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Thread: i need help and idvice i am 19 he is 38 New York

  1. #1
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    Exclamation i need help and idvice i am 19 he is 38 New York

    hi) my name is Anya i am 19 and i am in realtionship with a man whos age is 38...... we are dating for more then a year.... ....and just now my parents found out about him.... they told me if i am ever gonna see him again they will call police on him.... and he is gonna be in big trouble and me too.... and week before he asked me to marry him. i am mad in love and happy with that old man) lol.... but i am afraid to do anything because i dont want him to be in trouble.... tell me what can my parents do to him and to me. i thought that after 18 i am available decide for my self. and now i don't know.
    p.s i made many mistakes in the letter bc i moved to the usa 3 years ago) still can't write properlllllllly) )))
    please helpe me.
    thanks

  2. #2
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    Default don't do it.

    You are too young to throw your future away on a man litterally twice your age. Did you have sex before you reached age of 18? If so then he is in a lot of trouble already. He is preying on your ignorance and quite unstable emotional state. Wait a year or two and see if a boy your own age dosen't come along and sweep you off your feet in a way this man can't. You are from two different times, you are growing up with computers, he grew up with cars and getting laid, and obviously hasn't given it up.

    You need to listen to your parents and tell this jerk to get lost. A friend of mine didn't and married a guy like this, it took a year before he became violent and frustrated because she was young and vibrant and he was just hitting his stride, they did last four years and had three kids. She had to run to other side of country to keep safe.

    He just drifted to others her age. Check for his name on the sexual preditor websites. What is his history, does he have children your age? If so ask them about him. Ask his ex wifes or girlfriends, the truth is out there!
    Last edited by rcpilot; 03-05-2007 at 12:13 AM.
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    Default As for your question

    In most states you are automatically emancipated at age eighteen or upon graduation from high school, whichever is latest. So if you have not graduated then you are still under their rule.
    As for what kind of trouble? In many states sex with someone under eighteen while the perpetrator is more than three years older than the victim, is a felony, the penalty is from fifteen years to life depending on the state. If he were say twenty years old, he would only be commiting a misdemenor but would still have to register as a sexual preditor for the rest of his life, IF he could get out of prison. Each time he has had sex with you is a seperate offence.
    What is veiwed is not always what is seen and
    what is heard is not always what is spoken!
    ~M. Noitall~

  4. #4
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    Default i did

    i did asked) i was talking to his ex wife. now she is 26 they separeted 2 years ago, reason was that she wanted to move back to greece and he didnt want to go back. he does not have kids, and also his x wife proposed to him.
    his friends talks good about him, i kow his ex girlfriends, they are friends, one of his ex gf was living with him for 6 year, and she saying good things about him...
    but anyway can u tell me where can i chek it out, web site, or i have to call someone/somewhere to find out about him.
    and if i am not gonna listen my parents (still thinking)... can they do something to him? and no, i did't have sex with him at age of 17.

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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rcpilot View Post
    In most states you are automatically emancipated at age eighteen or upon graduation from high school, whichever is latest. So if you have not graduated then you are still under their rule.
    As for what kind of trouble? In many states sex with someone under eighteen while the perpetrator is more than three years older than the victim, is a felony, the penalty is from fifteen years to life depending on the state. If he were say twenty years old, he would only be commiting a misdemenor but would still have to register as a sexual preditor for the rest of his life, IF he could get out of prison. Each time he has had sex with you is a seperate offence.
    but i was 18. and i am in college now.
    i don't know what kind of probelms but they said that if i ever going to see him, they will call cops
    Last edited by Fozzy; 03-05-2007 at 12:23 AM.

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    Default If you are still in school

    They could possibly have him arrested if you are still in school. The fact that you have had a relationship for a year without telling your parents tells everyone that you knew it was wrong, now you know it may be illegal.

    If you respected your parents you would never have dated the man, you need to appologise to them and get rid of him, sounds like each wife was just barely legal when they wed.
    What is veiwed is not always what is seen and
    what is heard is not always what is spoken!
    ~M. Noitall~

  7. #7
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    Default You do realize . . .

    That no one will ever look out for your best interests like your parents. They will always love you and will only tell you what is good for you. If they think you should not be with this man, then you should respect their judgement and do as they say.
    Your future with this man is transitory and if the fact that you can talk to his past relationship partners dosen't convince you that he Loves that you are young, he will dump you for somone younger in five or six years also, OR you will realize what a mistake you made and you will end it. If they say , "We just didn't get along anymore." then it's because he got tired of her.

    I should talk though, I married with a six year gap, my wife is older than me, but we met in my thirties.
    What is veiwed is not always what is seen and
    what is heard is not always what is spoken!
    ~M. Noitall~

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    Question

    ok... good thing i am done with school.
    yea i knew it wrong, and my parents religiouse freeks so i knew i couldnt tell them, bc they agenst evryone near me. but can they do anything to me? do i have a right of choice? like for example they want me to be at home not seeing anyone, go to church saturdays sandays, be like the christian old fashion girl, i dont want that and they are making me, and he is the best thing that happend in my life.....
    i just don't want live by the church rules.
    Last edited by Fozzy; 03-05-2007 at 12:45 AM.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by rcpilot View Post
    That no one will ever look out for your best interests like your parents. They will always love you and will only tell you what is good for you. If they think you should not be with this man, then you should respect their judgement and do as they say.
    Your future with this man is transitory and if the fact that you can talk to his past relationship partners dosen't convince you that he Loves that you are young, he will dump you for somone younger in five or six years also, OR you will realize what a mistake you made and you will end it. If they say , "We just didn't get along anymore." then it's because he got tired of her.

    I should talk though, I married with a six year gap, my wife is older than me, but we met in my thirties.
    6 years appart is not 20.
    probably i am just looking for the way to get out. and he was the one who start giving me idias about the world. bc before i didnt know anything exapt going home from school and go to church. it is an exident. on my 18 br my mom agreed that i can stay over our friend's house. my friend kristina took me around the city , that night i met him.
    Last edited by Fozzy; 03-05-2007 at 12:56 AM.

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    Lightbulb another question

    if i am not mistaken i am not a minor any more. (i don't know the law at all in this country) so after age of 18 i am an adolt? or i becaming one at age of 21? can i move out without having problems with the police? can i make my own decision who i want to date and when? or i have to abbey my parents till age of 21 and do what they tell me to do. what can i do at age of 18
    pleaseeeee help
    thanks

  11. #11
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    The personal advice beside (which, was pretty good personal advice. Please don't dismiss it out of hand)....You are 19. You are a legal adult. There is nothing your parents (or anybody else for that matter) can do. He is not breaking any laws. Now, if you are so unsure of yourself and so scared of what your parents think, you are nowhere near ready to commit to this man. Your parents already dislike him. You will be spending your life defending your relationship. Can you handle that pressure? Are you prepared to potentially lose your relationship with your family for him? Just think about it. Really THINK.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by rcpilot View Post
    They could possibly have him arrested if you are still in school. The fact that you have had a relationship for a year without telling your parents tells everyone that you knew it was wrong, now you know it may be illegal.

    If you respected your parents you would never have dated the man, you need to appologise to them and get rid of him, sounds like each wife was just barely legal when they wed.
    No, as long as she has reached or surpassed the age of consent, it is legal. There is no law that says the age of consent is ___, unless the adult is still in school. Age of consent is age of consent.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

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    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof4 View Post
    The personal advice beside (which, was pretty good personal advice. Please don't dismiss it out of hand)....You are 19. You are a legal adult. There is nothing your parents (or anybody else for that matter) can do. He is not breaking any laws. Now, if you are so unsure of yourself and so scared of what your parents think, you are nowhere near ready to commit to this man. Your parents already dislike him. You will be spending your life defending your relationship. Can you handle that pressure? Are you prepared to potentially lose your relationship with your family for him? Just think about it. Really THINK.
    thanks alot. before i was ready to jump in to it..... but now i am just thinking. am i right? if i am doing right thing?
    i am so confuse. but what i can do to stop my parents pushing me into religion stuff? is there law that could protect me?

  14. #14
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    No, you are an adult. It's time for you to act like one. You need to make decisions that are best for you and stick to them. Even if that means that you move out to live on your own and stand on your own two feet. And PLEASE don't run to the man so that he can support you. Learn to take care of your self. The hard work and struggles will teach you more about you and what you want out of life. It's scary and hard, but nothing worth having was ever easy.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

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