child custody in VA

[danandevey]

I have a daughter who is 12. Her father has had visitation set by the court since she was 1 1/2. He dosen't see her by the schedule set up by the judge. He didn't see her from the time she was 1 1/2 until she was 6 and then it has been on and off every couple of years he will call and want to see her.

It has been one year since he has called and over a year since he has come to pick her up for a weekend. He lives 15 mins away and drives by our house to and from work daily. I recieve child support through garneshment of his wages and for the first five years didn't recieve anything. I had my brother (who works at the same place he does) tell him to call me.

I asked him to allow my husband, who has raised her for the last 10 years, to adopt her and he said no. He said that I have as much responsibilty to make sure he sees her as he does. He is blaming me for him not calling or coming to see her for the past year. I would love for him to give up his rights but he isn't willing.

I was wondering if I had a legal leg to stand on to go to court and try to have the visitation completly stopped. She dosent want to go and I dont want to force her. She does, however, want her step-dad to adopt her.

[elklaw]

You can go to court and try, but if he does not want to have the parental rights terminated and is not otherwise an illegal bad influence with a lot of problems, the court likely will leave thigns as-is. You may want to ask that you have sole custody and seek to have visitation limited. You can also ask the father to honor the daughter's wishes.

[danandevey]

I went to see a lawyer today. She is the best in our area. It is going to cost me a small fortune but she has a great plan to push him to sign over his rights. She stated that since his child support has over $8500 in arrears that we could file a show cause and also ask, since it has been 10+ years since our support case was heard, for an increase in child support.

Also since his "accident" almost two years ago was alcohol related that his visitation be decreased until he seeks some sort of help. I think she is right with all she is asking that he will be more than happy to sign the papers. She hasn't lost a case thus far and I am confident.

[keyante4@yahoo.com]

I had to give up full custody of my son when he was 3 years old to go into the military(navy). They told me I couldn't have any type of custody, because I was going out to sea every 6 months and more. I made my ex-husband sign a piece of paper stating he would not fight me for custody and to this day he does not remember it. I had signed it as well and got it noterize. Any way I went to court on the 19th of Sept and and had the divorce move here to VA(Since we had custody and divorce in NJ)and filed for custody. I got the document sat (a week from court) and Monday withdrew my son from the school. I wanted to have joint custody with my son living with me and he would have reasonable rights to him, I wanted full custody but I decided a long time ago that what goes around will come back around. Guess what it did. My ex-husband kept my son away from me as much possible and I made a decision that I would not do that to him. He was very controling and now it's time to do right by my son, he hung my son over my head for years and saying that he didn't know me(it hurt) and it was all his fault. Now I will not do that to him and I won't hold anything over his head, it's time to try and act like a family now. I was truly bless, and now I have my oldest son home with his little brother, Now they can grow up together(youngest is 3 and oldest just turned 9).