Summary

[Seeker]

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to.
Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have answers
to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't.

I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women
over the past half-dozen years.

One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to get
to the root of what's going on.

I know that's all wrong. I'm married and by all external measures our
marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen.

So why did it happen?

What is wrong with me or with our marriage?

I can identify a small number of ways in which my relationships with those
women were different, in truth or in fantasy, from what I have with my
wife -- how they either satisfied or gave promise of satisfying what I think
is missing.

What can I learn from all that?

What can *I* do?

Why am I afraid to do almost anything?

Some of those things many, if not most, people here can relate to. Some --
and unfortunately perhaps the most important -- few, if any, can.

How can I expect people to accept that if I'm not willing to go into any
detail?

By focussing here on all of that I believe I am unfortunately presenting a
limited and distorted view of how things are and who I am. I don't know
that I can do much about that.

But I do care that people here "get it right."

Why?

--
Ted

[Fran]

In article <42add514$1_1@x-privat.org>, Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com
says...

But I do care that people here "get it right."

Don't you think they have? Many times over?

Why?

Validation... Even *you* know that.

[Fran]

In article <42add514$1_1@x-privat.org>, Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com
says...

But I do care that people here "get it right."

Don't you think they have? Many times over?

Why?

Validation... Even *you* know that.

[Doug Anderson]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> writes:

I have almost nothing to add to jen's excellent response. But only
_almost_ nothing!

(snip)

Some of those things many, if not most, people here can relate to. Some -- and unfortunately perhaps the most important -- few, if any, can. How can I expect people to accept that if I'm not willing to go into any detail? By focussing here on all of that I believe I am unfortunately presenting a limited and distorted view of how things are and who I am. I don't know that I can do much about that.

OK. But I'm worried you are playing the same self-destructive game
here, with your wife, and with your therapist.

You are hoping to be accepted and understood without opening up and
communicating about what is going on. You are doing the same with
your wife, hoping her to provide what you "need" in a relationship
without telling her what you need or asking her to provide it.

Now it doesn't matter that you are doing this on ASM - we're not
important. It matters that you're doing this with your wife and
therapist.

But I do care that people here "get it right." Why?

I don't know. I'm guessing that you are like me in the following
respect: it is important to me to be understood. It _isn't_ important
to be agreed with, but it is important to be understood.

Of course, when I want to be understood I actually try to tell people
what I want them to understand rather than dancing around it with
metaphor or engaging in magical thinking and hoping that they'll just
understand it by intuition. This makes it (in my experience) easier
to be understoot.

Doug

[Doug Anderson]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> writes:

I have almost nothing to add to jen's excellent response. But only
_almost_ nothing!

(snip)

Some of those things many, if not most, people here can relate to. Some -- and unfortunately perhaps the most important -- few, if any, can. How can I expect people to accept that if I'm not willing to go into any detail? By focussing here on all of that I believe I am unfortunately presenting a limited and distorted view of how things are and who I am. I don't know that I can do much about that.

OK. But I'm worried you are playing the same self-destructive game
here, with your wife, and with your therapist.

You are hoping to be accepted and understood without opening up and
communicating about what is going on. You are doing the same with
your wife, hoping her to provide what you "need" in a relationship
without telling her what you need or asking her to provide it.

Now it doesn't matter that you are doing this on ASM - we're not
important. It matters that you're doing this with your wife and
therapist.

But I do care that people here "get it right." Why?

I don't know. I'm guessing that you are like me in the following
respect: it is important to me to be understood. It _isn't_ important
to be agreed with, but it is important to be understood.

Of course, when I want to be understood I actually try to tell people
what I want them to understand rather than dancing around it with
metaphor or engaging in magical thinking and hoping that they'll just
understand it by intuition. This makes it (in my experience) easier
to be understoot.

Doug

[DaKitty]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:42add514$1_1@x-privat.org...

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have

answers

to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to

get

to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen. So why did it happen? What is wrong with me or with our marriage? I can identify a small number of ways in which my relationships with those women were different, in truth or in fantasy, from what I have with my wife -- how they either satisfied or gave promise of satisfying what I

think

is missing. What can I learn from all that? What can *I* do? Why am I afraid to do almost anything? Some of those things many, if not most, people here can relate to.

Some --

and unfortunately perhaps the most important -- few, if any, can. How can I expect people to accept that if I'm not willing to go into any detail? By focussing here on all of that I believe I am unfortunately presenting a limited and distorted view of how things are and who I am. I don't know that I can do much about that. But I do care that people here "get it right." Why?

One thing I wanna add to Jen's excellent post...
It's unrealistic to expect that people will 'get it right' or agree with you
when you are giving a skewed story.
Makes me wonder if the story isn't skewed in the direction that you *think*
would make it acceptable, and have people agree with you, and you're
bothered that they aren't buying the story that you're trying to use to
justify your actions to yourself.

[DaKitty]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:42add514$1_1@x-privat.org...

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have

answers

to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to

get

to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen. So why did it happen? What is wrong with me or with our marriage? I can identify a small number of ways in which my relationships with those women were different, in truth or in fantasy, from what I have with my wife -- how they either satisfied or gave promise of satisfying what I

think

is missing. What can I learn from all that? What can *I* do? Why am I afraid to do almost anything? Some of those things many, if not most, people here can relate to.

Some --

and unfortunately perhaps the most important -- few, if any, can. How can I expect people to accept that if I'm not willing to go into any detail? By focussing here on all of that I believe I am unfortunately presenting a limited and distorted view of how things are and who I am. I don't know that I can do much about that. But I do care that people here "get it right." Why?

One thing I wanna add to Jen's excellent post...
It's unrealistic to expect that people will 'get it right' or agree with you
when you are giving a skewed story.
Makes me wonder if the story isn't skewed in the direction that you *think*
would make it acceptable, and have people agree with you, and you're
bothered that they aren't buying the story that you're trying to use to
justify your actions to yourself.

[Tracey]

Fran wrote:

In article <42add514$1_1@x-privat.org>, Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com says...

Don't you think they have? Many times over?

No, he doesn't think so. IMO, Ted has himself and his situation
pegged as 'unique' and that if we all just knew the *whole* truth
about *everything*, we would agree with the path he has chosen to
take.

Tracey

[Tracey]

Fran wrote:

In article <42add514$1_1@x-privat.org>, Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com says...

Don't you think they have? Many times over?

No, he doesn't think so. IMO, Ted has himself and his situation
pegged as 'unique' and that if we all just knew the *whole* truth
about *everything*, we would agree with the path he has chosen to
take.

Tracey

[Fran]

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Don't you think they have? Many times over? No, he doesn't think so. IMO, Ted has himself and his situation pegged as 'unique' and that if we all just knew the *whole* truth about *everything*, we would agree with the path he has chosen to take.

Hey Tracey!
Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help
him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status
quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then
people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to
help himself. Rinse, repeat.

What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly
stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step
towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people
getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working
wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't-
have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

I don't know... anyway...

Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your*
recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?).
It's a favorite around here!

[Fran]

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Don't you think they have? Many times over? No, he doesn't think so. IMO, Ted has himself and his situation pegged as 'unique' and that if we all just knew the *whole* truth about *everything*, we would agree with the path he has chosen to take.

Hey Tracey!
Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help
him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status
quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then
people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to
help himself. Rinse, repeat.

What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly
stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step
towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people
getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working
wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't-
have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

I don't know... anyway...

Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your*
recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?).
It's a favorite around here!

[DaKitty]

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

Being relatively new here, I'm closer to the end of the first time around.

I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat.

Heh, I just told him that couple of days ago, that we're staring to go in
corcles, and I won't repeat myself.

What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

Very good point!

[DaKitty]

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

Being relatively new here, I'm closer to the end of the first time around.

I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat.

Heh, I just told him that couple of days ago, that we're staring to go in
corcles, and I won't repeat myself.

What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

Very good point!

[Tracey]

Fran wrote:

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

Well, I've mainly stopped. Occasionally I get sucked back in but
I'm making a conscious effort not to. I did get involved in a back
and forth not long ago but when I felt it was heading down the same
old road that I had been down many times before, I got off of it.

<snip>

Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your* recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?). It's a favorite around here!

Glad they like it. I've gotten a bit lighter in the cooking area
lately and haven't made it for us in a long time. Grocery shopping
tomorrow so maybe I'll pick some up and make it soon.

Tracey

[Tracey]

Fran wrote:

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?"

Well, I've mainly stopped. Occasionally I get sucked back in but
I'm making a conscious effort not to. I did get involved in a back
and forth not long ago but when I felt it was heading down the same
old road that I had been down many times before, I got off of it.

<snip>

Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your* recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?). It's a favorite around here!

Glad they like it. I've gotten a bit lighter in the cooking area
lately and haven't made it for us in a long time. Grocery shopping
tomorrow so maybe I'll pick some up and make it soon.

Tracey

[urf]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:42add514$1_1@x-privat.org...

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have answers to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to get to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and

by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen.

What about *internal* measures????

[urf]

"Seeker" <Tedds212removethis@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:42add514$1_1@x-privat.org...

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have answers to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to get to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and

by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen.

What about *internal* measures????

[Tai]

Fran wrote:

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?" I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat. What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

The problem is that we're all in different places on our tedcycle and not
enough of us have stepped out at any one time to break it for him.

Tai

[Tai]

Fran wrote:

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?" I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat. What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing.

The problem is that we're all in different places on our tedcycle and not
enough of us have stepped out at any one time to break it for him.

Tai

[Tai]

Seeker wrote:

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have answers to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to get to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen. So why did it happen? What is wrong with me or with our marriage? I can identify a small number of ways in which my relationships with those women were different, in truth or in fantasy, from what I have with my wife -- how they either satisfied or gave promise of satisfying what I think is missing. What can I learn from all that?

I think that if your relationship with your wife was more satisfying your
friendships with these other women would probably have remained that and not
become infatuations. Or not the kind that present much trouble for people.
So what I'm saying is that it isn't unhealthy for you to have relationships
with both men and women that provide different benefits to the ones you
receive from that with your wife but they have to be in addition to your
relationship with her and not instead.

What can *I* do? Why am I afraid to do almost anything?

That one I can't help you with - I have puzzled and puzzled over how you can
find your state of agonised indecision preferable to the worst outcome -
which I don't think is the most likely one, anyway. Your wife is unlikely to
leave you if you are honest with her.


Tai

[Tai]

Seeker wrote:

I have at least a dozen more posts that I feel I ought to respond to. Here's sort of what I get out of all of them. Some of these I have answers to, some not. Some we agree on; some we don't. I have become overly emotionally attached to at least four different women over the past half-dozen years. One of those was even after I was in individual counselling intended to get to the root of what's going on. I know that's all wrong. I'm married and by all external measures our marriage is just fine It's not supposed to happen. So why did it happen? What is wrong with me or with our marriage? I can identify a small number of ways in which my relationships with those women were different, in truth or in fantasy, from what I have with my wife -- how they either satisfied or gave promise of satisfying what I think is missing. What can I learn from all that?

I think that if your relationship with your wife was more satisfying your
friendships with these other women would probably have remained that and not
become infatuations. Or not the kind that present much trouble for people.
So what I'm saying is that it isn't unhealthy for you to have relationships
with both men and women that provide different benefits to the ones you
receive from that with your wife but they have to be in addition to your
relationship with her and not instead.

What can *I* do? Why am I afraid to do almost anything?

That one I can't help you with - I have puzzled and puzzled over how you can
find your state of agonised indecision preferable to the worst outcome -
which I don't think is the most likely one, anyway. Your wife is unlikely to
leave you if you are honest with her.


Tai

[WhansaMi]

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?" I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat. What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing. I don't know... anyway... Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your* recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?). It's a favorite around here!

Fran, I suggested this a while back. I was called a "meany" for it. :-)

Sheila

[WhansaMi]

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

In article <42ADE128.4050402@aol.com>, rbrancher2@aol.com says...

Hey Tracey! Then maybe a better question would be, to those who keep trying to help him, "How many times are you going to offer the same advice?" I think this newsgroup cycle is very much a part of Ted's whole status quo. I'm guessing that Ted posts a "summary" every so often, then people respond to the summary... again, and Ted still does nothing to help himself. Rinse, repeat. What would happen if the folks who are trying to help him suddenly stopped repeating themselves? Would it maybe work as a small step towards shaking up Ted's toxic cycle? 'Cause I see a lot of people getting frustrated with Ted, but the current loop seems to be working wonders for him! That whole "If-I-continue-to-talk-about-it-I-won't- have-to-do-anything-about-it" thing. I don't know... anyway... Hey, ya know, I still make "Tracey's Cubed Steaks" following *your* recipe (the ones that go in the crock pot with the two kinds of soup?). It's a favorite around here!

Fran, I suggested this a while back. I was called a "meany" for it. :-)

Sheila

[Tai]

WhansaMi wrote:

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

Fran, I suggested this a while back. I was called a "meany" for it. :-)

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or bully
behaviour changes into Ted. And I don't believe our willingness to engage
him, either singly or collectively, will ever have much effect on what he
decides to do - he's on a path moving at his own(snail-like) pace and very
much in control of both the throttle and the steering.

Tai

[Tai]

WhansaMi wrote:

"Fran" <nah@idontthinkso.com> wrote in message news:MPG.1d17c2879eaa99e8989689@newsgroups.comcast .net...

Fran, I suggested this a while back. I was called a "meany" for it. :-)

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or bully
behaviour changes into Ted. And I don't believe our willingness to engage
him, either singly or collectively, will ever have much effect on what he
decides to do - he's on a path moving at his own(snail-like) pace and very
much in control of both the throttle and the steering.

Tai

[Bill in Co.]

Tai wrote:

WhansaMi wrote:

(You got off easy. I've been called worse things)!

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or

bully

behaviour changes into Ted. And I don't believe our willingness to engage him, either singly or collectively, will ever have much effect on what he decides to do - he's on a path moving at his own(snail-like) pace and very much in control of both the throttle and the steering. Tai

Well, I don't think anything we do here is really going to make any
difference. (If that's the expectation, that may be a bit naive).

[Bill in Co.]

Tai wrote:

WhansaMi wrote:

(You got off easy. I've been called worse things)!

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or

bully

behaviour changes into Ted. And I don't believe our willingness to engage him, either singly or collectively, will ever have much effect on what he decides to do - he's on a path moving at his own(snail-like) pace and very much in control of both the throttle and the steering. Tai

Well, I don't think anything we do here is really going to make any
difference. (If that's the expectation, that may be a bit naive).

[Fran]

In article <3h77v8Ffjpe3U1@individual.net>, tainuiti@gmail.com says...

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or bully behaviour changes into Ted.

Well, I think to stop responding altogether would be mean, too... not to
mention, childish --> "I won't talk to you until you change and do
things *my* way." Yuck. Imagine any mental health professional saying
that!

What I meant, rather, was a complete change of tactic, mainly a halt to
the repetition. Going by what I've read here in the past few days, I
don't think the repetition (and getting pissed off with Ted in the
process) is working. I truly believe the only purpose it's serving at
this point is to keep Ted stuck (evidenced by the fact that his
responses seem almost scripted), and the folks who help him, frustrated.

So, what to do? Prepare - Here comes the good part...

I don't *know* what to do! Lol!

But I do know that something needs to change so everyone, Ted and his
well intentioned helpers, can move forward. I'm sure Ted is an
intellectualy capable person, and many of you have given him the
"tools" to begin working through his issues. If folks really want to
help him, then help him to *use* the tools, and by all means be
assertive! 'Cause Ted's little cycle of making sure "you all get it
right" over and over is his way of bullying *you*.

[Fran]

In article <3h77v8Ffjpe3U1@individual.net>, tainuiti@gmail.com says...

I still think it's a mean idea - it's not our place to group-think or bully behaviour changes into Ted.

Well, I think to stop responding altogether would be mean, too... not to
mention, childish --> "I won't talk to you until you change and do
things *my* way." Yuck. Imagine any mental health professional saying
that!

What I meant, rather, was a complete change of tactic, mainly a halt to
the repetition. Going by what I've read here in the past few days, I
don't think the repetition (and getting pissed off with Ted in the
process) is working. I truly believe the only purpose it's serving at
this point is to keep Ted stuck (evidenced by the fact that his
responses seem almost scripted), and the folks who help him, frustrated.

So, what to do? Prepare - Here comes the good part...

I don't *know* what to do! Lol!

But I do know that something needs to change so everyone, Ted and his
well intentioned helpers, can move forward. I'm sure Ted is an
intellectualy capable person, and many of you have given him the
"tools" to begin working through his issues. If folks really want to
help him, then help him to *use* the tools, and by all means be
assertive! 'Cause Ted's little cycle of making sure "you all get it
right" over and over is his way of bullying *you*.

[Bill in Co.]

Fran wrote:

In article <3h77v8Ffjpe3U1@individual.net>, tainuiti@gmail.com says...

bully

behaviour changes into Ted. Well, I think to stop responding altogether would be mean, too... not to mention, childish --> "I won't talk to you until you change and do things *my* way." Yuck. Imagine any mental health professional saying that! What I meant, rather, was a complete change of tactic, mainly a halt to the repetition. Going by what I've read here in the past few days, I don't think the repetition (and getting pissed off with Ted in the process) is working. I truly believe the only purpose it's serving at this point is to keep Ted stuck (evidenced by the fact that his responses seem almost scripted), and the folks who help him, frustrated. So, what to do? Prepare - Here comes the good part... I don't *know* what to do! Lol! But I do know that something needs to change so everyone, Ted and his well intentioned helpers, can move forward.

But maybe people don't want to move forward? (not trying to be catty here,
just stating a possibility)

I'm sure Ted is an intellectualy capable person, and many of you have given him the "tools" to begin working through his issues. If folks really want to help him, then help him to *use* the tools, and by all means be assertive! 'Cause Ted's little cycle of making sure "you all get it right" over and over is his way of bullying *you*.