i need help

[lowjack]

i have signed a agreement with the mother of my child and agreed to pay child support. i have been doing so and now i am being threated by her boyfreind and freinds. she told me that she would not let me see my daughter anymore and did it in a not so nice way. the contract says that she must give me vistitation with her but dos not specify how much ............ help what shuld i do?

[xild]

Attorney. Take the agreement and show it to him. Keep a written documentation of every time she doesn't live up to the agreement. Keep paying support. This will show who lives up to agreements and who doesn't so when you end up before a judge you have something to nicely show him.

[ausi]

Be careful with the child support payment...if you are not paying it through the state agency they might act like you never paid anything (even if you can prove you did!). Some states require you to pay through the child support agency. I would definitely get a lawyer ASAP...your "contract" might not be legally binding in your state because you circumvented the system and tried to do things on your own. Why didn't you go through the court system in the first place? Is there a reason, or were you just trying to do the right thing?

[alexandrabencanton]

Hi, I am kind of on the other side, kind of. I have a 1 1/2 yr old son and his biological father has not seen him since he was about 10 1/2 mo old. He was not paying his child support and about a month before our 2nd court hearing, I told him that I could not justify him seeing this child if he could not help with anything else than seeing him. (he was only seeing him for about 30 min. once a week) I truly felt like he was only coming to see him so he could feel good about himself. He has not made any effort to call or to come see him in 7 or 8 months, even though we've gone to court and he has paid some child support. I am confused and don't know what to do or expect. I am worried that he will try to come back around and see my son, but 8 months seems like a long time to miss in the extremely important part of a child's life. If he comes around, he will not know who he is. There is a wonderful father figure in my son's life and I don't want my son to be confused.
any advice?

[xild]

First, I don't see anything wrong with giving money to the mother of your child without involving the "system." It's heartless, cold, and often, stupid. If you can avoid them, by all means, do so. Your private life is your own if you allow it to be. Why does everyone want to involve other people in your child's life? I cannot figure that out.

Alexandra..., Did the father of your child want to bring your child into the world with you? Were you married before you got pregnant? Not because I am being all moralist on you, but because if you had your son without both of you making the conscious decision then perhaps the father of your child was not really READY to have a child. Marriage is the commitment every child deserves but so often doesn't get. Chances are he's doing the best he can. Men are not really the super beings we think they should be.

Is the man who is good to your son also helping with your bills? If not, does he really care about you and your son? Just something to think about...

It's different when men are ready for the huge, life changing responsibility of raising a child. When they're not, don't count on having the father around if you've chosen to become a mother for your own reasons. Your son's father deserves to have a life too. You have one you obviously chose. Remember, now that women have the right to choose, that often leaves men in the position of other people having control of their bodies.

These men made the mistake of having sex. They pay for that. Once the woman decides to have his child, with or without his consent, he then has authorities telling him where to be (at WORK) at what time, (his bosses) for how long, jump how high, and then his money isn't even his.

We women at least get to choose. Men only get to choose not to have sex with us. Women, with the rights, should bear the responsibilities, but they do not.

This is just how I feel about the issue in general. All cases are different. I personally wouldn't have a child I couldn't support myself. It's too tough to live in the world today without financial stability. And I generally sympathize with men, even though I'm a woman, and a mother. So I may not be the best person to be supportive.

To the original poster of this thread: I am sorry this is happening to you.

[ausi]

WOW!! Not sure what to say other than this is not an abortion forum.

Involving the system is a way of covering ones hind end. I do not agree with the child support system and feel it needs a lot of changes BUT the advice I gave was to pay through the child support system so that duplicate payments won't have to be made. It happens and I've seen it happen. I was not saying to get the child in the social welfare program or in another kind of system.

Your advice to the mother was OUTRAGEOUS!! How dare you excuse men from responsibility because THEY didn't choose to have the baby. Please tell me they were forced into having sex and that's why they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions. That being said...I am pro choice-BUT COME ON! You have basically told this gal she should've had an abortion. SHAME ON YOU!!!

I have been a single mom in a similar situation where I chose to not go after child support and the dad didn't want anything to do with Kaiti. I am now married with an additional child and my daughter's father is involved in her life. It took a couple of years for this to happen (and I didn't know it would) but it is wonderful for Kaiti. She has two "daddy's" and loves them both equally. There has not been any confusion (which surprised me) and apparently kids adapt well to these situations. For the sake of your child, do what's best for him. I don't know the full situation so I can't give you advice, but I can tell you that I don't regret letting Kaiti's dad back in the picture-and yes, it was my choice. She has one more person caring for her in this world-and today that means a lot. Do what your gut is telling you. AND IGNORE THE PREVIOUS YAHOO! Don't ever feel guilty about having a child-he could be the next president...you just raise him the best you can and do what's right. That's all anyone can ask.

[xild]

I'm pleased I can outrage you with my honest opinion. And no, I didn't tell anyone to have an abortion nor do I judge her for choosing to have children. Because my opinion differs with yours is no reason to make accusations or read into my post something I did not express. Shame on you. Same with the namecalling, which is not allowed in this forum.

I simply said, we women have choices. Men have one choice: not to be intimate with us.

Now, I don't know how involved this father wants to be, but if he doesn't want to be involved, I certainly don't blame him. When he's ready he'll come around. Until then, take all the advice from people who see men as cash cows and go after the "lousy bastages" but remember, we were once in love with them enough to sleep with them. And yes, I dare to speak my mind; that's how I dare. It's not really that difficult or complex.

[elklaw]

you can go to court and request an order to enforce the child support and visitation agreement. The court should hold a hearing where all parties will be able to present testimony and evidence.