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Thread: 50/50 custody in PA Pennsylvania

  1. #1

    Unhappy 50/50 custody in PA Pennsylvania

    I hope someone can give me some insight on this...Ex husband and I have an 8 year old daughter from our marriage. Both of us are remarried, he and his new wife have a child together, new wife also has child from a previous marriage. After a small time of trying - my new husband and I are also expecting. Ex husband and I got a divorce after 3 years of marriage...this was 6 years ago. Our daughter was 3 years old at the time of the divorce. I was granted primary custody. Daughter is with her father on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3:30pm to 7:30pm and every other weekend. This has been the case for the last 5 1/2 years. Everything was fine, so I thought. Ex has filed a petition to modify partial custody to 50/50 custody and is requesting the one week on and one week off deal. They are making up things that I have "said" and their argument is that it is in the best interest of the child because I am "thwarting a relationship between her and her father and her father's new family". This is totally untrue. She calls her father's whenever she wants to, they also call her when she's with me. They have asked for her on numerous occasions during my time and if she wants to, she goes with them. IMO it is quite the contrary and I feel as though he is not helping in establishing relationships at all with anyone but himself and his family. There are so many details that I could discuss, but this post would go on forever. I do have an attorney. So, what I am asking is has anyone else been is this position, if so how did it turn out? Where do I go from here?

  2. #2
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    posted a response on your other thread in the child support/visiation section.

  3. #3
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    Default Why not 50/50

    What is wrong with having 50/50? I do not agree that he should be making things up but the judge will probably have little regard for these accusations and dismiss them as hearsay; but I do think the custody should be as equal as possible unless he or his family is a danger to the welfare of your child.

    Can I ask why you are against a 50/50 custody arrangement?

  4. #4

    Default Some families it may be ok.

    I don't see how this would be good for my daughter at all. Right now she has a place to call home, I feel if this happens - she won't. It'll only be mom's house and dad's house, not my house...switching school buses every week won't be good for her, I feel she'll be very confused, she is only 8. Maybe if the parents have a good relationship something like this would work, we however do not. The ex won't talk to me, if I try to talk to him about our daughter he won't even look at me and only says yes or no in answer to my concerns. The way things are now he sees her every other day during the week and every other weekend. The only difference this would make is the fact that she will be sleeping there every other week. She would not get to spend anymore time with him or his family than she already does. Not even during the summer, while she will be off of school - both him and his wife will be working. My gut feeling is that he is trying to get out of paying child support and is not thinking of her.

  5. #5

    Default Biggest reason

    I don't think it is natural for a child to go without seeing either parent for a whole week. Each of us will be out of the loop for a week regarding her schooling and everything else.

  6. #6
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    Red face

    Me and my ex-husband have been divorced for 11 years now. Our custody started out with him having the kids (3 & 4 at the time) the first 3 weekends a month and every other wednesday night. During the summers we would do a 50/50 (week on week off) custody arrangement. At the end of every summer he would ask to keep it the 50/50 and I would never agree. When the kids were 9 & 10 they started to ask to keep it 50/50 and I waited until I felt confident that it was their wishes and not their dad influencing them and broke down and agreed. We have been doing the 50/50 split for over 5 years now and it works really well. We have both gotten remarried, he had 2 more kids, I have no more children, and it works out great for everyone. It was really, really hard in the beginning, but once everyone adjusted to the new schedule it was smooth sailing for the most part. It also works for us because we are in the same school district and only live about 10 minutes from eachother. The kids have dinner one night a week with the other parent, if their schedules allows. I am trying to get the kids to realize that it is their schedule their lifes, they should decide where they want to go. I know you said your daughter was 8 she might be old enough to start having a say in where she would like to be. Also, we never adjusted our custody schedule through the courts and he has OFTEN asked to stop paying support (which I have said no to) so the money has never changed. I"m sure if he would file a modification it might change slightly, but it is more about making sure the kids are happy and well adjusted than the money.

    I have a girlfriend whose step daughter would go 2 weeks on 2 weeks off but I always thought 2 weeks was a long time to go without seeing the kids.

    I hope some of this helps and good luck with your situation.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by GinaO View Post
    Me and my ex-husband have been divorced for 11 years now. Our custody started out with him having the kids (3 & 4 at the time) the first 3 weekends a month and every other wednesday night. During the summers we would do a 50/50 (week on week off) custody arrangement. At the end of every summer he would ask to keep it the 50/50 and I would never agree. When the kids were 9 & 10 they started to ask to keep it 50/50 and I waited until I felt confident that it was their wishes and not their dad influencing them and broke down and agreed. We have been doing the 50/50 split for over 5 years now and it works really well. We have both gotten remarried, he had 2 more kids, I have no more children, and it works out great for everyone. It was really, really hard in the beginning, but once everyone adjusted to the new schedule it was smooth sailing for the most part. It also works for us because we are in the same school district and only live about 10 minutes from eachother. The kids have dinner one night a week with the other parent, if their schedules allows. I am trying to get the kids to realize that it is their schedule their lifes, they should decide where they want to go. I know you said your daughter was 8 she might be old enough to start having a say in where she would like to be. Also, we never adjusted our custody schedule through the courts and he has OFTEN asked to stop paying support (which I have said no to) so the money has never changed. I"m sure if he would file a modification it might change slightly, but it is more about making sure the kids are happy and well adjusted than the money.

    I have a girlfriend whose step daughter would go 2 weeks on 2 weeks off but I always thought 2 weeks was a long time to go without seeing the kids.

    I hope some of this helps and good luck with your situation.
    Congrats to you and your ex for being great parents and being willing to work together for your kids' benefits. I wish there were more parents like you out there. Your kids are very lucky to have you.

  8. #8
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    Default

    Thanks, but it certainly wasn't all roses in the beginning. I think when parents lose sight of what is best for the children, things fall apart. I know, first hand, how someone can let the cloud of crap between ex's affect the thought process of what is important for the kids. Once you stay focused on them, things usually fall into place. I say usually because there are always exceptions to the rules....

    I've always kept this mantra going through my head and still do..."as long as my kids are happy, well adjusted kids, than I did my job..so far so good!

    And sometimes, what is best for the kids and what a parent wants..isn't always the same thing, which only makes those decisions harder.

  9. #9

    Default Thank you for your replies...

    I appreciate all of your replies...I really do. But, I'm looking for any information on helping us out with this court case. What works for one family may not work for another, there are a lot of details that I'm not putting on here. If I did, the post would go on and on. I'm glad your 50/50 custody is working for all of you, but again...I'm looking for some help with this court case.

  10. #10
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    Default Sorry

    I didn't mean to offend you. I just thought you'd like to hear a good experience with the 50/50 split. Good luck with your case

  11. #11

    Default

    No offense taken. Again...thank you for replying! Hope everything continues to go well for you.

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