest go. which was a really hard thing to do. it did burn you a little, because if your ex can prove you being abusive and that he can provide better circumstances for the boys the judge will get it to him. i feel for you.i really hate the men that dont give a damm until 10yrs later. my ex married not even 6 months after i filed divorce. the girls are 11yr,10yr,15yr and thinks his wife and him can raise the children beter than me and then the child support would be lower. i just took him for modification and got more for temporary but should be even more.hes mad. the wife is lazy doesnt work and is always sleeping and complains she is sick all the time. he thinks his wife should take the girls to the doctors so he doesnt have to leave work. he has called dhs on me. if you have not went extreme on displine dont worry. i wish u the best.

[msmediator]

Consider taking an angermanagement class there are some online then IF that comes up you can honestly say that you've already dealt with it..

[elklaw]

I think taking an anger management class is not a good idea as it is an admission that there is something wrong and to be honest I think the woman is ok. She just has an ex who does not want to pay child support in all likelihood and is getting the kids on his side since they are old enough to express a preference to the court. So nothing is wrong with her at all. I suggest that you file a contempt motion with the court for interference in parenting against the father for making flase accusations and trying to turn your kids against you with false lies and false DCF reporting and also accuse him of abuse of process. You need to fight this and document it for what it is- his attempt to smear you and get it on the record so that your side is presented and heard and copy DCF on the contempt motion for interference wiht parenting and abuse of process.
I suggest getting local counsel also and not letting the other child go live with the fahter and maybe you need to consider getting the other child back from the father, or just letting that child go if you think the child is so brainwashed that you cannot possibly change anything and agree to keep things as is. Maybe the fahter is putting the child up to this too and making him do it. Not a good situation and sitting back passively is not something I believe you should do.

[snooperella]

Thanks for your response n good wishes. I have a court date on 9/27 seeking full custody n supervised visitations.I am of course concerned about what might happen once my oldest, if my oldest, comes home. I definitely think that my youngest belongs with me.I never thought that I would be discussing this, I took it for granted that that part of my life would never change...until the children left to go to college,or get married, etc.I a saddened that children get used and made to grow up n see such ugliness.I pity my kids n hope n pray that somehow we will get through all this. Wish me luck.....

[msmediator]

How did it go?

[snooperella]

My oldest didn't even look at me when we where waiting 4 our case to be called. I realized right there that I had to let him go.So he is going 2 be staying with my ex-husband.We have 2 go back 2 court on 11/22 for full custody, I have 2 get a lawyer n my 13yr old has been appointed a lawyer by the court.They will be speaking 2 him on 10/20 n on 10/24 I have 2 go 2 court 4 the back support that is owed. I also had a case for future support 4 the 2 kids but I guess that is out of the question now. Overall, not good. My assistant quit n my job is giving me hard time about all the days that I need 2 take off. Taking care of these 2 children on my own has been hard n I have no vacation time left and very little money saved, so I am worried. I also make 2 much to get a court appointed attorney.